[Hello! This is a rewrite of something I wrote last year. The original can be found .net/s/4915425/1/Wesley_Crusher_He_COULD_Be_Worse :P I tried to keep it similar. Hope you enjoy the new one!]

The Enterprise was in orbit around the planet Earth, having just picked up Acting Ensign Wesley Crusher from his tests at Starfleet Academy. It had just picked up two rather unusual passengers, and was ready to break orbit.


Wes lay back on his bed, against a fluffy pillow, and closed his eyes. The tests had been physically tiring and emotionally draining. All he wanted to do was relax, and he'd just begun to do so when the doorbell buzzed. Twice.

He groaned and squeezed his eyes shut tighter, but to his annoyance the buzzer buzzed yet again.

"Cousin!" a girly voice squealed happily. "Cousin Wes! Are you in there?"

Wesley sat bolt upright, eyes wide. It couldn't be!

"Cousin!" called a deeper voice. "COUSIN!"

It was.

"Oh, no," Wesley groaned. He pressed his face against his hands. "Oh, no, no, no."

"WESLEY!" The voices began to get more insistent. "ARE YOU IN THERE?! WESLEY!"

"COME!" Wes screamed. He flopped back onto his bed, face buried in his pillow. "Ergh…"

The doors slid open, and two teenagers rushed in, a girl and a boy. They looked to be the same age- maybe sixteen or so- and had similar round facial structures, but the boy's hair was dark brown and the girl's golden blonde.

"Cousin!" the girl cried, rushing over to his bed. "Are you all right?"

She was dressed in an old-fashioned pink dress with white polka dots on it. Her long, curly hair had a bow on it that matched the dress perfectly.

"Yeah," Wes mumbled into the pillow. "I'm just..great."

The girl looked anxiously up at her twin. "I think he's sick!"

"Perhaps we should take him to sickbay!" he replied.

"No!" Wesley said, rolling over and sitting up. "I'm fine- see?"

"You look ghastly!" the boy said. The girl clapped both hands over her mouth. Wes groaned again.

His twin cousins, Gary Stu and Mary Sue, had to be the most irritating people in the universe. They were always winning awards, curing diseases, and generally doing everything better than Wes. He hated it. Whenever they were around, all his friends seemed to flock towards them, leaving him all alone- well, except for his cousins. They would never want him to be lonely.

And that was the other thing. They were so infuriatingly NICE! They never said anything bad to people, and everyone loved them. Normally, everyone loved Wes.

"Are you sure we shouldn't take him to sickbay?" Mary Sue asked her brother.

"I SAID, I'm FINE!" Wesley yelled. Mary Sue and Gary Stu both looked stricken. He sighed. "Sorry…look. How about…um." He thought for a second. "How about I show you around the ship?"

"YAY!" squeed Mary Sue. She jumped up and down, clapping her hands.

"Wes, that would be wonderful!" Gary Stu agreed. "But are you sure you are quite well enough to-"

"Yes," Wes said shortly, already regretting his impulsive decision. "Come on." He gestured at the door.

"No!" the twins chirped in cheerful unison. "After you! We insist!"

With a slight involuntary eye twitch, Wesley walked out the door.