Soggy Paper Towel Legal Defense no Jutsu!
Anko groaned as she leaned against the wall beside the dressing room in which Naruto was getting dressed. It felt like she'd been waiting a year for the blonde to finish trying on the clothes she'd gathered for him, but then again she was well-known for being impatient. Sighing, she knocked on the door and asked "You finished yet?"
"Yeah yeah." Naruto replied, the door swinging open and Naruto walked out, dressed in a pair of blue shinobi slacks, a mesh shirt, and a black trenchcoat. Giving the blonde a once-over, Anko rubbed her chin thoughtfully before shaking her head in the negative.
"Nah, this just doesn't fit you." Anko said, Naruto looking at it and saying "Yeah, not enough orange."
"Try the next one." Anko ordered, and with a grunt Naruto walked back into the dressing room. This time he took a lot less time getting dressed, and exited the room in a brown trenchcoat, a pair of black khakis that hung to his ankles, and a dark-blue shinobi shirt.
"Nope, this doesn't work either." Anko muttered, and Naruto sighed as he entered the dressing room again.
Several more stereotypically 'shinobi' outfits were tried and rejected, until finally Naruto was back in his trademark jumpsuit, Anko shaking her head as she said "I guess this is the only outfit that really works on you."
"Yeah, I got it right the first time!" Naruto agreed, adding "Though I would like an awesome trenchcoat like you wear."
Hearing that, Anko 'hmmed' thoughtfully, walking around him as she studied him carefully. Finally, after several moments of looking over the blonde, she finally grinned, grabbed the brown trenchcoat from the pile of clothing, and drapped it over Naruto's shoulders.
"That's perfect!" Anko said with a smile, and slipping his arms into the sleeves, Naruto turned to the viewing mirror, twisted left, then right as he looked at himself, then taking on several 'badass' poses in the trenchcoat, a smile crossed the blonde's face as he did so.
"Yeah! It's great!" Naruto agreed, Anko ruffling his hair playfully as she said "See, told ya my awesome sense of fashion would help you out!"
"I guess... Wait! This is the jumpsuit I came in wearing! Only difference is that I put a trenchcoat on!" Naruto argued, Anko crossing her arms as she said "Yes, and with the trenchcoat, I turned an orange eyesore into an awesome ninja uniform! And for that, you are welcome!"
"I could have decided to put a trenchcoat on by myself, you know. I didn't really need you to do that for me." Naruto countered, Anko replying "But without me you'd have never even possibly thought about getting a trenchcoat, leaving you trenchcoatless in an orange eyesore. I repeat, you are welcome."
"But..." Naruto began, only for Anko to cut him off as she said "We'll have to put this debate for the ages on hold for now, you've got to hurry to the shinobi registration office for your picture!"
Turning to a wall clock, Naruto yelped and tried to run to the door, only for Anko to grab him by the collar as she said "But first, we've got to pay for this trenchcoat. Won't look good for you to be caught stealing before you're even officially registered as a ninja."
"Oh yeah." Naruto said with a sheepish chuckle.
A short time later found a scowling Naruto sitting in front of the Hokage's desk across from Sarutobi, who was looking over Naruto's registration paperwork and trying to ignore the blonde's rather nasty look. Sighing, he closed the folder and said "Well, Naruto, it seems everything is in order, though the trenchcoat is new."
"It was a gift from Anko-chan." Naruto replied tensely, Sarutobi nodding in agreement as he said "Right. Now, I believe that's about all..."
"DIE OLD MAN!"
Naruto and Sarutobi turned to the doorway to see a 10-year old clad in an orange t-shirt, gray shorts, a gray hat with a tuft of hair sticking from the top, and long tan scarf charge into the room, a kunai in hand. However, he'd barely taken four steps into the room before his scarf ended up under his foot, causing him to fall to the floor with a yelp.
Hoping to his feet, the kid looked around as he asked "Who did that? Who tripped me up!"
Seeing Naruto, the child pointed at him and yelled "It was you, wasn't it?! You're the one who tripped me up!"
"Don't be stupid! You stepped on your own scarf!" Naruto replied, glaring at the child as Sarutobi palmed his face behind him.
"You did too trip me up! It had to be you and you're blaming it on my scarf to try and make me look bad!" the kid yelled back.
Getting off his chair with a growl, Naruto stomped up to the boy, lifted him up by the collar, and said "You totally did trip on your scarf you idiot! But that's besides the point! What do you think you're doing running into the Hokage's office with a kunai, you trying to get yourself killed!? I ought to give you a knock on the head for being so damn stupid!"
At that moment, a man clad in a stereotypical ninja uniform with a dark blue bandana over his head and wearing circular-lensed sunglasses burst into the room, took one "What do you think you're doing the Sandaime's honorable Grandson?"
"Grandson?" Naruto asked, looking at the child dangling from his hands, who smirked as he said "That's right! I'm Sarutobi Konohamaru, grandson of the Sandaime Hokage! What are you going to do now?"
Naruto stared at the kid for several moments before stunning the man by knocking Konohamaru hard on the top of the head as he yelled "I don't give a damn who you're the grandson of you idiot! That's not going to save you from the consequences of your actions!"
Dropping the boy on the floor, Naruto stormed out of the room grumbling, pushing the stunned man out of the way as he did so.
Regaining his composure, the man adjusted his sunglasses as he said "The nerve of that child! I ought to chase him down and teach him proper manners when dealing with someone of Konohamaru-sama's stature."
"Leave it alone Ebisu." Sarutobi said, to which Ebisu gaped and said "Bu-but Hokage-sama, he struck Konohamaru-sama and..."
"And maybe it'll do him some good, stop him from charging into my office with a kunai threatening to kill me." Sarutobi countered, the bandana-clad man saying "Well, that is rather questionable behaviour, but for someone like that to strike someone like Konohamaru-sama..."
'If you only knew the truth of Naruto's heritage...' Sarutobi thought, saying aloud "Well, considering those like Konohamaru-kun aren't willing to punish him for his actions, maybe someone like Naruto is needed to teach him that actions have consequences for everyone, even Kages and their families."
Smirking, Sarutobi said "Besides, I think you'd be better off looking for Konohamaru, considering he escaped the room moments after Naruto left."
"WHAT?!" Ebisu cried, looking around for the boy, only to find him missing. As he ran out of the room calling for the missing 10-year-old, Sarutobi leaned back in his chair and chuckled, enjoying the scene.
Walking down the street, Naruto rolled his eyes as he saw the same square of horizontal stripes on a fence made of vertical posts yet again. Walking up to the square, Naruto snatched it away from Konohamaru as he said "Oi, if you're going to disguise yourself against a fence, at least hold it so that the stripes on the cloth match the fence behind you!"
Konohamaru grinned and said "Ah-hah! I knew you were a worthy teacher!"
"Teacher? Me?" Naruto asked, and Konohamaru nodded as he replied "Yeah! I've heard that you were able to defeat Jiji, so if I learned under you I'd be able to beat Jiji and become Hokage!"
"Don't be stupid, you can't become the Hokage by defeating the current Hokage!" Naruto said, grumbling "Besides, why would you want to even be Hokage anyways? It's a dumb job that nobody should want!"
"What?! Being Hokage is an awesome job! Besides, being Hokage is the only way to get what I want most!" Konohamaru argued, Naruto saying "Being Hokage is a terrible job, and it ends up screwing over their family!"
"... Ye-yeah, it does that." Konohamaru agreed, but said "But what do you know about that anyways?!"
"I can't say." Naruto muttered, to which Konohamaru asked "Then why did you say being Hokage screws over their family?"
"Because I've looked into the past four Hokages, and their families always suffered for their position of power. From the Shodai's grandson to the Sandaime and Yondaime's wives, something terrible always happens to the families of those who wear the hat." Naruto said, and Konohamaru felt tears well in his eyes as he asked "Bu-but then how else am I supposed to get what I want most?"
"What do you want most anyways?" Naruto asked, and Konohamaru replied "To be recognized as Konohamaru and not 'The Honorable Grandson' or 'The Sandaime's Grandson'. To be seen as me, and not who my grandpa is."
"Well, you can get that without becoming Hokage." Naruto stated, causing Konohamaru to ask "Really? How?"
"By becoming a strong, well-respected ninja. I mean, people recognize the Sannin as the Sannin, and none of them have ever been Hokage. Not to mention Hatake Kakashi, Hanzo the Salamander, and many others." Naruto said, and with a nod Konohamaru replied "That's true. So... Can you help me become a strong, well-respected ninja then Naruto-aniki?"
"That... I can do. And I know some guys who can help you with it, because they're helping me!" Naruto said, and Konohamaru smiled as he said "YATTA! Whoever's training you has to be real strong!"
Ruffling the excited kid's head affectionately, Naruto smiled, knowing what the poor kid was about to be put through.
Jinnosuke, Shichigoro, and Benkei stared at Naruto and Konohamaru in shock as he said "Wait wait-wait, you want me and my brothers to help you train the grandson of the Sandaime Hokage?"
"Yeah!" Naruto said, and Benkei asked "Why would we do this for you? We're doing this as a favor for Anko... Well, Jinnosuke is doing this as a favor for Anko, I'm doing it to help a future shinobi, and Shichigoro's doing it because... Well, because he enjoys causing others to suffer."
"Naruto-aniki, I don't think this is such a good idea anymore." Konohamaru said, not liking Shichigoro's reasoning for helping his 'big brother'.
"You make me sound like some kind of a sociopath." Shichigoro said, and Benkei replied "Well, there are times when you act like 'some kind of a sociopath' Shichigoro."
"I do not." Shichigoro grumbled, and Jinnosuke smiled sheepishly as he said "Just ignore my brothers, Konohamaru. Now, let's get you started on your training regimen, and get Naruto started on the next level of his."
"What? Why?" Naruto asked, and Jinnosuke replied "Well, because you decided to have us take on a new student, you have to start on the next level as punish... I mean, as a reward for taking such initiative."
"Oh." Naruto replied as Shichigoro caught Konohamaru by the collar as the kid tried to run, smiling as he said "Oh no no no, it's far too late to run now. You want us to train you, then training you're going to get."
Benkei proceeded to pick Konohamaru under the armpits and held him in the air for several moments before setting him down and saying "I think a 10, maybe 15 pound shell to start him off with."
"Only 10 or 15? I got started off with a 50 pound shell!" Naruto yelled, Benkai patting him on the head affectionately as he said "Well, you have three years and a full ninja academy training behind you. He's maybe in his first year of serious shinobi training, so we start him off a lot lighter than you."
"You guys suck." Naruto groused, Shichigoro laughing as he said "Oh, just wait until we get you started on the 'next level' Naruto-kun."
At that moment, Ebisu landed before the five, pointing to Konohamaru as he yelled "AH-HA! I found you honorable grandson! Now come along before this ruffian and his..." He trailed off as he realized who the trio with his student was.
"Ahhh, so you two know Ebisu-chan? I never would have guessed." Shichigoro said with a grin that sent a shudder running down the man's back.
"He-he-hello Shichigoro, Jinnosuke, Benkei." Ebisu muttered, sweat beginning to trickle down his face as he smiled weakly at them.
"Ebisu-chan?" Konohamaru asked, and Jinnosuke replied "Oh, Shichigoro and Ebisu have some... shall we say... history."
"History nothing! That man terrorized me as a kid!" Ebisu yelled, to which Shichigoro rolled his eyes and said "Well, I seem to recall that you started it with all the needless namecalling! And I would have left it well enough alone had you not brought my family into it!"
"I was only calling it as I see it." Ebisu said stiffly, ready to run at a moment's notice.
"Yeah, and I was only protecting the honor of my family name." Shichigoro replied, his smile turning dark as he asked "I'm not going to have to start protecting the honor of my family name again, will I?"
"N-n-n-no." Ebisu stated, Shichigoro's smile losing it's darkness as he said "Good. Now run along, we have students to train and you're wasting time."
"Bu-bu-but the Honorable Grandson!" Ebisu said, to which Jinnosuke looked around theatrically as he replid "Honorable Grandson? I don't see any 'Honorable Grandson' here. I only see Uzumaki Naruto and Sarutobi Konohamaru, two students of the Miyamoto Ninja Training Course. Now run along before Shichigoro decides that you're disrespecting the family name again."
With a very unmanly 'eep', Ebisu shunshined away as Jinnosuke turned to Konohamaru and said "Now, let's start with some basic exercises. And always remember 'Rule #1' of our course."
"Which is?" Konohamaru asked uncertainly, and Benkei replied with an honest smile "No pain, No gain."
After over a year, I update this story again! See you with my next update.