I got this idea from one of those email forwards. It's been bouncing around in my head for awhile but I've been to busy to do anything with it. Well little JD has been driving me crazy to be heard so here he is. Oh yeah they aren't mine but I love them just the same.
Little Cowboy Boots
Chris Larabee peeled into the loading lane slammed his truck into park and jumped out. He had been tied up in useless meetings all day long and had to ask Buck to take Vin to his appointment. Ezra had been scheduled to pick up JD but had to bail when an informant called. That left Chris to pick up the tot but he had cut it too close, got caught in traffic and was now late. He was glad it was JD and not Vin he was picking up. Vin would worry himself sick if he were late.
Some of the tension in his neck and shoulders dissipated when he flung open the school doors and immediately spied the five year old lying on his back, on the bench in front of the office. He had his little stocking feet waving in the air and appeared to be having some kind of fit. The agent gave a little smile when the refrain, "Fall on the deck and flop like a fish," reached his ears.
"Hey Cwis, is Unca Ezwa undercovers again?"
"No I just wanted to see my favorite five year old."
"Yea! Can we still go to Donald's? Stinky Eli Joe is gonna be there and Unca Ezwa said we could make him pee in his pants again."
I don't want to know. I don't want to know. "Don't call Elijah, Stinky, it's not nice."
"That's right. Eli Joe's not nice at all."
Chris felt some of the tension returning. "Where's your boots, Shortstuff?"
"In my cubbyhole. Do you think Vin got me a toy? Casey has a bagina because
she's a girl. We gots penises cause we are boys. Why do girls just got junky old baginas 'stead of penises?"
"Ummmmmmmmm. Why don't you ask Uncle Ezra? He loves those kinds of questions."
"I might forget."
"Oh, don't worry. I'll remind you."
JD jumped up and ran to the ATF agent. He grabbed both hands and walked up Chris' legs and spring boarded into a flip pushing off the man's groin. "Oomph" Chris groaned.
"Why you turning red, Cwis? What about Donald's? Unca Ezwa says you can make the whole playground pee their pants in just one look!"
"How about we go back to the office and see if I can make Uncle Ezra pee in his pants?"
Yeah! Can we wait until Vin and Da get there? They won't wanna miss that!"
"Come on, let's go get your boots." Smiling Chris took JD's hand and headed to the kindergarten classroom.
"Unca Ezwa says "orific" not stinky, but noone knows what I'm saying when I call him "Orific" Eli Joe."
"That's odorific, JD"
When they got to the room Chris spied the little cowboy boots in their cubby and snatched them up. He swung the child up onto the table and began the task of getting the tiny footwear on the wiggling waif's feet. All the while JD kept up his incessant chatter. Finally boots on and jacket zipped, Chris set the little dynamo on the floor once again.
"Hey, cool! They're on the wrong feet!"
Chris sighed to himself and began the arduous task of taking off the boots. At one point the man pulled so hard on the boot he lifted the giggling child into the air, dangling, upside down by one foot. Finally with righted boots Chris sighed, "There. Your boots are on the right feet, John Daniel!"
"These ain't my boots."
Chris thought he just might cry.
"Aren't. JD. They aren't your boots."
The vein on the agents forehead began to, visibly pulse causing the youngster to giggle. As the second boot finally popped off, JD helpfully informed the frustrated man, "They're Vin's old ones but Da said I gots to wear them cause I'm getting bigger do you think I'm getting, Cwis? Da says I'm growing up before his very ice. I don't know why he says that. Unca 'Siah says he'll take me sliding in the hall. Does Aunt Wain have a bagina? Should I ask Unca Nathan or Unca Ezwa? I'm hungry. Are we going to Donald's? Da's taking Vin and he said Unca Ezwa would take me."
Chris' jaw was firmly clenched as he once again struggled the boots back onto the diminutive child's feet. "Breathe JD. Breathe. Okay, now where are your mittens?"
The innocent little face looked up into the ruthless agents face and proudly announced, "I keeps them in my boots so I don'ts lose them.
"Hey, Cwis why are you growling?"