"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING, POTTER!!!" yelled Snape.
"I'M MAKING A POTION, YOU GREASY BASTARD!!" I yelled back.
"How DARE you call me that, you inferior student!" complained Snape. "That's TWO POINTS from Gryffindor!"
"No, sir, please!" I begged.
"Keep going and it'll be ALL THREE POINTS!" threatened Snape. Gryffindor had been down to three points and now we only had one left.
Draco Malfoy smirked at me. He was the hottest guy in school and all the girls wanted him, but I was a boy and not gay so we couldn't be together.
"Have you all finished your Acorn Potions?" asked Snape angrily. "If they're done right, pouring them over random objects should turn them into acorns. If they're done wrong, they'll cause you to pass out and thenpermanently change gender forever."
"I think you should test Potter's," said Draco, his gray eyes glinting.
"An excellent idea, Draco!" said Snape buoyantly. "Potter, drink your potion."
"But I thought we were supposed to -"
"Drink it now or I'll take one point from Gryffindor!" emitted Snape loudly.
I drowned a cup of the potion and promptly fell unconscious!
I woke up in the infirmary with all my friends gathered around me.
"Harry, you're all right!" Ginny explained.
"Yeah, but I feel different," I said.
"You've, well, changed," said Hermione in a small voice.
"What do you mean?" I asked. Ginny passed me a hand mirror and I looked into it.
A perfectly tanned picture of feminine beauty stared back at me! I was thin enough to be anorexic with D-cups and curves in all the right places! My black hair was long and silky like silk and it went down to my feet! I was wearing lip gloss, blush and mascara from Maybelline! Also, my scar was gone and I didn't need glasses anymore.
"Oh, my God, I'm a GIRL!!" I screamed.
"And WHAT is wrong with being a girl?" asked Hermione, putting her hands on her hips.
"Uh, nothing," I said quickly. "It's just that I'm used to be being a boy."
At that moment, Dumbledore rode into the hospital wing on a unicycle wearing an old-fashioned bathing suit.
"Good afternoon, Harry," he said as he alighted. "As I'm sure you've noticed, you're female now."
"No biggie," I said. "You can change me back, of course."
"Uh, about that..." said Dumbledore awkwardly.
"You CAN'T!" I shouted. "But you're the greatest wizard in the world!"
"Well, I'm sorry my powers aren't infinite!" Dumbledore shot back. "You're the one who's so upset about being a girl. Are you going to be sexist like Ron?"
"No," I decided. "But how can I be a girl? I don't even know how to braid hair or fry spaghetti!"
"Hermione will teach you everything you need to know!" said Dumbledore cheerfully.
"Okay, first of all you need to read lots of books and be really smart!" said Hermione.
"How to be a NORMAL girl," corrected Dumbledore, rolling his eyes.
"Oh, well, in that case, we'd better take you shopping in Hogsmeade!" Hermione said eagerly. "Unlike me, you'll need lots of girly clothes!"
"Okay, but how will we explain this to the rest of school?" I asked, wondering what Draco would think.
"I'll tell everyone that Harry Potter left the school and that you're a new student," said Dumbledore.
"No one had better suspect that I'm Harry," I said.
"Don't worry," insisted Dumbledore, "I'm the bestest wizard in the world! I'll come up with a watertight story no one will see through!"
"I am sorry to inform you all that Harry Potter has left the school," Dumbledore told everyone in the Great Hall the next morning. "You see... his parents died... which you all know, of course but, uh... Harry's invitation to their funeral got lost in the mail so he's just left now and he won't ever come back for... some reason. Anyway, on a completely, utterly unrelated note, I would like to introduce Harriet Potter to our school! Harriet Potter is a new student and not, repeat NOT, Harry Potter permanently turned into a girl by a potions accident yesterday which had multiple witnesses. She's just transferred here from... a school... somewhere and... did I mention that's she's not Harry Potter? I did? Oh, good, 'cause she's not. You got that, right? Right, completely, totally different person from Harry Potter who's away because of... whatever the story I told you about him was. Got that? Good. Here's Harriet Potter now!"
I walked confidently into the Great Hall. I was wearing a cream-colored blouse with bright purple polka dots, a fleece jacket with pink and red horizontal stripes and an olive green mini. I was wearing lavender flip-flops with lime green tube socks over my mustard yellow tights. I also had on a bra and panties, but they were under the rest of my clothes so you couldn't see them. I had dyed my hair blue and put it in buns like Princess Leia from "Star Wars". All the boys stared lustfully at me while most of the girls looked incredibly jealous.
"Hello," I said to everyone, "I'm not Harry Potter."
Did you think it was funny? Plz tell me!