I saw a few of these kinds of stories once upon a time, and I remember thinking they were a great way for a quick laugh. I'm not exactly a humor writer, but hell, you can't go wrong with 700 words anyway. Remember to review, people! And enjoy!



A Matter of Miscommunication

"Just shuffle to the side a bit Holmes. I think we're approaching this the wrong way."

Mrs. Marie Hudson paused in sweeping the landing to listen at the door of what might have been the most deplorably messy rooms in all of London. She had no doubt that her lodgers were up to another one of their strange pastimes, and it was always nice to be aware of what one's tenants were doing. After a year with them, after all, Mr. Holmes and Dr. Watson still managed to surprise her almost every day with their unusual activities.

"How should you know if we're approaching it properly, Watson? I hardly expect that you make this a habit."

"Well it's obviously not going to go in this way. Just move a bit to the right, would you?"

"I can't go any further right without going through the wall, my unobservant compatriot."

"Would you kindly stop leaning on me, Holmes? I can't do this much longer."

"It wouldn't be this difficult if you would stop squirming."

"I am squirming? Holmes, it's not going in. Perhaps we could try another method."

"You seem very experienced at this, Boswell. Are you neglecting to tell me something?"

"I'm not experienced, Holmes. I've just… seen it done… before."

"Whenever were you in a position to watch something like this? Now I know you have a story to share."

"It's not done by talking, Holmes. Perhaps you could take my position. I might have better luck."

"I cannot possibly see how this is so confoundedly difficult! Men do this every day without such a fuss."

"Just kneel there and stop wiggling so much."

"This is degrading, Watson."

"I was in that position for fifteen minutes!"

"I do hope you won't take this the wrong way, old boy, but I think you were better suited for it."

"Oh really?"

"Ow! That hurt! Do watch what you're doing Watson!"

"Holmes, it's not going to last all night. Look at it! It seems to be getting feeble already."

"You really are bungling this whole thing up, Watson. You take this position again and I'll do it to your satisfaction."

"And how in blazes are you going to do that?"

"With my mouth, of course!"

Now, Mrs. Hudson had heard quite enough of this sort of talk and, bracing herself for a gruesome sight, she burst into the room. "I assure you no two gentlemen in my lodging will be up to this sort of… of... impropriety!"

Sherlock Holmes looked over from his position, standing precariously atop Dr. Watson's back. He waved a hand in salutation, having the bottom of a framed portrait of the queen clenched in his teeth as he prepared to hammer a nail into the wall.

Dr. Watson, however, gave a tremendous start of shock and made to stand up. With a loud cry of panic, Mr. Holmes fell onto the floor with a solid thump, rolling head over heels before landing on his back with a thoroughly dazed expression.

Her face still tinged pink in outrage, Mrs. Hudson began to realize she may have made a slight error of judgment. "I… I thought…"

They both looked at her in such utter confusion that she could only back out of the room and close the door as quietly as possible.

"Well Holmes… the mouth idea was ingenious. Perhaps Mrs. Hudson is adverse to any more paintings?"

"Well she certainly could have said that. I think I broke something."

Outside the room, Mrs. Hudson smiled as the young men seemed to find their bearings again. It seemed life with Mr. Holmes and Dr. Watson was going to be nothing if not full of the unexpected.