Disclaimer: I do not own Paradise Kiss. They are from Ai Yazawa of course… But I do wish that I own George Koizumi! Kyah!
This story takes place after the final chapter of Paradise Kiss. I wrote this out of depression from the ending because I really didn't like the ending. It makes me sad;(
Anyway, this is my first ever fan fic. I know that Paradise Kiss took place a long time ago but I know that there are still a lot of ALIVE fans out there!!!
I hope you'll enjoy!!! Comments are really appreciated!
I gave Hiro the silent atmosphere… We didn't finish the play… I just can't… and I never told him the reason why… we are now in his car. And we are headed to the hotel we've stayed in. I looked at him. But his face was all blank. I can't read what's in his mind. I look away. Trying to entertain myself with the scenery… but I just can't… I can't keep away my thoughts from the play… I can really feel the pain inside me… Inside my heart…
And all of a sudden, I just felt that the car had stopped. My thoughts are really flying away that I didn't even realized that we are already in the front of our hotel. As usual. Hiro opened the car door for me but still with that blank look on his face… I kept trying to read his mind… his thoughts… I wanted to know if his sad, or mad, or what. I am completely boggled. This is our honey moon. This is supposed to be our honeymoon. But why do I feel like that it is not???
He went straight to the bed and closed his eyes. I can't tell if he is really sleeping or if he is just pretending to be asleep or if he is thinking about the play. I felt guilty. I felt like crying. I took off the gown that I am wearing and went into the bathroom. I opened the shower and just let the water flow through my body… and as the water flowed through my body, my tears start flowing too. I cannot take this anymore… why do I have this feeling of regret? I thought I have already passed through it. But I am in this pace again. When Hiro asked me to marry him, he didn't force me. He didn't even wait for my answer. He just told me that I should think of it really hard. And he even said that he will wait for my answer even if it takes a week, a month, or a year. It took me 10 days to search for the answer. And when I have finally found the answer, I made sure that no form of regret will take upon me. I was really sure of that. But now… Sigh…
As soon as we got the invitation from the play, Hiro and I talked about it. In the invitation it states there that all the costumes were made by George. I asked him if it's ok with him for us to go. And he asked me back. And with a wide-eyed smile I told him, "It's okay with me! It's already been ten years… I am really over him! Don't you believe me?" He just smiled back. And I smiled back too… and what I really can't understand with myself… Was that I lied at him… the wide-eyed smile was really fake… behind it was a hoping smile. A hope of seeing George Koizumi, after 10 years… And I never thought how deep inside me, is desperate to see him.
As I went back to our room, I saw Hiro, now dressed with his pajamas but still in the same position as I last saw him. Maybe he changed his clothes while I was inside the bathroom. I lied beside him. I really feel so guilty. Then I hugged him. And I felt his arms responding to me. I looked at him. Then he opened his eyes and smile. I really can't understand that smile. I have been seeing that since we became lovers… I even gave that smile a name. a smile of understanding. That's one thing that I love about him. And that's also one thing I hate about him.
I kissed him passionately, full of love. Or was it really love? And he kissed back.
"I'm sorry", I said to him.
"And what's that for???"
"I don't know."
And once again, he gave me that understanding smile. And he broke the silence.
"I know you're tired… We can continue what we started tomo-"
And I cut what he said by kissing him again. And this time, I didn't stop. And that night, we made love for the first time as husband and wife.
In the middle of the night I woke up. I looked at Hiro, and he is already fast asleep. Once again, my thoughts start flying back in the play…
As we were waiting for the play to start, my heart is pounding really fast. I felt sweat rolling down my face and my neck. I'm excited, scared and nervous all at the same time. Hiro held my hand as if it is he can feel what I am feeling. Then the play started. I almost gasped when I saw the gown that the first actress appeared wearing. It really looked like that of the dress George made for the festival which won as a runner-up. The first dress I wore in the run-way. The only thing that he changed from the dress was the color. From the light blue, now from light pink. That dress is really meaningful to me. Because all of us helped just to finished it. Arashii, Isabella, Miwako, George and me. All of our fingerprints are printed on it. And that dress inspired me and motivated me to pursue modeling more.
"Wow! Isn't that dress the one that you wore from the festival???" Hiro said.
"Yes it is. But he changed the color."
He noticed it too.
Everyone around me starts laughing. Even Hiro was laughing. And when he turned to check me, I let myself out a fake laugh. I hoped he didn't notice it. I know that the joke was really worth laughing but I don't feel like laughing. I am really focusing on the dresses that the actors and actresses are wearing… It really had George signature. It really looked like paradise. It is really Paradise Kiss. Where is he? Is he watching too? With us here in the crowds??? Or is he at the backstage? Helping around or maybe even… watching…me?
I felt like crying. I don't know why. I don't know why these tears are for. And as soon as they roll down from my eyes, I excused myself to Hiro, stood up, and went to the comfort room as fast as I can. I can't hold these tears anymore. This tears that I really don't know why they existed.
Good thing there are no people in here. Not even a single one. I can cry, harder and harder. I don't need to worry about my make-up getting ruined. It's water-proof anyway. Good thing I wore water-proof make-up today. As if it is like I knew that I am really going to cry.
Why am I crying anyway? Maybe I really do know the answer but I just kept ignoring it. Is that how much I miss George? The clothes and dresses that he gave me always made me cry each time I went into that closet. But one day I made a decision, I must move on. What will he just tell if he sees me still crying over him while now he's happy and contented? And so I gave up crying. It was hard. It took me 3 months to get over it. And now I realized that I was not really over him.
Do I just miss him? Or do I still love him? No that can't be. I am now already with Hiro. He makes me laugh. He makes me smile. He understands me. But… am I in love him? Yes… I do love him… since high school right? Or was it just really infatuation??? I can't tell… I am really confused. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do right now but cry… cry… cry… and cry…
"So, I can see that you haven't change a bit. Am I right? Yukari?"
Then suddenly, I heard a very familiar voice. The voice that I am sure I will never ever forget.
So how's that? Sorry if it sounds boring… Actually I'm not really good in describing clothes, describing places. I'm' just good in describing feelings (I hope). I would love to hear from you!!! Please leave a comment! Thanks!