A/N: Inspired by The Gospel According to Rikkai by Ariaste, which is funny as hell. GO READ IT!!! Anyway, this is set in a world with Mutant!Hyoutei (yes, I'm thinking of writing one of those...) so they're all living under the same roof (evil laugh) as the Hyoutei House. There's also a Seigaku House, a Rikkai House and maybe a Rokkaku House, too.


The Ten Commandments of Hyoutei House


1. Thou shalt not use the lemon soap – Jirou will confuse thee with Atobe and indulge in inappropriate behaviors whilst half-asleep. Nor the strawberry soap – Oshitari will confuse thee for Gakuto through his tears and make thee sit and watch the movie that made him tear up in the first place.


2. Thou shalt not attempt to approach Hiyoshi without consulting Taki first. Taki, whilst effeminate, is possessive as well as of strong influence in many places and thou might find thyself banned from perfectly good pie places. (Gakuto has suffered this before, though later on he was forgiven because he merely wanted to talk strategy for the doubles match he and Hiyoshi were to play later that week)


3. Thou shalt not eat the Oreo ice cream in the fridge. It is consumed by Oshitari when he watches his sappy romance flicks. Oshitari may cause thee harm if he finds out 'twas thee who ate his ice cream. Be warned.


4. Thou shalt not refer to anyone in the house by the suffix '-chan'. Unless thou art Jirou or referring to your boyfriend, in which case all is well.


5. Thou shalt not bother Kabaji whilst he is reading. He does not get the chance to do so often and he will be annoyed.


6. Thou shalt not shove thy beliefs down others' throats. It will not be tolerated no matter what. (Ohtori...)


There is a note here, written in bright,bold green: Choutarou wouldn't do that and you know it, you bastards!

Below that is another note in silver pen: Shishido-san, it's okay...I apologize for Shishido-san's rudeness, everyone.

There is a caricature, drawn in brown, of Ohtori sweatdropping with Shishido in the background crossing his arms and huffing, an angry vein throbbing on his head.


7. Thou shalt not attempt to remove any couple from one another without their consent. Doing so may result in various injuries, including but not limited to bruises, sprains, fractures, and emotional as well as psychological problems.


8. Thou shalt not make anyone in the house cry. Their boyfriends will exact revenge against thee mercilessly. Unless thou art the victim's boyfriend, in which case the victim's closest friends will take over the job. Rest assured, thy mangled corpse will be burnt with thy tennis racket and thy boyfriend will dip his fingers in the ashes for good luck before every match, especially if thou art thy boyfriend's doubles partner.


An orange illustration of an open jar with someone's fingers in it is shown here and is vaguely disturbing. It is drawn in a style different from the previous caricatures.


There is another note here, written in dark blue gel pen: Can I boil the ashes in water and drink it as tea instead?

Beside this note there is another caricature, also in brown, of Oshitari grinning evilly.

Below that, there is a messy scribble of red whiteboard marker: Don't even think about it, Yuushi. I'll haunt you. I will.

Beside this there is yet another caricature, in brown yet again, of Gakuto glaring.


9. Thou shalt not protest when being dragged off to bonding sessions such as karaoke and bowling. Thou will be ignored and later punished by being forced to sit and watch Oshitari's sap with him. Unless thou art a sappy man like Oshitari, in which case thou will be forced into something horribly vile by thy own standards. (Such as letting Taki do thy hair into beautiful little braids...)


Yet another note, written in black this time: The moment I gekokujou all of you is the moment I'll get Haginosuke to braid your hair. Hmph.

And below that, written in pink Sharpie: Wakashi! What exactly do you mean by that?! It wasn't that bad, and it made your hair all pretty and wavy! Though it didn't last very long, which was sad...

The brown caricature here depicts an angry Hiyoshi with wavy hair, an excited Taki standing beside him.


And beside that, in thin purple fountain pen: Ore-sama would appreciate it if you would all refrain from posting your ridiculous notes on the board that the new members of Hyoutei House will undoubtedly read.


10. Thou shalt accept every assignment given to thee (unless it is too dangerous) and will meet in the living room of Hyoutei House every Friday to give a report on your findings. This one rule is the most crucial one of all. Disobeying this particular rule will find thee stuck between a very sharp rock and a hard place.


In the bottom corner of the list is a very random brown caricature of Jirou sleeping under a tree. Next to that is an equally random orange caricature of Kabaji saluting.


So what do you think? Should I write that mutant story? I don't want to call them mutants, though... I'll call them Strangers. Yup, yup. Is the layout too messy? It was done up so prettily in Word, but was mangled the moment I transferred it onto the site. Sigh. Review!