*At the barber shop*

Sesshomaru: *looking out the window* Stupid people in this village. They all deserve to die~

Kagura: *coming up with a tray* Please, you're not going to start singing that song again, are ya?

Sesshomaru: I might.

Kagura: *puts tray down* Here's your food.

Sesshomaru: Eww.

Kagura: *ignoring him* Can I ask you question? What did your old Kikyo look like….. You can't remember, can you?

Sesshomaru: Argh! You gave me like two seconds to think about it! She had black hair, and she was a priestess and she had a bow and arrow! See? HA! I remember!

Kagura: Chill out. Get over it. She's gone and life is for the alive, my dear. You know… *blushes* we can have that life even if it's not what we both want… we can get by.

Sesshomaru: *turns around and looks at her in the eyes* Don't move.

Kagura: Oh, Mr, T….

Sesshomaru: *pats down his hair* I can see myself in your eyes.

Kagura: Oh…. *they stare at each other. Kohaku comes in.*

Kohaku: Mr. Todd, Mrs. Kagura!

Kagura: Perfect timing, kid.

Kohaku: He has Rin locked in a madhouse.

Sesshomaru: Say what? Well, since I'm so clever and all, I have an idea. Pretend to be a wigmaker's apprentice in search of hair. Find her and bring her back. I'm a genius, aren't I?

Kohaku: Yes?

Sesshomaru: Good answer. Now, go. *Kohaku leaves.* *To Kagura* Get the boy.

Kagura: Leave him out of it.

Sesshomaru: Get him!

Kagura: *under her breath* Stupid prettyboy… Shippo, Mr. Todd wants you!

Shippo: *cleaning tables* Okey-dokey!

Sesshomaru: *writing a letter.* Rin is here with me. Come get her. That slayer will not get to her. Love, Sesshomaru.

Shippo: Yes, Mr. Todd?

Sesshomaru: Find the Lord and give this to him. *hands him letter.*

Shippo: Uh, kay. Can I stop by the grocer to get some….

Sesshomaru: Nooo. You go straight there and come back. Okay? Okay.

Shippo: Okay. *leaves*

Sesshomaru: *sits down and takes out his gameboy.* Mario, jump over the goomba! Stupid! *throws it across the room.*

Shippo: *comes in at night. Kagura is sitting on her chair.* Hola, Senorita.

Kagura: Where the heck were you? Dinner rush killed me.

Shippo: I ran an errand for that stupid face upstairs. And then I went to the workhouse and thought that if not for you, I would be there now.

Kagura: Uh-huh.

Shippo: You know there's someone bad, but you don't know it.

Kagura: How can I know something and not know it?

Shippo: Just let me sing. *sing* Nothing's going to kill you…. Not while I'm around. Nothing's going to kill you, no, sir, not while I'm around. Demons are prowling everywhere. I'll send them crying, I don't care!

Kagura: I'd like to see you try.

Shippo: No one's going to kill you. No one's going to dare. If they leave you, I'll be there! Demons will charm you with a smile, for a while, but in time, no one's going to kill you while I'm around.

Kagura: What the in the bloody hell are you talking about?

Shippo: I think Mr. Todd's bad.

Kagura: OMG

Shippo: Don't worry! I can help you! I ain't dumb!

Kagura: You are if you use 'ain't.'

Shippo: I won't hide things for you! That's true!

Kagura: *sits him down* There's no need for this. Don't be such a wanker to Mr. Todd. He's so good to us.

Shippo: I've heard him yell at you before, though.

Kagura: That's love! Haha. *hands him money* Here you go. Buy some dumplings for us.

Shippo: That's Signor Inuyasha's gay purse!

Kagura: It's my b-day present!

Shippo: We got to go and get Hakudoshi here!

Kagura: No… just stay here. *sings* Nothing's going to kill you, not while I'm around. Nothing's going to kill you, darling, not while I'm around….

Shippo: Demon's will charm you with a smile, for a while, but in time….

Kagura: Stop interrupting! Here, let's go down to the bakehouse. It's your job now.

Shippo: Really? Why the change of heart?

Kagura: No reason. Let's go. *takes him downstairs*

Shippo: It stinks in here!

Kagura: Don't be blaming your farts on other people, boy.

Shippo: But I didn't…

Kagura: Shh! There's the furnace. Make sure the doors are shut tightly. Over here, you put the meat in and give it a grind.

Shippo: Got it.

Kagura: Good boy. Go ahead and eat some if ya want. *shuts the door and locks it. Starts to cry.*

Kohaku: Mr. Miroku, I need some hair.

Miroku: Yellows are in here, sir. *opens door*

Kohaku: Dummy, I want black hair.

Miroku: Ohh…. Sorry, thinking of the real play! *opens other door*

Kohaku: That one! *points at Rin*

Miroku: Her? Are you sure you don't want this one? *picks up Kagome*

Kohaku: No! I want that one!

Miroku: Okay…. Where shall I cut? *takes out sword*

Kohaku: *takes out hatchet and grabs Rin* See ya later. Mwahahaha~

*Kagura is talking with Sesshomaru*

Kagura: He's locked, but if he escapes, he'll go to the law.

Sesshomaru: He won't.

Hakudoshi: *opens door, Kagura gasps*

Kagrua: You scared the cuss out of me!

Hakudoshi: Sorry. I'm here on business. There is a stink for your chimney. I must take a look at the bakehouse.

Sesshomaru: Come for a shave first.

Hakudoshi: Nah…

Sesshomaru: Fine, if you want to be ugly for the rest of your life.

Hakudoshi: *runs upstairs* Let's go!

Sesshomaru: *grin* Coming!

*in the bakehouse*

Shippo: *eating pie. He takes out a claw* WTF? *Hakudoshi is dead and falls to the ground* OMG! LET ME OUT OF HERE, YOU LUNATICS! *goes into sewers*

*Kagura and Sesshomaru look for him.*

Kagura: Shippo, where are you, love?

Sesshomaru: Shippo?

Kagura: *goes into sewers* Nothing's going to kill you, darling, not while I'm around…

Sesshomaru: Shippo!

*Rin, wearing boy's clothes and Kohaku run into the barber shop*

Kohaku: Mr. Todd! Wait for him here. I'll be back with Ah and Un in half an hour!

Rin: So we run away and all our dreams come true?

Kohaku: That's the idea~

Rin: I've only had nightmares.

Kohaku: What a screwed up life you have. See ya in half an hour! *runs out*

Rin: *goes to the table and examines the claws* Coool

Kikyo: HAKUDOSHI! WHERE ARE YOU?

Rin: OMG! *hides in trunk where Inuyasha's body was* Eww, is this dried blood?

Kikyo: *enters* Hakudoshi, I saw you in here; no use hiding! Hakudoshi, Hakudoshi! Bleahghahahah, come out!

Sesshomaru: Ew, hobo lady, get out.

Kikyo: Beware of the devil's wife! She who lives downstairs! *looks at his face* Hey, don't I know? Hehehe.

Sesshomaru: I make a point of avoiding familiarity with hobos.

Kikyo: Ah, well, it would be a shame to put a black mark on your record.

Naraku: Mr. Todd!

Sesshomaru: *looks at Kikyo, who is still standing there. Kills her and dumps her body* Bye bye, crazy hobo lady!

Naraku: *enters* Where is my ward?

Sesshomaru: Downstairs with Mrs. Kagura. Now, thank goodness she was not raped not to my knowledge at least. She loves you. She begs for forgiveness.

Naraku: *smile* I shall give it to her.

Sesshomaru: *grin* How about a shave? So you won't look so ugly when you reunite with her.
Naraku: Good idea. *sits down* Oh, sexy women!

Sesshomaru: Sexy women, yes.

Naraku: Rin, oh, Rin!

Sesshomaru: *under his breath* Oh, god, please, don't say my daughter's name in that erotic tone. *sings* Pretty women can disappear and still be there, which is creepy when you think about it! You know, we have fellow taste in women.

Naraku: How?

Sesshomaru: The years, no doubt, have changed me, sir. But, I suppose the face of a demon barber, a prisoner in the dark, is really not memorable.

Naraku: *realizing and looks up at him.* Nikito Kato!

Sesshomaru: *screams* NIKITO KATO! *starts stabbing Naraku with his poison claws*

Naraku: *high pitched scream* EEEEEK! *blood gets on Sesshomaru's face*

Sesshomaru: You don't deserve my daughter! That creepy demon slayer does even though I'm going to kill him anyway….. *dumps the body* Hahaha…. Finally…. *sits down with his claws* Thank you, my friends. You have done your purpose.

Rin: *opening the chest*

Sesshomaru: *grabs her out of it* What an ugly little boy. *pushes her onto the chair* Time to die~

Rin: No, I….

*Kagura screams downstairs*

Sesshomaru: Damn it…. Forget my face, okay?

Rin: Okay?

Sesshomaru: *runs down to the bakehouse.*

Kagura: *screaming because Naraku is holding onto her dress* DIE, YOU SICKO! DIE! *sees Kikyo* YOU! *tries to drag the body into the furnace*

Sesshomaru: What in the hell are you screaming about? Did you break a nail?

Kagura: No, that creepy Lord didn't die and he was holding onto my kimono. Hey, you still look hot with that blood.
Sesshomaru: Of course I do. I always do. *sees her dragging a body* I'll do it. Open the doors.

Kagura: Okay… *opens doors and lights reflect on Kikyo's face.*

Sesshomaru: *sees her* ….. She remembered me…. Okay… let me get this straight, you lied to me?

Kagura: I did it for you.

Sesshomaru: How the hell does this help me? You lied!

Kagura: No, I never said she died, so bleh!

Sesshomaru: Kikyo, I'm home.

Kagura: She went crazy and became a hobo. She should've been in a hospital.

Sesshomaru: My dear….

Kagura: She wound up in the asylum instead. Better you think she was dead. YES, I LIED BECAUSE I LOVE YOU! I WILL BETTER THAN HER! I LOVE YOU!

Sesshomaru: Oh, my god~ *turns to Kagura, who flinches* Aren't you something? You're right; why dwell on the past? Now, come here, my love. You have nothing to fear….

Kagura: Really? I only did it for the best. Can we still get married?

Sesshomaru: What's dead is dead! *begins to waltz with her toward the furnace around the bodies.* The history of the world, my pet.

Kagura: Leave it to me, love.

Sesshomaru: Is to learn forgiveness and try to forget~

Kagura: By the sea, Mr. Todd, let's go there now!

Sesshomaru: Life is for the alive, my dear. So let's keep living it…

Both: Just keep living it!

Sesshomaru: REALLY LIVING IT! *throws Kagura into the furnace*

Kagura: *burning* Aaaaaaaaaah! You jerk! The jokes on you; you're going to hell with meeeee!

Sesshomaru: Damn; didn't think of that. Oh, well. *cradles Kikyo in his arms* There was a demon and his wife and she was beautiful, though not as beautiful as him…. A foolish demon and his wife… she was his reason and his life and she was beautiful, but so was… he…

*while he sings, Shippo comes out of the sewers, looking extremely pissed off, and grabs Sesshomaru's claws. He slits his neck….*

Sesshomaru: *bleeds over Kikyo.*Aaaah, I'm dying… good-bye, world. My beautiful face will be missed….

The End