A.N: I know! Wow! She actually updated! Yeah... I get it haha xD
I want to firstly appologise to you all... I do realise I have been gone for a long time... havn't updated in a while. I promise you there are reasons for this (most of them personal) so I do appologise and I will update more frequent from now on.
Secondly I want to thank my kick-ass pre-reader OCDJen and my amazing beta dtav for all their hard work on this chapter... they made the whole thing look like as pretty as a packet of skittles... I really didn't want to change it haha xD You girls are amazing... thank you xD
Thirdly... well... I hope you enjoy really... If you do let me know xD
Love and Kisses
Five months. Five months today!
Groaning slightly, I rolled over in my bed. The pain was ripping through my whole body and I pulled my legs to my chest as if it would make the pain go away. Groaning again, I held my legs tighter burying my head between my knees and the mattress.
It had been five months since Jasper had been taken from me, since Leviathan murdered him and in turn had been murdered. I could still see it. It played through my mind again and again. No matter if my eyes were open or closed, all I saw were the two blurred bodies fighting in the sky. I saw James attempting to save Jasper and what hurt most, Jasper's face as he took his last few breaths. He was whiter than normal, the silver making his skin glow as the venom took over his body. The way he screamed in his head, the agonizing, piercing screech of his scream before he took his last breath still echoed around my head.
I felt my stomach clench tight as the pain coursed through my body at the memory. Jumping out of my bed, I ran into the bathroom just in time as the bile burned its way up my throat and landed in the bowl in front of me. The pain was too much to bear, too much to live with. I wanted it to be over. Why did they have to take my boy away from me? Gripping onto the toilet in front of me, I let the sobs rack through my body. I was still retching though nothing came up. The tears stung my eyes as they cascaded freely down my face. Why my baby? Why Jasper?
"Edward?" I heard Rosalie's soft voice ask from the other side of the door. "Edward, can I come in?" I couldn't answer. The retching wouldn't cease in time for me to answer. I felt her hand run softly over my back, making small circles as her other hand came up to thread through my hair lightly.
"That's it darlin, get it all out." She soothed me. I felt myself relax slightly as she comforted me. Rosalie had been great since Jasper's death. I felt incredibly selfish to be acting this way when she had lost her brother, but I couldn't help it. She had been so helpful toward me and I wasn't even worthy of it.
"I'm sorry." I muttered into the toilet pan.
"Don't apologize, Edward. Let's get you cleaned up." Rosalie said as she stood up. I didn't move because I couldn't move. I wanted to stay here. I heard her turn the shower on before walking back to me. "Up." She told me but I didn't move. "Edward, get up." Her hand gripped tightly onto my arm as she pulled me onto my feet.
"You need to snap out of this. You are going for a shower. Then, you are going to get dressed and you are coming out for something to eat. You cannot live your life in your bed. You need to move on. I know it's hard Edward, but you have to try and put it behind you." She said as she pulled my shirt over my head and pushed me towards the shower. "You have loads of missed calls from your parents and a few friends. Once you have showered, you should call them back and let them know you are still living." Rosalie snapped at me before looking me up and down once. "You can take those off yourself," she sneered at me before turning on her heel and slamming the bathroom door behind her.
I sighed in defeat and pushed my boxers down my hips letting them drop to the floor before climbing into the shower. The hot water cascaded over my head and down my back relaxing all the tense muscles. My hands came up and I braced myself on the wall in front of me.
Rosalie was right, I had to snap out of this. I knew I missed him terribly but I wasn't the only one. Rosalie was his sister and she was able to get out of bed in the morning and live her life. Fair enough the girl was as strong as a five ton titanium block, but if she could get on with her life after the death of her brother I knew I could too. Couldn't I?
It was dark.
But I could hear them. The fluttering was loud. Too loud. I could hear the panicked voices and angry swoops.
"He is fine, Raphael. Calm down." I heard a soft voice speak next to me. It sounded familiar. Where did I know that voice from?
"Calm down? The fucker killed him!" An angry voice boomed in my ear. Raphael?
"Just put him down. He will be fine." The soft voice tried to calm him. I stopped moving. I didn't realize I was moving. Where was I? Was I alive?
"This wasn't supposed to happen! He wasn't supposed to die, James! Why did you let this happen? I sent you to stop this from happening!"
My fist clenched and a pain shot straight up my arm. Whimpering at the pain, I felt someone's breath on my ear.
"Jasper?" Raphael spoke, his hot breath fanned over my ear. "Jasper, can you hear me?" I tried to open my eyes but they wouldn't budge. It was as if th ey were glued shut and heavy.
"Jasper, my name is Raphael. I know it is a lot to ask, but I need you to lay still okay?" His hot breath fanned over my face. I didn't like how close this person was to me.
"Is he waking up?" I heard James speak from a distance.
"Yes." Raphael spoke, his breath fanning over my chest. What was this guy doing to me? He was too close. I didn't like it. "James, can you please make yourself useful and come here and help me?"
I felt a hot hand on my shoulder and I knew it was James. A growl erupted from deep in my chest. I didn't want him touching me. I wanted him as far away from me as possible.
"Shh, Jasper. He is here to help. I promise." Raphael whispered and I felt his heavy hand rest on my head. "I wont let anyone hurt you anymore." I calmed down instantly to his touch and I felt myself slowly slipping back into the darkness.
Stepping out the shower, I looked myself over in the mirror. I looked like a mess. My body was weak and I had lost too much weight. I couldn't remember the last time I had eaten anything. Sighing, I turned away and walked into my closet. Pulling out a random shirt and pair of jeans, I slowly dressed myself. Returning to the bathroom, I looked myself over once more. I didn't look too bad with clothes on, though the dark rings under my eyes showed just how exhausted I was. My fingers came up to rub the skin under my eyes lightly. Sighing, I gave up and took a deep breath before opening the bathroom door and walking into my bedroom.
The sight that hit me when I walked out left me gobsmacked. I didn't know how long I had been in the shower, but in that time my room had been cleaned from top to bottom. The bed sheets had been changed and the bed made, and the sun was streaming into my room. The morning dew air freshener was all I could smell as I walked once around my room taking in the clean space that not so long ago was a dirty, dark mess.
Standing in front of my bedroom door, I took a few deep breaths and closed my eyes. I can do this. I know I can do this. I repeated over and over. It had been five months, five months of being detached from the world. To say I was nervous to leave this room was an understatement. I didn't know who or what I was facing on the other side of my bedroom door.
Raising a shaky hand, I gripped the doorknob and took another deep breath. The door opened and yanked me forward with it. Stumbling toward the floor, I felt a strong arm wrap around my waist and pull me up.
"Oh, shit. Edward, I am so sorry!" James said as he put me back on the ground. "I... I... I..."
"It's fine, James. Really." I told him while taking a few steps back from him.
"I didn't know you were right there. I just... I was just um... bringing you... yeah." James stuttered while handing me a bag and running his hand through his short hair.
Hey! You, you got a hair cut?" I asked him, surprised at both his short hair and how easy I was finding it to talk to him.
"Yeah, three months ago, Edward." He whispered before turning on his heel and walking down the hall. To say it hurt to watch him walk away was an understatement. I didn't mean to act the way I had, I couldn't help it. Disappointed, I turned back toward my bedroom.
Do you really want to go back to that just because one person made you feel bad?
Looking into my bedroom, I remembered the last five months. I was stronger than this, I knew I was. I had made it out of the room and the world hadn't ended. It may hurt, but I had to suck it up. Turning again, I walked down the hall and took another deep breath before walking into the living room. Rosalie, Emmett and James were sitting at the dining table at the back of the room. I ignored the dumbfounded look on Emmett's and James' faces and flashed Rosalie a returning smile.
"Oh. My. God." Emmett started as I pulled the sandwich and bottle of water out of the bag James handed me. "He lives!" He shouted in mock surprise while jumping up from his chair and running towards me. Automatically cringing before he reached me, Emmett raised his hand to rest on my forehead. "And no temperature! Okay, I'm beat! What's the occasion?" He asked me skeptically, folding his arms over his chest and staring down at me.
"Emmett! Leave him alone!" Rosalie snapped at my brother and all three of us looked at her in shock.
"Sorry." Emmett mumbled under his breath while walking back to his chair. Before he even sat down Rosalie smacked him hard across the back of the head. Looking between Rosalie and I confused, Emmett shook his head slightly.
"There has got to be something in the water today!" He said causing a laugh to erupt from James. We all joined in - laughing at James' sudden outburst. Shaking my head, I returned my attention to the food laying in front of me.
Silence fell between us as I ate at the table. Glancing up every now and again, I took in my surroundings. Everything was the same. It was exactly the same, only clean. It was all so familiar but completely foreign at the same time. As I scanned the room, I couldn't help but notice the change in atmosphere in the small space. I felt a heavy stare on me and my eyes automatically focused on James. How long he had been staring at me I didn't know, but I wished he would stop. When I shrunk back into my chair, he broke our gaze refocusing his gaze out the window. Relaxing slightly after his gaze left me, I glanced around the room again noticing that Rosalie and Emmett had now moved and were hugging one another. Just how much had I missed in the past few months?