On her good days, Tali'Zorah liked to think of her commander Luke Shepard as a hero. Bad days were when he came back from a mission soaked in blood that was not his own, would never be his own. Then she thought of him as a demon, with no soul, no remorse and no love.
"Sometimes at night when he came back from a mission, even if he could only see the helmet, he could still feel warm eyes full of love and he desperately tries to push it away, knowing full well they won't go..."Although he didn't need her, she liked being one of the main female in his life, even if it was only as a friend or an ally. Even his cold remarks were never enough to loosen the tight grip he held over her heart. She loved him more than anyone else.
"She seemed so warm and kind, so forbidden--He was old enough to be her brother---that he couldn't resist her."Shepard was really a god of battle. He was stronger, smarter and was always steps ahead of those around him. Tali was never sure how to accept the fact that her commander was the one who was looked to defend the galaxy, rather than herself.
"When she is a child she promises her father that he'll always be first in her heart--when Luke Shepard appeared in her life, she isn't so sure."She'd felt pleased when he came back from a mission with a cut on his left arm that needed bandaging. It was very rare when she would be able to take care of him and usually went all out, even though it was just so he would sit with her a moment longer.
"He comes back to the Normand, hurt, badly and she rushes out, worried, he just laughs bitterly, how ironic the specter human was beaten by a force of nature."He would always sigh at her and leave without thanks or acknowledgment, leaving her alone with angry thoughts. And the love she held for her first love always won out over any bad or cruel thoughts about him.
"She talked always too much, but that was alright, as it was a welcome reprieve from the world."Maybe if she had made Shepard spend more time with her, their relationship could have developed into a more promising one. She'd always toyed with the image of her and him together.
"She didn't understand what he mean by "The sins of my future will laugh at me". And maybe...it should stay that way for now."Instead, she was left in the cold while Shepard went with Wrex and Garrus, all ready to protect civilians and immune to the affects that death may wreak. They'd had an uneasy relationship, one that she grew to regret.
"Her eyes seem to be always white like snow, pure, never tainted by red orbs and he wanted it to stay that way."In any case, a vice-like grip over her heart and he knew it. His eyes told her so as they reflected the pool of green already going cold red, those once green cold eyes that she loved so much. Maybe that was why she did not fight it when she was shot into her stomach.
"He stands above her, and looks at her calm gaze with something inside him screaming at her to run."So she let the blood flow from her and allowed herself to listen to the words who came from his mouth that flowed like the red river. And still she did not hate him for letting her died.
With all her will she came closer to him and whispered three soft words in his ears.
"I love you."
Then, with tears in her eyes, she asked him: "Was I not enough for you?"
Was I too young for you?
Was I not strong enough for you?
Was I...Was...I...Unasked questions, forbidden feelings and a love that is not reciprocated. Those were Tali'Zorah vas Normandy's dying thoughts.
I...I would have accepted everything from you...
Even...even your anger..."As she took her last breath and became no more, he felt something die inside himself as well."Before he left he took her body in his arms and whispered with a rare sad small smile.
"I love you too Tali."
When there is two of them, there is always one who love the other one more.
He loved her so much.
However it would never be with the same strength that she had for him.
In the end, she died the way she wanted the most: by trying to protect the future of those she loved.
To Luke Shepard, if that wasn't the way of a hero.
Then he didn't know what it was;
To be the Hero.