"Oi!" Sirius shouted, his voice carrying through the library to Remus and Peter, disturbing them and many others. "Shouldn't you two be out pranking? You're disgracing the name of the Marauders!" he continued to shout, ignoring the glares that many students who were attempting to work shot at him. Peter looked up at this comment. "I need to do this Transfiguration essay, so nope, no pranking for me," he said, determinedly.
"Aw, come on, Pete. You're ruining all our fun," James said.
"Yeah, well, I don't want to have to face an angry McGonagall on a Monday morning. And neither do you, that's why you've already done yours. It's not my fault I suck at Transfiguration so it takes me ages to do a single essay."
"Anyway, what do you want?" Remus asked, interrupting Wormtail's rant before he reached the self-pitying stage. "We wanted to know if you'd seen the map?" Padfoot asked. "James said it was under your bed with your sta-" James nudged Sirius in the ribs, painfully, in order to shut him up. No need to inform Remus that they knew where he kept an extra stash of chocolate. Remus sighed, having noticed both what Sirius had been about to say and James elbowing him in the ribs.
"You know where my stash of chocolate is, don't you?" It wasn't a question, more a statement that needed confirming. Sirius and James nodded meekly; they knew exactly how protective Remus was about his chocolate. And how long he could a grudge. "I'm going to have to move it. Again. I can't trust you with the chocolate since you ate it all last time you found it. You haven't it eaten it this time, have you?" There was a warning tone in his voice that made both Padfoot and Prongs shake their heads meekly, once more.
"Anyhow," Moony said, the word turning into one great sigh. "The map? Last time I saw it, it was under my bed with the apparently not so secret stash of chocolate."
"Hmmm… Well, it definitely wasn't there when we checked. And when we checked the next time. And the time after that," Prongs said. Sirius, having deduced that the map was gone, growled in much the same way that he might in his Animagus form. "It was them."
"Them?" Peter asked.
"Yes. Them. Those two idiots."
"Sirius, you aren't seriously- no pun intended- suggesting that Fred and George stole the map?"
"Yes, I am Siriusly- pun intended- suggesting that those two evil twins stole our map."
"Sirius, you're delusional," James said. "You're just holding a grudge because you got all annoyed when they pranked you. You need to realise that not everything bad that happens in this world is their fault."
"No, not everything is. I mean, the birth of Snivellus wasn't their fault. Or at least I bloody well hope it wasn't," he said, shuddering a little- okay, a lot- at the thought. "But I know that this was. Call it a gut instinct."
"If it's a gut instinct of yours, then I'm even less convinced. Remember that time when you had a gut instinct that we were all going to die at the end of sixth year courtesy of your parents. And yet, we're all still alive now. Honestly, Padfoot, sometimes I swear that you're as mad as Trelawney."
"Hey! I'm not that bad! Just because my gut instincts can be a bit off!" Sirius protested, looking indignant.
"Padfoot, you're gut instinct can be very far off. So I think we should all learn from past experiences and deduce that no, Fred and George did not steal the map."
"Fred, I had an idea. For our next prank."
"Wait, I thought that us stealing their map was our prank."
"That was more us covering our tracks so our plan didn't fail."
"So we haven't actually pranked them?"
"Nope and I have the perfect idea."
"You can do a pretty damn good illusion charm, right?"
"You know I can. What do we need it for?"
"You'll see. You will definitely see. In fact, I think the rest of the school will see."
"What?" Fred repeated.
"Well, let's just put it this way. This is the prank to end all pranks."
No one could say that Hogwarts was boring. The classes were far more interesting than any Muggle class and there were always interesting rumours travelling around the school. Rumours that were always going to keep people interested in the general day to day lives of other Hogwarts students. There was never a lack of rumours on the rumour mill and there was almost certainly never going to be, especially not while the Marauders were still at school. And it was considerably more unlikely whilst Fred and George were at Hogwarts with them. And even less likely what with their master plan.
The two of them were stood in the seventh year Gryffindor boys' dormitory. The Marauders and almost all of the other Gryffindors, from first years to seventh years, had already gone down to dinner. "Alright?" George asked.
"Yep! I'm ready!" Fred said, nodding enthusiastically. He started to look slightly more cautious as he spoke again. "George, you have got the illusion charm perfect, haven't you? You know it and can actually do it right?"
"Of course, Fred! This wouldn't work if I didn't know it perfectly!" He paused. "But just show me the spell movement and the incantation again?" Fred looked decidedly more worried.
"Are you sure you're ready? It's starting to sound like I might have to go to the hospital wing in a minute. You're definitely sure that you know the spell?"
"Of course I know the spell! Just show it to me again. I just want to be on the safe side, which isn't somewhere I normally like to be but as your safety hangs in the balance I thought I'd be a little more cautious."
"So you're only doing this because you want to make sure that I don't have to go to the hospital wing?"
"Hey Prongs," Padfoot whispered across the Gryffindor table.
"Look at that girl." Sirius turned his head slightly to get a better look at her as did James, and Remus and Peter and Frank. "Don't all look at her at the same time!" Padfoot whispered angrily. Quickly Remus', Peter's and Frank's head snapped forwards again. "Thank you," he said, sarcastically.
"Who is she?" Frank asked.
"I don't know. That's what I was going to ask. Have any of you ever seen her before?" The other four answered him by shaking their heads. "Perfect," Sirius said, as he rested his hands on the table and began to push himself into a standing position. Remus sighed and looked as though he wanted to kill his friend. "Please, please, please tell me that you are not going to do what I think that you're about to do?" Sirius looked confused.
"What do you mean, Moony?"
"Please tell me that you're not going over there."
"Why Moony, live a little. That's exactly what I'm going to do!"
Sirius mussed his hair a little and loosened his tie as he walked over to the new girl. He breathed quickly into his hand to check that his breath didn't smell. He couldn't believe his luck. He'd finally found a new girl that he hadn't snogged or made out with or anything like that. But that was about to change. Knowing him it wouldn't take too long for all that to change. One five minute conversation and they'd be in a broom closet before she even realised that she was snogging the infamous Sirius Black.
Sirius had to say, as far as girls went, she was very beautiful. Of course, beautiful wasn't the word Sirius would use. The word that he'd use almost certainly began with an s, ended with a y, had an ex in the middle and was two syllables long. She was, from a first glance, around 5'10'' with impossibly long legs and a slim waist. Although knowing his crude comments, Sirius also probably had something to say with the general intention of praising her upper torso.
"Oi! George! He's coming! Get rid of the illusion in five, four, three, two, one!"
James looked around in confusion. He'd blinked and the girl had suddenly gone. Perhaps he had been hallucinating. Instead, only a few paces from where she stood, was one of the twins, either Fred or George, with whom he shared a dorm. The ginger haired twin, whichever one of them it was, looked slightly confused and looked around as though trying to figure out where he was. James couldn't tell why. How on earth did you get confused about where you were when you were stood at the centre of the Great Hall? Maybe he was looking for his twin. They always seemed to be together, but they weren't now. That was a reasonable explanation. But still, where had the girl gone?
Sirius continued to walk up to the girl. She was looking around, a little confused and a little lost. He almost felt sorry for her. It was always difficult going to a new school. Especially if you didn't make friends as easily as him. Maybe he should just skip the conversation, to prevent any awkwardness. Otherwise she might mistake him for a prefect who wanted to welcome her to the school and show her around or some rubbish like that. Maybe he could just skip that bit. Yeah, that sounded like a good idea.
"I wonder why Sirius is going to talk to George, or is it Fred?" Remus said. Sirius was striding purposefully towards him.
"Maybe he's finally forgiven them. Gotten over the fact that he insists that it was one of them who stole the map," Peter said.
"That would be good. We might not live in a warzone then," Remus began. "It looks promising. He looks like he's going to talk to him and he doesn't look pissed off and-"
"WHAT IN THE NAME OF DEAR SWEET MERLIN'S BEARD?"
"Did you hear?" One fifth year Ravenclaw asked a Hufflepuff friend.
"What? What happened?"
"Sirius kissed one of the Williamson's twins!"
"WHAT? I'll kill that ginger prat! How did he manage to make Sirius Black kiss him?"
"It was nothing like that. He was just standing there and Sirius walked up to him, grabbed him around the waist and kissed him. Williamson didn't have a choice in the matter. Sirius wouldn't let go of him. He just kept kissing him."
"Wait, it wasn't like a small kiss?"
"Nope! The exact opposite! It was full frontal snogging. Williamson looked like he wanted to throw up. I feel awful for him."
"Full. Frontal. Snogging? Does this mean that Sirius is gay?"
"It explains everything though, doesn't it? It explains why he's had so many girlfriends but ditched them all almost immediately. He's trying to cover up the fact that he's gay but he can't stay in a relationship because he's not interested."
"I can't believe Sirius Black is gay!"
Sirius was fuming. "I'm going to kill them," he practically shouted.
"Come on," James began. "It was funny. Hysterical actually."
"It was not funny. Everyone thinks I'm gay. How am I going to pull now? No girl is going to want to be seen with me!"
"Get over it. It'll blow over soon anyway."
"It will not just blow over soon anyway!"
"But it was funny! Everyone will be able to see the funny side of it."
"BUT THEY'LL THINK I'M GAY!"
"But it was funny! How many times must I tell you? Just admit it. It was a good prank. And an amazing idea. And the charms must have been amazing too if everyone else could see it was him but you still saw a girl."
"Fine. It was a good prank. But. Everyone. Thinks. I'm. Gay."
"Padfoot! Just concede! It was an amazing prank so now can we stop with the stupid arguing! With them as well!" Remus interjected, incredibly annoyed.
"Yeah, can't we all just be friends?" Peter asked.
"Fine. Once I've killed them because now everyone thinks I'm gay, then we can be friends. I mean, it was a good prank after all."
A/N: I'm so sorry this chapter has spent so long in the making! I had exams, family issues, personal issues and just about everything else that could go wrong. And then I had this amazing idea that was REALLY difficult to explain. So I'm sorry if it didn't turn out well. But hopefully it made sense? I don't know. I couldn't even find anyone to proof read it for me! So sorry if it's a fail and sorry for it being cut up into so many sections, it just needed to be for it to make anysense whatsoever!
Anyway, tell me what you think in a review!
P.S. Thanks for all the other reviews and for being so patient whilst waiting for the chapter! I love you all!