A/N: Exactly what it says on the tin, more or less, since there's a shocking lack of it in the archives. One. That was all I saw. ONE! Barely! Travesty!

Besides, it's so obviously THERE! Remember the time they were handcuffed together?


Werepire Les-YAY!

by Shadow Crystal Mage

Disclaimer: Princess Resurrection, other anime and manga, not mine. Please don't sue me.


Riza Wildman, half-blood werewolf extraordinaire, had begun to suspect something was off when she began to realize she was being stalked. At first, she hadn't been concerned. Their scents told her they were merely human, and since they hadn't jumped her immediately, that ruled out all manner of human-smelling life-forms out for her blood. No big deal.

Over the next few days, however, the stalkers numbers had increased, such that she'd felt vaguely concerned, in a purely instinctive way. Predators don't like the feeling they're being surrounded, even if it is by field mice. She caught glimpses of her stalkers, girls wearing the uniform of the school Hiro went to. It wasn't hard. They were amateurs, all of them, and idiots to boot. She'd sometimes had fun with them by suddenly going into a dead run, or hopping onto her motorcycle and blasting off. The sight of them hacking their lungs out as they tried to keep up with her either on foot or their own bicycles had bought her some amusement, but it hadn't lasted. Eventually, the whole thing just began to annoy her.

Confronting them had done no good. They'd just stood there glaring at her angrily or enviously– which she didn't get, because she'd never met these people in her life!– until she'd ran of breath, patience, self-control, or all three. She bitterly regretted the fact she was much too honorable a person to just beat the crap out of them– them being defined as defenseless weaklings– to get them out of her life.

Things might have stayed this way and slowly driven her mad if not for one of the coincidences of life that are at least called serendipity and at most called Fate. She'd been picking up Hiro at his school so that he could pick up some things at the grocery for his sister when she saw them. they were crowded around That-Damned-Vampire, obviously hanging on to her every word and gazing at said tramp with an adoring light that went beyond admiration and crossed the border to the realm of the creepy.

It was all she could do not to go stomping over and beat the damned vampire's face in…


The blood is the life. Out of context Bible quote or not, Reiri could only agree as she sat, delicately suckling the blood that trickled down Negiko's finger. The girl trembled slightly as she always did during this private ritual of 'theirs' and Reiri wondered if she appreciated the symbolic Freudian significance of her fingers as a phallic symbol as Reiri partook of her warm protein-laden liquid life-force. Probably not. Most likely it was because Reiri knew she was good with her tongue. Semi-almost-thralled kine or not, there was no need to make it unpleasant for the girls she fed on, minute as it was. Quite the contrary. It was only sensible to let them know she appreciated this.

"Kamura-sama," Negiko said, sounding a bit nervous as Reiri sensuously licked her finger, lingering a moment on the small cut she'd made at the base.

"Yes?" Reiri said, only half-paying attention as she stroked small circle's on the back of the girl's hand. Quite aside from feeling nice, it helped blood circulation.

"Is it true that you… that you live with that gaijin woman who goes around town on a motorcycle?" Negiko said tremulously.

Reiri's face went blank, and she deliberately relaxed her grip on the girl's hand. It wouldn't do to crush her bones, after all. No, not at all. Phalanges were very painful to set. Best not to take chances. "Why do you ask, Negiko-chan?" she said, deliberately cleaning off the last of the blood from her fingers and kissing the cut closed.

"Oh!" Negiko said, sounding heart-broken and instantly making Reiri go on the alert. Dangers of vampire society was one thing, but she knew perfectly well, normal human school dynamics could be equally dangerous and annoying. "Oh Kamura-sama, so it's true! When I heard the rumors, I didn't want to believe it, I knew in my heart that you wouldn't do such a thing, but now that you've said it, I–"

Reiri rolled her eyes, grabbed the girl by her hair, and pulled Negiko towards her, their meeting lips instantly shutting the other girl up. She both senses and felt blood rushing to certain part of the other girl's anatomy.

Gently, she drew back, meeting the other girl's gaze, her own eyes hypnotic. "Explain yourself to me, kohai," she whispered in the girl's ear. After all, why mess with what works?

When she was finally able to make sense of the girl's disjointed babbling, Reiri wasn't sure if she should laugh or throw up.


Vampire faced werewolf as Reiri closed the door of Hime's mansion, trapping in the tension and instantly causing metaphorical static to crackle in the air.

"What's the big idea, sending your little pets to stalk me around town!" Riza cried, one large paw pointing at Reiri.

"You tell me," Reiri said. "They seemed to have gotten the idea that the two of us are living in sin together."

Riza's face blanched, her face becoming nauseous. For one, Reiri agreed with her rather than be amused.

"Yes," the vampire said. "Do that for an hour, and you might be where I am now."

"That is SICK!"

"Quite," Reiri said. "To think I would lower myself as to have an affair with a bitch like you… preposterous!"

"Excuse me?!?!?! Like I'd settle for tramp like you! A great warrior such as myself deserves better!"

"Beast!"

"Panty flasher!"

"Freeloader!"

"Kettle, black!"

The two glared at each other as Flandre swept the floor. "Fuga."

"You know," Hime said, completely deadpan from the top of the stairs. "It's conversations like this that make people think that you two are involved."

"HEY!!!!" was the stereo response.

She shrugged, unconcerned. "I can't say I blame them. Even I get that impression, and I am not subject to human follies."

The two glared at her, argument momentarily forgotten as she turned, heading for the parlor.

They shared a look of enemies who have unfortunately found themselves on the same boat, and need to admit they have a problem before they could do anything about it.

"We're not that bad, are we?" Riza said, almost pleadingly. "I mean, these are your fangirls talking. They're not exactly rocket scientists."

"They are a bit dim," Reiri said, not really deigning to agree with the werewolf. It just wasn't done. "Perhaps a more intelligent, objective opinion…"


They went to Sawawa first. She was the most normal person in the house, after all.

"Oh, you mean you're not a couple?" Hiro's sister said in wide-eyed oblivion, as she prepared Hime's tea.

The two quickly decided she didn't count, since she was, let's face it, pretty oblivious and not all there.

"Oh, don't be coy about it, Reiri-kun," Zeppeli said as he polished some knickknack or other he'd recently acquired. "You're already an outcast from vampire society. I don't think a tendency towards lesbian bestiality will be any more detrimental to your standing."

Reiri and Riza had thrown a desk and a sofa at him, respectively, before throwing him out the window.

"Fuga?" Francisca said, managing in one word to convey that she thought they were being utterly ridiculous, and that of course they were a lesbian couple. Ryu-Ryu nodded along in agreement.

A gynoid and a panda's opinon, it was then agreed, also didn't count.

"DUH!" Sherwood said, looking up from her Akamatsu manga. "Could you two be any more obvious?"

They'd duct-taped her to the ceiling, leaving her shouting obscenities at their backs.

"It's not possible!" Riza muttered. "We can't be a couple! We don't even like each other! We want to tear each other to pieces!"

"Fuga?" Flandre suggested as she dusted.

"No, it's not just underlying sexual tension!" Reiri snapped at the gynoid.

Riza slammed a fist into her palm. "Hiro! He's too oblivious to pick up on anything! He'll tell us we're not a couple!"

"Isn't that cheating?"

"Does it matter?"

"… Where's Hiro?"


Hiro would like to say it's not every day he suddenly gets accosted by an amorous vampire and an annoyed werewolf. People go through most of their lives without ever meeting one or the other, much less both. Unfortunately for Hiro, for him this only meant it was Wednesday.

"Huh?" he said in a feat of scintillating conversation. Given that Riza was glaring at him from three feet away– well within effective maiming range– and Reiri was nuzzling the side of his neck and making cooing noises, this was pretty good. "Um, could you please say that again?"

"It's simple, Hiro," Riza repeated, teeth gritted so hard he could barely make her words out as anything other than growls. "Do you think Reiri and me are a couple or not?" Her tone clearly indicated a wrong answer would result in violence.

"Now be honest Hiro-kun," Reiri said, licking the spot where she'd bitten him one and causing him to jerk. "Tell us the truth."

He looked at the frantically– well, as best as he could considering one was at the side of his neck– and felt his survival instinct sending emergency messages. "I really don't wan to get involved in whatever this is…"

"ANSWER!" Riza roared.

Hiro winced. "You'rekindalikeacouple," he said in one breath, bracing himself for whatever his fate was to be.

There was dead silence. Reiri drew back from his neck.

"Well… thank you for being honest, Hiro-kun," Reiri said, voice sounding tense with emotion. "Come on beast, let's not bother poor Hiro anymore."

"GRFRAGH," Riza gritted through– or perhaps against– her teeth.

Hiro risked opening his eyes as the two of them exited his room. He sigh in relief. "So obvious," he muttered under his breath.

"DIE HIRO!" came Riza's battle cry as the wall collapsed inward…


"Honestly, just because the vampire and the werewolf are suffering relationship anxiety is no reason to be so rude," Sherwood said as s he shared tea with her sister in one of their few civil family moments. Off to one side, Francisca and Flandre were exchanging quiet "Fuga"-s of conversation why the three pandaketeers ate bamboo.

"Hmm…" was all Hime said as drank from her won cup, letting her sister rant. She still smelled slightly of duct tape.

One wall burst apart, letting in a bleeding and frantically trying to escape Hiro, a Raging werewolf, and a vampire trying to hold her back. The matched pairs of blondes and gynoids watched as Riza continued to try beating Hiro to death with Reiri held her back, hands grasping for the only places she could safely reach, since the other girl's oversized fluffy arms were swinging around wildly.

Sherwood shook her head in disgust. "Such blatant public groping. Honestly, why deny it?" Then the rest of the scene clicked. "Hey! Leave my Hiro alone! Ryu-Ryu, stop them!"

Flandre and Francisca exchanged looks. "Fuga?" the former said. I wonder if cousin Chachamaru has days like this.

"Fuga." We should have gone to work for the army like cousin Kurumi and cousin Mahoro.


"We are not a lesbian couple!" Ayaka and Asuna protested.

Kazumi tut-ed as she held hands with Sayo possessively. "Now now, you two, it's only funny up to a point. Best to just admit it and get one with your lives, like Setsuna-san has."

Setsuna gave a thumbs-up of agreement but otherwise gave no other response as Konoka proceeded to continue kissing the breath out of her, the mage's hands roaming across the swordswoman's LEGENDARY suit of AWESOMENESS.

Suit up!


- END!


A/N: Hime is badass. Seriously, dual-wielding chainsaws in a fight? And she seems to have a preference for power-tools as weapons, in the early parts of the manga anyway, though a chainsaw is still her weapon of choice. A good thing she'd technically not a vampire, or else Evangeline would have been ousted as 'Hottest Badass Vamp' already…

Why is Riza wearing Kim Possible's clothes?

Please review, C&C welcome.

Until next time, this is Shadow, signing off.