A few weeks passed between when Derek asked Penelope if he could take her on a date and when his dry spell was finally broken. That first weekend they fooled around some but he slept on the couch. After they had a couple of dates it was time to head back to work. Several cases kept them busy for a while. If Derek was home for even one night he was exhausted and the next day another case would start.
Now that they had their latest unsub locked up the team was given a four day break to de-stress and re-charge their batteries.
The only place Derek wanted to spend that time was in bed with his baby girl. He made a date with her for their first night off, took her home with him, and kept her naked till the next afternoon.
As the sunlight streamed into his room, she lay with her head on his chest, her arm over his waist and one leg draped over his leg. They were talking for a while when her stomach growled. Penelope smiled "Okay, that's a sign from above. You have to feed me, handsome, before I wither away from sex-induced starvation."
Derek ran his hand lazily up and down her back. "All right, mama, I'll let you out of my arms long enough to get you fed but then its right back here, you hear me?"he teased.
"Oh, have no fear," she cooed out as she raised her head and looked into his eyes "If you don't drag me back to bed then I'll be sure to drag you back here because I'm far from done with you yet."
They shared a tender kiss. Derek eased her onto her back and looked down at her. He found her desperately sexy with her swollen from kisses lips, her blonde curls messily framing her head like a halo against his sheets, and her neck and chest covered with love marks.
Never before when he was in bed with a woman did he feel this kind of possessiveness over her. Never did he think of any woman as a part of him and him a part of her. But it was all different now that it was Penelope he was sharing his bed with.
He paused for a long moment to just stare at her until her stomach growled again.
Penelope grinned. "Sorry about that but I barely touched dinner last night because I knew as soon as we were done we'd come back here...."
He gave her another kiss. "Mmmmmm," and then rolled away from her. "Okay, go," he said dramatically, as if it was nearly killing him to get out of bed.
"Can you get me a t-shirt?"
He started to nibble her neck. "And cover up all my favorite parts? Why would you wanna do that?"
She giggled. "Morgan!" she cried, in a way that told him she wasn't walking around naked so he could just forget it.
"Fine. Fine. Fine. What my girl wants she gets." He got out of bed, slipped on some boxers and then walked over to the dresser to get out a t-shirt. He tossed it to her and she slipped it on.
Penelope got out of bed, looking cute as could be to his eyes, and headed for the door but Derek caught her in his arms and started to kiss her again. She passionately returned his kiss before finally breaking away and looking into his eyes.
Her gaze was filled with sweet, soul healing love. Their night of love making had been life changing for him and now, looking into her eyes, he was sure it was the same for her.
Her pink painted finger nail slid down his chest as she declared "All for me," in a tone as possessive as he was feeling about her.
Derek just murmured, his eyes locked on hers, "Mmm-hmmm."
Penelope gave him a cute little happy smile and then left the room. He stood there for a minute, overcome with feelings for her, and didn't move till he heard the soft click of the bathroom door down the hall. Soon the shower came on.
He went to find them some lunch when she showered. His girlfriend needed nourishment so she could spend the next twelve hours back in his bed, just like the way she spent the last fifteen hours.
Derek didn't like going without sex. It didn't matter that he was in his mid-forties now, had a wife, three kids, a house full of pets and a body that was beaten up from years of injuries on the job. He wasn't slowly down much in the love making department and he didn't feel like he should have to go without for this damn long when he was a married man.
It had been nearly three months since he made love to Penelope. Almost as long since they did more than peck on the lips. The last time he had tried she made some excuse and he just gave up. Because she had been making excuses for a good three weeks at that point.
Their sex life was always so smoking hot over the years. It was the way they stayed connected through the absences when he was on the road, through the pain of dealing with a child who had serious health issues for a while there, and through the heartbreak of having to bury one of their close friends.
Like all couples they had their ups and down, their screaming fights and their perfect moments that came out of nowhere (just lazy afternoons in the backyard with all the kids laughing and running through a sprinkler was enough to make them both remember they were damn lucky to have the life they did). But never before had they gone this long without having sex. Not even when she was pregnant.
Penelope had been sure he would eventually be turned off by her body when she was really large with their child in her womb but Derek found her just as beautiful at nine months pregnant as she was the day they met. Making love to her then was intense because she carried the proof of how deep their love and commitment and faith in each in other went inside of her.
It had been a couple of years since she had their last child, a son after two daughters, and Derek doubted they'd have anymore. He hated to even think it but he didn't know if they'd stay married if it kept up like this.
He didn't want a divorce.
It was just so painful to feel like Penelope could get by okay without his touch. He stopped going to bed at the same time as her because he hated being in the bed with her and feeling like she didn't even want his hands on her. Like there was no chance in hell she'd let him make love to her.
Now he had three days off from work and he wasn't looking forward to it. He tried to make a list of chores he could do at the house and his other properties to keep busy. The kids would want to go to the park or zoo and Derek planned to take them alone. That was a new thing too. Him going out with the kids without Penelope not to give her some time to relax but so they didn't have to be around each other when there was tension between them.
He sat in the family room, with the air conditioning blasting and the lights turned off, watching a mid-day baseball game. Penelope was out with the kids at the mall.
When Derek heard the door he tensed but didn't get up. He was getting sick of trying to beg her for forgiveness, attention and to stop being so uptight. He felt horrible about what had happened and he felt like he could understand Penelope's point-of-view over the whole thing but she couldn't give him an inch of understanding and that left him feeling like he was out in the cold. When what he needed was to be wrapped in the warmth of his baby girl's arms.
They had made it through so much. Been so happy together. He didn't get why this was a breaking point for her.
Yet, in a way, he did.
She had been through hell when their little girl was hospitalized for months with cancer. Now their daughter was healthy again but it would be four more years before they could breath easily and feel like she wouldn't relapse. The doctors said if she made it five years then that was a very good sign that the cancer wouldn't come back later in her life. Going through that frayed Penelope's nerves, especially when the worst part of the treatment came while they had a toddler to care for too and an older child in elementary school, but they had made it through all that and gotten to a good place again, Derek had thought.
Now they were in a hole and he didn't know how to get them out of it. He felt helpless. Just like when their little girl was sick. And this time Derek was too hurt by Penelope's rejection to tell her soothing words about how it would all work out in the end.
He wasn't sure it would. He just didn't even want to think about it anymore. He just wanted to get lost in his projects and zone out.
Penelope walked into the den. The quiet in the house alerted Derek that the kids weren't with her.
He didn't greet her. She dropped her purse on the couch and the sat down next to him. "JJ is keeping the kids for a couple of days. When we pick them up I told her we'd take Henry out for pizza and a movie with us and the kids."
"I might go into the office and catch up on paperwork that afternoon. Lets play it by ear." He kept watching the baseball game instead of looking at her because if he did he would just want to kiss her and she didn't seem to appreciate that kind of gesture from him anymore.
The TV was flipped off by Penelope, as she lifted the remote off a small table next to the couch.
"Can we have a talk?" she asked, when he just turned and looked at her but stayed silent she went on. "I know that lately I've been pushing you away and you hate that. Its not that I want to but I just can't seem to get over what happened. I have all these crazy thoughts in my head that I'm a bad mother and we're gonna lose one of our kids somehow-"
His heart tore at the pain in her voice. Derek murmured, emotionally, "Baby girl," as he touched her arm.
She spat at him, with tears in her eyes, "And I'm just so mad at you still! You let him wander in the road!"
Derek had turned to deal with their oldest daughter, who had fallen down in the front yard, when the toddler followed a ball toward the street. Derek turned a minute later, spotted their son about to go into the road, and ran over and got him. But that was just when Penelope was coming home. The look she gave him when she got out of the car was filled with mistrust.
Her fears were borne from the pain of almost losing their daughter the year before. She knew she was having irrational thoughts when she saw danger around every corner but all those years at the BAU, plus the time she was shot and all the times Derek was hurt, let her know just how fast a life could end. She couldn't seem to get herself together lately. She was frazzled and she was pissed at Derek all the time.
With his voice breaking Derek told her "You know I'd die before I'd let anything happen to one of our kids. Nothing happened. He's fine! You have to let this go!"
"Aren't you hearing me? I can't! I don't know how to stop thinking I'm about to lose the kids or you. All these thoughts are in my head all day long and by the end of the day I can't even sleep. I check on the kids ten times a night and listen to make sure you're still breathing and then the next day it starts all over again! I don't know what's wrong with me. After I was shot I moved on without any therapy but this time, after she went into remission, I can't stop feeling like something bad is gonna happen at any second. So I work overtime to keep them safe and you just let him wander in the road!"
"I turned away for less than a minute! Don't you think I felt just as scared when I turned back and so him so close to the street? I hated myself but I can't deal with you hating me too. I can't live like this."
"So are you gonna leave me?"
He buried his hands in her hair. "Baby girl, I'm not going anywhere," he said, and in that moment he knew it was true. Just like he felt on the day they got married: he was here for life.
As she started to cry she told him "I think I need help."
"We'll figure this out together."
They stayed that way, their breathing ragged and pain coursing through them, till she brought her lips to his. They started to make slow, tender, emotional love to each other.
Another dry spell was broken. And this time Derek felt just as lucky and blessed as the first time Penelope put an end to his dry spell. Back then he had promised her the world.
But she had made him a world instead. One he loved and wanted to keep for all the days left in his life. He would just have to find the strength to get his wife through the aftermath of their terrifying year of pain. He knew he had to stop taking it personal when she pushed him away and instead just reach out and pull her close.
She might fight him at first but he couldn't let her keep a wall between them. He loved her too much to ever risk losing her.
As they lay there after making love, with her body laying on top of his on the couch, he stroked her hair.
Penelope whispered "I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry too, sweetheart."
"Don't leave me."
"Hey....I will never leave you, you hear me? I love you way too much to walk away, silly girl."
"I'm so scared all the time."
"Sometimes I get scared too. We can be scared together until this scary time is over."
"Okay, handsome.....but it might take more than that for me to be better."
"Whatever it takes, I will be here. I love you, Penelope."
The only sound in the room after that were her tears but they were good tears- the healing kind that told Derek they were going to be all right after all.
Thanks for reading!