NOTE from the PHOENIX: I did this short story to go along with a painting that I did of Nathan Drake. A censored and uncensored version of the painting can be found on my 'home page', which will take you to deviant art. Enjoy!

All I Need: Drake's Misfortune

"Arrgh, damn it! Not fair!" Drake yelped as a stray bullet ricocheted off of the crumbling Aztec stone statues and tore through his right shoulder.

Still under heavy fire from Treveli's men Drake pressed his back harder into the broken stone wall that he was using as cover. With bullets zinging over his head he slipped his gun over the top of the wall and blind fired at the hired goons. Drake cried out again as the kick back on the gun caused his fresh injury to flare angrily. However, he smiled in satisfaction as he heard one of the men cry out in pain as well as one of his shots found a mark. Switching to his left hand he fired twice more before the gun clicked.

"Ah, shit." Drake muttered.

"We got him now!" One of the men cried. "Treveli needs him, take Drake alive!"

"Over my dead body!" Drake called back. "Anyone so much as looks in my direction and I'll blow myself into little gooey bits."

"With what?"

"Uh...this grenade." Drake closed his fist around a rock and waved it over the wall in a bluff.

"That's just a rock. Get him!"

"Damn it, that usually works..."

Out numbered and now completely out gunned Drake sighed heavily. The men stormed over the wall with their automatic weapons trained on him. Putting the rock down he raised his hands in surrender. Walenski grinned brightly in self satisfaction as he ordered his men to take their prize. Drake ground his teeth together as the men hauled him to his feet roughly causing his bleeding shoulder to explode in pain.

"I don't suppose I could get some medical care?" Drake asked only half jokingly.

"I'll gladly take the bullet out." Walenski chuckled and reached out to dig his fingers into the wound.

"On second thought I don't think my health insurance covers sadistic psychopath providers." Drake replied as he leaned away from Walenski.

"Can't say I didn't try to help." Walenski shrugged.

Drake rolled his eyes as the men forced him to follow Walenski. They dragged him through the ruins towards the ancient Spanish fortress that had been built into the cliffside over looking the ocean. By the time he had made it up the ten flights of stairs he was struggling to stay conscious from the combination of exertion and blood loss.

The abandoned stone structure had been made into a strong hold for Treveli and his men. When Drake had started this treasure hunt he had been absolutely positive that he wasn't going to have any competition. However that fairy tale had been shattered when he learned that Treveli had been on this turf for a month before Drake showed up. Treveli had burned four local villages to the ground in search for answers that he now knew lay in Drake's head.

Not being allowed to catch his breath Drake was shoved into a room that was lined with high tech computers and gear. Walenski stepped up behind him and dug his fingers into the gun shot wound viscously. Gasping in pain Drake dropped to his knees.

"Nathan Drake." A deep voice purred.

"Yup." Drake agreed.

"What? Nothing witty to say?" Treveli raised a disapproving eyebrow. "I'm disappointed."

"Sorry about that, I'm a little tired."

"In that case just give me the key and I'll let you get some sleep."

"Key?" Drake shook his head. "I don't have a key, it's just a legend."

"Don't play coy with me, Drake."

"I don't know how to play coy, I don't even know what that means."

"Search him." Treveli snarled.

Drake looked up apprehensively at the men, his shoulder was throbbing and he really didn't want to be man handled at the moment. Hauled back to his feet Drake held his hands up peacefully as they conducted a standard pat down. When they didn't find what they were looking for Walenski walked up and grabbed the collar of Drake's filthy shirt. Without using any apparent effort he tore the cotton open and pulled it down off his shoulders. Drake didn't protest until he felt someone use a knife to cut his belt free.

"Whoa, wait a minute..."

Before Drake could continue Walenski shoved him back while one of the others put his leg out behind Drake causing him to fall backwards. Knocked breathless from slamming into the stone floor Drake offered little resistance as they stole his boots and pant. When the forced him back up onto his knees Drake glared up at Treveli.

"Was that really necessary?" Drake demanded.

"Had to make sure you weren't hiding the key."

"The key is a gold sphere the size of a grapefruit...I mean I know I have an impressive bulge in my pants, but even I'm willing to admit that you couldn't possibly have believed that I was hiding it. Besides, I have brass balls, not gold ones."

"Always with the jokes." Treveli shook his head sadly. "One last chance, Drake, where is the key?"

"I told you: it doesn't exist. It's just a legend."

"Then I have no use for you."

"Good, I'll...uh...I'll just take my pants and leave then."

Drake didn't like the grin that slipped across Treveli's face. Treveli made a motion to his men and two of them grabbed Drake by the upper arms. Dragged from room naked Drake was hauled down a few flights to a floor that held stone cells with iron barred doors in various stages of decay. After being thrown into one of the cells Drake turned around and put his hands on his bare hips.

"Can I at least get my pants back?"

"No. Just be happy that I gave you a cell with an ocean view for you to slowly starve to death in."

"Great. Thanks."

"Hey, if you're lucky the blood loss and infection will get you first."

"I am known for my luck."

"Well then, Drake, I won't bother wishing you luck."

Drake narrowed his eyes to icy slits as Treveli laughed at his expense. Not bothering to post a guard Treveli and his men left. Still fuming Drake watched them leave.

"'Well then, Drake,'" Drake mocked in a high pitched voice "'I won't bother wishing you luck'...what an ass."

Deciding against waiting anymore time Drake paced his new cage in search of a weakness. Despite its age the door was solid and without his pants he didn't have the lock pick that he kept in the hem. Going over the small window he discovered that the stone around the bars was cracking.

Drake was able to throw his uninjured shoulder into the bars and knock them out. the only problem was that he couldn't hear them hitting the ground. Looking out the now open window Drake looked down at the five hundred foot drop to the turbulent ocean below and then looked up at the three hundred foot climb up to the top of the fortress.

"Aw, crap."

After checking the door one last time Drake conceded to the fact that the only way out was up. Reaching up he searched the fortress face with his fingertips for a hold. Getting as good a grip as he figured he was going to get Drake crawled out onto the sheer face of the crumbling stone wall. About half way to the top Drake grabbed a hold of a less than stable rock and ended up with all his weight on the hand that had the injured shoulder while the broken stone tumbled far below until the ocean swallowed it.

"I hope this doesn't look like fun...cause it's not."

It felt like hours before Drake was able to pull himself up onto the top of the fortress. Taking a moment to lay down and catch his breath he stared up at the sunny sky. He felt that he was being mocked by the weather and its cheerful disposition. Getting back to his feet Drake sought out an easier way down to the jungle floor.

Sneaking back into the fortress Drake was grateful for a chance to use the stairs. Slipping back out into the jungle he ran through the under growth, being careful not to be spotted. A few miles from the fortress Drake heard someone talking to themselves. Grinning to himself Drake stepped out of the jungle to greet intruder .

"Elena!" Drake exclaimed cheerfully.

"N...Nate?" Elena stuttered as she automatically turned her video camera on him.

"Hey, I want the money up front if you're gonna film." Drake chastized.

"What the hell..."

"Did you bring the key?"

"Uh, yes. I kinda thought that you'd at least bring your pants."

"I like to travel light."

"Clearly." Elena shook her head sadly. "Dare I ask why you don't have any tan lines?"

"I think you know the answer to that."

"Sadly, I do."

"Enough chatter, do you have a gun?"

Elena brought out a gun that she had tucked into the back of her jeans. Drake took the gun and checked it over with an approving nod.

"Ah, better." Drake smiled. "Now I have all I need."

"Really? Are you sure about that?"


"Let's try and find you some pants anyway."