Seeing his father was like waking up from a nightmare, only to see that it was actually real life. His child hood was just a distant bad dream to him, but now Matt realized that it was the truth. What happened back then had resurfaced. Honestly, he was quite surprised that he didn't try to hit him again. "I'm tired." He mumbled, still not showing any emotion.
Leading him to the bed, Alfred wouldn't let his lover go. Not after that. "Do... do you want me to call Francis?" In truth, he wanted to help Matthew by himself, but with something this big he should probably call in the expert.
Feeling as if his stomach was squeezing onto itself, he just shrugged. "Doesn't matter." Really, he felt as if he should be crying desperately, but he had no tears to spend. His entire body felt drained and weak. All he wanted to do now was sleep.
Biting his lip, Alfred let him lay down. But he didn't want to leave to get the phone so he stayed there. "Wanna... talk about it? Or we could lay here, or talk about something else." He was trying to come up with other things they could do, wanting to make him feel better.
"I want to sleep." He said quietly, curling up in a ball on his side. Matt wanted to talk, but didn't feel like it would help anything right now. His father now knew just where he lived, and that thought alone made him scared.
"Um, ok, do you want me to stay with you? I should probably stay with you." He was worried about him and didn't think he should leave him, but if Matthew wanted him to...
Matthew just grunted a quick. "Doesn't matter." Before trying to slow down his racing mind. One moment his life was finally getting better for real, and then it goes and crashes around him.
Laying down next to him, Alfred wrapped his arms around Matthew. "I love you, I love you so much. I love you enough to replace your whole family, so just forget him, alright? Only look at me." He whispered, needing to say something.
"I wish I could." He hiccoughed, the first few tears of many slipping from the corner of his eyes.
Swearing in his head, Alfred wiped the small drop of water from his face. He hated it when Matthew cried. "Hey, it's ok, it will all be ok. Say that, will you? It will all be ok."
Shaking his head, he let out a shaky laugh along with a few more tears. "But it won't be. It won't be alright." He knew where he lived. He came from Canada to find him. If that wasn't the worst of it, he apologized for his own gain, not because he actually felt that way. That's why it wouldn't be alright. Before he could pretend like his father felt bad about everything, but now he knew it was a lie.
Closing his eyes, Alfred tried to think of something to say. "He is going back to Canada, and we live here. It's gonna be alright, because I love you, and you love me, and he will never be back." Because he was just a bully, who had no qualms about beating up a defenceless boy, but was probably afraid of Alfred, who could actually give him a fight.
"All I ever wanted was a family. A dad and a mom. Is that too much to ask for?" He mumbled, holding on tightly to his boyfriend. If anything, he was the closest he ever got to a loving family. The closest other than Francis that Matthew ever felt was like a father to him in a strange way. "All I ever wanted was a daddy..."
Trying to comfort him with his body as much as possible, Alfred knew that would be the best way. He wasn't good with emotions, so couldn't comfort him much with words. "You can tell me anything, I will still love you."
Nodding, Matt took a deep breath. It was now or never, and after seeing the source of his problems he figured he could tell Alfred anything. "I just wanted a normal family when I was little. Instead I had a mother who ran off with some bastard and a father who would use me as a slave. No one caught on though, since he always made sure I did my homework and got straight A's and generally acted so polite no one gave me any heed if I had a black eye or another cast on my arm."
"So that is why you said you had been in a hospital before?" Alfred asked, remembering when Matthew had been dehydrated. Right now, he wasn't sure whether he should stay silent and let Matthew talk, or say things, so he decided he would say things.
"That or when I got concussions or needed stitches. I played a bit of hockey too with money from my spare jobs when my father was too drunk to notice I wasn't home, but mostly I was in the hospital from my father. I'm amazed the doctors never guessed it." He added with a bitter laugh. "I was so invisible that they didn't even remember me half the time."
His heart clenching, Alfred once again got the feeling of wanting to have saved him from all that. "God, Matt, I'm sure they..." They would have had to at least notice!
Holding tighter onto Al, he just replied with venom. "They didn't. No one did. Not even my dad. He would yell at me when he saw the cast on my arm, or leg, or other body part, saying I was weak and fat and didn't deserve to be related to him. Now I know he was right."
"No! You know what, you don't deserve to be related to him! A fucking child molester doesn't even deserve to be related to that jerk!" Alfred said, not even thinking. "You deserve to be related to... George Washington! Or someone else amazing, and awesome, and almost as great as you are!"
"I was one of the lucky ones, you know. He never touched me or raped me. Many people have told me just how lucky I was to only have my body broken and abused without it being sexual." He continued to mumble, still knowing he had to tell Alfred all of this, but not knowing just what he was going to say just yet.
"Good thing he didn't fucking touch you, or you wouldn't have been able to stop be from breaking every bone in his body and ripping his dick off." Alfred mumbled, not sure if Matthew should actually hear what he was saying or not.
Well, if he was saying all of this, Al deserved to know everything. "Do you know why Francis and I are such good friends? He helped me through all of this. He was the reason I got to the hospital nine times out of ten. His parents would tell my father that I was sleeping over instead of me having to ask. And..." This was the part he told Ludwig with no hesitation, but felt like Al would overreact to. "I tried to kill myself when I was seventeen and he stopped me."
Gasping, Alfred couldn't help himself. He had never even thought... what if he had succeeded? "God... How?" He needed to know, he just did. His arms tightened more around Matthew, unconsciously holding him closer to save him from the demons of his past.
Unable to look at his lover's face, he mumbled. "Overdosing on sleeping pills. Just like falling asleep; quick, painless. Francis promised me that when I turned eighteen he would move with me to America to get away from him."
Blinking, Alfred put his head down onto Matthew's shoulder. Another thing he had to thank Francis for, it seemed. He really deserved a reward for being the best possible friend.
Shuddering, Matthew paused for a second, absorbing all that he told Alfred. "My father did provide for us though. We always had a nice home and enough food. I was expected to pay for using it by taking care of the house, cooking, doing yard work and keeping up in my studies. I also exercised most nights since he would always complain I was too fat."
Wincing at the last comment, Alfred kept his head there. How could his father possibly call him fat, when he himself had an enormous beer belly? "You're perfect, Matt. So perfect. I love you." He would say that as much as possible, needing Matthew to fully understand how much he loved him.
"When I'm skinny, everyone does. Except him. No matter how thin I was, he would always say that I was taking advantage of the food he provided and I didn't do enough to make up for it. I was so scared... When I moved down here, I thought that everyone would be the same way. The skinner I was, the more people -the more you- would love me."
Lifting his head, Alfred quickly kissed him on the lips, lasting for a few seconds. "Don't think that way, because it's not true. Everyone loves you, and it has nothing to do with how skinny you are. And I love you so much, and would even love you if I had never met you."
Salty tears pearling in the corners of his eyes, Matt shook his head. "That's impossible Al. How could you love someone you never met." It was nice to change the topic, after finally releasing all of that to Alfred. He never used to think about telling him, since it never felt important. Now that he actually told him though, it felt better; as if they were closer because of it.
"Because I love you so much, that there would be no way I could ever not love you, even if we hadn't met. I would love you without even knowing it, just knowing someone important was missing from my life." Alfred didn't even know what he was saying anymore, just wanting to get it all out and make Matthew accept his love fully.
Breaking down completely now, Matt hung onto Al and sobbed quietly into his chest. This wasn't fair. What made him deserve someone so caring and devoted as Al? All his life he got the short stick, that now he felt undeserving of him. Sure he loved him with all his heart and Alfred was the same, but it was too much for him right now.
Hoping he was crying out of happiness now, Alfred held him delicately, whispering small things to make him feel better. Then, he suddenly got an idea. Sure, it was rash and everything, but he knew instantly it was what he wanted to do. "Matt... you said you wanted a family. So, why not become a part of my family?"
"What?" He asked through the lump in his throat. Surely Al didn't mean that... Plus wouldn't it be awkward, since it would make them brothers if Matt became a part of his family. What if his parents decided they didn't like him now that he was sick?
"Marry me. I know I said it before, but I'm serious. We could go to Canada, or there are a few states that allow gay marriage!" Alfred gave a hopeful smile. His family already accepted them, even if they had been a little shocked at first. They liked Matthew, so they would love having him as a son in law.
"M-Marry?" He stuttered, unsure just what brought this up. "But... You... I... You know how fucked up I am now... But you still..." Unsure just what to think, Matthew stayed still. Of course he wanted to get married, but why did Al?
Taking his face in both his hands, Alfred got his boyfriend to look at him. "You're not fucked up, your father is. And I love you, so of course I wanna marry you." If only this country allowed gay marriage. But they could still work something out.
A few shallow breathes later and Matt quickly brought their lips together despite the tears flowing down his face. "How could I not say yes?" With him, he never would have to worry about his past, or his problems. Al would let him talk about them, without judging Matt. Even if he didn't feel as if he deserved him, what better person would there be for him?
Smiling, Alfred kissed him back. He knew this wouldn't fix everything, but maybe it would make Matthew feel more secure. It was the best way of showing him his love, so it worked.
Man, this story is over, my lizard died, this day sucks! But oh well, we hope everyone liked it! We wanted to leave it here, because this is the beginning of Matthew's new life, it really is. Thanks for reading!