Disclaimer - I own neither Bleach nor the song 'Vanilla Twilight'. Each are the property of their respective creators.
The stars lean down to kiss you And I lie awake and miss you Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere
It seemed like an eternity had passed since he had last held his Hisana… the woman that he had grown to love and married, despite the pointed objections of the elders of the clan. He had been raised to believe that duty and honor were everything that mattered and yet he had broken all of the rules for her. And, despite the years that had passed, he still ached with the loss of her. She had meant the world to him and her memory was both a source of comfort and of sadness.
'Cause I'll doze off safe and soundly But I'll miss your arms around me I'd send a postcard to you, dear 'Cause I wish you were here
"Why did you have to leave me Hisana?" the stoic captain whispered, the slightest hint of a quiver in his normally strong and unyielding voice. The quiet night time was usually the worst for him, without the presence of his lovely and gentle wife. During the day there was always so much to do with the Gotei 13 that Byakuya didn't have time to dwell or remember. But at night the keening sense of loss rose up to haunt his dreams. To keep him awake thinking of how their life could have been if only she hadn't left him.
I'll watch the night turn light-blue But it's not the same without you Because it takes two to whisper quietly
During their marriage Byakuya and Hisana had spent much of their time engaged in separate activities. He involved in matters having to do with the Gotei 13 and she searching for her lost sister. However, the hours of darkness had been their time for just each other. Time spent simply enjoying one another's presence. His wonderful wife had so loved to sit outside and watch the descending twilight and those had been the times when the couple shared their thoughts.
The silence isn't so bad 'Til I look at my hands and feel sad 'Cause the spaces between my fingers Are right where yours fit perfectly
"I remember that day perfectly," the Squad Six Captain whispered to himself, dark eyes looking into the distance. The day that he had taken Hisana as his bride, to the elders' displeasure. He had taken her small hand in his and the two of them had gazed ahead proudly as they dedicated their lives to one another. Promised that the person beside them would be the most important person in their world... and Hisana had definitely been that and more. He had clung to her, holding her hand and running his long fingers through her dark hair, even as she had drawn her last breath, apologizing for not being the wife that he deserved. A wrong that she hadn't committed. Hisana had been his everything.
I'll find repose in new ways Though I haven't slept in two days 'Cause cold nostalgia chills me to the bone
Insomnia had become almost a way of life for Byakuya since the loss of his wife. Something that the other Shinigami knew nothing about but was none the less a burden that he was forced to bear. He would lie awake at night lost in thought. Recalling their time together, remembering the warmth she brought to him. It had been brief but those were the happiest memories that he possessed and he clung to them despite the fact that the caused him pain. A pain that he resolved to hide behind the cold, harsh demeanor that he showed to the rest of the world.
But drenched in vanilla twilight I'll sit on the front porch all night Waist-deep in thought because When I think of you I don't feel so alone
Thinking of Hisana brought back the stabbing pain of her loss but it also offered Byakuya a brief respite. For when he thought of his lovely Hisana it was almost as though she were sitting there beside him, a soft smile on her face. The smile that she had reserved solely for him. The fact that she couldn't find her sister had always weighed so heavily on Hisana's mind but when the two of them were together she seemed able to forget that grief, if only for a brief moment.
I don't feel so alone, I don't feel so alone
And he was kept company by the ghost from his past.
As many times as I blink I'll think of you tonight I'll think of you tonight
He hid his emotions from the others, needing to appear as the strong and emotionless captain, but when he was alone Byakuya allowed himself his brief moments of grief. For he still ached for what he had lost and thought of his Hisana with loving remembrance. She had been the one who had saved him from a life of emotionless monotony and for that he would be eternally grateful. And think back on his time with her with a joyful bitterness. Both the best and most haunting memories.
When violet eyes get brighter And heavy wings grow lighter I'll taste the sky and feel alive again
Her gaze alone had been able to melt the block of ice that others said surrounded his heart. And she had been the one whom he could truly confide in. And Byakuya held out hope that he would one day be reunited with his true love. A hope that he would never breathe a word of but clung to none the less.
And I'll forget the world that I knew But I swear I won't forget you Oh, if my voice could reach Back through the past I'd whisper in your ear Oh darling, I wish you were here
"My Hisana… I'm sorry that things didn't turn out the way that I promised they would. It was my firm desire to spend eternity with you and… I hold out hope that this may yet be the case." As he whispered the words, Byakuya held his hand up to the now starry sky. "If only you were here my love. My Hisana."
A/N - This fic was written for and is dedicated to BlackCross1808. Happy Birthday!