The Sooner It Will
Act 1-1: You made your bed, now lie in it


Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto in any way, shape, or form.


AN: This chapter is fairly gen., future chapters may or may not be, read the warnings. Also read the warnings at the bottom before favoriting or skipping ahead. NO SERIOUSLY.

War is cruelty. There's no use trying to reform it, the crueler it is the sooner it will be over.
- William Tecumseh Sherman

"..and there's no other way to retrieve the information?"

"No, Hokage-sama. Not without a full-scale assault, which would not only greatly decrease the chances of retrieving it both intact and untampered with, but will allow them knowledge that they've been compromised."

"For a location that may not even be their main base."


The Sandaime sighed, and they watched as a decade's worth of days seem to settle into the lines of his face. He whispered to himself, "And to think I sent him into ANBU to protect him."

They said nothing. The absurdity of the statement spoke for itself, as did the Hokage's wry smile. That the smile was closer to a baring of teeth was also not worth commenting on.

"This will not be a suicide mission," the Hokage said finally, firmly, steel in every line of his posture. "Form multiple extraction plans, have the best medical team on standby, and he will have full clearance on anything of mission relevance."

"Of course." They paused, and shifted uneasily. "Regarding the seduction experts?"

"I'll have them speak to him later today, more for what to expect than...full training." The Hokage snarled, quietly, "As you said, this Kawa Yatomaru likes them 'young and unbroken in'." He abruptly left his chair, letting it spin out with a bang against his desk, and walked up to the windows. He stared at the Hokage monument, wrestling with his face and his mind to get them into some kind of order.

He silently tells a face there, I am sorry.

He asks the others, what would you have me do?


"You know what needs to be done, you have your orders. Worst comes to worst, I give full authority to carry out that full-scale assault on their base. We may need those plans anyway depending on what we find out. And," and Sarutobi bowed his head, "Call Naruto in. And clear my meetings for the rest of the day. We have much to discuss and I fear I won't have stomach to do much else, after."

Protect my son, Minato had said to him when they'd arrived, in the moments before the Shinigami took him, bleeding against Kushina's body, let the village know he is a hero.

Those two wishes, because they're two whatever Minato may think, were so mutually exclusive that Sarutobi would have laughed had he time to laugh during the aftermath of the Nine Tails. Sarutobi compromised; he immediately, bluntly, told the traumatized people of his village of the Yondaime's Sacrifice, this Junchuuriki, this hero. And they, mindlessly with the fear that a trace of the demon still existed amongst them, forgot to ask who the child was. They forgot all the gossip surrounding the Yondaime, regarding the identity of his wife, in the face of this new 'enemy'. They forgot to look at the child, in the lull of their superstitions.

It was thus that Iwa never learned that the Yellow Flash had a son.

However, Konoha never learned that the Yellow Flash had a son, either. So Konoha could not move to protect the son of their greatest hero from Danzo. Or itself.

Every odd day or so, the Sandaime wondered which one made for the worse enemy. Iwa, or your own people. (Sarutobi hoped that the younger generations will give the boy solace, and placed a law to that effect.)

Naruto was almost five when he begged to start the Academy early, and the combined outrage, at his own people, and guilt, at his own actions, swayed Sarutobi to say yes. It took two weeks for Danzo's people to notice the boy's potential, but luckily only a day for Naruto to be sheltered under an ANBU trainee mask.

ANBU Codename Uwan, specializing in infiltration, traps, and stealth, held the record as being the youngest ANBU in Konoha's history. He was also the current youngest, aged ten and looking younger, and also pale-eyed, and Kawa Yatomaru displayed a preference for both traits. These three facts were included in the mission scroll he handed to Ookami; which was skimmed, then read, then read again, much more slowly.

There was a long, heavy silence.

"Why was I requested?" Ookami finally asked. His voice was even, respectful, but anger dripped into the air around him.

"Because I was requested by Uwan to choose for him 'one of Konoha's most loyal shinobi', and 'the person I trusted most'."

"Trusted most?" His voice was still monotone, lazy. An outraged eye flashed, barely seen from behind the ANBU's mask. "To do...what?"

"Trusted most. In general." Sarutobi emphasized. "And to be considerate. To be discreet."

"...To be a pedophile?" Ookami drawled, angry, insulted. "Maa, I may be a pervert but that doesn't-"

"I do not mean," he cut in, raising his voice, "this to disrespect you. And while it did help that you are...experienced, that was not the biggest factor in my choice."

"And while I do not mean to disrespect you, Hokage-sama, you are requesting that I sleep with a ten year old. Or," Ookami tilted his head, posture settling back into a studious neutrality, "Is this not a request? Which I find strange; wouldn't the duty of being an infiltrator's first be normally under the purview of our seduction instructors? Or perhaps even, dare I say, a close acquaintance rather than a stranger?"

Sarutobi pinched the bridge of his nose, and sighed. He peered into the shadows of the office. "What do you think, Uwan?"

He was amused to note, with a bit of pride, that Ookami had to stifle his twitch of surprise when Uwan slid from those shadows.

"I think it's a good sign that pervert-senpai is pissed," Uwan chirruped, and circled around Ookami like a curious monkey, staring, inspecting. The boy reached out to poke at Ookami's stomach, then chest, then arms, which the ANBU bore stoically, with a raised eyebrow.

"Do I meet with your approval?" Ookami lazily asked, the sarcasm like a footnote.

"Mmm, it's more like, do I meet with yours, ne?" Uwan stopped his prodding and tilted his head up at the wolf-masked ANBU then looked back at Sarutobi, a question in the set of his shoulders and the twitch of his hand.

Sarutobi nodded, and Uwan removed his mask.

Uzumaki Naruto smiled, a bit sheepish and nervous, and scratched at the back of his head. The smile crinkled the whisker marks on his face, and almost reached his eyes.

So many thoughts collided in Kakashi's mind just then that it almost felt like white noise.

Jinchuuriki. Kakashi didn't really spend a lot of time in the village in-between missions and catching up on sleep, or healing (or both), but it's hard to miss the hatred covering the fear that seemed almost universal towards the demon-container. And even among shinobi ranks there was a version of this, the losses from the Nine Tails were especially personal to those who'd actually had to face the demon, tempered into wariness by rumors of the One Tail.

Mmm, it's more like, do I meet with yours, ne? the boy had said. It was a wonder they'd managed to find anyone to train him.

I think it's a good sign that pervert-senpai is pissed, the boy had said, which, frankly, had calmed his anger some, while the boy's unafraid actions disarmed him. But it indicated a troubling amount of thought gone into picking and approaching him and, a part of his mind hysterical, really looking at the kid brought home how ridiculously young he appears, round-faced, and blond-haired, and blue-eyed and...

And, holy shit, he...

He looks a little like...

I didn't know Minato had a son, Kakashi thinks, dazed. Then, Minato stuck the Nine Tails in — of course he did. Then, the Hokage wants me to sleep with sensei's son...

Kakashi pulls off the ceramic mask and pushes up his hitai-ate; not a Henge. He doesn't know if he'd be more pissed off if it was a Henge. He looks up, doesn't even bother to hide the confusion in his eyes, looks at the Sandaime who just looked back calmly. Steadily.

And Kakashi shakily covers up his sharingan eye, peers down at Minato-in-miniature, and tries to find something to say.

"You look like you're seven," pops out, and he cringes. Mostly because its true.

"Nnng, shaddup!" the boy cries, then puffs out his cheeks in consternation.

"Okay, now you look five," Kakashi teases, droopy-eyed. And surprises himself by wanting to chuckle at the boy yelling about how, "it's just a short phase!" and how, "he'll grow out of it soon, believe it!" He surprises himself more when he reaches over and ruffles the kid's hair, who pauses, and squints up at him.

"You're right, old man," Naruto states, face serious, hidden underneath the squinting.


"He doesn't hate me."

Kakashi's alarmed and awake. He stares at the suddenly solemn blue eyes and feels like he just passed some test. He feels like someone has punched him when he realizes how surprised Naruto sounds, because the surprise barely contained any bitterness. And he doesn't know how to feel at the fact that Konoha hates the son of one of their best loved shinobi.

"Ookami," the Sandaime says lazily, almost absently, and Kakashi looks up with a start, realizing that he didn't actually request permission to remove his ANBU mask, "You're free to refuse this assignment. However, Uwan has requested help in finding someone for his first time and as none of us would wish for that to be during his mission to infiltrate the bed of a child molester, well, I would ask you to name who you'd have to replace you."

Kakashi gapes at the Hokage, and is very glad he is wearing a mask. He thinks of the people he knows, then thinks of who he'd trust, then thinks of who he'd trust with this assignment, and not completely break. (I think it's a good sign that pervert-senpai is pissed, said Minato's son.) And of these, who he could absolutely trust, and the trust would have to be absolute, to be more than just perfunctory; to be, in addition, kind. To the Jinchuuriki. (Mmm, it's more like, do I meet with yours, ne?)

"Kakashi?" The Sandaime's voice is hard. "Give me a name."

Looking down at the boy, Kakashi sees him looking away, face neutral, body set in a way that they train you to have when bracing for a blow. He swallows.

"Okay," he finds himself saying. "I accept," he almost whispers.

And those small shoulders untenses; Kakashi finds himself glad for that. He mentally shakes himself.

Still though...

"For the record, Hokage-sama," he remarks, with cheer pasted onto his voice like sewage, "I hate you."

The old leader just nods in acceptance and approval, looking tired. "Room 23 in the Tower is cleared and stocked for your use. Uwan needs to set off by 0600 in three days," he pauses, looking uncomfortable, "Make the most of the time."

...end chapter 1...

Author's Notes: "Uwan - a spirit named for the sound it shouts when surprising people." (wiki) There's already a canonical ANBU named Baku, after the spirits that eats dreams/nightmares, so I figure Uwan wouldn't be too much of a stretch.

In this fic, ANBU status have no bearing on the usual classification of ninja rank. Based on naruto wikia's, "The shinobi in the ANBU are hand-picked by the Kage; chosen for their individual capabilities and special skills. Age, gender, background, or previous rank bear no weight in this decision." Since the Hokage not only assigns their missions but hand-picks his ANBU, I am assuming in this fic that Danzo would be able to have little to no pull in the regular ANBU forces (similarly, I assume Danzo has full control of Ne).

While this is ANBU!Naruto, he's not especially super!Naruto, for reasons that will become clearer in later parts. However he's super precocious, being the son of Namikaze Minato (who reportedly broke many, many records in terms of both intelligence and strength), and is in this fic trained in psychology and other specialized things from the age of 5. He will be super!determined, as stubborn as a barnful of goats, cheerful like a morning person (and its always morning for him), and have as inappropriate sense of humor as I can manage to fit in and still not be random. He will also be sometimes nervous, sometimes stupid, and not know everything.

For the record, I really like unreliable POV.

Also, if you hadn't noticed by now:

WARNING: Naruto's 10 years old in this fic in this act. TEN. As in, THIS IS SHOTA. There will be HARD YAOI in the next chapter. There will be future implied (off-screen) rape. IF THIS DISTURBS YOU, DO NOT CONTINUE READING.

If hard yaoi squicks you, but you want cuddles, skip to chapter 3. time...

The walk to the diplomats quarters was awkward like a morning after. Kakashi's hands twitched, empty, because the idea of pulling out Icha Icha made something spasm in the pit of his stomach, and it's not even that it would be disrespectful (because being disrespectful was a hobby of his, honestly), but it seemed somehow downright cruel. At this moment. To read that orange book in front of the boy he'd have to fuck.

A small part of Kakashi's mind realizes that the rest was either gibbering in panic or wishing to scrub several layers of itself away. That part tries to tell the rest of himself, get a grip.



Kakashi looks down at his own lap, and frowns. He sighs, sounding bothered, and says, "Congratulations."


"You've just made a guy wish his cock was smaller. That's a first in the history of...hmm. Possibly ever."