Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy, or Shrek.
AN: I know, I always seem to come up with the most weird (yet strangely awesome) ideas.
A book of fairytales, full of exquisite illustrations, lay open on a woman's lap. She was reading it aloud to herself.
"Once upon a time, in a far away land, their lived a handsome neurosurgery attending, who had been chosen to one day take over as Chief. Sadly, this poor attending fell under a horrible enchantment. Many brave young residents had tried to release him from the spell, but none prevailed. To this day, he sits in the highest room of an abandoned hospital, waiting for his true love, and true loves first kiss.." The woman reading, a dark and twisty surgical resident named Meredith Grey, chuckled and tossed the book aside as she stood and flushed the toilet. "Yeah right, that'll never happen." Then, Meredith proceeded to go about her day. She brushed her teeth, showered, then made herself a meal for one, as she did every day. She never had company, as she had never yet encountered another person who could deal with all her issues. Meredith sat down to eat, unaware of the mob that had marched into her garden, fully armed with torches and pitchforks, prepared to drag her off to a psychiatrist. Or at least, she was unaware until she looked out the window and spotted the unmistakable silhouette of the mob. She groaned, rolling her eyes, then stood and headed out the back door, wanting to get rid of her 'guests'. "Damn, can't they just leave me alone? They do this every week!"
Meanwhile, the mob huddled outside of the house.
"Is she in there?" asked one man. The person next to him nodded, so the first guy, new to the mob, smirked, and stepped forward confidently. "Let's get her!"
"Are you insane?" cried the mob leader. "Do you have any idea what she'd do if she caught you?"
"She'd hack you to bits!" said another guy.
"Seriously?" the mob gasped as they turned to see Meredith behind them, looking mildly amused. "I think you might have me confused with a complete psychopath. I, a dark and twisty individual, could be much worse for your emotional well-being. I could make you fall for me, get you all emotionally invested, but I'd never be able to commit."
"No!" yelped one of the mob members. Meredith smirked, and continued.
"I'd keep jerking you around, until you're almost dark and twisty yourself.."
"Stay back you monster, back!" cried the mob leader.
"Sure" Meredith shrugged. "One one condition.. GET THE HELL AWAY FROM MY HOUSE!" The mob screamed in terror, but remained rooted to the spot. "This is the part" Meredith leaned in to whisper, "When you guys are supposed to run along home to your shiny happy wives, or shiny happy girlfriends, or shiny happy mommies and daddies." The mob obeyed, dropping their torches and pitchforks as they fled. "All that screaming was unneccesary. I wouldn't hurt them, I am a doctor.." Meredith frowned as she picked up a flier that had landed by her feet, curious. "'Wanted: Bright and shiny people' ?" Meredith was a little confused, but scrunched up the flier and threw it over her shoulder, deciding it wasn't her problem. She didn't know how wrong she was..
"Okay, this one's full!" yelled a plastic surgeon named Mark Sloan, sitting at the head of a queue for turning in bright and shiny people. He gestured to a cage full of nurses. "Take them away! Next!" The removal of the bright and shiny people had been ordered by Doctor Sydney Herron, a wannabe Chief resident of a nearby hospital. She wanted to be the only bright and shiny person around. An extremely bubbly resident named Izzie Stevens, being handed in by a moody cardio goddess named Erica Hahn, looked on nervously as her best friend George was dragged to the front of the line.
"I'm not bright and shiny, I'm not!" George protested. "I'm 007, I kill people!"
"Fifty bucks for Bambi" said Sloan, handing the money to the woman that had turned George in while the guards dragged him away. "Next!"
"Please, please don't turn me in Doctor Hahn!" Izzie cried. "I'm really sorry I stole a heart from your patient, really.."
"Quiet, Stevens" said Hahn. With her last minute plea failed, Izzie decided that the only thing to do was try and act as depressed as possible.
"What do we have here?" asked Sloan.
"This girl" Hahn smirked, "Has been through a teen pregnancy, cancer, and the death of her fiance', and is still bright and shiny."
"Really?" Doctor Sloan frowned, skeptical. "Well, that's good for 150 dollars.. if you can prove it."
"Of course I can!" said Hahn. "Go on, Stevens." Izzie just bowed her head, sighing sadly. "Uh.. she's just a bit nervous, she's really quite the optimist. Smile you stupid.."
"I've seen enough" said Sloan. "Security!"
"No, she is bright and shiny, really!" cried Hahn, grabbing Izzie's cheeks and pulling her face into a smile, making herself look like a complete lunatic in the process. "Look at me, I'm bright and shiny! I'm a little ray of sunshine!" Hahn continued to argue as security dragged her away. She flailed and kicked, struggling to escape, and knocked over a crate full of toys taken from paediatric patients. Two remote control aeroplanes took off on their own, getting caught on Izzie's scrubs and lifting her into the air.
"Whoa!" cried Izzie, beaming. "I can fly!"
"She can fly!" cried the caged nurses.
"She can fly!" said an intern named Steve.
"She's bright and shiny?!" Yelled Mark angrily.
"That's right, facelift man!" Izzie laughed. "And now I'm bright, shiny, and I can fly! Bet you've never seen that befo.." suddenly, in a stroke of extremely bad luck, both planes ran out of batteries, sending Izzie spiralling into a heap on the ground. "Oh crap."
"Seize her!" Mark yelled. The security guys lunged at Izzie, just missing her, and the bright and shiny resident fled, with them, and Mark, in hot pursuit.