I do not own anything Twilight or True Blood. The only thing I own is my mind.

AN: ok this is my first fic and lemons. So be easy on me. I was going to do a one shot but decided on chapters. Review and let me know what you thing. If I need something tell me. Don't be shy.

This is rated M for a reason: if you are offended by the F word and sex then DO NOT READ!

Hi my name is Bella, and this is the story of my so called sex life and how I made it better with my addiction to fanfictions. First let me start with I am 35 married and have a daughter, so most of you can know what I am going through. I thought my life was normal and I was content that is until I started reading fanfictions. They opened my eyes to what sex and life could be.

I have come to the realization that I am addicted to fanfiction. This is where everyday people take their favorite books or movies and write stories about them. I started reading these stories about a year ago. I love them. They are my get away from my life for an hour. I love my family, truly I do. But I would love to have my life like some of the stories I read.

In these stories the marriages are great. The husband shows his wife he loves her every day in every way. He is always touching her even if it is to hold her hand, come up behind her and wrap his hands around her waist, or just hold her while watching T.V. He looks at her like he would be lost without her, like there is no one else for him but her. Their sex life is great. He kisses her everywhere and tells her she is beautiful. He lets her know what she does to him. I want that.

My life, yeah not like that at all! We hardly talk about anything important. I have never been told I am beautiful, and sex is quiet, not often, and I have no clue what I do to him or even where to touch him to drive him nuts. I know these are fictions for a reason. But there has to be some truth behind them.

I have never been touched and forgot everything. I have never had an orgasm that made me see stars and completely get lost in the feeling. I would be happy if it just happened once. It would be fanfuckingtastic if I was looked at like he needed me to even function. I do not start sex for a few reasons. I have no clue where to start with him. I do not feel wanted or desired. How can I start something that sometimes comes off like he is doing it just because he has to do it? That's how it feels sometimes. It's like he gets me off so he can be done fast. Sometimes I don't even get off and he has no clue. He does not pay enough attention to me to even notice. Come on now how can a guy not know?

So this is why I read fanfics so much. If I can't have it at least I can read about it. Rite? So here I sit reading another fic.


Washing dishes lost in my own mind yet again, I did not hear Eric come in. I did however feel his eyes on me. I knew he was behind me, within inches of me just watching me. I acted like I did not know he was there. That is until his arms were around my waist. He brought his nose to my neck and inhaled deeply "Mmmmm, Sookie you smell good enough to eat" he said. Which caused me to moan and he chuckled. But I continued to wash the dished. Then Eric started kissing my neck to my shoulders to in between my shoulder blades and stopped. He then went to the other side of my neck and made the same path.

Needless to say I forgot all about the dishes and enjoyed the feel of his lips on me kissing and tasting me. When he reached his stopping point he brought his hands up and spun me around to face him. He went to my neck again but this time he made a path to my lips. The kiss started out soft, and then got hungry. His hands ever so slowly made their way to rest on my ass. He lifted me and I wrapped my legs around him, my mouth never leaving his. He walked us to the table and sat me down. He spent 10 minutes kissing and biting every part of me from my mouth to my hot sex, saying "I can never get enough of your beautiful body and the way you taste."

Good god, why can't Edward do that shit? The sad part is that by just reading that I am so wet and in need of a release. So off to my shower I go. I love my shower head, that thing does some fucking awesome things to my body. I have always thought about buying a toy, but did not want Edward to find it.

I have tried to drop hints by leaving the story up on the computer just in hopes that he will read it. No such luck. It has gotten so bad with what I want and need but am too shy to ask for or talk about that I am often daydreaming about sex. And not just any sex the fuck me till I can't walk sex.

I have even started to daydream about other men. Like the other day we were at Jake's house just hanging out in the kitchen. Well my mind went to Jake slamming up against the wall. Then putting me on the counter after he pulled up my skirt and ripped my thongs off then dropped to his knees. He devoured me like he needed me to breath. After making me cum 3 times he picked me up and slammed me into the wall. Without warning he would plow into me filling me completely. I was pulled out of my daydream when Edward asked me if I was ready to go. And so the end of another daydream that left me horny as hell with no release.

So I just wonder if this is how my life will be. I need to figure out how to be brave enough to show Edward what I want, and hope I do not scare him off.