Shinra Inc. And Hotels

By: Jason Tandro

[Author's Note: Remember, my dear readers, when reading this story that I am the Night Auditor of a hotel.]


Rufus slammed his bag down on the lobby ground. He was not wearing his usual suit, but jeans and a white tanktop, with an island shirt over it. He wore thick sunglasses, appropriate given the ample sun.

The clerk took one look at Rufus and began to type away on his computer. "Okay sir. Let's see here. Rufus Shinra, staying for three nights. Looks like they gave you the I-Own-The-World discount, very good. You have four rooms, is that correct?"

Rufus nodded. "Yeah. Out of curiosity, how many people get that discount?"

The clerk shrugged his shoulders. "At least one person… okay, so that's one king-sized room and three rooms with two full beds, is that correct?"

"That is right. And if you can just give me the keys for all of them, I've got a buggy full of employees there," Rufus waved his hand impatiently.

The clerk handed Rufus four sets of keycards, and pointed him in the direction of his rooms.


"Did we have to get side-by-side rooms?" Heidegger complained. "What if I meet some girl here?"

"Then you'll have to tell them to be quiet, because Palmer likes his sleep," Rufus chuckled, handing Heidegger their key.

"I'll have you know I'm quite popular with the ladies," Palmer scoffed.

"Yeah, the barely employed dirty old man who belongs to a cult. You're a real stud," Rufus teased. "Okay, let's see. Scarlet you're bunking with Elena, naturally."

Scarlet took a sideways glance at Elena. She was about a foot shorter than Scarlet and was sporting a floral v-neck shirt and purple Capri pants.

"You planning on meeting somebody?" Scarlet quipped.

"Maybe," Elena replied casually.

"And Hojo and Reeve, you're sharing a room," Rufus said, handing the cards to Hojo.

"I have to sleep with him?" Reeve asked. "He'll try to dissect the bedsheets."

"Well only if you don't fall asleep first," Hojo laughed.

"Great. I'll just take a sleeping bag and crash in the lobby," Reeve cursed.

"And Tseng, Reno and Rude couldn't be here alas," Rufus sighed. "I wonder what got them so busy?"

"Work, maybe?" Reeve suggested.

"But it's vacation, man. You gotta live a little. Come on. We'll hit the beach in the morning," Rufus smiled as he opened the door to his king bedroom. He let the others get one covetous look at the executive suite before he shut the door.


"What is with this bed?" Reeve whined. "It can't decide if it's firm or soft."

"At least yours doesn't smell like chemicals…" Hojo gasped. "What do they put on this?"

Reeve eyed Hojo and then looked down at his bed. "Are you sure that's not your private stash leaking?"

Hojo looked down at the bed and took a whiff. "Oh yeah…"

Reeve scowled and turned over in his bed.


"No! Just one more… I promise!" Palmer whined, attempting to pry a shot glass out of Heideggers hand.

"No, no, Palmer! You are already too drunk!" Heidegger shouted. "I will take this shot for you and then we will put it away!"

"No, please, I'm almost at my happy spot!" Palmer cried loudly.

"What the hell is with this cork?" Heidegger shouted. "It can't go in any further!"


"Pull it out!"

Scarlet heard Palmers voice through the adjacent wall.

"No it's almost all the way in!" Heidegger shouted.

"No please, I can't take it anymore! Take it out!" Palmer cried.

"You shut up! Let me finish up here!" Heidegger wailed.

"I'm almost at my happy place! Please find my happy place!"

Scarlet and Elena stared at the wall, exchanged a look of terror, and then shivered.

"I suppose you never really know the people you work with, huh?" Elena sighed.

Elena was wearing silk pajamas, but Scarlet was simply wearing a t-shirt and shorts. "Yeah," Scarlet sighed. "I've worked with Heidegger for almost ten years and I thought I knew him pretty well."

"Yeah," Elena shrugged. "He seems like the last guy you'd…"

Suddenly Rufus burst in. Scarlet hastily covered herself with her blanket, but then realized she wasn't indecent yet.

"Don't you knock?!" Elena shouted.

"You guys have to come see this!" Rufus smiled.

Elena and Scarlet glanced at each other yet again, and then shrugged their shoulders and obediently followed their boss. They walked down to the end of the hallway where Rufus's room was. He opened the door for them, escorted them inside, and then shut the door behind him.

"Okay… listen to this," Rufus began with the air of a child getting ready to reveal an amazing toy.

"So my king-size bed is great. The 40 inch HDTV with cable is pretty sweet. The pillow mints… they need less dark chocolate ones, but still. The best thing however, is right through this door."

And with that, he walked over to the bathroom door. He opened it and light seemed to shine through the crack as soon as he did. Once the door was completely open, Elena and Scarlet saw a massive hot tub where the shower should be. But that wasn't all. It appeared to have a small garden around it with windows on all sides. It was not contained by wall by rather a slightly concealed deck. There was a mini-bar on one side, shampoos and lotions on another. On the far end was a dart board hanging from the wall and a dumbwaiter for food.

"Oh my god…" Elena gasped.

"I know that's pretty incredible isn't it?" Rufus smiled. "You ladies want to get in?"

For yet a third time, Elena and Scarlet glanced at each other. But there was no hesitation in either of their eyes.


Rufus sat on the far corner of the hot tub, next to the mini-bar. Scarlet sat two seats down from him also sipping from the mini-bar. Elena was smelling the different lotions and taking trial rubs on her shoulder.

"Hey what's going on in here?" Came Hojo's ecstatic voice.

"No stay out!" Rufus shouted.

But it was too late. Hojo came walking in, wearing a pair of floral swim shorts and his lab coat open over his shirtless chest.

"Ooh. Nice hot tub, boss man," Hojo smiled, as he removed his lab coat and sat in next to Elena. Elena scooted over two seats.

"Why can't you just go back to your room?" Rufus groaned.

"We can't," Reeve sighed. "It's no longer safe to go in there."

"What did you do Hojo?" Rufus snapped.

Hojo raised his hands in protest and Reeve coughed. "Um, actually it was me." Rufus shot him a confused look and Reeve went on. "I didn't know you weren't supposed to mix Clorox and bleach."

"Yep, for once noxious fumes were caused by the paper pusher!" Hojo laughed. "And you were so quick to blame me."

"Speaking of noxious gas, I need to get some fresh air," said Heidegger as he waltzed in wearing a slightly too small set of swim trunks. As he got in, he took up two seats. "Palmer doesn't know when to quit. He's hanging over the toilet."

Scarlet, Elena and Reeve exchanged nervous glances.

"And I spent an hour trying to get this damn cork back in the bottle," Heidegger cursed. "So we don't get charged."

"Oh thank god it was a cork…" Scarlet sighed in relief.

Heidegger glanced from side-to-side, not sure what to say. "Not a bad hot tub, boss."

"Well, I was supposed to be sharing this special moment with the two women, but what the hell, no problem having all of my staff, as long as that freaky Palmer doesn't show up," Rufus sighed.

"Oh, don't worry," Heidegger laughed. "He won't be showing up. I had one of the maids run interference. He'll wind up at the restaurant downstairs and be there for at least an hour."

"How'd you do that?" Reeve asked.

"Just had her mention loudly about the 'All You Can Eat Sausages'," Heidegger nodded. "It was full-proof. Palmer loves sausages!"

Hojo coughed, but then turned over to the mini-bar.

"So what are we gonna do tomorrow?" Elena asked. "Anything good going on at the beach?"

"Probably not. Have you looked outside?" Reeve nodded towards the window.

Outside, hail and snow was falling on the ground, and a good foot had already piled up.

"Why in the hell did you book us a beach front room in the middle of winter?" Scarlet whined.

"Because, it's cheaper in the off season. Besides which, this place is a lot nicer than Worst Eastern!" Rufus laughed. "Come on man. By the end of the week you won't want to leave."


"Checking out," Rufus pined with a soulless twang in his voice.

"Okay sir," the clerk smiled. "And how was your stay?"

"Great. The heater didn't work in all four rooms, the hot tub jets gave out two nights ago, and you scrambled all the really good porn channels," Rufus groaned.

"I'm sorry to hear that, sir," the clerk nodded, absent-mindedly. "Cash or credit?"