Disclaimer: I do not own twilight or anything that is in any way linked the Twilight Saga. Alright?

This is just Edward's POV in New Moon, exactly like Midnight Sun. Everything in this story belongs to Steph Meyer including the plot. I've just filled in the blanks.

It had been about four months now. I assumed that it was four months, but I could be wrong. I hadn't really been paying attention. I was in the middle of a jungle somewhere, Brazil I thought. I didn't really know because it didn't matter. This wasn't where I wanted to be. I stopped the thought in its tracks. I couldn't think about it. It only made it worse.

I refocused on a droplet of water hanging from a leaf in front of my face. It had been raining for three days straight and almost all of Victoria's scent had been washed away. Well, I was a useless tracker anyway. Thinking of Victoria made a small ripple of anger run through me. Anger was pretty much all I felt anymore, besides pain. It was all for her of course. To make the world safer for her. She was so fragile, so soft— No. I scolded myself silently. Thinking her name will just make it harder. But I couldn't help it.

Bella.

A moan escaped my lips. How could I leave her? The sole reason for my existence and I left her! What if she is still lying there, waiting for me? No, I told myself again. Alice had called me, told me that she would be found. I uncurled from my position, knees to chest, chin to knees, sitting on the forest floor. I had to go back. Just to catch a glimpse of her, assure me that she was moving on. But I couldn't, I knew that. One look and I would be on the ground in front of her, begging for her to take me back.

The tiny pieces of my heart ached painfully. It was broken beyond repair. Who knew a silent, unbeating heart could break? Mine certainly had.

I knew, beyond a doubt, that I wouldn't last much longer not seeing her. I was past trying to live through one day, one hour at a time. It was coming down to minutes. I shook my head violently, but I couldn't dislodge the thoughts of her swirling around my head. I stood up quickly, closing my eyes so I could smell Victoria better. I regretted it instantly.

Looking back at me from behind my eyelids was Bella's face. Anguished, confused, frightened. The last expression I had seen her with. Her deep chocolate eyes stared back at me, pleading, begging for me to stay. I moaned again, more quietly this time. How could she believe me so quickly? After all the times I said I loved her? What was she thinking? I needed to know she was alright, that she was happy. If she was happy I could last a little bit longer.

I thought about calling Alice, to make sure, so of course the phone vibrated in my pocket. Sighing I fished it out of my pocket, glancing at the call register to make sure it was really Alice.

"Hello?" my voice was empty, lifeless. Alice was the opposite.

"Edward! Why didn't you call sooner? Esme has been frantic." Alice rushed on at full speed.

"Anyway, I know why your calling and I swear I wasn't keeping tabs of her, it's just I'm already attuned so I can't control what—"

"Alice that's fine." I said, cutting her off. My voice was still dead.

"I just want to know how she's been, then I'm going to keep going after Victoria." I didn't know if I could though. Her scent was almost completely washed away.

I realised Alice hadn't said anything.

"Alice? Are you still there?" not that it mattered anyway. I could feel my resolve wavering. I could just go back for one day....

"Yeah, I'm still here." She said quietly. I was surprised. Alice was never quiet.

"Edward, I've seen how you're going to react to this news, and I don't really want to tell you."

I waited, somewhat impatiently.

"Don't break the phone." She warned me.

"Alice, tell me" the words came out in a growl. A flicker a shame ran through me.

I could almost hear Alice bitting her lip.

"Umm.... well I'll tell you the good news first then." She rushed through the words, even faster than usual.

"Bella's going out to see a movie with Jessica tonight. Their going into Port Angeles and tomorrow she's going to volunteer to answer a question in class." She gushed. The way she said this made me think it wasn't a regular occurrence.

Alice went on. "She smiled today and she talked to Charlie without him starting the conversation."

She was running out of steam.

"And...Umm--"

But then it clicked. If this was the good news...

A deep growl built up in my chest, making me shake.

"Edward," Alice squeaked. "Careful of the phone!"

I realised that the plastic of the phone was bent almost to breaking point. Willpower alone made me loosen my grip. My breaths came uneven and rough and it felt like the huge, gaping hole my torso had grown to twice its size. The deep growling in my stomach got louder.

"Four months?" my voice was scarcely a whisper, but the pain made the words choked.

"Edward it's alright, she's getting better!"

"Four months?!" I repeated. I couldn't breathe. An odd choking made its way up my throat.

"She still hasn't gotten over me after FOUR MONTHS?!"

"I know it's hard to take in, but she is getting better! She smiled and laughed today! Just because it happened later than you wanted doesn't mean anything! She's getting better!" Alice insisted, talking even faster, so I struggled to catch the words.

The choking sound faded. I just kept repeating to myself over and over, she's getting better, she's getting better. Well, that was more than I could say for myself.

"Thanks, Alice." I was whispering again.

"Will you come home?" Alice asked, already resigned to my answer.

"No, I—I can't. I'm sorry. It would just hurt everyone more." There was no need for anyone else to see me like this.

"I Love you Edward. Just think about calling me and I'll know."

"Thanks, Alice. Bye." I flipped my phone shut.

The rain was coming down harder but I didn't even notice.

Four months.

Silently, I began tracking Victoria where I had left off.

***** *****

Seven months had passed, and I was hunting.

I had been trying to ignore the burn deep in my throat, but I had reached my limit. I had already caught two jaguars. Even though the burn was still there, I had no desire to keep hunting.

I was about to return to tracking when my phone vibrated in my pocket. I briefly considered ignoring it, but the vibration was annoying.

"Hello?" my voice was even worse than before. It sounded almost human it was that rough. I fought the urge to shudder.

The voice that answered me was a stark contrast to my voice. It sounded like golden wind chimes.

"Edward? You sound like crap." Rosalie was as direct as always.

"What do you want?" I said in my dispassionate voice.

"Ummm..." Rosalie was reluctant. Rosalie was reluctant?

"What's going on?" I said quickly. "What is it?" had something happened to my family? My voice had an undercurrent of panic in it.

"Edward I... I don't know how to tell you this...but...it's about Bella." Rosalie said nervously.

I froze, my body like ice. What could make Rosalie sound like this?

"She...she's dead, Edward. She jumped off a cliff. Alice is going to forks now to help Charlie.....I...I'm sorry." Rosalie was sorry. Rosalie was sorry?!

I didn't answer. I was frozen. Absolutely motionless.

"Edward?" Rosalie's tentative voice came over the phone.

I didn't even hear her. My finger moved to the end call button and I hung up.

I stood there, phone to my ear.

Bella was dead. No, it couldn't be true. No. NO! The world would feel different somehow.

I couldn't exist in a world where she didn't.

My fingers moved over the keys, dialling out a number I never thought I would again.

The phone rang twice before a deep, husky voice answered.

"Swan residence." I recognised the voice from somewhere but it didn't register. Nothing mattered but my next question.

"It's Dr. Cullen." Some part of my brain still working gave me what I needed to say. "Is Charlie there?" I didn't ask for Bella. What if she was dead?

"He's not here." The voice had changed. It was cold, menacing.

"Where is he?" my voice reacted to the change. I was bordering on rude.

There was a short pause before the answer. "He's at the funeral."

I hung up.

Without being aware of my reaction, I shut the phone and put it my pocket.

I stood there, motionless. My head was trying to process the information, but it was too painful.

I was too late to do anything. I couldn't save her this time.

My mind was made up before I had even comprehended what I was thinking.

I was going to Italy.

***** *****

The flight to Florence was a nightmare, worse than a nightmare. It was Hell.

I could barely communicate that I wanted a ticket to Italy, let alone where in Italy.

I knew I was in denial, but it couldn't be true. She couldn't be dead.

The hostess on the plane tried to offer me refreshments at the start of the flight but the look I gave her scared her half to death. Her thoughts had been paralysed as she stumbled away.

It was just after dusk when we landed, something I hadn't even planned for. Not that I cared anyway.

Bella.

I was beyond pain and sadness. I was empty, nothing left.

Walking out into the street, I briefly considered stealing a car to be less conspicuous, but quickly dismissed the idea. What did it matter anyway?

I broke into a run, moving so fast human eyes wouldn't be able to spot me. This was faster anyway. I missed the usual feeling of exhilaration as I ran. I was empty inside.

I ran constantly, I don't know how long for, until Volterra's ancient sienna walls and towers appeared, crowning the peak of a steep hill.

Without realising, I began to move more cautiously and stuck to the shadows.

I decided to be direct. I made my way through the dark cobblestone alleyways until I came to the main square. The fountain threw moonlight in all directions, bathing the square in its silvery glow.

As I prepared to cross the square, some thoughts on my left caught my attention. I turned my head towards another dark ally, and standing just behind the wall of moonlight was a tiny, still figure, dressed in a dark grey cloak that was almost black.

I immediately recognised the figure as Alec. Well, I thought with no emotion, it's better than running into Jane.

Without pausing in the step I was already taking, I turned towards the small vampire and followed him deeper into the forbidding, ancient city.

***** *****

I followed Alec into the plush reception, barely noticing the cosily placed couches and tall vases of flowers lining the walls.

Alec must have picked up on my mood because he hadn't once tried talking to me.

I listened to his thoughts, just for something to do. Anything to try and relieve me of the pain that filled my entire body. But Alec wasn't thinking about anything vaguely interesting. Or maybe that was just my current frame of mind.

Walking through the antechamber that resembled the sewers below, my mind returned to thoughts I would rather forget. Bella's laugh, her smile. I would never see them again. My face scrunched in agony. It was still in that position when I walked into the room.

"Alec! I wasn't expecting to see you until morning! Do you have news for me?" Aro's soft sighing voice filled the room, brimming with happiness. Behind him Caius and Marcus were seated on thrones, beautifully embroidered and painted gold.

Aro's happiness sparked a wild reaction from me. How could he be happy? How could anyone anywhere ever be happy again? Luckily I kept my thoughts silent.

"Master." Alec greeted him, bowing his head before turning slightly to bring me to Aro's attention.

I listened to his shocked thoughts, which quickly turned hopeful.

"Edward? Is that you? You look so much like Carlisle!" Aro exclaimed happily. I was disgusted though, listening to his thoughts. He wanted me to join the guard. I choked back a black humoured laugh. He would be very disappointed.

I inclined my head in greeting and wondered how much time I would have to waste on idle conversation. As it turned out, very little time was wasted.

My silence brought my mood to his attention. Curiosity dawned on his face.

"May I?" Aro held out his hand as if to shake mine. Even drowning in my depression I was a gentleman. I nodded again.

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Caius lean forward slightly, but then Aro grasped my hand.

I concentrated hard on his mind and was slightly shocked when I saw my entire life flashing through his head. He was literally looking at every thought I had ever had.

I waited impatiently, something that was not lost on Aro, and waited for him to get to the reason I was here.

Moving through my mind in chronological order, I realised what he was going to see. Bella.

The first time I saw her, the first time I watched her sleep, the times I had stalked her with my mind in school, the time I saved her in Port Angeles, her laughs, her aversion to gifts, her pure, good heart.

I wanted him to stop. I couldn't stand it. Agony ripped through me, causing me to quiver.

But Aro kept going. Every kiss, every touch.

The last time I had seen her flashed through Aro's head and I felt like I would collapse. Her face was anguished, confused, frightened. The last expression I had seen her with. Her deep chocolate eyes stared at me, pleading, begging for me to stay.

I gently tried to release my hand, but Aro kept a firm grip.

My time tracking Victoria came next, seven months of my life flickered by in less than two seconds.

Rosalie's phone call. Hearing it again only made it worse.

"She...she's dead, Edward. She jumped off a cliff. Alice is going to forks now to help Charlie.....I...I'm sorry."

Pain, worse than anything yet crashed through my head. I shuddered. My Bella, my love, my life, gone. Dead.

I would soon follow one way or another.

Aro released my hand and it fell limply back to my side. I turned quickly so I couldn't see his expression.

"Edward, are you sure that is what you wish to ask for? There is no going back after all." Aro voice resonated pity but not sadness.

I couldn't bring myself to speak. I nodded again.

I tried to block out Aro's thoughts but with little success. His pity, his slight anger, a waste. That was what he was thinking. Wasteful.

I already knew what he had decided, but maybe Caius and Marcus would vote differently.

"I will convene with my brothers and we will call for you when we are finished. If you please just wait in the reception area." Aro smiled weakly at me.

I nodded once more before turning and leaving at inhuman speed.

If only Alice was here to tell me what they would decide.

***** *****

No. They would not give me what I wanted. Of course not. Anger pulsated through me, weaker than the pain but still very powerful.

Marcus had voted against my request. Caius had been all for it, but Marcus wouldn't hear of it. I knew why, so I couldn't hold it against him. He had lost his mate and he thought he knew what I was going through. But he didn't. No one did.

I would force their hand. I would make it so they would have to kill me. I would break the rule. Never reveal our existence. The one and only law our kind had.

A thousand different plans moved through my head. Each one dismissed because it wasn't enough.

I moved as fast as I could, out into the dawn, the first rays of sunlight glittering faintly off my face.

I knew what I could do. The one thing that would anger the Volturi enough to kill me.

I would go hunting in their own city.

My eyes were pitch black, darker than they had ever been before. I knew there were dark lines under my eyes. I was dangerous.

I let my instincts take me, something I would never do this close to humans normally. Their delicious scent everywhere. Excess Venom was building up in my mouth and the burn of my throat was almost unbearable. I slid forward into a hunting crouch, moving at inhuman speed to the closest house. The person inside smelt delicious, but they had nothing on Bella.

I stopped, just meters away from my intended victim.

Hadn't I always tried to be better for Bella? To make sure she didn't love a monster? What if she was in heaven and this one act sent me to hell? It was a slim possibility that I would go to heaven anyway, but could I risk it? Risk my eternity with Bella?

I turned and ran as fast as I could. I didn't stop until I was alone in an ally shrouded with darkness.

I would do something else, something that wouldn't harm anyone.

I watched from my place as the sunlight hit the top of the clock tower.

That was it. The sunlight. I would wait until the sun was as high as it could go in the sky, then step out into the crowded street. Perfect.

I looked up. There were red flags flying everywhere. Saint Marcus day, the nineteenth.

Even better.

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