Title:My only thought.
Summary: Life as a superstar isn't all its cracked up to be. But all that is about to change for Hollywood's latest golden boy, when what should be a routine interview turns into something more. When Edward meets Bella he is immediately smitten, but its getting her to understand that which proves the problem. Is that too big of an ask, even for him?
Disclaimer:Obviously I own nothing twilight related :(
A/N: OK so here goes. This is a version of my other story (dreaming of you) from Edwards perspective. So I suggest you read that story first so that it makes sense.
Oh and special thanks to vampiregirl141995 for helping with the title:)
Only an hour to go and I would be home...
After the best part of the last year travelling around the globe home sounds so good right about now, even if it is only for a short holiday.
Life as an actor can be pretty challenging to say the least, but that's what I relish and ultimately what keeps me motivated and satisfied in this career path.
When I first started out things were pretty tough and as a unknown I had to fight tooth and nail for every role. Landing my first lead role turned everything around for me, though never in my wildest dreams did I imagine my career would take off in the way it did.
Sometimes I have to pinch myself to make sure its not a dream.
Though even dreams have their drawbacks.
Travelling around the world from one exotic country to the next you would be forgiven for thinking it was all fun and games. But the reality is that a lot more hard work goes on behind the scenes than what people think.
The public see the glitzy and glamorous side of the job, what they don't see is the hard graft involved in countless auditions, re shoots, promotional tours and repetitive interviews that make this career both emotionally and physically draining.
Then there's the added stresses and strains posed by the press. I try to stay out of limelight and avoid them as best as I can, but they are very creative with the truth to say the least.
Don't get me wrong I love my job I just don't like the fame and celebrity that is attached to it.
It probably sounds preposterous and ungrateful to complain when you seemingly have everything, but sometimes, just sometimes, usually when I've had a particularly trying time with the paparazzi I wish I could do without the fame side of it all and just be taken seriously as a actor rather than the latest pretty boy in Hollywood.
In many respects I envy my best friend Jasper and the relatively normal life he leads.
He has a steady job in the city, a stable home life, and is ridiculously happy and loved up with his girlfriend Alice.
Over the years Alice has become like a sister to me and despite her bubbly, slightly zany personality its impossible not to like her. With the exception that is of when she interferes in my personal life!
I only have myself to blame, when one night after far too many drinks I stupidly let slip my desires to have a normal relationship.
Of course Alice being the joyful pixie she is was more than keen to help out. Even smugly declaring that she already had someone perfect in mind. Yet despite her positive attitude nothing ever came of it.
It was probably just as well considering how pathetic my love life really is.
Believe it or not I have never been good in relationships. In high school girls didn't want to know me, and when they finally started noticing me I was too focussed on first medical school and then establishing my career to find the time to date.
Despite all the rumours and speculation in the press that I had dated half of Hollywood I am nowhere near as prolific as they make out.
If you believed everything you read it is a miracle I find the time to make any movies with all the romancing I am supposedly busy doing.
Contrary to popular belief I have only ever dated one fellow professional, and what a mistake that was! I should have known better than to date a fellow actress, and needless to say I learnt my lesson after the first date was memorable for entirely the wrong reasons.
In truth it was probably the worst 2 hours of my entire life.
It was a true test to my acting skills sitting through dinner with one of the moodiest, most high maintenance and obsessive women in history. All she did was talk about herself, and when she eventually diverted the conversation away from her latest project it was to estimate how many calories there were in the salad she was eating.
Since that particular disaster I have steered clear of dating, though sadly my failure is not just limited to fellow celebrities.
As a typical struggling actor I had tried dating a few 'normal' girls but sadly that hadn't worked out either. Whilst they were nice enough there wasn't that spark or connection, and ultimately it fissled out before ever really getting started.
You would laugh if you knew what a hindrance my celebrity status was. The truth is that this job doesn't lend itself well to relationships, whether we want them to or not.
Its not just finding the time that is tricky, its the trust and responsibility that goes with bringing someone into a life that is under constant scrutiny.
How do you willingly bring someone into something that there mind could noway comprehend until they actually experience it first hand?
"Wakey wakey Eddie boy!" Emmett's booming voice interrupted my contemplation.
I scowled up at him. He knew I hated it when he called me that. It was almost as bad as the times he thought he was being funny by calling me Eduardo.
"We will be landing soon. Get a move on, we gotta have you bright and perky for the shoot," he instructed as I rubbed my tired eyes, willing myself to wake up.
One thing I will say is that being famous certainly has some perks and once we landed we breezed through the usual airport procedures relatively quickly, without attracting too much attention from the gathering crowd and photographers.
Before I knew it we were on our way into central London, another thing I have Alice to thank for. Despite supposedly being on holiday I was doing an exclusive interview as a favour to her.
Did I mention she was a pushy little thing and once set her mind on something there really is no dis-wading her. She never stops digging until she gets what she wants!
It sounds ludicrous but she has this look that makes any target crumble. Even before I met her Jasper warned me about such look. At the time I laughed it off, telling him no sympathetic look or puppy dog pout could trick me.
Guess who turned out to be the fool when she turned that look right around on me.
Its a shame she wouldn't be around today purely for the comedy value. Alice would undoubtedly make a boring shoot bearably.
After a short drive we pulled up outside the head office. The second I stepped foot inside the building the staring started. Baring in mind my less than impressive track record the attention was something I would never get used to.
Lets just say I wasn't exactly Mr popular back in school. Thankfully things changed when hit my late teens and I grew out of my 'awkward' stage as my mom affectionately calls it. She was being more than generous with that description.
How the tables have turned.....
Eager to avoid causing a scene I headed straight for reception before we were guided upstairs to do the shots for the feature ahead of our meeting with the editor.
The photo shoot was fine, I was used to them by now. So much so that I could practically revert to autopilot in order to get the shots that were needed. The meeting however was another story altogether.
I tried to appear attentive and interested as Kate, the editor went over the details for tomorrows interview, but my attention started lagging as lunchtime approached.
I nodded or smiled at all the necessary breaks and pauses but I was struggling to focus with my ravenous stomach growling throughout after avoiding the putrid excuse for food that they passed off on the aeroplane.
"Anything we can do for you Mr Cullen we would be happy to help," a eager voiced obviously picked up on my preoccupied state.
"Some food would be good," I said with a shy smile.
"Not a problem we can get your something right away," she eagerly offered, before signally for her assistant to join us.
"Honestly its fine I can go," I offered desperate for a time out.
I looked across to Emmett who smiled knowingly. He knew when I needed alone time away from all the jargon and business talk.
"I will leave it with Emmett to finalise any details regarding tomorrow," I offered.
Emmett shot me a bemused look before looking back across to Kate. My gaze followed his only to find she was looking at me oddly.
"Miss? " I prompted confused by her strange behaviour.
"Oh oh okay then," she stuttered, blushing furiously before seemingly composing herself. "You'll find the cafeteria is on the first floor," she helpfully offered.
"It was a pleasure meeting you Mr Cullen,"she finally said after a pause and once again that strange look appeared.
I nodded shyly offering her a smile before making my way out the door.
The staring continued the whole way into the cafeteria and whilst I didn't want to appear rude or obnoxious it was more than little uncomfortable, so I kept my head down.
After grabbing some food I found a seat near the back hoping not to draw too much attention to myself but my attempts was futile.
I didn't look up, though I didn't need to to know that everyone was gaping at me. Call it a sixth sense or practice, but I was used to it by now, especially in predominantly female workplaces.
When the stares and giggling became more obvious I cursed myself under my breathe. Perhaps it wasn't such a bright idea coming here in first place.
It was the same everywhere I went, there was this unhealthy obsession with my looks and fame.
No matter how much I try to block it out some things are impossible to ignore. I sighed in disappointment before one particular conversation caught my attention.
"Who's he?" A soft voice asked.
"You don't know who that is? What planet are you from Bella?" another more harsh voice snapped in response. I instantly felt sorry for this Bella girl whoever she was.
Despite my unease at being the topic of conversation I couldn't draw my attentions away from their discussion. I know its rude to eavesdrop but in my defence she wasn't exactly discreet.
I doubt she realised how loud she was as she rattled on. Her poor friend couldn't even get a word in edgeways.
I kept my head down and bit the inside of my cheek, a nervous tic I had picked up over the years when I heard motor mouth recounting my supposed love life. She was thorough I will give her that, and even mentioned Tanya fucking Denali!
According to the tabloids she was my current love interest. Despite being completely wide of the mark my refusal to talk about it only fuelled speculation that we were dating. In the end I gave up and stopped reading all the sordid details.
I was slowly loosing interest when that softer voice finally interrupted. Though when I registered what she said it threw me completely. "Maybe he's gay?"
Okay so that was a first!
I stifled a laugh but was too amused to keep my head down any longer. I looked up and immediately my eyes fell upon the most beautiful girl I had ever seen.
I have been around my fair share of actresses and models who were beyond photogenic but they held nothing to this girl, correction this woman. I couldn't explain it but there was something about her that completely captivated me the second I laid eyes on her.
Very rarely did a woman leave me speechless but she achieved it in 5 second flat.
She was stunning but in a completely natural way. Her hair was long and rich brown, a stark contrast to her pale porcelain like skin and she had a lovely heart shaped face that made her appear youngish, perhaps in her early 20's.
But it was her eyes that were most breathtaking, I was mesmerised as the warmest brown eyes gently probed mine. We seemed to hold each others gazes and an adorable blush lit up her entire face.
"Trust me Edward Cullen is not gay," motor mouth sniggered besides her.
I raised an amused eyebrow but immediately regretted it when she flushed even deeper and looked down at the table. I cursed my male pride for making her feel embarrassed and uncomfortable.
Not wanting to appear too obvious or sleazy I begrudgingly looked away and fought the urge to look at her. I failed miserably and not 10 seconds later my gaze returned to her. I wasn't even discreet and blatantly stared across willing here to look up.
She didn't but that only increased my interest in her. If anything I found her behaviour strangely amusing. She was deliberately avoiding looking at me, it was a shame the same couldn't be said for her neighbour who was fixated on me. But even that didn't halt my observations.
I'm pretty sure she noticed too judging by her awkward shuffling and fidgeting. She was a very intriguing character and I found myself fascinated by her quirky mannerisms. Like the way she deliberately used her hair as a shield or the way she subconsciously bit her full bottom lip that I was trying not to focus on for too long.
Evidently she was either very nervous or very clumsy. In the space of 5 minutes she managed to spill her coke, that coming after she had practically chocked on it when our eyes locked once more.
Regardless I found her calamity strangely endearing and I had the unexplainable urge to protect her most likely from herself.
Eventually when her cheeks cooled from the last mishap I was beyond rejuvenated when her gaze met mine, but again she looked away all too soon for my liking.
I couldn't explain the disappointment I felt when I noticed she was leaving and begrudgingly watched on as she headed towards the door, but not without one final stumble.
She really was a danger to herself.
I smiled fondly when she chanced a sly glance across. I was half way to getting up and picking up her papers that had gone flying when another guy beat me to it.
At that moment the green eyed monster in me surfaced at his obvious interest. Fair play to the guy I understood his attraction to her. But whilst I admired his courage for even attempting a shot at someone who was so obviously way out of his league it was more than a little uncomfortable watching him so openly drooling over her.
I ran a hand through my hair and groaned in frustration. I was being ridiculous, immature and completely territorial.
Worse still I was jealous.
I didn't even know her but I knew I wanted to. Thankfully she seemed more embarrassed than interested in his attention. Her cheeks immediately reddened as she muttered a polite but uncomfortable thanks.
I couldn't contain my wide smile at her less than enthusiastic response and had to bite the inside of my cheek to prevent my smile from turning into a smirk. It was inevitable as seconds later my delighted smile grew ridiculously wide when she offered me a shy glance on her way out!
Maybe these places weren't so bad after all......
I stayed in the cafeteria until the majority of people had left before heading off in search of Emmett. But not before sending the blond kid a unimpressed stare on my way out. I was never usually this aggressive but there was something about him that infuriated me. Well not him exactly more his intentions towards a certain person.
The journey home was pleasant and despite Emmett's banter I couldn't stop thinking over my time in the cafeteria.
Even when I went to greet my mother and father I couldn't stop thinking about her the rest of the day.
Throughout dinner I struggled to keep the ridiculous smile off my face, a fact that didn't go unnoticed by my observant mother who picked up on my distraction straight away. She eyed me curiously all night but waited until we finished dinner before beginning her questioning.
"How has your day been? Anything interesting to tell me?" she asked expectantly.
"Nothing new just the usual." I kept my voice level, attempting to downplay it.
Unfortunately she knew me all too well and only looked more suspicious.
"Your hiding something!" she suddenly accused. I never could get anything past her.
"Mom its nothing," I tried to sound firm and determined but she saw right through me.
She only eyed me curiously before a delighted smile lit up her face. "You've met someone!" She exclaimed, unable to keep the joy from her voice.
"Mom,"I groaned cringing on the inside.
I didn't say anything more, there was no point I was blushing and grinning like a total idiot, just from picturing her face.
Whilst my mom sighed obviously content that she had her answer, I couldn't even bring myself to look at my father who sat sniggering in the corner. Thanks for that dad!
When I finally drifted off to sleep it was with the image of the beautiful girl in mind, a vision I was desperately hoping to catch another glimpse of tomorrow.
A/N: This is my first attempt at writing Edwards pov so please be kind! Its just a short chapter to test the waters. I really hope you like it :|
Review if you do :)