Summary: There are frozen teardrops on the window, but what he feels is a deep pain piercing through his soul.
Author's Note: It all came to me a few days ago and I thought that I should write it down. It will be a multi-chaptered story, but I don't know how many chapters it will contain. If you like the first chapter leave a review *shrugs* and tell me what you think.
Word Count: 1.035
Chapter One: A Forewarning
February 13th 2010
Your birthday arrives a little too early this year and you can't help the feeling that embraces your entire being. You feel like your entire soul has paralyzed and you don't know why. The sad fact is that you know why you feel this way, but you don't want to admit it to yourself. Admitting that fact out loud would be a big mistake – a mistake that will probably cost your sanity, if just for a brief moment.
You feel you can't breathe and you struggle to inhale as much oxygen as your lungs can take. After a few minutes, your breathing has slowed down, but the abnormal pain piercing through your chest doesn't let you fall back asleep. You know that if you would move a few inches to your left you'd be able to feel the warmth of your boyfriend's body, but you just don't want to move those inches. You're afraid that you'll wake him up and you don't want to do that just yet. You haven't seen him so peaceful in a long time, so you decide to let him sleep a little bit more.
You stare at the ceiling for what seems a half an hour, but you know it's been more than that. Suddenly there's a warm hand placed on your hip. You gasp quietly and wait for your boyfriend to move closer to you. You need to feel his warmth because you need to feel safe. His strong arms always make you feel safe because of their strength. He does, in fact, come closer to you. His body molds gently against yours and you can feel the metal pressing into your shoulder. It doesn't bother you because you know that it will always be there. You sigh comforted and snuggle deeper into his chest. His breath ghosts against the nape of your neck and it makes you shiver. It always made you shiver, especially those times when you two have been more than just two human beings. It's the same thrill that runs down your spine as the one you feel in the moments you allow him to love you deep beneath the covers. In those moments you forget how to breathe. You allow yourself to be absorbed in the way his eyes look at you, and the way his facial expression seems to change as he takes you closer to the edge.
There is a small kiss placed on the nape of your neck and an arm wrapped around your waist. You smile a little into your pillow before you fall back asleep until Jarvis wakes you both up. You move to stand up, and Tony's arm falls from around your waist before you hear him mumble 'five more minutes' under his breath. You're willing to give him those extra five minutes, so you stand up, grab your robe from the edge of the bed before slipping it on your body, and head towards the kitchen to make some coffee for you and him.
Before you fill the second cup you hear Tony's voice calling you. You turn around and notice that he is wearing his black neoprene under suit. Your heart stops beating for an awkward moment until he walks to you and presses a brief kiss to your cheek while explaining the details of the mission. You don't even pay attention because the pain that pierces through your chest doesn't let you breathe. You feel like you can't let him go, but before you can say something he's out of the kitchen. You whisper 'be careful' but you're pretty sure he didn't hear you.
You spend the next five hours sipping coffee and watching news channels before you decide to go home. You haven't been there in a few days and you need a change of clothes. You know that you should probably take up on his offer as to live with him, but you still wait for those three words he hasn't said yet. He probably won't say them for another while, but you know you'll feel more assured if you'd hear them anyway.
February 14th 2010
It's a year since the whole episode Afghanistan begun. You called Jarvis this morning to ask him if by any chance Tony came home last night. He replied that he didn't.
You don't worry just yet. It's too early, and besides… he had been missing for more than two days before. Your friend Jessica calls and you decide to spend Valentine's Day at a classy restaurant. While you eat, you wonder if Tony is alright.
February 15th 2010
You're going crazy. Tony hasn't called and Jarvis told you that he had lost contact with him last night. You don't know what to do. Panic won't do you any good, so you decide to cook something. You haven't managed to cook anything by eleven o'clock and you feel like giving up because your eyelids drop every ten seconds. You glance at the clock on the wall before yawning into your fist. It is way past your bedtime and you feel your legs starting to carry you towards the bedroom, but you stop. Your stomach growls and you snort in annoyance. The fridge winks at you and you can't resist. The pizza is cold and you feel nauseous after you finish the second slice.
The bed is also cold when you finally climb in it. This time you decide to sleep on Tony's side, just to be able to smell his pillow. It's a combination between his minty shampoo, his aftershave and his Hugo Boss cologne. You don't even realize that you're crying until the first teardrop falls onto his pillow.