Chapter 8 Confused And Hopelessly Devoted

I couldn't stop smiling. There I was brushing my hair, my teeth, trying to make myself look morning presentable and I couldn't wipe the grin off my face. I mean normally I wouldn't care what I looked like to have breakfast with my family but this wasn't any ordinary morning with the Walsh's. Dylan was here and after the night we had, I couldn't help but want to look...well cute.

"Bren…God what did you fall in?" Brandon called out from the other side of the door.

Grrrrr, that's all I needed was for Dylan to actually think I was in here going to the damn bathroom. God he is such an idiot sometimes.

"Don't have a coronary…I'm done." I ran my fingers through my hair again. Took one last glance at myself and opened his door. "Happy?" I said with frustration. I tried to look over his shoulder to see if Dylan was in there but his damn head was too big. Or his hair…one of the above.

"Actually yeah…I was about to piss myself." He moved past me swiftly.

"Ew." I shook my head and exited the bathroom quickly.

I found myself trotting down the hallway. Yep I said it trotting, I was excited to see him. I couldn't help it. I wondered all kinds of things. Would he smile at me? Would he be able to pretend like nothing happened…would I? God…Kelly would die if she knew what I had done last night. I had no idea where that came from. I was secure and sure of myself. I knew what I wanted and I was sure he would reciprocate. I giggled as I hopped down the last step, taking a quick look at my hair before going into to the kitchen.

"Good morning sweetie." my dad said looking up from his morning paper.

"Here you go." my mother set down a plate of scrambled eggs on the table.

This was a pretty normal morning at my house. My father drank his coffee and read the paper. My mother always had breakfast made before school but that was the problem. It was a normal morning when I had anything but a normal night. Dylan was no where to be found like I had hoped. As I stood there stupidly Brandon hopped down the step into the kitchen behind me and ruffled my perfectly done hair as he passed.

"Brenda…honey…is everything ok?" my mother looked up after noticing I was dumbfounded.

"Y…Yeah." I got out and sat down quietly.

I picked at my breakfast as my father and Brandon talked about some evil history teacher he had and about trying out for the basketball team. This sort of talk I was used to and blocked out. My father was hard on Brandon when it came to grades and sports. Much more than he was to me. But then again when it came to freedom's and protectiveness I won that round. A million things went around my head. Why had Dylan left so early? Was he embarrassed of what had happened? Did he regret it? I guess I was freaking out but the only thing that would make me feel better would be to see him, get reassured about everything. My security I had last night had disappeared quickly and now I wondered if it meant more to me than it had him. I mean he probably had done that before, maybe he had done it many times. Maybe this was what it was like to hook up with Dylan McKay. Damn.

After arriving at school, I saw his Porsche there thankfully so I knew he was at least there. That was a good sign right? I was determined to get my books from my locker and head to class. The sooner I could see him the better. As I made my way into school, Kelly practically ran into me.

"Bren…oh my god are you okay? Donna told me what happened at her party. She also told me about Dylan. I can not believe Tony did that…what a slime ball." Kelly continued to go on and on but I had begun to block her out. My eyes skimmed the hallway as I made my way to my locker.

"Oh my God…I cant even believe it, he has always been so nice." Kelly continued. I found myself looking down in the direction of Dylan's locker. It was empty. I sighed and finally looked over at kelly was she stared at me. "Bren…did you hear me?" she looked at me with wide eyes.

"Ah sorry…guess I'm not awake yet, what?" I said trying to justify the fact that I had been in and out of our conversation the whole entire time.

"I said, have you talked to Dylan since…you know?" I opened my mouth to answer her but then I saw him. He walked toward his locker with Jessica Frank. I felt jealous as they laughed together. He grabbed a book from his locker, closed it and rested his back against the locker as they talked. She leaned in whispered in his ear and he smirked. The sexy smirk he gave me sometimes. "Brenda…earth to Brenda? What is wrong with you?"

At this point Donna and Kelly were staring at me like I was insane, "No I haven't talked to him." I lied and without even a good bye I walked towards where they were standing. As a I got near I watched as she leaned in whispering in his ear, running her nose across his cheek. Her hand rested on his chest and guided down his shirt stopping at the waist of his jeans. At this point I was about to pass him and as he looked up he saw me. Obviously I was wrong about him or how he may have seen me. The following night must have meant nothing if he was cozying up with Jessica Frank. He looked down at her as she began to whisper something else to him and I had seen enough. I walked by them without another glance and went towards class. I had blinked away my traitor tears quickly and eased into my seat. I did not want him to see me like this. As far as Dylan McKay was concerned, last night meant nothing to me either.

The day dragged on, I had my morning class with Dylan but I didn't even look at him. If I did I knew I would brake. He didn't attempt to talk to me but then again I didn't give him a chance too. I looked everywhere but next to me and after the longest class in history the bell rang and I was one of the first to leave. Lunch had passed uneventful as I listened to Kelly and Donna talk about clothes and my brother. Hearing about how far she and Brandon had gone at Donna's party was the last thing I wanted to hear. The afternoon carried on much the same. I don't think I said more than 5 words the whole day. Kelly and Donna stopped asking questions about the party and I'm sure they noticed my quietness but I assumed they thought I was just weirded out about what had happened. The truth was I should have been more distraught but my time with Dylan, made the thing that happened with tony seem unimportant which was totally fucked up.

The day was coming to a close with only one more class to go. I would have to see Dylan again and I wasn't sure if I was up for it. Part of me wanted to ditch, but I felt like that would be obvious considering I was acting like I cared less and the simple fact that I had never skipped before in my life. I rounded the door and exhaled seeing he wasn't in his seat yet. It would make it easier to ignore him. I sat down and opened my book and pretended to read the page over and over so I looked busy when he came in. A few minutes past and the teacher began the lesson. I quickly glanced at the empty seat next me and realized Dylan wasn't coming.

My dreams of this day had been anything but. Deep inside I wasn't that surprised Dylan acted this way but then at the same time, I thought maybe just maybe I was special, something to him. Not another notch on the old bed post per say. Dylan McKay was a player, a man whore, a certifiable douche bag and that wasn't going to change. I had fallen for him and now it was too late. He had seemed so into it. I thought me telling him that we could sneak around and stuff like that would of helped this exact situation, that he didn't have to feel like it was all or nothing. I hadn't wanted him to think that just because we made out that now I assumed we were to be a couple. He had heard me, right? That was the point of it. Now the exact awkwardness I was trying to avoid was coming to fruition. Even though I had put myself out there as a well fuck friend, for lack of a better word, he still didn't want me. What was wrong with me? Was I not pretty enough, did I do something wrong the night before? What the fuck did that slut Jessica Frank have that I didn't that would have him whispering and cuddling up with her in the hallway? This was all shitty. I had never felt this way about a boy and it was done before it even started.

I have no idea what the lesson was even about in class. Dylan had not showed up and the events the night before played over and over in my head. I was deep in thought, walking zombie like out of class when I heard my name being called.

"Brenda." Kelly called out. I smiled at her and met her half way.

"Whats up?" I replied, even my voice was sad, how pathetic.

"Donna and I are going over to the pit…want to come?" She sweetly invited me.

I nodded, "Ok, just have to call my mom on the way and let her know."

The drive over to the pit was quick. The L.A. traffic wasn't heavy quite yet and we found a parking space easily and were soon sitting at the table near the jukebox.

Kelly made googly eyes at Brandon while he worked, winking at her as he put his spatula in the waist of his apron. Why he even had a spatula was beyond me. The guy wasn't a cook. Whatever, barf…they were getting on my nerves. I was so lost in my own thoughts I hadn't heard the bell chime, which it seemed to do often there. I played with the straw of my coke thinking of the best way to handle this situation with Dylan. I mean it wasn't like I wasn't going to see him ever again.

"Dylan man…how's it go?" I heard my brother call out.

I looked up towards the door and there he was in jeans and a white shirt. Hair perfectly sculpted as he leaned ultra cool with his hands in his pockets. James Dean eat your heart out. When I saw him my heart actually skipped a beat. That couldn't be good, but considering I was still alive I guess it didn't hurt a much as you would think. He smiled and went in doing some weird hand shake thing that ended with a snap. Boys were so weird. They started talking as Brandon wiped the counter down, which he did a lot. Again not going to try to understand my brother or his douche bag friend. I kept my eyes on them as I sipped my coke. Dylan rubbed the back of his neck with pure coolness as he looked around. Our eyes met, again with that heart thing. Hmm I quickly had wondered if that had happened enough, if I was losing a second of blood flow to my brain, could I be losing brain cells? He took a deep breath, keeping his eyes on mine. He gave me a small sly smirk. Grrrrrr what the hell?

"Hey Dylan." Donna called out, "Come sit by us."

He said something to Brandon and moved in our direction. I looked down at my coke, the only open seat was next to me. I waited to feel the electric pull I always had when I was around him. But it never came. Looking up oddly, I noticed he grabbed a chair from a near by table, flipping it backwards and taking a seat next to Donna. Really? There was a seat right here. It dawned on me he was going out of his way to avoid me, not coming to class, not even sitting in the empty seat at our table. I'm pretty sure at that point my face said Fuck off fucker.

"Ladies." he said as he leaned both elbows on the table.

Donna and Kelly said hello and asked him some stupid shit, I was just sat giving him the death glare. He looked at me, his face trying to figure out why I was staring at him like that.

"Brenda, everything ok?" he asked nicely drawing everyone's attention to me.

I shrugged and shook my head, "Nope everything is great." I said a little too fast. He had the gall to smile at me and started engaging in conversation with the girls again.

"So Dylan, didn't see you in class today." I said with a tone that could only be categorized as bratty.

He smiled and shrugged, "Yeah the surf was incredible, I had to catch a few waves before the low tide came in." Kelly and Donna giggled at his cute expression as he talked about his hobby and I rolled my eyes.

"Oh yeah…and here I thought maybe you decided to get a blow job from Jessica Frank in your car." I said nonchalantly. Woah where did that come from?

He choked a bit on his cup of coffee that someone had put in front of him at some point and looked up surprised.

"Eww Dylan…I mean Jessica Frank, that girl is trash…what have you moved through all the normal girls at Beverly and West Beverly and now your on to valley trash?" Kelly said with a giggle.

He looked right at me, "Jessica Frank is a friend." why did he say it to me like that? Like he wanted me to know. He was so on and off.

I rolled my eyes at his blatant lie and got up, "Going to the bathroom." I couldn't be around him one more second.

The break in the bathroom was a welcomed one. I did my business surprised I really did have to pee and washed my hands. Taking a quick look at my appearance after I dried my hands I reached for the door handle to exit the bathroom and there stood Dylan leaning against the door frame. Sexy as fuck.

"What are you do…?" I was cut off by warm luscious lips. His hand grabbed the back of my neck and the pressure of his body backed me into the bathroom. His tongue glided across my lips to ask for permission to enter and I felt the back of the stall door hit my back. I returned the kiss and moaned into his mouth, wasn't I mad at him?

His hands came to cradle my face and he slowed the kiss and exhaled leaning his forehead against mine as he closed his eyes.

"I have been wanting to do that all day." he whispered.

"Yo…you have?" I asked surprised.

His eyes opened as he smirked at me, that sexy smirk that made my panties wet with need. He raised his eyebrows and nodded slowly. "Good idea excusing yourself to the bathroom." he commented.

HUH? I wanted to get away from him, it wasn't an invitation. I looked into his eyes and my legs turned to jelly. Wait what was I mad at again?

He leaned in again and kissed me deeply. This time my arms slid tightly around his neck and I found myself on my tip toes kissing back with fierce passion. His hand moved from my hip up the side of my stomach and gripped my breast tightly. He groaned and kneaded softly as our tongues fought for dominance. We must have stood there kissing for a full 5 minutes before some women came in glaring at us. Dylan leaned in and gave me a soft peck with a smile and slowly moved toward the women. She gave him a smile when he shot her that dark angel smirk and he moved past her without saying a word. The woman huffed and looked at me rudely as she entered the stall to take care of her business.

I stood there dumbfounded, did that just happen? I looked up at myself in the mirror. My hair has bunched in the back, my lips were swollen and red. It took me a second to snap out of it and moved quickly to the sink to try and fix myself. I was heated in a good way and utterly confused at what had just occurred. I took a deep breath and left the bathroom. I didn't want to come face to face with that woman that had ruined the make out session I had just confusingly had. I walked as normally as I could back to the table. At this point Dylan was seated in his backwards chair and now Brandon had joined the table, sitting in the chair I had at one time sat in sitting close to Kelly with his arm around her shoulders. They were all in conversation as I took my seat.

"God Brenda…we thought you fell in or something." Donna said as a joke. Dylan looked down and smirked and I flushed red.

I shrugged not knowing what to say. Kissed speechless so it seemed. I eyed Dylan as he engaged in conversation with the group, looking at me every once in a while and would shoot me a small smile and winked once.

I was utterly confused and quiet. I sat there the rest of the afternoon until Kelly and Donna announced their departure. They asked me if I wanted to stay. And I replied a simple no. Dylan had even offered to drive me home but as much as that sounded great, I just couldn't for the life of me figure out what was happening. He avoided me the whole day, he left before I had even woke up this morning, adding to the awkwardness of the nights activities. He didn't sit by me and hadn't even tried to talk to me all day to explain why he did any of these things. On my way home I went over and over the events that had happened since I met Dylan. The confusion was thick and I just didn't know where I stood with him. What was going on? And how could I have just made out with him in the bathroom, I so quickly pushed aside my anger at him with a drop of a hat, or a taste of his lips rather. What the fuck was Dylan McKay doing to me?