Disclaimer: I don't own Yami no Matsuei.
Birthday gift for Irina. :)
Beta: aretea at
My very first Tatsuki fic.
Written in Reverse
Tsuzuki was in his bed again, his mouth hot and ravenous against Tatsumi's own. Tsuzuki gripped harder onto his shoulders, clinging to him as their hips rocked.
Tatsumi could feel his heart racing as he licked his lips. Tasted the sweat that clung there.
Tsuzuki was panting hard beneath him, his eyes dark. His breath warmed Tatsumi's face and his mouth quivered in a silent plea for more. More friction. More heat.
Tatsumi leaned down to graze his teeth against the other man's throat, receiving a pained moan. Tsuzuki tangled his fingers in his hair, pulling him closer.
"Please, Tatsumi." The small voice in his ear pleaded. And the scent of sweat and musk caused Tatsumi's insides to smoulder.
In the night, all was restless. The air conditioner barely took the edge off the humidity, leaving Tatsumi wide awake. Tsuzuki was long gone and all Tatsumi could do was stare at the ceiling in deep thought.
He was conscious of the paperwork that was waiting for him at the office. But even if he could bring himself to go in early and focus on it, it wouldn't matter. He didn't need the headache. He needed something different, something more. Something to remind him that what he was doing wasn't ridiculous. That he wasn't taking advantage of Tsuzuki's weakness by inviting him to his bed.
He cursed himself for being such a fool. He was supposed to be level headed, strong. Not easily thrown off by the attraction he harboured for his ex-partner.
He sighed as he kicked off the sheets, trying to calm his body's restlessness.
How did it become like this? He remembered meeting Tsuzuki for the first time and thinking...
And then there were those sad eyes of his. Those eyes that reminded him so much of her. No matter what he did, it seemed that his past just repeated itself. Every person he became close to would get hurt. It wasn't because he was a cruel man or he didn't care. The things he did just never seem to make Tsuzuki feel better or help him. All he did was make things worse.
The fact that their partnership failed was his fault.
Tsuzuki never asked anything from him. Never pushed. That was always what made Tatsumi unnerved about him, Tsuzuki's selflessness. The man always took his harsh criticisms with a smile. Sometimes it made Tatsumi so angry that he wished Tsuzuki would yell. Would at least lash out and blame him for the hurt he undoubtedly caused. But Tsuzuki would just smile and pretend to be unfazed.
And it only made Tatsumi loathe himself even more.
He was sure Kurosaki knew. That he sensed the unease within their relationship. He had found out a few things with the book incident in the Hall of Candles. But Tatsumi knew that even if Hisoka asked him, Tsuzuki wouldn't tell him.
Tsuzuki wasn't the kind of person to talk badly about other people.
Tatsumi supposed that if he had been a better man he could have been strong enough to help Tsuzuki through his struggles. But when he was presented with the challenges, he always just ran away. He abandoned Tsuzuki because he wasn't strong enough. Wasn't able to make the person he cared about happy.
The only thing he ever wanted was for Tsuzuki to be happy.
"Your happiness is my happiness."
Tsuzuki was in a plane he couldn't seem to ever reach. And by leaving him, Tatsumi thought it would be better for both of them.
But even when he pushed away, he was always the one pulling Tsuzuki back.
The desire to take control.
Love, Tatsumi decided, wasn't only pure or romantic. It was a catalyst of many feelings, most of which weren't chaste or sweet. It often inspired him to want to monopolize Tsuzuki as much as he could. To make him his over and over. So much that it would scare him.
And nights like these were a result of his insecurities. He would ask Tsuzuki to come and he wouldn't deny him.
Tatsumi smiled sadly as he closed his eyes, giving into the sleep that beckoned him. This would all destroy them eventually. Tsuzuki knew. He knew. But it didn't make them stop.