Our Favorite Host is a Girl

Rating: T for flirting and some language

Pairings: Well... all of them in a way. It's fluster central in this story.

A/N: This story is re-written from it's previous version.

They Started It...

In a small apartment in the middle of Japan, the front door slammed harshly as one Haruhi Fujioka stormed in. No one was home so it didn't matter that no one called out a 'welcome home'. Not that it would have made a difference one way or the other, because Haruhi was in no mood for niceties.

From the light blue blazer that was required at Ouran Academy as part of the male uniform to the slacks and polished shoes, there was a thick coating of frosting and paint dripping with every step.

The day had started out rather normal. That is, if you could call any day at the stupid rich kid school normal. Haruhi really didn't care much for the frivolous lifestyle of the students at the academy, mostly due to the fact that Haruhi wasn't a rich kid.

Once the bathroom door slammed, the jacket was the first thing to hit the floor. Soon the faucet of the bath turned on and began filling the small tub. All the while grumbling could be heard from the stripping sixteen year old.

"Ugh, I hate them all. Stupid bastards. Why the hell do they insist on these practical jokes. I swear I'm going to kill them!"

These shouts could easily be heard by the neighbors but at this moment Haruhi didn't care. Stripped and finally free of the confining male uniform, the hidden female form stepped into the warm bath.

Yes, despite the boyish hair cut and figure hiding male clothing, Haruhi was indeed a girl. Though the entire school, with the exception of the host club and a solitary male friend, believed otherwise.

The club was adamant about maintaining that falsity. They would prefer that no one knew the truth. Those selfish bastards. They would rather Haruhi be their "secret princesses" as Tamaki so affectionately called her.

Haruhi scrubbed the effects of the last prank from her skin. Leaving her skin pink from scouring the paint right off. She worked her hair into a lather soon after as chunks of cake were set free.

She didn't even want to recall what had transpired only a little while ago. She would prefer to forget all about it but the images wouldn't go.

If it wasn't for Kyoya insisting that Haruhi join the stupid Host King for a lesson in flirting with tea. Hikaru and Kaoru wouldn't have devised a plan to distract them. They wouldn't have have set the fire crackers off under their chaise.

The girls beside them wouldn't have jumped up screaming and knocking over their set up. Which spurred Mori into action to protect Honey from flying cups. Effectively knocking over a table with a huge chocolate cake covered in buttercream frosting that was sent flying over the room to land on her.

Already disgusted with that thought she tried to escape with part of her dignity intact as the twins howled with laughter. Of course Tamaki didn't see it as funny as he tried to chase her down and out of the third music room where their activities were held.

He had grabbed her arm to get her attention but only ended up causing her to slip from his grasp and into a ladder.

The poor custodian was in utter shock to discover his can of paint had dumped all over her.

Needless to say, Haruhi was livid.

She walked all the way home like that. Covered in mess, with the horrible thoughts running through her head. If only she were creative enough or deceitful enough for payback.

If only, but that was one thing about Haruhi that just didn't work. She couldn't do it. She would rather seethe in anger and frustration.

Insanity. That was the only way to describe it. Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results.

Yet that was exactly what was going to happen. She groaned out and finished her bath. Those clothes were just going to have to be washed. No way around it. She needed that uniform for school the next day.


Another day. Another fanciful day of swooning, relentless teasing and lies was about to begin. Haruhi was not too thrilled to be returning to school after yesterdays disaster. Her uniform miraculously came clean but it took most of the night to get the paint out of the embroidered patch on her jacket.

Sighing, she entered her class room and slid into her desk. Thankful for the momentary silence since two of her torturous club/class mates were not yet in their respective seats. She was still furious with them.

Haruhi did not expect the first person to talk with her that day to be a female classmate. She saw the yellow out of the right corner of her eye. The student cleared her throat to gain the secret females attention. "Um excuse me Haruhi." A pretty girl with long brown hair and short bangs stood beside her. Her hands were clutching a letter.

"Hi, Miss Kurakano." Haruhi smiled at her and tilted her head curiously at the girl. "Did you need something?"

"Um.." she began a little shy. "I wanted to invite you over for my party this weekend. It's only for a few close friends and since.. well.. since I spend so much time with you at the Host Club," She blushed slightly. "I wanted to see if you were free to join us."

"You want me to come to your party?" She questioned. "Wouldn't you want Tamaki or maybe the twins to come instead? I don't really know much about parties."

It seemed like a reasonable question since it was true that Haruhi was not used to attending parties unless she was forced into it. Besides she had planned to do some housework, home work and even get some reading done from her personal, non academic, reading list done.

"Well you see." Kurakano began. "Yesterday was... how should I say this.."

Understanding hit Haruhi, "A disaster. I get it. You don't want them to get rowdy."

"Yes! That's exactly it." She nodded furiously. "Would you like to come?"

There was a momentary pause while she quickly weighted the pros and cons of the subject. Then as she noticed the twins rounding the corner and entering the class room she looked back to her classmate and nodded. "Sure. I'd like that."

Kurakano had notice Haruhi looking at the door and then back. She gave a relieved smile and handed Haruhi the envelope quickly muttering a thanks before heading back to her assigned seat. It was obvious that she didn't want to twins to know.

Haruhi placed the envelope in her notebook and gave her good morning a mental kiss goodbye.

"Hey Ha-Ru-Hi" Hikaru drawled out. "You are looking clean today."

Kaoru sat down next to her in his own seat. "Seriously, I was expecting to see you back in that grubby old sweater. How did you get all that paint off?"

"I'm not even going to try to explain. It's paint, it came off. End of story. Now lets just focus on our class work." Seriously irritated Haruhi zoned her attention on the lessons for the day. Trying her best to ignore the so called best friends at either side of her.

Until they started passing notes behind her. She noticed and tried to stare straight ahead. Still it continued.

Little by little they were unnerving her as the notes were not just past back and forth behind her chair with their long arms but were getting closer and closer to her until they were deliberately brushing their hands across her back, up her neck and even attempting to brush the papers through her hair.

She growled. "Knock it off" She snapped only to have the instructor look at them.

"Excuse me? Mr. Fujioka, is there something you wanted to say on this matter?" The male teacher asked. He halted in his reading of the historical significance of the Sino-Japanese War.

"Nothing, sir." She recounted. "I apologize for my outburst."

The teacher took notice of the smirks on the twins faces and the embarrassment of the interruptive student. Luckily since having the three of them in this course, he understood that the outburst was probably due to the two problem children. He let it pass. Not bothering to embarrass the student any further.

"Very well. Lets continue, Hitachiin Hikaru, will you begin the next paragraph. I assume you were paying attention." He called out one of the boys as an attempt at being a responsible teacher. Unlucky for him, Hikaru was paying attention and began reading along.

Haruhi was still embarrassed but kept her frustration under wraps. The day was not over yet and there was still a club meeting after classes were over. Thank god the weekend would be here soon.


Lunch time arrived sooner than expected for Haruhi and yet she was glad the day was nearly finished. As usual the girl took her lunch in her class room. She had her bento box in her bag and unwrapped it. The best part of lunch time was that it was quiet. No one bothered her, not even the twins who preferred to eat in the cafeteria. Most of the time, that is.

She took the opportunity to open up the envelope that her classmate gave her earlier. Like Kurakano had said, it was a small event. The address was listed along with time and dress. Good thing she said it was casual. She would just wear some jeans and maybe one of her plain t-shirts. Mostly likely she would have to fight with her dad to let her stick with boyish clothing.

The party was also listed for Saturday afternoon. At least she would have Sunday to finish up her work. It would also give her a day to breath before having to deal with her Host Club friends. That is if they didn't harass her that day.

She put the card back into the envelope, placed it into her bag and began her lunch routine.


The sounds of giggling girls, raucous laughter and music emanated in the 3rd Music Room which held the activities of the Ouran Host Club.

Among the group one 'natural' host was entertaining a group of four young women. Haruhi, despite the teasing she was receiving about the prior days drama, was enjoying the company that Kurakano and her friend Sakurazuka had brought with them. The two new girls were just as nice as her regular guests.

Their conversations today was simple enough, favorite teen novels. Haruhi was used to reading books beyond their grade level but she still had a few guilty pleasures and enjoyed sharing her interest with the guests at her table.

"I just loved that series." One girl with thick black hair was saying. "The magic the mystery, oh and I love how they took the dragons and made them so much more intelligent than they are in other fantasy series. Although I will say I much prefer the Inheritance books to the first film they attempted."

"Oh but that was a cute movie" The other, who had her curly brown hair tied back into a loose pony tail, was looking down a bit dejected.

Haruhi spoke up, "It's hard to make a movie based off of a series of books. They never know what information is important if the series itself is not finished. That is why it's best if the writer helps out with scripting. Take a look at the difference between the Harry Potter films versus the.. oh I don't know... Princess Diaries movie."

A shocked gasp emanated from the girls at her table. "You read the Princess Diaries?" Sakurazuka asked. "But Haruhi, won't your father say something about you reading something like that?"

"He doesn't care. In fact, he was the one who gave them to me." Haruhi realized that was probably a bad idea to admit to the guest that she indeed did read the novels. Even if she didn't believe that gender should have restrictions, the rest of her classmates didn't always agree.

The girls at her table however, were impressed. "That's so cute!" and other variations were muttered around her table.

The group continued down the road of 'forbidden' books for a short while, maintaining a calm that was not usual for the Host Club. Which of course means that it was about to come to an end.

"Haruhi!" The blond Host Club king meandered over to her table. Tamaki Suoh, the ever charming pain in Haruhi's neck, and biggest drama queen to ever grace the planet placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Yes, Senpai?" She asked withholding a groan of agitation. The girls at her table were looking at the King with curiosity and slight desire.

"It has come to my attention that tomorrow, the Host Club will be doing a photo shoot for the next set of collectable picture books. All in Cosplay!" He began to dance around Haruhi and hugged her from behind. Her chair began to wobble as he pulled her backwards in to his arms. "Oooo please please please, let daddy dress you up in a beautiful dress. I wanna see you in frills and lace. It would be so perfect if you were to do a photo like that. Please, just for me?" He snuggled into her neck.

"Senpai! Knock it off..." she squirmed, trying to get out of his grasp. Her face blushing madly. The ladies at the table were also blushing with their eyes wide and giggles escaping their lips.

"Oh Haruhi, You will be so beautiful!" He hugged her even tighter.

"Go choke on a lemon," Haruhi snapped. Tamaki let go as if stung by her words and the twins, who were withing earshot, began cracking up. Oh so they are the culprits... again.

The prince began to sulk away. "Haruhi, you hurt daddy's feelings."

"You'll get over it." She stood up and bowed to her guests. "Would you excuse me a minute, Ladies?" They in return blushed and nodded fervently.

Over in their strategically placed for eavesdropping sofa, the twins, Hikaru and Kaoru, leaned against one another in a confident, seductive pose when they saw their "toy" come over to them.

"Why did you lie to him?" Haruhi said in a hushed but frustrated voice.

"Whatever do you mean?" They replied in unison.

"He obviously believes that I will be dressing up as a girl for tomorrow. I don't' mind seeing as I am a girl but still, sicking Tamaki on me is embarrassing. And I don't do 'frills and lace'." Haruhi looked around to make sure no one over heard. "Do you want me to be found out? How will I pay off my debt then? How do you think I will be able to be a part of the club after the proverbial cat is out of the bag?"

"Doesn't matter to us." Hikaru stated.

"We get you in class everyday anyway." came Kaoru's remark.

"The only one who would be upset about that..."

"Would be our king."

Haruhi looked down and shook her head. "You two are impossible." She walked away and the Twins shared a smirk with each other. Everyday, it was the same thing. Twins tease Tamaki, Tamaki flips his lid. Haruhi is so how involved. It was beyond annoying.

Making her way back to her table she shrugged and shook her head with a sigh. "I'm sorry about that. It seems that a certain pair of twins think that making me dress up like a girl would be the greatest joke on our club president."

"I think it would be a lovely idea," Kurakano said in a soft meek voice. "Haruhi you would make such a pretty girl. Have you ever cross dressed before?"

Haruhi put a finger to her lips to think. What should I tell them? I could just confess that sure, I do it all the time since I am a girl.. but I can't do that. Oh right, I have seen the rest of the club cross dress, not to mention my dad. Maybe it won't be too far a stretch to admit that much. That way I won't be revealing this lame secret.

"Well, sure. Between the club cosplay's and with my father working as a cross dresser, I can pass for either boy or girl." She smiled to herself. Proud that she was able to give a confession without a revelation.

The short haired Sakurazuka nearly swooned with a sigh. "I would love to see that."

"I didn't know your father was a cross dresser." Kurakano piped up suddenly curious.

"Yes, he is. It can be a bit embarrassing when he trills and puts on the overprotective mother figure act. Especially since he acts just like Tamaki Senpai."

The girls eyes grew wide. Their Host prince was just like Haruhi's father? That explains why their relationship is so weird.

"Is that why he calls you his daughter?" They all said nearly simultaneously.

That brought a smile to their hosts face. "Oh that? No he is just weird. Remember he calls Kyoya senpai 'Mother' and refers to the rest of us as other members of a family. It's not just me. Then again, I am the only one he calls 'daughter'."

Kurakano sighed and lovingly looked to Haruhi, "Oh please, let us see you that way. If not here then maybe at the.." she dropped to a whisper. "the party."

Changing the subject quickly Haruhi picked up the pot of tea. "Let me refill the tea pot and we can discuss this when I return, OK?" She gave the girls a heartwarming smile causing the four ladies to swoon.

She walked away from the table all the while thinking about what the girls had said. It's true she wasn't one for tricks, or even to be underhanded in anyway but after the week she had she was tempted to do just that. The girls had unwittingly given her the perfect prank.

They are always playing jokes on me, why not return the favor? It would serve them right if the school did know I was a girl. Then again, I wouldn't be able to host if they really knew. Maybe, if as a boy, I told them to pretend they knew the 'truth'. It would be hard. A day, a week... or.. nah, never mind. It would just be too much trouble. She rationalized the idea and it's pros and cons while she refilled the pot with hot water and a new filter of tea leaves.

On her way back she had decided against her plan. Instead she figured, why trick them? Even if they did cover her in cake and paint the previous day, Humiliated her on a daily basis and toyed with her emotions and, of course, lets face it... hormones. It was just too much of a bother to deal with keeping up a charade.

Before reaching her table she found herself face to face with the twins. The mirrored smirks proved that trouble was brewing in those devilish minds of theirs.

"Haruhi, we're bored." Hikaru began.

"Play with us." Kaoru finished.

"No, I have guests and so do you." She side stepped them, attempting to complete her trip back to her table.

"Awww" They whined and hurriedly blocked her path again "We wanna play with our toy."

Hikaru stepped beside her and brushed a finger under her chin. He leaned in and whispered in her ear. "Be out toy for a while."

Kaoru followed suit and came to her opposite side. He wrapped his arms around her, bracing her to himself as he nuzzled into her neck, bringing a burning blush up to her cheeks. "Please Haruhi," He purred. "We are really really bored."

Her skin shivered and the blush intensified, causing the ladies who observed the scene to squeal in delight.

"No." She pushed the boys away completely embarrassed by the attention she received. Tamaki on the other side of the room was pitching a fit, only to be held at bay by Kyoya who held him by the fabric of his collar.

Hurriedly she made her way back to the table, flustered beyond belief when the boys came up beside her again. Effectively trapping her in a sandwich hug. She jumped, when she felt the breath of both boys on her ears as they whispered. "Come play with us."

The crowed surrounding them grew, including the guests of the other hosts. The twittering from the gaggle of girls became overwhelming and just as she was about to break free, she felt both boys nip the flesh of her ears with a kiss.

At that moment several motions were made at once. First Haruhi felt her body loose control of it's neutral hormonal state, her face burned and breathing failed. The teapot fell from her hands and the trio were knocked hard to the ground. Tamaki had escaped his captor and was responsible for knocking the others to the ground.

Tea and porcelain scattered the floor and the four tangled bodies moaned in pain and detached themselves from one another.

The moe hit the fan as the girls who had witnessed the event fanned themselves. Trying in vain to calm their own blushes. All the while crying about how 'hot' that scene had become before Tamaki jumped in.

Others were crying that, Tamaki's entrance made it even more dramatic as he was protecting the 'man he loved'.

"Get off of me!" Haruhi shouted. The twins had rolled away from her but Tamaki was once again, just like back at her home, on top of her.

The shouts of joy were defining and Tamaki was frozen on the spot as he gazed down on the girl below him. His face rose 20 shade of scarlet before scampering off of her.. or rather scampering and being pushed off by Haruhi herself.

Once again, her uniform was a mess. This time soaked with tea. Still she glared at the boys and huffed away back to her guests.

Kurakano, Sakurazuka and their friends were no longer at the table but standing near the mob of fan-girling guests. They too looked frazzled by the whole ordeal, only for them, it wasn't a bad thing.

Taking off her wet jacket and undoing her tie, she tried to remove as much of the wet fabric without giving away her concealed gender she kept her voice low. "Alright, I've had it. It's time I pay them back with a prank of my own. Starting tomorrow, I am a girl."

The four girls clapped their hands and animatedly began planning in secret as together they left the room. Haruhi watched them go, then turned back to the disaster on the floor.

She sighed, no doubt that tea pop was going to be added to her ever growing debt. Not to mention she was going to have to wash the uniform yet again. It will be a miracle if the outfit survived the year.