My 1st Star Trek story!

Title: Lucky Star

Author: kuhekabir

Rating: NC-17

Pairing: Jim/Spock

Warnings: AU, some violence, angst, hurt/comfort, mentions past abuse and non-con, mentions torture (but nothing explicit), amnesia, humour, stalking, sex...etc...

Beta: fanofsuper and ladyreivin

Disclaimer: Just my imagination, that's it...

AN: I've seen TOS ages ago so basically I don't remember it and don't really know that much about the Star Trek universe in general. I have seen the Star Trek 2009 movie which started my little obsession but I just want to warn you that I have used some canon information that I picked up here and there so if you are looking for total accuracy this won't be it. This is AU, the way I see it, liberties is just a story for fun (hopefully) after all...thanks.

Story Information: It all started with the day from hell and Jim's resolution that Spock really didn't want him as a friend. So why is the stubborn Vulcan now stalking him? And since life never did run smoothly for Jim, how long will it take for a certain Vulcan to break all his defences? Will love win out?

I- The Day From Hell

Summary for Part I:

Jim's summary of his day from hell: "Let's see...blown up, kidnapped, tortured...oh and confusing Vulcans..."

I – The Day From Hell

Jim observed the brightly lit ballroom and sighed; yet another meet and greet where he was supposed to smile and charm and contrary to popular belief, he found it quite difficult to be charming when he wasn't allowed to try and get into the other person's pants.

Not that he wanted to get into the pants of stuffy looking politicians, ambassadors and aliens but it was the principle that applied and he much rather would face yet another Nero than to be standing here, face frozen in yet another almost permanent smile.

It was exhausting and he was already looking for an escape route when he spotted his first officer across the room.

Another sigh escaped his lips but before he could think about it he was already crossing the room and making his way towards the half Vulcan.

He blamed the older Spock, the one from the alternate reality, for his current predicament because if he hadn't been shown just what kind of friendship the two of them could have then he wouldn't have spent the last six month chasing after Spock, trying to break through the stiff exterior of his first officer and supposed best friend.

No one could of course take Bones's place but having caught a glimpse into a life where he and Spock shared a bond of friendship he found himself wanting to recreate what he had seen and even if he could just get half way there he would already be content with that.

Maybe he could blame his loveless childhood for his apparent need of self-torture but like a moth to the flame, he found that he couldn't stay away from Spock and he couldn't just give up either.

After all, he had made his career by not believing in no-win scenarios so he couldn't very well just give up now!

He really just wanted a little sign that his efforts weren't in vain; maybe just a small crooked smile or considering whom he was thinking about, maybe a friendly sparkle in those dark eyes. He knew Spock was capable of emotions, his older self had shown him that much but the longer he spent trying to recreate what they had shared in a different life the more he was convinced that this was just going to be something else that he had lost along with his father and a good childhood.

"Hi Spock..." Jim said casually and he bit his lower lip when he realized that he had made yet another mistake because Spock stiffened even further and he could practically read the annoyance coming of his first officer in waves. For someone who pretended not to have any emotions, the Vulcan clearly knew how to convey his non-existing feelings through body language.

"Captain..." Spock turned around, politely inclining his head and Jim just rolled his eyes, "I told you to call me Jim..." He insisted, ignoring the diplomat right next to Spock because he wasn't here to make nice, he was here to talk to his friend and first officer. Surely no one could fault him for that.

"If you would excuse me..." Spock addressed the man beside him who just nodded in a friendly way and Jim flashed him a wide smile. Clearly no feathers had been ruffled apart from Spock's.

Jim sighed again, rubbing his forehead for a minute, missing the slightly concerned flicker passing over Spock's face.

By the time Jim was done, Spock's face was once again impassive, as if nothing had happened at all.

The silence stretched and Jim felt the almost juvenile need to just stand there and wait for Spock to say something and then just count that as some sort of victory. However there were two problems with this plan: first, he was way too impatient to stay silent for long and second, Spock could out-silence anyone when he put his mind to it because for someone apparently so logical, the guy was the most stubborn man or Vulcan Jim had ever met.

Maybe that's why they had been such a good team and maybe that's why on away missions or when it really counted, they worked almost seamlessly together, it was just when they were off duty that their lack of communication and apparent total disinterest from Spock was unnerving him.

Maybe he was asking for too much...

"Uhm..." Jim started eloquently; smiling sheepishly. Of course that didn't work on Spock who just kept staring at him as if he was a particularly interesting piece of insect he wished to dissect or maybe step upon.

"How are you doing?" Jim cringed internally because that wasn't his best icebreaker yet because posing a question to a Vulcan that required an emotional response was really even too stupid for him.

He sighed, noticing how Spock had lifted one eyebrow, clearly wondering if Jim had any purpose being here at all.

Jim mentally filtered through a few questions but none seemed to be really suitable so he just tried the first one that wasn't as bad as the others. "Would you like to walk with me?" he said pointing towards a nearby entrance, "I was told that the space station has nice observation deck which gives a great view of the planet..."

If possible Spock's eyebrow just rose further and Jim's shoulders almost slumped in defeat because clearly that hadn't been a good question either.

He had no experience with this; usually when he chased after someone, be it woman or man, talking was one thing he excelled at but apparently all his skills were useless when it came to trying to connect with his first officer.

And he didn't even want to bed Spock! He just wanted to be friends with him, because they could be good together, he knew that! The other, older different reality version Spock had shown him that and while it was probably an accident that this much information had been revealed in the sudden mind meld, the knowledge wasn't something that Jim could just forget.

Mentally he back peddled and tried something else because if Spock was just being difficult – but deep down also felt that they could be friends – then he just needed an opening...just something to get them both talking and more comfortable around each other and then everything would follow naturally.

Truthfully he didn't have much experience when it came to friendships. His only friend and best friend so far had been (and still was) Dr. Leonard McCoy, who he had nicknamed Bones and which seemed to have stuck with the man.

Bones had a temper and he usually liked to chase him with hypos but apart from that fault he was the only other person who Jim trusted without a second thought.

If it meant something that in all his life he could only really name one person he really trusted then he wasn't prone to thinking about it because that train of thought could get anyone into a maudlin mood and that really wouldn't do for the youngest starship captain in Federation history.

"I just thought that we could spend some time together to get to know each other better..." Jim went with the honest approach because apparently all his subtle efforts at getting Spock to talk to him about anything that wasn't business related were doomed to fail.

He had to admit that maybe out of the last six months he had spent the first few being wary of Spock because the guy was a lot more experienced when it came to the administrative side of things. He had actually served on a starship before and his time spent as a teacher at the academy clearly gave him a better understanding on how things worked.

Jim had every confidence in himself to handle a crisis; he was good with thinking outside the box and getting things done but it was the daily tasks that he had difficulties with. His plan had always been to end up being a captain one day and while he had pushed himself very hard towards that goal, even he hadn't expected to receive the title after mutiny and more or less breaking every rule possible.

The outcome of course was what had tipped the scales in his favour but he was the first one to admit that maybe he hadn't been quite ready to captain a ship outside of dire circumstances. He would never admit that out loud of course, not even to Bones, but in the privacy of his own mind he wasn't so sure.

So the first few months he had been wary of Spock because if it had been anyone else, it could have been quite possible that Spock would have taken subtle revenge by tripping him up and by having him show his ignorance.

This of course was an illogical train of thought and Spock's behaviour had been nothing but supportive. They fought of course, Spock was nothing if not vocal in pointing out his errors but overall, Jim was grateful to have Spock on his ship and to have his support.

So when he had started to make tiny moves to break the ice between them, he hadn't thought much of it at first when Spock had refused to take the bait because even he knew that just because he wanted to breach months of just business behaviour that it wasn't going to happen over night.

That might be possible with a human colleague but definitely not with a Vulcan.

He had tried subtle; which of course hadn't worked because either Spock hadn't been able to read the signs or he had refused to see them. Then he had tried appealing to Spock's logical side of things, trying to rope him into sparring sessions, using the guise of working out and familiarizing with each other to get them to spend some off duty time together.

Spock though had logically pointed out that as he was so much stronger than Jim that sparring between them wouldn't be fair. Jim had countered that in life not many things were fair and that it would allow him to train against a much stronger opponent...However Spock hadn't seen the merit in that argument and that and that had been the death of that attempt.

Jim had then tried to casually catch Spock having breakfast, lunch or dinner but of course the Vulcan didn't understand the concept of socializing over food because food wasn't supposed to be a pleasure, it was a means to an end and therefore Jim's luck hadn't really turned with this attempt either.

He was well aware that most of his tries would have worked on a human but his hope had been that with all of Spock's logic he would be able to figure out what he was attempting to do and at least meet him half way.

However, despite Spock's superior intellect, he hadn't apparently been able to figure out what Jim had been up to and he was reaching the point where he was just too exhausted to think of another scheme and to just leave it be.

Maybe he was trying too hard...

But then again, weren't the really important things worth fighting for?

He seriously couldn't recall the last time, if ever, when he had fought for something this much and even Bones had started to notice his strange behaviour which wasn't a good sign.

Either Spock got with the plan soon or Jim would have to once again think outside the box because if Bones decided that Jim was ill, all hell would break lose and nothing was scarier than Bones in mother hen mode.

Jim had to admit that maybe Bones had a reason for being overprotective and concerned because apparently trouble just followed him around and it didn't help that he was allergic to almost anything but sometimes Jim thought that Bones took his protective instincts a little bit too far.

Then again it was also quite nice to be on the receiving end of affection for once, something he didn't really have all that much experience with.

He supposed his mother must have loved him at some stage; however the older he had gotten the more she had withdrawn from him until he had counted himself lucky if she showed up once a year to say hello.

His stepfather wasn't someone Jim liked to talk about and he had the nagging suspicion that Bones had deducted quite a few things by himself by observing him and by studying his medical records. His friend hadn't said anything but Jim was pretty certain that the abuse was evident in his files, if someone knew what to look for. After all, even a clumsy child could only fall so often...

His little stint on Tarsus IV when he had been thirteen hadn't endeared him to be trustful of people either, especially since it had been his stepfather's fault that he had been there. Frank, his step father, had wanted to be able to spent at least one summer without an interfering brat, so he had shipped him off to a distant relative of his and of course it had been Jim's luck that he had been in time to experience genocide personally. Clearly someone up there loved him.

Either way he was just thankful that his name had stayed off the official records which had been quite easy to manage, even for a young boy back then. When the rescue had come, everyone had been in shock, no one had been willing to believe what had really happened so records hadn't really been maintained all that well.

For once though Frank had come through for him because he had organized a private transport to bring him home. Or maybe it had been self-preservation because if his mother had found out that his stepfather had shipped him off to almost get killed and tortured, even a neglectful mother would've probably had to say something about that.

And Jim also considered himself lucky that Bones hadn't figured that one out yet because he could just imagine how his constant hovering would morph into a collar and leash.

Either way, Jim really had no experience in any sort of casual friendship or how to go about starting one and the infuriating Vulcan wasn't really making it easier for him either.

Why couldn't he just meet him half way?

"Captain..." Spock's tone of voice was even but Jim could've sworn he detected a hint of disapproval in it or maybe he was just getting paranoid but those things weren't mutually exclusive either. "Our task is to mingle and to just use a human term butter people up for the sake of the Federation. Taking a stroll is not going to be conductive to this task."

Jim sighed; he should've seen it coming. Of course Spock wasn't going to wander off with him during a boring social event even though he was pretty sure no one would create a scene. They had been here for two hours already, surely that was enough.

He was just about to offer a stroll tomorrow morning when Spock continued talking, "And I also see no benefit in spending my time in your presence while staring at the planet through an observation window."

Jim's heart clenched but he was proud to admit that even he got the message. It might have taken him longer than most but he was hearing it loud and clear now: I am not interested in being your friend.

Seriously, he should've figured that out ages ago because someone as intelligent as Spock had clearly realized what he was up to and since Spock had refused to accept any invitation Jim had offered, it was really the only conclusion that was left.

Jim had been a moron and with a final sigh, Jim nodded. He blinked rapidly maybe once or twice because he seriously wasn't going to get all emotional about his friendship being refused because this was clearly Spock's loss and not his.

It still hurt to be rejected though, especially since he had put this much effort into it but even though he still didn't believe in no win scenarios, he knew when to retreat.

"I get it..." He snapped, voice maybe a little bit harsher than intended, "Loud and clear. Message received..."He waved his hand, fighting hard to keep his emotions in check because he had enough pride not to make a spectacle of himself and more importantly he wasn't going to allow to let Spock see just how much his rejection had actually hurt him.

He felt like a fool already and that was enough.

If Bones found out about this he would never hear the end of it...

"I'll leave you alone..." he even raised his hands to show that he was backing off and if he had been a moment slower he would've seen the look of confusion on Spock's face. Before the Vulcan could call Jim back though to clarify the misunderstanding, a nearby diplomat had seized the opportunity to talk to Spock and the Vulcan was polite enough to put duty before anything else.

Jim muttered to himself while pushing through the people, not caring if he offended someone because he needed a few moments in peace to collect himself.

Without any backward glance he stepped through the door and out onto the deserted hallway. He found his way to the observation deck easily enough and just as he had been promised, the view really was spectacular.

He sat down on one of the many benches, staring at nothing and he could only blame his distracted thoughts for not hearing the other man approach.

He only noticed when a warm hand landed high on his thigh, pushing him forcefully out of his gloomy state of mind.

Jim looked up, blue eyes unfocused for a moment before he recognized that an admiral of the Federation had sat down next to him. "Uhm...Admiral..." Jim offered as a greeting, a slight red blush on his cheeks because he had forgotten the man's name.

He still didn't like any form of authority but he was smart enough to realize that if he wanted to continue as Captain Kirk of the Enterprise then he would have to at least be polite and observe standard protocol when dealing with his superiors.

It was easier when he knew the people in question, like Admiral Pike because him he also respected but there were some men and women and aliens who were way too much like his stepfather: just loving to be in control and with no tolerance for anything new.

And everything about Jim and how he had become a captain was new which automatically had earned him quite a lot of resentment. Right now he was almost untouchable because he was still the golden boy, the press loved him and loved writing about his crew and there was no point in denying and he and Spock, heroes of the Federation were the most sought out celebrities around.

He figured, killing Nero, saving what was left of Vulcan and saving Earth would do that but every time he reminded someone that this hadn't been just his or Spock's doing, this had been a team effort of the entire Enterprise crew he was just laughed at and being called modest.

Honestly he wished they would just get over it because it was quite tiring to be on the receiving end of admiration on one side and loathing for being the youngest captain on the other end.

"Kirk..."the man smiled at him but Jim wasn't fooled. There was no warmth in that smile and his instinct told him to plan a tactical retreat.

He wasn't so sure why but he wasn't going to ignore his instinct because it had kept him alive so far and right now it was telling him to get out and away from this man while logic told him that surely he had nothing to worry about from an admiral of the Federation.

"The name is Danner...don't you forget that..." the man still seemed to be in good humour but Jim didn't much like how his hand kept on creeping higher on his thigh until it was so high up that the man could almost grab his crotch.

"It was nice meeting you Admiral Danner..." Jim faked a smile and quickly got up, displacing the unwanted hand. "I think I should head back to the celebrations...if you would excuse me..." He tilted his head in a formal greeting and then he quickly walked to the door.

He could honestly say that he hadn't expected to be on the receiving end of violence so when he found himself grabbed and shoved back first into the wall he was too startled to really take any action.

He balled his hands into fists; ready to strike when the admiral's face came back into focus. "I would think twice about hitting a superior officer if I were you..." the man said calmly, his pale blue eyes almost icy cold. There was a strange glint in his eyes that told Jim to be careful so he marginally relaxed, allowing himself some precious minutes to asses the situation.

His back hurt from where he had been shoved into the wall but bruises were nothing new for him, he knew how handle those.

The admiral's intentions became crystal clear when the hand was back and this time it was copping quite a good feel through Jim's dress pants.

"Uhm..." was all he said because for once he was at a loss for words. "I believe this is classified as sexual harassment..." he finally stuttered out, proud of the fact that he was holding the other man's gaze and not showing just how un-nerved he was by the whole incident.

He was used to sexual advances and quite frankly, most of the time he welcomed them but there was a fine line between overt flirting and just forcing the issue and he was quite certain that this classified as forcing the issue.

And having a healthy libido usually ensured that even during questionable advances that he was always up for the job. The last time he had actually been forced was quite a long time ago and he had come a long way from the lost little boy he had once been.

The admiral chuckled as if Jim had just cracked a rather good joke.

"With your reputation as a slut I am sure they would believe your claims over my protestations of innocence any time..." the man stated calmly, irony very obvious in his voice and Jim had to admit that it took a special kind of crazy to be grabbing his crotch in an almost painful grip and still laugh in the face of being accused of sexual harassment.

Still, he had to admit, the man had a point. This wasn't some unwanted advance in a bar, this was an admiral putting the moves on him at an official Federation event and Jim was smart enough to realize that if he gave his enemies enough ammunition they would roast him alive. And screaming sexual harassment from someone who prided himself on having slept with at least half of the cadets on campus back at the academy was clearly more of the unbelievable sort.

He sagged a little bit, showing his defeat while he was far from just bending over and letting the admiral have his way with him.

The admiral smiled, obviously thinking that he had won and when the man moved a little bit away, Jim took his shot. He didn't aim for the face, he didn't want to leave any obvious marks and frankly despite wanting to beat this man into a pulp for touching him, he knew that all he needed to do was get away from him and get back to the ball room.

Once he was amidst other people he would be fine...

He hit the shoulder, putting the larger man off balance and then he ducked right and dashed towards the exit. Not his proudest move, he prided himself on being a fighter and feeling like some damsel in distress wasn't something he would ever admit to anyone but if his life had taught him anything then it was to survive at all cost and that pride didn't really matter.

Pride had its place and he had more than enough to go around but when it came down to it, he would always choose survival over it.

He almost made it out of the door when he was once again yanked backwards and this time he was slammed face forward into the wall with the admiral pressing his own body onto his.

Oh hell no...Jim thought when he felt the hard bulge of the man's erection pressing into his ass and logic be damned, he wasn't going to stand for being molested like that. He reared back, the back of his head connecting forcefully with the admiral's head and then all bets were off.

He lashed out in earnest and when the man was finally on the ground he remembered that killing him wasn't an option so he just turned around and quickly made his way back to the ball room entrance.

A quick check in the mirror showed that there was no blood on him, that there was no outward sign of what had just happened, even though he no longer could suppress the slight trembling that was overtaking his body.

He scanned the crowed, looking for Bones, needing some comfort right now and his best friend, despite hovering and being sometimes annoying was the best man for the job. Plus he needed someone to give him some advise on how to take care of the situation because if the admiral pressed charges for assault then Jim would have a hard time convincing anyone that his actions had been justified, giving that there was no evidence to back him up.

Bones was nowhere to be found and Jim rolled his eyes at his absent friend because obviously he had found a way to escape the crowd and was enjoying some medicinal alcohol by now. Jim wished that he had stayed because then he would've probably left with Bones.

There was one other person though he trusted well enough to give him good advise, regardless of his failed attempts at friendship and that was Spock. He scanned the crowed again with his new target in mind and when he finally located Spock near the podium he quickly made his way over to him.

He really had no patience for diplomacy right now and he breathed a sigh of relief when he saw that Spock was extracting himself from the few people he was talking to, obviously expecting his arrival.

"Captain..." Spock greeted him with a formal nod of his head and Jim just rolled his eyes because when would the man stop being so formal? Even if they were never going to be friends, being this formal couldn't be anything but exhausting!

"Hypothetically Spock..." Jim started because he wasn't going to come out and say that he had been cornered and molested. He wouldn't even do that with Bones and he wasn't going to admit being surprised and almost taken advantage off in front of the always in control Spock either. He could often enough feel Spock's air of disapproval so he clearly didn't want to add to Spock's list of his faults. "If someone were to put his hands down my pants...should I report that?"

Jim's blue eyes were focused on Spock and for a moment he was certain he caught a whiff of confusion but it was gone so quickly that he wasn't sure if he was just projecting his own emotions onto Spock.

"Considering your history and your own preferences, I would suggest that you drop your pants and just enjoy the moment..." that was an uncommon statement coming from a Vulcan and it took Jim a few seconds to catch on to the fact that his first officer thought that he was a slut.

He blinked but the insult was still there and quite frankly he wasn't so sure why he was still offended because in a way it was true. He had been very sexually active during his life at the academy but didn't it count for something that he had practically lived like a monk ever since he had been put in charge of the Enterprise?

Because even though he had missed sex quite something fierce and even though people had offered more than once, even he knew better than to sleep with his own crew! He might be young and reckless and he might have a lot of things to learn but he wasn't stupid and he knew first hand how abusing power over someone could lead to disaster.

He would never of course use his power as a captain to get someone to sleep with him but what if someone still felt coerced? He knew very well that you could force someone to do something even though that person didn't really want to so he wasn't going to risk that ever happening to someone under his command.

So for that last six months he had kept it inside his pants and while he hadn't expected a medal for his efforts he surely would've have expected for his efforts at restraint to be noted.

"You think I'm a slut?" Jim hissed out, eyes narrowing and for once he was certain that he wasn't imagining things when he saw a flash of something fluttering across Spock's handsome face. He had no idea what emotion he had just seen but right now he was too angry to care.

Here he was, asking for help and while he might have been rather cryptic about it, he really hadn't expected to be told to just drop his pants!

"So your advice would be to just enjoy it because it's me we're talking about and because no one would believe me anyway if the resident slut cried harassment?" Jim clarified and if a strange shift in the air hadn't taken his focus away from Spock he would've seen the slight green blush on his first officer's face and he would've seen the look of horror at what he had just revealed.

"Jim..." Jim's focus was elsewhere so it totally escaped his notice that Spock had just used his given name because something wasn't right and when a loud boom signalled a bomb going off, Jim reacted on instinct, throwing himself on the half Vulcan and covering his body with his own.

Spock after all belong to an endangered species now and he was also under Jim's command so it was Jim's duty to look out for him.

Even if he was an ass...

The world came rushing back to Jim even though it seemed as if time had slowed around him. In a dim corner of his mind he knew that this must be a side effect of shock but he was only barely aware of where he was when he crawled off Spock's body, turning around as if he was looking for something...

A hand gripped his arm but he shook it off, blue eyes focusing on someone running past an open entrance to the ballroom and before Jim could consciously think about it, he chased after the man.

He was reacting on instinct alone and his instinct hadn't steered him wrong so far. He had known something was wrong just moments before it had happened, giving him some time to react and the same instinct told him that the man he had seen running wasn't a scared survivor running away but someone responsible for the carnage around them.

Jim barely noticed the dead bodies left and right or how the once former ballroom was now in shambles, he didn't even think about the fact that there could be a hull breach somewhere and that the entire space station could be compromised.

His sole focus was on the chase and he didn't even hear Spock shouting his name nor did he hear his first officer running after him.

Jim barely saw the man coming out of nowhere to his right and it was only instinct once again that had him pulling back, missing getting bashed in the face by sheer luck.

He grabbed onto whatever the other man had tried to use as a weapon and with a sharp pull he managed to get it out of the man's grip.

He then wielded it around and started to use it for his own purposes and he was only barely aware that Spock growled somewhere next to him when something sharp connected with his back. One quick glance told him though that Spock was now fighting off two more men and within a few more seconds he had rendered his own attacker unconscious.

He was just about to help out Spock when his gaze fell onto the floor two stories below him. He took off running and not even hearing his name stopped him from jumping over the railing and aiming for the running man below.

He landed an almost killing blow and only with practised ease did he manage to ignore his own aching body. He couldn't ignore the short dizzy spell that followed though and it was this moment of disorientation that allowed a second man to creep up on him.

He vaguely wondered just how many intruders there were on the space station when something hit him in the head and when he was being dragged across the floor, it took all his efforts to fight off the encroaching darkness.

Someone was once again yelling his name but it was all just a big blur to him at this stage and when he heard the familiar hiss of a space door closing he knew that he had just landed himself in an even bigger mess than being harassed by an admiral.

He was being kidnapped.

And in his own experience that never ended well for him.

"Why didn't you just kill him?" someone hissed and Jim fought valiantly to open his eyes, to get some sort of bearing as to where he was but all he noticed was that he was lying on his side, that his body was aching and that his hands were bound behind his back.

"He's coming around..." someone else said and then he felt the familiar hiss and stab of a hypo before the world started to swim again.

It was strange really how everything managed to get fuzzy even though his eyes were closed and he wanted to tell his kidnappers that if they wanted to keep him alive then they were better of not injecting strange substances into his body because he was usually deadly allergic to most drugs out there and they might just end up killing him by accident.

His tongue though was dried up and there was a strange taste in his mouth and even though he tried, he couldn't even muster up a cough.

Not good...not good at all...

"Don't you know who this is?" someone said and honestly Jim was passed the stage where he could distinguish one voice from the other, everyone sounded the same right now and he barely felt when he was gabbed by his blond hair and his head got yanked off the ground, "This is Jim Kirk...people will pay good money to be able to own the golden boy of the Federation..."

Jim didn't know if he should count himself lucky that his rather annoying title was keeping him alive or if he should've chosen death but thankfully he didn't have to make any decision because suddenly the chatter stopped and there was frantic shouting and just an awful lot of noise.

He blinked, unsure of just how much time had passed when he heard another hiss, sounding suspiciously like a space door again.

His head was suddenly yanked again, someone was pulling his body upwards and then a knife was pressed to his throat.

He laughed a little bit, probably sounding and looking quite insane at this stage because it never stopped to amaze him that regardless of how advanced human weaponry got, the good old weapons never really went out of style.

Like hitting someone over the head or like a good old, sharp knife.

"I'll kill him..." the man behind him hissed and Jim just managed another laugh because if he wanted the honour of killing him the man needed to get in line. The laugh followed by a sudden totally unexpected coughing fit which startled the man and the next thing Jim heard was an almost inhuman growl and then he fell forward, scraping his face on the hard floor.

"Umpf..." was all he said and then he blacked out.

"Careful..." a familiar voice said followed by the hiss of a tricorder. "There's no telling what they gave him and I'm sure he managed to get hit in the head..." and after a moment the man mumbled, barely audible, "He always gets hit in the's a wonder he's got any brain cells left..."


Jim smiled, unsure if that smile was just internally or not but it didn't matter because now that he knew that his friend was here, looking after him, he could finally surrender to the darkness around him because he was safe.

He might not be alright, his body was hurting and his head felt fuzzy but at least no one was going to harm him and that was a small comfort to be had.

He was out again before he could feel Spock's presence by his side, hovering almost as much as his doctor.

He was aware a few times of people around him, of medical orders being barked, of Bones' gruff orders for him to wake up or to hang on and then there was the familiar hiss of medical equipment followed by sharp pains in his body.

He was aware a few times but he never really regained consciousness until now. He slowly opened his blue eyes, blinking against the harsh glare of the medical bay and even without looking around he realized that he was no longer in the space station. Bones must have brought him back onboard his own ship and he was grateful for that.

The place was oddly silent and it took Jim a few minutes to deduct that it must be the middle of the night because apart form some medical equipment hissing in the background he couldn't really hear anything.

It was strange that Bones wasn't hovering nearby but then again even a dedicated mother hen and doctor like his friend needed to sleep at some stage so clearly he had the misfortune of waking up at a bad moment.

And maybe it wasn't such a bad moment because it gave him some time order his thoughts and to think about what had happened.

His life really couldn't be considered dull because it was just his luck that he would attend a diplomatic gathering which ended up getting bombed. He wondered why someone would've done that and if there were many casualties and if he had lost some of his own crew.

Only the senior staff had been invited but lots of other crew members had beamed down to the space station for some time off and there was no telling just how much damage the bomb had done.

He had barely stopped to register all the carnage around him and in retrospect it was a sheer miracle that he hadn't been injured.

On second thought he realized that maybe he had been injured, he had been just too stubborn to accept the fact, something that Bones really enjoyed giving out about. Jim's ability to push pain aside was something that infuriated the doctor because Bones insisted that pain was there for a reason, telling him to stop while Jim disagreed.

It wasn't as if wanted to ignore pain on purpose but life didn't stop just because he was injured and if he had a job to do then he wasn't going to stop doing it just because he got a little banged up. Of course Bones always argued that Jim's definition of a little banged up was down right screwed up and he often pointed out that Jim was suicidal but quite honestly Jim didn't see it that way.

He would've died a long time ago if he had just given up because he had gotten hurt. He would only stop if he literally couldn't move any more and until then, he wasn't going to give up. It simply wasn't within him and he considered being able to push pain aside as a much needed talent.

He mused that his horrible childhood was at least good for something because it had taught him to ignore pain and to just work through it. Bruises barely even registered with him any more and that was yet another topic that Bones could really complain about quite frequently.

Jim only listened with half an ear because if he were starting to take his friend seriously then he would have to consider himself royally screwed up and probably unfit to command and while he was the first to admit that maybe he was slightly damaged, it really wasn't quite as bad as Bones liked to make it out.

His friend just liked to worry; it was how he showed he cared...

He slowly sat up, noticing that the pain in his body was less which meant that whatever Bones had done, it had obviously worked. His head still felt fuzzy but that effect was bound to pass soon enough.

He wanted to get up and check up on some reports but when he tried to move the whole room started to spin so he decided that since it was the middle of the night, it might be a good idea to just rest for a while longer. He had lots of reports to finish and someone surely wanted a report on what had happened and the sooner he got that done the better.

He was just about to drift off into sleep again when he heard footsteps approaching.

It was his fault really that he associated the Enterprise with home and with being safe because when he finally opened his eyes, expecting to see a familiar, friendly face, he found himself staring up at Admiral Danner.

Jim blinked but the man didn't just vanish into thin air and it must have been due the recent ordeal or medication that he was on because by the time he finally managed to react, the man had reached forward and emptied a hypo spray into his neck.

Jim still tried to struggle but when his body slowly refused to heed his command he knew that he was fighting a losing battle.

He once again wondered who he had pissed off to be on the receiving end of so much bad karma.

And what it was about him that always made people want to hurt him...

Granted, the first disaster in his life wasn't his fault; it wasn't even Spock's fault because the old man had tried to save Nero's home planet and it had been just sheer bad luck that he had arrived too late.

Then again, one could argue that because of that, his life had been turned up side down for the worse but then again that would probably make him sound really crazy because contrary to what some believed, the world didn't evolve around him and he most certainly didn't think so either.

Still, his father's death had saved many people and it had also changed the course of his life.

Spock's life, he supposed, had been changed too because the universe had turned a little less tolerant towards aliens after the Narada incident and a hybrid like Spock would surely have felt that too.

Vulcans were all about logic but Jim had seen enough to know that logic and cruelty often went hand in hand and even though Spock would probably never admit to it, he was pretty certain that they had a miserable childhood in common.

Either way, when he had met the older Spock, the version from the previous time line, it was the first time in his life that he had felt loved, that he had felt someone care about him and it had touched something deep inside him that he hadn't known that existed.

Ever since then he had been craving the same sort of acceptance from his own Spock and he figured that this was yet another reason for his pathetic attempts at building a friendship with the stoic Vulcan.

Well, he was cured of that notion now, he knew when to just let go and clearly his Spock had no interested in him what so ever and Jim was done making a fool out of himself.

He had no experience in reaching out to people and the one time he had really tried he had been shut down and he wasn't about to keep putting himself out there when he received nothing in return.

Still it would've been nice to be loved...

A sharp pain almost brought him back the world and he was just conscious enough to notice that he was being strapped down on a bed of sorts with his hands and legs bounds.

He tried to struggle, his brain comprehended that much but it was futile and the moment he tried, something was once yet again injected into his body.

At this rate he was going to be dead from an adverse reaction to whatever Danner was giving him and maybe that was going to be a blessing because Jim had the sneaking suspicion that there was a lot more wrong with the admiral than just having a sexual urge.

"I'm going to remember you..." the man whispered into Jim's ear and even though he didn't want to give Danner the satisfaction of flinching he couldn't stop himself.

"You're pretty won't be my last...but I'll remember you..."

Something clearly told Jim that he also wasn't Danner's first – whatever that meant.

The pain that followed was almost too much to handle; it rolled in waves over his body and mind and at some point, Jim found himself shutting down, searching for the corner in his mind where he would be safe, where the outside world would be nothing but a distant memory.

He followed the path until the pain ebbed away. He could still feel it, lingering on the edge of his awareness but it was no longer overwhelming him.


Jim was confused. Was someone calling for him?

Pain...he said, lips never moving, it hurts so much...please make it stop...

Whatever brief connection he had shared vanished in an instant and Jim was once again in his body, pain flaring up and for once in his life, he yearned for darkness. Maybe he had found the one instant were giving up was the only option left...

"What did that bastard do to him?"

"Jim? Jim?" the voice was frantic now, "Can you hear me? Jim? Answer me damn it!"

Jim honestly tried but he was too tired. His body was throbbing with the echo of pain and while he was still lucid enough to realise that no more new pain was inflicted, the damage was already done and he was quite certain that there was not one part of him that wasn't currently screaming in agony.

The convulsions came out of nowhere, the coughing and fighting to take one single breath was exhausting and he almost lost his will to try if he someone hadn't been constantly shouting at him to keep on fighting.

He knew that voice but he couldn't put a name to it and it didn't really matter. Eventually the darkness claimed him again.

"He nearly killed him..."

"But he isn't dead yet doctor..." someone answered in a cool tone of voice, all precise and emotionless and Jim had the feeling that he should know who that voice belong to just as he should know the other man shouting back at the composed one.

"He nearly overdosed him on sedatives and Jim's highly allergic to those and don't even get me started on the damage he did to his body...that bastard was insane!"

"I believe a formal investigation will be able to proof your diagnosis..."

"You pointy eared bastard! How can you stand there and worry about some investigation when Jim's lapsed into a coma!"


Jim frowned internally because he couldn't remember falling into a coma but then again, would he remember if he had?

He twitched, trying to prove to himself that he was still there and he nearly jumped out of skin when the voice suddenly materialized next to him.

"Jim? Jim?" it was Bones, Jim finally realized and he had no idea why he hadn't recognized his friend sooner. Maybe this time his head had really ended up scrambled?

"Stay with me Jim...just stay with me..."

But Jim was drifting again and even the encouraging shouts of the good doctor or the calm voice of a stoic Vulcan couldn't get him to linger.

"What is exactly wrong with him?"

"Jim's fighting to wake up...the amount of sedatives that were shot into his body almost killed him and that's not even counting the allergic reactions he had to them. Physically he will heal; I mended the broken bones and the various cuts on his body have been taken care of but mentally he had no choice but retreat and right now, he is in a coma but it is more or less of his own doing."

"Isn't a coma something that the patient has no choice over?"

"That would be correct but this isn't a coma in the strictest medical sense. Jim has simply shut down and this is why we need to encourage him to wake up. Every time he moves or gives any indication that he is awake or close to being awake, we need to tell him that he is safe and that he can wake up."

"So it's mental condition then..."

"Don't make him sound as if he is crazy...lesser men would've have just given up but Jim's a fighter, he hung in there long enough for Spock to trace Danner and despite everything else, he's still there. He will wake up, he just needs time..."

"And encouragement..."


"But there's a chance that he might not?"


Jim was aware of his surroundings, at least to some degree.

Conversations washed over him; he could hear Bones talking to him and he could've sworn that even Spock sat by his side a few times, encouraging him to wake up.

It was really bizarre but despite Jim's own attempts at trying to open his eyes, he just found that he simply didn't have the strength for it.

Something was keeping him under and he almost didn't notice that every time awareness flooded back over his senses that the lucid moments lasted longer and longer.

One time he found his fingers twitching and before he knew what had happened, a strong grip caused his eyelids to flutter.

"Doctor?" it was Spock's voice and that was enough to really make Jim want to wake up because surly it couldn't be Spock by his side holding his hand.

And sure enough, Spock removed his hand and Jim stopped trying.

Touch telepaths apparently didn't even want to touch people who were in a coma...

"Jim?" Bones' voice was almost pleading sending spikes of fear through Jim's body because what if he had been in a coma for too long? What if Bones was going to give up on him? What would happen then?

Jim tried, his eyelids fluttered again and Bones just kept on mumbling encouragements but it was Spock's sudden voice by his side that finally caused Jim to open his eyes.

Blue eyes blinked up, unfocused but he didn't miss the ecstatic look on Bones' face and even Spock looked oddly pleased – as pleased as a Vulcan could manage.

Jim licked his lips, blue eyes slowly falling shut again and even the frantic shouts of Bones couldn't stop him.

"Don't...Jim...come on...stay with us..."

There was a sudden beep from behind or above him and then Jim's body almost took off the bed. He was shaking, his fingers were trying to clutch something to keep him steady but nothing was working and he was running out of breath...

And then darkness descended once again...

Jim was really getting tired of this...and his stubborn streak flared to life deep inside him, igniting his fire, causing him to fight even though he wasn't consciously aware that he was doing it.