*At the barber shop*
Sesshomaru: *looking out the window* Stupid people in this village. They all deserve to die~
Kagura: *coming up with a tray* Please, you're not going to start singing that song again, are ya?
Sesshomaru: I might.
Kagura: *puts tray down* Here's your food.
Kagura: *ignoring him* Can I ask you question? What did your old Kikyo look like….. You can't remember, can you?
Sesshomaru: Argh! You gave me like two seconds to think about it! She had black hair, and she was a priestess and she had a bow and arrow! See? HA! I remember!
Kagura: Chill out. Get over it. She's gone and life is for the alive, my dear. You know… *blushes* we can have that life even if it's not what we both want… we can get by.
Sesshomaru: *turns around and looks at her in the eyes* Don't move.
Kagura: Oh, Mr, T….
Sesshomaru: *pats down his hair* I can see myself in your eyes.
Kagura: Oh…. *they stare at each other. Kohaku comes in.*
Kohaku: Mr. Todd, Mrs. Kagura!
Kagura: Perfect timing, kid.
Kohaku: He has Rin locked in a madhouse.
Sesshomaru: Say what? Well, since I'm so clever and all, I have an idea. Pretend to be a wigmaker's apprentice in search of hair. Find her and bring her back. I'm a genius, aren't I?
Sesshomaru: Good answer. Now, go. *Kohaku leaves.* *To Kagura* Get the boy.
Kagura: Leave him out of it.
Sesshomaru: Get him!
Kagura: *under her breath* Stupid prettyboy… Shippo, Mr. Todd wants you!
Shippo: *cleaning tables* Okey-dokey!
Sesshomaru: *writing a letter.* Rin is here with me. Come get her. That slayer will not get to her. Love, Sesshomaru.
Shippo: Yes, Mr. Todd?
Sesshomaru: Find the Lord and give this to him. *hands him letter.*
Shippo: Uh, kay. Can I stop by the grocer to get some….
Sesshomaru: Nooo. You go straight there and come back. Okay? Okay.
Shippo: Okay. *leaves*
Sesshomaru: *sits down and takes out his gameboy.* Mario, jump over the goomba! Stupid! *throws it across the room.*
Shippo: *comes in at night. Kagura is sitting on her chair.* Hola, Senorita.
Kagura: Where the heck were you? Dinner rush killed me.
Shippo: I ran an errand for that stupid face upstairs. And then I went to the workhouse and thought that if not for you, I would be there now.
Shippo: You know there's someone bad, but you don't know it.
Kagura: How can I know something and not know it?
Shippo: Just let me sing. *sing* Nothing's going to kill you…. Not while I'm around. Nothing's going to kill you, no, sir, not while I'm around. Demons are prowling everywhere. I'll send them crying, I don't care!
Kagura: I'd like to see you try.
Shippo: No one's going to kill you. No one's going to dare. If they leave you, I'll be there! Demons will charm you with a smile, for a while, but in time, no one's going to kill you while I'm around.
Kagura: What the in the bloody hell are you talking about?
Shippo: I think Mr. Todd's bad.
Shippo: Don't worry! I can help you! I ain't dumb!
Kagura: You are if you use 'ain't.'
Shippo: I won't hide things for you! That's true!
Kagura: *sits him down* There's no need for this. Don't be such a wanker to Mr. Todd. He's so good to us.
Shippo: I've heard him yell at you before, though.
Kagura: That's love! Haha. *hands him money* Here you go. Buy some dumplings for us.
Shippo: That's Signor Inuyasha's gay purse!
Kagura: It's my b-day present!
Shippo: We got to go and get Hakudoshi here!
Kagura: No… just stay here. *sings* Nothing's going to kill you, not while I'm around. Nothing's going to kill you, darling, not while I'm around….
Shippo: Demon's will charm you with a smile, for a while, but in time….
Kagura: Stop interrupting! Here, let's go down to the bakehouse. It's your job now.
Shippo: Really? Why the change of heart?
Kagura: No reason. Let's go. *takes him downstairs*
Shippo: It stinks in here!
Kagura: Don't be blaming your farts on other people, boy.
Shippo: But I didn't…
Kagura: Shh! There's the furnace. Make sure the doors are shut tightly. Over here, you put the meat in and give it a grind.
Shippo: Got it.
Kagura: Good boy. Go ahead and eat some if ya want. *shuts the door and locks it. Starts to cry.*
Kohaku: Mr. Miroku, I need some hair.
Miroku: Yellows are in here, sir. *opens door*
Kohaku: Dummy, I want black hair.
Miroku: Ohh…. Sorry, thinking of the real play! *opens other door*
Kohaku: That one! *points at Rin*
Miroku: Her? Are you sure you don't want this one? *picks up Kagome*
Kohaku: No! I want that one!
Miroku: Okay…. Where shall I cut? *takes out sword*
Kohaku: *takes out hatchet and grabs Rin* See ya later. Mwahahaha~
*Kagura is talking with Sesshomaru*
Kagura: He's locked, but if he escapes, he'll go to the law.
Sesshomaru: He won't.
Hakudoshi: *opens door, Kagura gasps*
Kagrua: You scared the cuss out of me!
Hakudoshi: Sorry. I'm here on business. There is a stink for your chimney. I must take a look at the bakehouse.
Sesshomaru: Come for a shave first.
Sesshomaru: Fine, if you want to be ugly for the rest of your life.
Hakudoshi: *runs upstairs* Let's go!
Sesshomaru: *grin* Coming!
*in the bakehouse*
Shippo: *eating pie. He takes out a claw* WTF? *Hakudoshi is dead and falls to the ground* OMG! LET ME OUT OF HERE, YOU LUNATICS! *goes into sewers*
*Kagura and Sesshomaru look for him.*
Kagura: Shippo, where are you, love?
Kagura: *goes into sewers* Nothing's going to kill you, darling, not while I'm around…
*Rin, wearing boy's clothes and Kohaku run into the barber shop*
Kohaku: Mr. Todd! Wait for him here. I'll be back with Ah and Un in half an hour!
Rin: So we run away and all our dreams come true?
Kohaku: That's the idea~
Rin: I've only had nightmares.
Kohaku: What a screwed up life you have. See ya in half an hour! *runs out*
Rin: *goes to the table and examines the claws* Coool
Kikyo: HAKUDOSHI! WHERE ARE YOU?
Rin: OMG! *hides in trunk where Inuyasha's body was* Eww, is this dried blood?
Kikyo: *enters* Hakudoshi, I saw you in here; no use hiding! Hakudoshi, Hakudoshi! Bleahghahahah, come out!
Sesshomaru: Ew, hobo lady, get out.
Kikyo: Beware of the devil's wife! She who lives downstairs! *looks at his face* Hey, don't I know? Hehehe.
Sesshomaru: I make a point of avoiding familiarity with hobos.
Kikyo: Ah, well, it would be a shame to put a black mark on your record.
Naraku: Mr. Todd!
Sesshomaru: *looks at Kikyo, who is still standing there. Kills her and dumps her body* Bye bye, crazy hobo lady!
Naraku: *enters* Where is my ward?
Sesshomaru: Downstairs with Mrs. Kagura. Now, thank goodness she was not raped not to my knowledge at least. She loves you. She begs for forgiveness.
Naraku: *smile* I shall give it to her.
Sesshomaru: *grin* How about a shave? So you won't look so ugly when you reunite with her.
Naraku: Good idea. *sits down* Oh, sexy women!
Sesshomaru: Sexy women, yes.
Naraku: Rin, oh, Rin!
Sesshomaru: *under his breath* Oh, god, please, don't say my daughter's name in that erotic tone. *sings* Pretty women can disappear and still be there, which is creepy when you think about it! You know, we have fellow taste in women.
Sesshomaru: The years, no doubt, have changed me, sir. But, I suppose the face of a demon barber, a prisoner in the dark, is really not memorable.
Naraku: *realizing and looks up at him.* Nikito Kato!
Sesshomaru: *screams* NIKITO KATO! *starts stabbing Naraku with his poison claws*
Naraku: *high pitched scream* EEEEEK! *blood gets on Sesshomaru's face*
Sesshomaru: You don't deserve my daughter! That creepy demon slayer does even though I'm going to kill him anyway….. *dumps the body* Hahaha…. Finally…. *sits down with his claws* Thank you, my friends. You have done your purpose.
Rin: *opening the chest*
Sesshomaru: *grabs her out of it* What an ugly little boy. *pushes her onto the chair* Time to die~
Rin: No, I….
*Kagura screams downstairs*
Sesshomaru: Damn it…. Forget my face, okay?
Sesshomaru: *runs down to the bakehouse.*
Kagura: *screaming because Naraku is holding onto her dress* DIE, YOU SICKO! DIE! *sees Kikyo* YOU! *tries to drag the body into the furnace*
Sesshomaru: What in the hell are you screaming about? Did you break a nail?
Kagura: No, that creepy Lord didn't die and he was holding onto my kimono. Hey, you still look hot with that blood.
Sesshomaru: Of course I do. I always do. *sees her dragging a body* I'll do it. Open the doors.
Kagura: Okay… *opens doors and lights reflect on Kikyo's face.*
Sesshomaru: *sees her* ….. She remembered me…. Okay… let me get this straight, you lied to me?
Kagura: I did it for you.
Sesshomaru: How the hell does this help me? You lied!
Kagura: No, I never said she died, so bleh!
Sesshomaru: Kikyo, I'm home.
Kagura: She went crazy and became a hobo. She should've been in a hospital.
Sesshomaru: My dear….
Kagura: She wound up in the asylum instead. Better you think she was dead. YES, I LIED BECAUSE I LOVE YOU! I WILL BETTER THAN HER! I LOVE YOU!
Sesshomaru: Oh, my god~ *turns to Kagura, who flinches* Aren't you something? You're right; why dwell on the past? Now, come here, my love. You have nothing to fear….
Kagura: Really? I only did it for the best. Can we still get married?
Sesshomaru: What's dead is dead! *begins to waltz with her toward the furnace around the bodies.* The history of the world, my pet.
Kagura: Leave it to me, love.
Sesshomaru: Is to learn forgiveness and try to forget~
Kagura: By the sea, Mr. Todd, let's go there now!
Sesshomaru: Life is for the alive, my dear. So let's keep living it…
Both: Just keep living it!
Sesshomaru: REALLY LIVING IT! *throws Kagura into the furnace*
Kagura: *burning* Aaaaaaaaaah! You jerk! The jokes on you; you're going to hell with meeeee!
Sesshomaru: Damn; didn't think of that. Oh, well. *cradles Kikyo in his arms* There was a demon and his wife and she was beautiful, though not as beautiful as him…. A foolish demon and his wife… she was his reason and his life and she was beautiful, but so was… he…
*while he sings, Shippo comes out of the sewers, looking extremely pissed off, and grabs Sesshomaru's claws. He slits his neck….*
Sesshomaru: *bleeds over Kikyo.*Aaaah, I'm dying… good-bye, world. My beautiful face will be missed….