A Wonderful Witch Because

By

AnneM


Summary: Hermione said to Crookshanks, "I don't think we're in London anymore." And she was right. Somehow, she was in a land far, far away, with no idea how she got there. Everything seemed odd and out of place, though some of the people looked familiar. There was a scarecrow that looked like Harry, a tin man that looked like Draco, and a cowardly lion that looked like Ron. And who in the world was that evil witch? How will she ever get home? And why was there a yellow brick road? Click your heels together three times and say, "There's no place like home."


Part I: The Part that's Black and White -

Looking in yet another large tome, Hermione Granger was a determined witch, a determined witch with a big problem. Her part cat/part Kneazle, Crookshanks, was about to be seized for biting an evil wizard on the finger, and she was not about to let that happen!

She knew there was a precedent regarding the keeping of unregistered Kneazles as household pets, as long as the Kneazle was one half or more domesticate cat, she just needed to find proof of this precedent. The law clearly states if a Kneazle is not interbred with a domesticated cat, and is in fact three-fourths or more Kneazle, then a special license was needed to own the animal. Everyone knew that. The precedent she was searching was an old law that states if a witch or wizard cannot prove the percentage of Kneazle in regards to their pet, then they are given the benefit of the doubt, and a special license is not needed.

Kneazles are magical creatures, similar in appearance to a cat, with large ears and a lightly plumed tail, much like a lion. They are usually exceptional pets for witches and wizards because they are highly intelligent, very independent, have the odd ability of always being able to guide their owners home if they are lost, and have the uncanny ability to detect suspicious or distrustful human beings. Hence the reason Crookshanks and Hermione was in the fix they presently found themselves. Crookshanks bit the finger of a highly suspicious, distrustful human being named Draco Malfoy.

Some Kneazles were occasionally aggressive, hence their classification as a dangerous creature by the Ministry, unless they are interbred with another species, but her pet was always extremely sweet and docile. He probably had a very good reason for biting Draco Malfoy's finger! Draco was a foul, loathsome, evil creature and Crookshanks probably thought he was doing the world a service by biting the bastard's finger! Draco Malfoy should have to prove that he was mostly a human being, since Hermione had to prove that Crookshanks was mostly cat.

She closed the large dusty tome and stood up from the table in the magical library in the lowest level of the Ministry to search for another book. She picked up two more books from a nearby shelf and threw them on the table. She looked at her cat, Crookshanks, and said, "This is all your fault."

Everything was going good for Hermione lately. She had gotten her dream job at the Ministry, in the department of magical law, after getting her degree with honours from University. She was dating Ron Weasley, and she was certain they were on the road to marriage, and most importantly, there had been peace among their people for the last four years, since Harry defeated Voldemort.

And then the proverbial shite hit the fan.

She was minding her own business, sitting on a bench, eating lunch, studying a new case for her work, with her lovely, fat, extremely old half-bred Kneazle, Crookshanks, sitting by her side, when Hermione made the mistake of throwing the last bite of her sandwich toward the rubbish bin. She missed. A bird flew down to pick up the large morsel. Crookshanks, being a normal, old, fat part cat-creature jumped off the bench and began to chase the bird.

Hermione looked up from her reading to chastise the cat, when the unthinkable happened. The bird flew away, the cat chased the bird, Hermione chased the cat, and before she could reach the cat, the cat jumped another bench, this one occupied by Draco Malfoy.

Draco screamed, like the little girl that he was, Crookshanks hissed, and in the melee, Crookshanks somehow BIT Draco Malfoy right on the left index finger. It didn't even look like it hurt, but of course, Draco 'boo-hooed' and 'moaned and groaned' and made a mountain out of a molehill.

Draco, the wimp, began to yell and scream. He was taken to St. Mungo's, give a host of medicines, his finger wrapped with a small bandage, and the next day he had Hermione served with papers that said that he had the power to take the cat to be destroyed as being a danger to society!

She appealed to the Ministry, and that was when her true troubles began. It appeared that she had never registered her cat, which everyone knew was only PART Kneazle, with the Ministry. She never thought she had to do so because, ONE: she got it so long ago, at a pet store in Diagon Alley, that she never thought she would need to register it, because, TWO: Hermione knew her cat wasn't a purebred, so why register it?

However, proving it wasn't a purebred, and just saying so, were two different things.

The Ministry gave her only ten days to either prove her cat was half or better domesticate cat, or find a law, ancient or otherwise, that might save the old thing, or else they would have no choice but to destroy it. That was ten days ago. Her time was up.

For days on end she had looked over every book she could find on magical animals, licenses, and old laws to try to help her cause, but to no avail. She could find nothing to protect her. The pet store where she bought her cat was long closed, there was no way to do magical DNA on a Kneazle/cat hybrid to prove the percentage of cat to Kneazle ratio, and she couldn't locate even one person who owned the cat before her, even though it was already 13 years old when she bought it, and had gone through five different owners.

In other words: Crookshanks' goose was cooked. It looked like he would be destroyed, all because Draco Malfoy was a big baby!

She moaned and lowered her head to table. Crookshanks, who was with her everyday right now, since Hermione couldn't part with him, jumped up on the table and nosed her cheek. She reached over to pet his ears, without looking up.

"Well, old boy," she began, "I've tried everything. I've written letters, to try to appeal to Malfoy's human side, although proving him part human is as daunting as proving you part cat, but nothing's worked."

A man cleared his throat behind her and said, "My parents can prove that I'm at least part human, Granger."

Crookshanks hissed and arched its back. Hermione quickly jumped from her seat, grabbed her cat by the scruff, and said, "What do you want down here, Malfoy?"

"Potter told me you were down here. I've come for the cat." He opened a basket. "Be quick and put it inside."

"Please, Malfoy, please don't destroy my cat!" she begged.

He threw his head back and laughed. "HA! The great Granger actually lowering herself to say 'please' to me, when most of the time she won't even give me the time day. No, it's too late for niceties, Granger, and it's too late for that beast. I have a paper here that says I'm allowed to take it, now put it in the basket!"

She held Crookshanks next to her chest and pleaded once more, "Listen, Malfoy, try to see my side. I've had this cat since I was a girl!"

"Yes, he's your good friend, isn't he? He probably keeps your bed warm at night, too," he sneered.

"No need to be crude," she scowled.

Draco opened the basket and pushed it toward her. "NOW, GRANGER!"

"Draco Malfoy if you take my cat, I swear you'll regret it!" she huffed. "Your finger didn't even fall off or anything!"

Draco smirked and said, "Potter, come out from behind those shelves and do your job."

Harry walked around the shelves, with an apologetic look on his face. "I'm sorry, Hermione, but as an Auror, I've been dispatched to make sure you follow the edict of the law. Crookshanks has to go with Malfoy."

"PLEASE!" she said once more. "Harry, Please! Give me more time. I'll prove he's not all Kneazle somehow! I'll prove I didn't need a license for him!"

Ron walked around the other corner and said, "Harry's just doing his job, Hermione. We wanted Malfoy to be the bad guy, because, well, you already hate him, but you have no choice. Put him the basket, and then come over to my house and I'll make supper tonight, 'right?"

"Ron Weasley, how dare you think that I could be pacified by the thought of you making me dinner! Dinner from you doesn't equal the life of my cat!" she barked. "And right now, I think I might hate you and Harry more than I hate Malfoy!"

Draco looked bored with the whole affair and said, "Hate me all you want, Granger, but that creature goes in the basket, to be taken away and destroyed, or you'll be arrested by your very own boyfriend and his boyfriend over there."

Hermione started to cry, which was something she rarely did. Draco frowned. "Stop crying, right now, do you hear?" he snapped. He looked at Harry and said, "Make her stop."

"Go to hell, Malfoy," Harry spat.

Hermione backed up toward the shelves, which reached up as high as the ceilings. Harry, Ron and Draco continued to approach her, so she continued to back up, until she was pressed up against one of the floor to ceiling shelves, the cat still in her hands.

Suddenly, Crookshanks slithered out of her grasp, and scampered onto the shelf behind them, climbing up one shelf and then another. Hermione turned to face the cat, beseeching it to come down. It climbed higher and higher, until it was at the top.

With no forethought, Hermione placed her right foot on the second to bottom shelf, reached up to grab an upper shelf with her hand, and hoisted herself upwards, all the while calling for Crookshanks. She climbed up one more shelf, using the bookcase as a sort of ladder.

The tall shelf began to wobble. Harry gasped, Ron winced, and Draco shouted, "Watch out, Granger!"

The shelf fell forward, covering Hermione with books, debris and wood.

Then everything went black.

Coming up: Hermione says to Crookshanks, "I don't think we're in London anymore."


A/N: This is just going to be a short story, kind of like the Christmas story I wrote in December. I've often wanted to do a Wizard of Oz parody, and I've even mentioned it in other stories before, so I decided while I was working on my original piece, I would write this little piece of fluff, too. I'm not promising a masterpiece. I'm not promising it will be updated quickly. I know it won't have three thousand reviews like my last story. This one is just for fun and is for everyone to enjoy!