Fog on His Windshield
Disclaimer: I don't own FMA.
As the first rays of sunlight made its way into Colonel Roy Mustang's room, the diabolical device that made an annoying sound rang. And even if Roy would often times smack the alarm clock with his fists, today was unusually special. He was in a good mood today. No, not because he spent the night with a girl he probably just met the same night but because today is special. Today is the day that the law against soldier to soldier relationships would be legalized. Today is the day that the Anti-Fraternization Law would be torn into pieces using a paper shredder.
The Flame Alchemist rose out of his bed and did things with added enthusiasm. Today is the day when his dreams, besides being a Fuhrer, will be fulfilled. He had intended to confess today. He had been rehearsing his line for God-knows-how-long and he hoped that it will all go his way today. It may be a tad too fast but there's no way he's ever going to let an opportunity like this slip away. No way. Not today.
Lieutenant, have you ever had a boyfriend?" Roy asked out of curiosity. And rumor has it that curiosity killed the cat. Little did he know that the answer he wanted would cause the depression of the century.
"I feel that the office isn't a place to be asking personal questions sir." Hawkeye replied with her stoic face.
"I know, but I want an answer so I'm ordering you to comply." The hard headed Colonel pushed his luck.
Hawkeye sighed. "I've dated some but I never found interest in any of them. Besides I don't have time for that. We made a promise to watch each others' back and so I never took the initiative to go out because I'm just doing my job. If you want to keep climbing the ranks you have to finish paperwork and be diligent." She said nonchalantly as she placed another stack of hellish paperwork on his table.
"Colonel!" Havoc called.
Havoc's voice jolted him out of his daydreaming. The story of his first indirect rejection made him shrug. "Oh… Lieutenant Havoc…" He replied insipidly.
It is a known fact that Colonel Roy Mustang unknowingly or knowingly steals the girlfriends of the poor Lieutenant Havoc. Everybody knows he IS the shameless womanizer and the unstoppable lady-killer of Amestris and even Havoc knows he can't stop this certain Colonel in getting all the girls of all age spellbound. Upon seeing Havoc though, Roy felt a little spirited. He wanted to show Havoc that nobody can compete with him in terms of love. He is the only one who can win the heart of the Hawkeye. It may seem selfish of him but he loves Lieutenant Hawkeye too much to just let her be shipped away like delivery. No way will he allow that.
"You're early today Colonel." Havoc saluted as he met his superior half way through the hall.
"And so are you, Havoc." He replied.
"Today's the day… so I have to make sure I tell her first. I've got a fight to win too you know. She's sought after by many and I don't want to lose her." Havoc said smiling like a maniac.
"And I'm not going to let you steal her. I worked hard for this. I mean I did work hard to please her… literally and you've been bumming out so…yeah. Even if you're fine-looking you're no match for me now." Havoc added as he laughed his way into the office.
'Fine-looking?' Mustang thought. 'That's the understatement of the year! And what the heck? No match?' He mentally debated on what to do next. The stunned Colonel took a step back and froze in front of the door. Havoc pressed his uniform to conclude his look and greeted a good morning the fazed Lieutenant. Breda was already growing dead beat from holding the door to let the Colonel enter until he can't hold it any longer.
"You may want to enter, Colonel." Breda suggested with a sigh.
"Ah…. S-sorry." The Colonel replied. He wasn't ready to actually enter especially since Havoc was there and so was Hawkeye but what choices did he had at a time like that? Hawkeye was already starting to pile paperwork on his desk and Havoc would surely mock him for being such a chicken. So the undecided alchemist stepped inside the office. Just as he was about to sit on his so-called throne, Falman, the walking encyclopedia interrupted.
"Excuse me but I feel that the Colonel should rest for now." Falman stated. Roy mentally thanked him for the statement. Roy was hoping the statement would pave his way out of the troublesome situation he's in right now but things didn't go his way. "I believe that the Colonel is suffering from anemia. His unusually pale skin color and his rather slow paced thinking is an indication of the illness. Anemia is by the way an illness that is due to the lack of oxygen in our blood thus resulting to such symptoms." Falman added.
"I suggest the Colonel should stay home for today." Fury supported Falman in his theory.
"We should ask him how he's really feeling though. Who knows? He just probably just wants to neglect his paperwork that is by the way starting to accumulate."
"Are you trying to get rid of me or you want me to seem bad, huh Havoc?" Mustang asked in an explosive and intensive manner. A war was ready to break out.
"If the Colonel indeed is feeling unwell I'll accompany him to the clinic. Everybody else will continue with their work." Hawkeye ordered them at a rather stern way but her voice pacified the tense atmosphere. "Let's go, Colonel."
Roy was happy for the simple fact that he ended up with Hawkeye even if he wasn't intending on being with her. Even if he still had paperwork waiting for him in his little cage called office, it's still a better scenario than letting Hawkeye stay with Havoc while he rests at home. Besides Havoc must be exploding because of crabbiness in the office by now.
'Poor him.' Roy thought as he smiled his way into the nurse's station. His smile was a mixture of cruelty, triumph and manly pride. Little did he know that he'd be the one suffering later.
After the nurse had checked his condition, he went back to the office with Riza. When they entered the room Breda, Fury, Falman and Havoc were idling. The work was done in a very fast pace today thanks to inspiration.
"Welcome back Lieutenant and err… Colonel." He greeted. "Lieutenant, wanna go target shooting?"
"Thank you for the offer Havoc but since I accompanied the Colonel to the clinic I still haven't done any paperwork." Hawkeye replied. "Perhaps you can go by yourself."
"I finished your work too, Lieutenant." Havoc stated as he beamed with confidence.
"Thank you, Havoc. I guess I'm in debt to you even if it was unnecessary." Hawkeye said.
"No problem. So let's go now, shall we?" Havoc said enthusiastically.
Roy stared at his feet and his faced darkened. Somehow he was experiencing his karma already. The ricochet of karma was fast but no way is he ever going to allow them to be together without him.
"Okay then, let's get going. Colonel, don't slack off okay? Do your work." Hawkeye commanded.
"No way!" Roy reacted on impulse. Although he really didn't want them to be together without him somehow the reaction he just said came out in a different manner. The expression is sure to be misunderstood and that made things worse.
Breda, Falman, Fury looked at each other together with Hughes who over heard the conversation on the on the other room and suddenly popped inside the room. "WOAH!" They all exclaimed at the misunderstood statement.
"Ssss…." That was all Havoc could mutter out and Hawkeye simply loaded her gun with her right eyebrow raised at about 2 centimeters.
"What did you say, Colonel?" Riza asked the sweating Colonel.
"I simply meant that I'm going to set aside my paperwork because I want to train with you two. I mean I really have to keep up with my physique, you know." He said in a stiff tone.
Hawkeye's eyebrow returned to its original position and she unloaded her gun. "Very well then."
While walking towards the training grounds the air was again tense due to the war like atmosphere that the two soldiers are producing whenever their eyes would meet.
"Competing with me, eh Havoc?" Roy mocked.
"Try me, Colonel. Try me." Havoc replied in his 'Mr.-Know- It- All' voice.
The trio reached the training grounds just in time and changed into their respective training outfits. Roy wore a white polo shirt with the first three buttons unbuttoned. Havoc had worn his back fit shirt that he would always wear under his uniform.
And right then and there, the very pinnacle of what is immaculate and unreachable emerged out of the changing room
The scenery was the best they've seen in their entire life. The curves, the lumps, the attraction and the looks were so astonishing that they can't control themselves to not look. Desire surged within the male soldiers as they marvel on the best sharpshooter's radiance who after getting settled in started her rounds. Apparently the more they look the more they are tempted.
After quite a number of rounds Hawkeye stopped and asked. "Aren't you going to start training?"
"Oh… Oh. Right. I-I was just daydreaming… yeah… so I'm going to start now…" An embarrassed Roy explained.
"Me too. I'll start right now." Havoc said in his motivated voice. He's even more inspired now.
Roy stayed on Riza's left and Havoc stayed on her right. Roy has never been a master of the hand. He's more of the thinking guy. Fist fighting might be fine for him but guns? No. It wasn't his forte. Sometimes he shoots the outer circle but more often than not he shoots the wall that isn't even meant to be shot. Riza on the other hand noticed Havoc's position. She stopped and offered help to Havoc. She held his hand and positioned his fingers to the proper spot.
"You're holding the trigger incorrectly that's why the gun shakes when you shoot. Support it with your palm and thumb like this." She tutored him and showed him the proper stance kindly.
"Thanks Lieutenant Hawkeye." Havoc replied wearing his goofy smile that totally agitated the already exploding Colonel.
Hawkeye went back to her training. Havoc was floating up in heaven and Roy was burning in hell.
After the so called training rivalry that the Colonel and his male lieutenant had lunch was up next. The Colonel tried to show a happy façade when he entered the cafeteria but he saw Havoc that was the end of it. He can't fake it no more. His facial muscles contorted to an expression of vexation. Havoc on the other end of the cafeteria was smiling initially but his lips fell to a straight face.
Roy paced towards Havoc as if he was leading a war front. "Havoc," He started. "I noticed that you've developed a special fondness for Lieutenant Hawkeye. Why is this so?"
"I doubt it if you really are concerned about this matter," Havoc replied seriously. "Sir." He hastily added.
"I am. I'm your commanding officer and-" Roy tried to explain but Havoc answered him.
"I like her."
They stared at each other. Roy gazed into Havoc's eyes, searching for the truth. "Very well then." Roy replied.
"Tell me now, then. Why are you really concerned?" Havoc dared to ask.
"I already told you-" Roy was once again interrupted.
"You're lying." Havoc stated.
Roy took a deep breath and said: "I love her. I don't only like her, Havoc. I love her." With not much said he stood up and set his tray aside. He barely touched his food. "I'm never going to let you touch her." He added a threat.
Havoc didn't say anything. He just stood up as well and lighted a cigar. He never liked tense atmospheres.
Later that night, after Havoc and the others had left; Mustang and Hawkeye were left alone in the office. After all the important papers were signed and proofread Roy and Riza were ready to leave. Riza summoned Black Hayate and unhooked her coat. Roy wore his and said: "Lieutenant would you mind if I drive you home tonight?"
"No thank you, Sir. My apartment is out of your way home." Riza simply rejected.
"But Lieutenant, I insist! It's been a while since I've given you a ride home. Besides I'm extra kind today." Roy replied.
"Alright then." Riza smirked as he opened the door.
Nothing much happened when Roy drove Riza home. They only discussed a few cases at hand and sometimes Roy would say something that would earn him her smile. It was a rare find; her smile. A treasure that must be kept for the fact that it is very exceptional and valuable. Hawkeye smile indeed genuine and lovely. When they arrived at Riza's house she respectfully said her thanks and saluted.
When he saw her turn back he realized that there's no more turning back. This is it. His only chance of winning her heart. He needed to make the most out of this opportunity and even if her reply might hurt him, it doesn't matter at all. He comprehended that in loving, it's not the reward you get that counts but the love and effort that you put into it is what's most important contrary to the Equivalent Exchange that alchemists like him were supposed to worship.
The next day he woke up early. He arrived early in the office too.
'6:30' He thought. 'Am I that desperate to please her?' A lot was going on his mind but he was nudged out of his thoughts when the door opened. Riza was quite shocked that she had to process the fact that Mustang arrived earlier than she did.
"Good Morning Lieutenant." He greeted her in an indulgent manner.
"Good Morning, Sir." She courteously replied.
Silence enveloped them for a good five minutes up until Roy asked a question out of the blue.
"You've always been working hard Lieutenant. Why are you so loyal?" He asked in a voice of significance. The question is rather personal and controversial which made Hawkeye shudder a bit.
Her face showed another expression that is rather seen only once in a blue moon. She blushed but her face is somewhat fixed to an expression of alarm. It was evident that she consoled her words and face. She was hiding something that disturbed her. Seeing such an unusual scene Roy panicked.
"Uh… uh… never mind that. Please just prepare the things I have to finish for today. I want to go home early." He said nervously. 'Stupid, definitely stupid!' He reprimanded himself.
"Right away, Sir." She replied.
When she got out of the room he started wondering out loud.
"Hey Black Hayate do you think I have a chance with your master?" He asked the dog that was lounging around as he stroked its fur. "I'd gladly change for her you know. I love her so much. I owe her a lot and I just want to give back. I guess I simply love her." He added with a sigh.
Right after his monologue the door creaked open. His jaw dropped. 'Did she hear me talking? To her dog? Oh dear…' he thought.
"Sir here are the things you have to approve, sign and read by today." Hawkeye explained the conditions of the cases and observations that had to be accomplished by today. Oh how he hated paperwork.
"Uh… thanks Hawkeye but I hope you don't mind if I ask you. Uhm… Did you hear anything when you came in?" He asked trying to be careful with his words this time.
"No sir. I didn't hear anything." She lied even if she actually heard everything down to the last word. "Am I supposed to hear anything?" She asked back.
"No, no it's nothing." He shook his head.
Later that lunch Havoc decided to finally make his move. He sat down beside Hawkeye.
"Is this seat taken?" Havoc tried to sound like a gentleman but in the end he ended up sounding like a really awkward young school boy.
"No Havoc, it isn't. You may sit there." Hawkeye replied.
"Hey Lieutenant, I have a question." Havoc said.
"What is it, Havoc?" She asked.
"It's a personal question though." Havoc explained as his tone got even more serious.
"I'll try my best to answer then." Hawkeye was taken aback but she still replied.
"Lieutenant Hawkeye, do you have a special someone right now?" Havoc gathered all his courage and asked the question. "By special someone you do know what I mean right?"
There was a pause. The noise in the cafeteria penetrated their ears and suddenly the noise got louder and louder until Hawkeye replied.
"You know Havoc," She explained. "There are other girls out there who deserve you better than I do. Besides I already have someone who I plan on spending my last days with."
Havoc didn't react. He was still in the process of acceptance and comprehension.
"I guess you figured me out, huh Lieutenant." Havoc said as he attempted to light things up. "You read through me and saw it coming, right? But I'm still wondering. Why do love that man so much? What is it in him that you long for that isn't in me?"
Hawkeye gave him a small reminiscent smile that was again a rare sight. "You know Havoc, this man may slack a lot. Complain a lot, deviates a lot and he may also seem childish but in the end it's his imperfection that made me fall for him. I guess it's just like that when you're deeply in love with someone. He completes my day by making me draw my gun to make him work. I miss it whenever he slacks off and complain because it's the only way I can show him I care; by reprimanding him. Whenever I try to sleep I just remember his voice and his childish accent lulls me to sleep right away. His smile, his smirk, his laughs they all keep me whole inside and out. I don't know what life would be without him by my side." She explained. "I'd probably die if I lose sight of him. I'm helplessly addicted to him. He gives me a head ache and he really gets to my nerves most of the time but I need him, I really do Havoc." She elaborated.
Havoc smiled bitterly. He was after all rejected again. Although this time he understood what she meant. He smiled weakly but with understanding in his expression.
"You're kind Lieutenant. You're very kind actually. Hearing what you just said makes me feel that the Colonel would be very secure and happy with you by his side. He's very lucky you know." He spoke with understanding in his voice.
With that Hawkeye stood up and looked back at him. She flashed a knowing smile to him. Showing her respect and appreciation for the subordinate of hers who dared to confess. And then after that, lunch bid farewell as well as sudden fascination that were once regarded as love. All illusions fade after all.
When the two Lieutenants entered the room, there wasn't a sign awkwardness. Pure professionalism surfaced them but Roy still felt a hint of suspension. Something was a tad misplaced but since he learned his lesson on how not to ask Hawkeye personal questions he kept his own qualms inside him. The sun went down and the moon lighted the sky. Roy was still bothered and the height of his curiosity bothered him that he can't console his uncertainties anymore. He figured that maybe if he asked properly this time the answer wouldn't hurt him. And besides they were once again alone anyway.
"Lieutenant, is there something bothering you?" He asked crossing his fingers hoping that she wouldn't snap back at him.
"What do you mean?" She asked back in a less disturbed way camouflaging her quivering voice.
"Y-you don't have to answer i-if you don't feel comfortable answering me." He confided. "But you know what, I'm starting to feel bad."
"Huh? W-what?" Riza was shocked and almost fell down her chair.
"No it's not because you haven't been answering my questions. It's just that I feel unworthy of this girl. I love her but I feel like I don't deserve her." He stretched his lips a bit as he tried to smile. "I want to change for her. I want to change for this country. I already vowed to you and Maes right? I'm going to be a Fuhrer one day." He declared unsure of what reaction his line would bring about.
Riza stood up and fixed her things. She was preparing to leave. Finally when she unhooked her coat she said: "You don't have to change for that girl. I think that girl loves you for who you are and I bet she loves every bit of your imperfection." She predicted as if she was hinting something. "You don't have to change, Sir. The people around you love you the way you are and that girl would probably love you even more if you accomplished your paperwork on time."
"Really? Then would you like to share your wisdom some more Lieutenant? Tell me, why are you so loyal?" He tested his luck again.
"Loyalty is out of love. Commitment is out of obligation." She bid goodbye with a small smile. "I hope I answered your question, Colonel. Good Night."
Roy was shocked but somewhat convinced. He stared at the bright, bright moon that was giving light to the dark. It's been a while since he reflected on is life. Everything's been of peaks and valleys for him. There were rough moments in his life. The death of friends, the Ishbalian rebellion, Homunculus and other cruelties he has yet to experience. He used to think that life is just a piece of shit that is simply filled with hardships but actually, it's more than that. He realized that even if it may be just a few, life still bestowed him with big treasures kept inside small packages.
'Life isn't that selfish.' He thought.
He again stared at the night sky. The darkness may seem infinite but the stars and the moon is always there. Life may be harsh but there will always be people ready to support him. The stars are his dear subordinates, the Elrics, Maes and other close acquaintances. The moon of course is Riza, the only woman that he ever loved, his biggest source of courage and strength. Riza has always been the woman who he can always depend on; the only woman patient and beautiful enough for him.
When he stood up to get his things a small note fell on the floor that had his name on it. He bent to pick it up.
'Colonel, make your move. She's all yours. P.S.: I had to figure it out the hard way.' The note said. At the end of the note the name of the sender was indicated. 'Havoc'
Roy laughed at the note. He's been idling for a while now only to find out all his assumptions had been correct.
'She told me that I don't need to change, for the girl that I love loves me for me. She told me she's loyal because loyalty is out of love. She didn't want to answer me before why she was so loyal because she didn't want me to figure out. She never got into a serious relationship because from the very start she loved me. Yes, she loves me. And I love her too.' He thought with happiness brimming. 'Perhaps she did hear me talking to her dog, huh?' He thought with a big, big smile on his face that stretched out from ear to ear.
'Tomorrow.' He thought. 'Tomorrow I'll do it.'
Later that midnight Roy had a fitful sleep. He thought of ways in confessing but nothing came up. Riza Hawkeye is after all very special thus only deserves the best. All the questions that he could ask himself he already asked. All his inhibitions and dilemmas for some reason started to haunt him. He couldn't sleep suitably and before he knew it, Mr. Sun had risen. He ended up being more messed up than usual but that's Colonel Roy Mustang the Flame Alchemist for you.
When he entered the office he looked rather worn out and paler than usual. Wasted as he already is the sight of the paperwork that piled up made him even more uninterested to enter but he thought of the event that must commence today and so he simply convinced himself, even if just partially, to sit down on his lumpy chair.
He arrived a little late today which is something normal for him. He then again asked convinced himself. 'At least I'm normal again.' He thought as a certain blonde Lieutenant entered the room with her cute pup.
"Good Morning, Lieutenant." He smiled.
"Good Morning, Sir." She replied.
Roy wondered and marveled at her beauty. 'I wonder when I started to love her.' He thought to himself. 'Well, it's not like it matters now, doesn't it'
"Here are the papers that you have to finish signing by today Sir." Riza instructed.
"Oh now my day's ruined. What's so good about the morning once you've delivered those never ending papers?" He exclaimed.
Hawkeye only gave him a sigh then piled the papers according to its urgency. Roy on the other hand just stared at her divine face. Praising every bit of detail that contributes to its beauty. He kept on staring until she can't bare his melting gaze no more.
"Sir is there anything on my face?" She asked trying to hide her anxiousness.
"No, nothing. It's just that your face is still as beautiful as it was before." He said in a tender manner as if teasing her.
"Colonel! Don't bring your pick up lines here!" She blushed.
Roy smiled like a kid. "I change my mind, Lieutenant. The morning indeed is good because you're here."
"Sir, it will even be better if you stop talking about senseless things and do your work so that later it will be done and you can bring your womanizing to the pub." She reprimanded him.
Roy actually did his work. He used his time wisely and submerged himself to what he may call 'menial' labor. He wasn't inspired as much though because Hawkeye was again training.
When night fell, Riza came in just in time. Roy finished his work and was just playing with Black Hayate.
"I'm done." He said.
Riza couldn't believe her ears. She stood up and doubled check his work. The papers were done excellently and of course Roy was proud of his work.
"Lieutenant, don't you have any trust in me? I really did finish it! I finished it in two hours." He said in a convincing manner. "See it is done." He smiled.
"No, no. I'm, well, shocked but I trust you. I wasn't expecting you to actually finish this much… on time that is." She explained.
"Well, congratulate me!" He requested.
"Very well then, Congratulations Colonel. You can leave now and I'm going to do my share of work." She said.
"Oh, no need for that. I already did your share." He informed.
"Thank you, Colonel even if it was unnecessary." She thanked him politely.
"Do I get a reward then?" He suddenly asked.
"I feared that you may have something revolting in mind but nevertheless, I'll have to give in." She sighed.
"Allow me to take you home Lieutenant." He pleaded.
"Fine." She plainly agreed.
Just as she was about to open the door and just as when he was about to stand up he spoke all of a sudden.
"Riza Hawkeye, I love you."
His face tried to hide nervousness and he glued his eyes to the floor. Silence was lowly consuming them and the tension jeered throughout that period.
"I'll save your reward for tomorrow, Colonel. Good Night" She replied as she closed the door behind her. Roy on the other hand was left at a complete loss.
'Were all of my assumptions and inferences wrong?' He thought. 'Did I just make a fool out of myself? Or was I trying to create a reality out of a delusion?'
After sometime he stood up with his face still dark and depressed. The autumn leaves crept softly every time the cold breeze blew. The crisp sound that his footsteps made echoed. The silence was louder than usual as if it was trying to kill him already. When he got to his car he sighed. He didn't want to go home now. He just wanted to creep under the thick pile of leaves and never show up again but alas he had to move on. He wiped the fog on his car glass. He started with the four windows then he walked to the front of the car to wipe the fog on his windshield. He stopped and stared. He rubbed his eyes as if he felt like they were failing him.
For those who didn't know him, he hated fog. First of all its moisture that is basically water. But now he loved it more than ever. He loves it so much for a note was scribbled on it. A scribble that changed his life forever. A scribble that said: 'Roy Mustang, I love you too.'
AN: Hello dear reader! Thanks for reading... Hope you liked it. Care to review... Please? Oh and flames are fine too. Bring it on! :)
P.S.: Credits and THANKS to openedlocket who edited my grammar and spelling! Thanks. I couldn't have done it without your help! :D