A Complicated Relationship – Simplified
Disclaimer: I don't own any material contained within this story. All copyrighted content remains the property of the person, people, or organization that holds the copyright. This story is solely for fun.
AN: Sorry for the mush.
It was foolish. It made no logical sense, yet as he held her in his arms, he could not deny that it was so. He felt safer.
It was strange. He had all the power and knowledge that came along with having spent five centuries as one of their kind, while she could barely claim three decades. His powers far exceeded her own, and yet holding her made him feel safe.
It was not a feeling born out of reason, but rather it was akin to a young child squeezing a teddy bear. The bear could not protect him, could not save him from the storm outside his window. The bear could do nothing... and yet in the absence of any loving family it was the only thing that gave that child a feeling of security – his only comfort in a cruel world.
Perhaps Alucard's feelings were more logical than this. Seras was alive... sort of. She could walk, talk and fight. She'd even helped him out on occasion, such as during that final confrontation with the Paladin. And as time dragged on she would continue to improve. Perhaps one day her powers would even rival his own – the potential was there.
However, that day was a long ways off yet. At present she could provide assistance, but was nowhere near up to the task of shouldering an equal burden in a true 'do-or-die' battle – much less protecting him from any kind of physical harm. And yet, the feelings he had while staring at the small form in his arms were unquestionably those of safety... of security... even, perhaps, peace.
She was there. She trusted him, loved him. And for a self confessed monster with a past of abuse and betrayal, such a thing was as comforting as it was novel.
It wouldn't last of course, not indefinitely. Nothing ever did. Her heart had already been turned from him once, by the French mercenary who's soul she now possessed. Eventually it would happen again, and she'd leave him, as they always did.
The only other possibility was a million to one shot at best and offered no more pleasant alternative. Nothing was forever, no, not even among their kind. Either she would choose to leave him... or eventually one of them would die (completely) – their relationship shattered as they were violently torn from one another's grasp.
And on that day, he would weep (or perhaps she would, were he the one slain). However, she would never know this. Whether she died or left him for another she would never know just how deeply that loss would sting him, the scars it would leave on the charred, withed remnants of his heart.
No, Alucard had learned long ago that it was foolish to display one's vulnerabilities to anyone. Once known, they could be exploited. Better to play things close to the vest, and never let anyone – even the object of your affection – know just how much your happiness was tied to theirs.
No, "I love you," and even "I need you," were words that she would never hear (not from him at least). But he would always hold her close to him once she'd fallen asleep. He would always be there for her when she woke up. She could call upon him for companionship anytime she desired, and he would answer that call.
He was not a 'nice guy', nor what many would call a 'good man'. But whatever goodness, whatever empathy and compassion remained within him, whatever spark of human decency he still possessed... he had invested it in her. She was: his conscience; his heart; the last beacon of light in the dark shadows of his life; and his only hope for a better tomorrow.
She was everything to him, though she would never know it. He'd spent thirty years slaughtering the souls that dwelt within him – thirty years of self mutilation so that he could return to a world that hated him and an (un)life he despised. He'd done it all for her, just to see her smiling face once more, the only one who never questioned his return, who knew all along that he'd be back for her.
Perhaps it didn't matter whether or not he told her how he felt. Perhaps she knew already. Was that why her faith had never wavered during his long (by human standards anyway) absence? Was that why her face seemed so calm, so serene, as she laid in his arms and embraced him in her sleep?
It was a scary thought – that she might possibly be aware of how much power she had over him. He already had one master and could hardily be expected to serve two, should Seras ever decide to put that power to the test. But then, it was unlikely that she'd do that.
She was as loyal to Integra as he was, having stood guard over his master for the thirty years he was away – and without any seals to compel her to do so. No, she would not try to interfere in that, would not allow petty, unfounded jealousy to cause friction in their relationships.
If, indeed, she had been intuitive enough to decipher how he really felt about her, then she doubtless also understood the relationship between the three of them. It may have seemed complicated on the surface, but in truth it was simple, far simpler than the one which existed between her and him. The two of them were lovers... and yet, at the same time, loyal pets – both wholly devoted to their master.
No, if Seras had been wise enough to figure out their own relationship, then she also knew that Integra was no threat to it. The lady knight was Alucard's master, his sovereign. Seras was his lover, his heart.
Yes, she was his heart, the one who held every emotion – save that of anger and blind rage – in the palm of her hand. Integra controlled his powers, but it was Seras who could lift his heart with a smile... or send it crashing down with her tears. She was his life, his humanity, all that was good in him; and, for the moment at least, she was also simply... his. And that made that moment a wonderful, peaceful time in his life. … Now if he could only find someway to keep her from snoring, so that he could get some sleep as well, everything would be perfect.
Yeah, please forgive the fluff. Every once-in-awhile I get in the mood to write some random, emotional gobbly-gook like this. Hope some of you enjoyed it though. And to the rest, I apologize once more for the self-indulgent nonsense.
Have a good day, and God bless.