"They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but then an entire life to forget them...
So why is it a lifetime past... and I still remember... and love you?"
I remember him.
I don't know who 'he' is exactly, but I remember him.
I remember his face, his eyes, his smile, his laugh, his tears; I remember everything...
Except his name.
Have you ever fallen in love?
I never have.
Yet I am in love.
'How?' you ask...
Well... I feel like I was born in love...
In love with him.
Do you believe in past lives?
I can't not.
He's always on my mind, this mysterious boy who I know better than anyone else, perhaps even myself, and yet... I've never met him before.
In this life.
He haunts my dreams...
This beautiful figure, sometimes laughing, sometimes crying, sometimes blank as stone.
I wake up with his name on my lips...
But then it slips... and I can't remember, I can't say his name.
I can't forget him... but sometimes I want to.
Because it hurts to remember.
When I think of him, I get these feelings rushing through me, they are overwhelming...
Love, sadness, regret, hope, anger... lost.
What happened to us?
What happened to him?
And... Why do I feel like he's missing?
Like... he should be here... with me...
Why can't I forget him...?
The teacher is talking, waving his arms about extravagantly to make a point as he lectured the class, I don't really hear what he's saying because I'm barely paying attention – it's still an early period cut me some slack. (See: Before lunchtime)
"Blah, blah, blah..." - Is that really all you have to say sir? 'Blah'.
Alright... maybe he's not literally saying 'blah', but my mind isn't taking anything in... So it sounds like 'blah' to me.
I whack my palm against my head, trying to dispel some thoughts. Bad Axel. Stop thinking.
I had that dream again last night.
The dream about the boy. He looks a bit younger than me, maybe by about two years.
He's very beautiful- for a boy.
He's got this... indescribable hair... it's like solid sunlight, I think it's gelled up in the spikes, it looks like it, but... I remember it being soft and springy.
I don't know why or how I remember it, but I do.
He's got these deep blue eyes, so deep I could drown, but they're emotionless. Which makes no sense because they should be flat and depth-less... but they're not.
Again... something I remember.
I remember... the hint of something in them, almost emotion... but not enough to really be.
I remember a face I've never seen before...
Does that make me weird?
People would say it's a memory I have, maybe someone I met when I was younger, that they must have made a big impression on my life somehow.
Well yeah, he made a big impression... but not during this life.
I think... I think I've lived before...
Like, I was born again, reincarnated?
It sounds stupid when I say it like that, it's not like I'm one of those wacky spiritual people who believe in that sort of stuff, but it's something like that.
Memories of a life I've lived before.
But something about it is off...
A life lived... that... wasn't a life..? -
I really should just like give myself in to a mental hospital, there's obviously something wrong with me, my heads not screwed on straight or something.
"Axel!" I hear an annoyed voice nearly yell my name disrupting me from my thoughts.
I blink and look up - my best friend Demyx is standing in front of my desk, hands on his hips glaring down at me, his teal eyes flashing in slight annoyance.
"Come on man! Bell went like ages ago... You were really spaced out..." he drops his hands from his hips to run a hand through his blonde hair, it springs back up to all it's mullet cross mohawk glory almost immediately.
"I was thinking..." I reply dully, unconsciously copying him and running a hand through my own hair – my bright red hair, that stood up in ridiculous spikes no matter what I did to try tame them. The same response as always. This isn't the first time I've been caught daydreaming about him. It's pretty much a regular occurrence by now.
"You're always thinking." He laughs.
"... That's what normal people do Dem, only special people don't think. You're very special." I tease him, trying to act more like my usual (non-daydreaming) self.
He laughs and shrugs moving away from my desk to sling his bag over his shoulder beckoning to me,"Whatever. Come on... lunchtime!"
The cafeteria is basically full, nearly every table is overflowing, screaming and chatting teenagers are making a mess of the room. So... basically a normal school day.
Demyx spots the rest of the gang in the far off corner, slightly excluded from the rest of the screaming idiots. We prefer not to associate.
We're winding our way through the tables when I see him.
I swear my heart stops. It then very quickly starts up again and flutters madly in my chest.
He's the boy from my dreams.
... Which must mean I never got up this morning.
I grab Demyx's arm and pull him back next to me. He flails a bit and nearly drops his lunch tray, turning to glare at me and opening his mouth to bitch at me.
"Dem, Pinch me." I interrupt him before he can begin, still keeping a grip on his arm in case he gets the idea to run off.
He tilts his head and blinks in confusion, "Whaaat?"
I don't have time for this,"Just do it." I frown at him, trying to get him to understand just with my eyes. Come on Demyx, read my mind... or at least let these past years of being best friends have not gone to waste... understand.
"Okay..." he sounds puzzled raising an eyebrow, but complies and pinches my arm.
"Ow!" I whine and let go of him to rub at the spot.
"You said to pinch you!" he defends himself, a pout forming on his face.
I mirror his pout, "Yeah! But not THAT hard!"
Well... I'm not dreaming. (The slight throbbing in my arm proves that – Demyx really needs to cut his nails.)
So why is he still there?
The blonde boy is sitting with a bunch of people I vaguely recognise, some juniors by the looks of it.
"Demyx...?" I glance back at my friend. He's distractedly picking at the food on his tray, giving it doe eyes he usually only reserves for his boyfriend.
"Mm?" he hums in question, popping a chip into his mouth.
"Who's that blonde kid sitting next to... uhm... Sora?" I hope that's the brunettes name... I gesture in the vague direction of the blondes table.
Demyx swallows before glancing over to the group and squinting, "Who Roxas?" he asks vaguely confused.
"Roxas." I breath softly, his name just feels so right. And as I say his name, he happens to glance up and look my way, our eyes lock...
Next thing I know I'm blinking, and opening my eyes... then wincing because of the blinding sunlight.
"Oh you're awake!" Demyx chirps, his tone overly cheerful to hide any other emotions he may be feeling, but I manage to pick up on his worry.
"What happened?" I moan, vaguely aware Demyx is... carrying me? The swaying motions of his stride makes me feel sick. Ugh. I usually only get like this on boats...
He stops to squint into my face, adjusting his hold on me slightly, "Dude, you totally fainted. It was hilarious, but... like... are you okay?"
"Thanks man." I mutter sarcastically, before something hits me, "Dem, may I ask... why or how you are carrying me?"
He blushes slightly, and his tone was questioning,"... I'm stronger than I look? Uh and I'm taking you to the nurses office."
"Put me down." I order, refusing to be carried like some damsel in distress.
"But-"he falters, unsure.
"Now." I glare at him.
With a grumble he sets me to my feet, I sway a little.
Ugh, head does not like.
Demyx starts walking again.
"Where are you going Dem?" I ask vaguely bemused.
He turns around to look at me, "Nurses office." He says it like I'm stupid.
"Have fun." I dead-pan.
There's an awkward silence as he stares at me confused before; "... You're coming with me..."
"No. I'm not." I smirk and fold my arms defiantly.
"... You fainted."
"But I'm fine now."
"You can barely stand on your own two feet." He argues, looking tempted to come over and drag me to the nurses office.
"I'm fine Dem. Now leave it. Let's go... to wherever we need to be..." What do I have now?
"Chemistry?" a raised eyebrow.
"To chemistry it is then..." Wow. I missed on on lunch... how long did it take Demyx to get me this far?
"But-?" he knows he's loosing this argument.
"Dem." I say firmly in a warning tone.
He huffs and throws his arms up into the air, "Fine. But if you faint again... don't blame me!"
How embarrassing. I wonder if he saw me faint.
I mean, it was the middle of the cafeteria, a lot of people must have noticed...
This reminds me... Note to self: Avoid cafeteria for at least a day.
I glance around the classroom, people aren't staring at me and giggling which means it couldn't have been too bad.
Maybe Demyx was subtle about it?
And maybe pigs can fly.
It's the end of the school day finally.
Demyx and I are walking to the café a few blocks from the school, it's our regular hangout, and the rest of the gang might be there.
I push the café door open and the bell chimes softly alerting the inside patrons to our entrance, I look around, and spot the gang in a corner booth next to a window.
Then I see him.
I can't seem to tear my gaze away.
He's sitting with Sora and a few others from lunch again, laughing.
I watch as his hair lights up under the florescent lights.
"Beautiful? What?" Demyx asks giving me a funny look.
Shit. I must have said that out loud...
"Uh, nothing Dem." I try brush it off, already forming a vague plan in my mind...
"Bullshit." he scoffs, looking ready to pick another petty fight with me.
"Pfft. No... Honest... nothing." I lie.
"... I know you're lying Ax." he rolls his eyes, a small smirk working it's way onto his face. He's letting it go.
"... Whatever." I walk toward the rest of the gang.
"Hey Axel!" I hear someone call my name making me halt in my tracks, I turn toward the voice... it's coming from Roxas' table.
I see Riku, a pretty silver haired boy waving at me.
That's funny... Riku's a senior, what's he doing sitting with some juniors?
"Ax! Come here for a mo." He beckons me over.
Grudgingly I concede, waving Demyx to go sit with the gang, ignoring his affronted look and walk over to stand at the end of the small groups booth. It's awkward with all their eyes on me.
"Rox, this is Axel, the guy I was telling you about..." Riku begins, waving at me with a hand.
Wait, what? He's been talking to Roxas about me?
Roxas is looking at me curiously, and this close I notice something I didn't before, his eyes hold emotions, they're not blank, and they flicker with various emotions. He... has a heart.
... What? 'A heart'? I mentally slap myself. What does a beating organ have to do with anything?
A voice interrupts my thoughts.
"Hello Axel, my name is Roxas." His voice is sweet yet deeper than you would expect from him, and he has a small smile on his face.
"Uh... Hi Roxas..." I begin, giving a small nervous wave, unconsciously licking my lips. Why am I so nervous about talking to him? I'm a senior, and by the looks of it he's a junior... nothing to be intimidated about.
"You moved here recently or something?" Oh my god, stupid question Axel, I scold myself. Of course he's new; I haven't seen him around before... I would have definitely noticed.
He doesn't seem to care that my question is stupid, he instead smiles a bit wider, "Yes, I moved here from Twilight Town, I'm living with Sora at the moment, because my parents still have some strings to tie up back there and such. We're cousins." he points to Sora at this. As if I would have any doubts as to who at this table he could possibly be related to. Sora and Roxas look... freakishly the same, except for colour and style of their hair and their slightly varying blue eye shade they could be identical twins.
"Oh. Well... is Hollow Bastion very different from Twilight Town?", another brilliant question Axel. How do you do it?
He chuckles softly, "Yes, but I like it here, because it's different." and something flashes in his eyes as he says this, but so fast I can't catch what it is.
"Uh... that's cool." Gee, aren't I great with conversation? Normally I could charm any-ones pants off, but one little blonde kid and my mind blanks.
Everyone's quiet for a long moment. If no-one speaks I'm going to end up blurting out something really stupid. Thankfully Roxas speaks first, "So Axel, Riku was telling me you're a pyromaniac...?" He trailed off, allowing me a chance to confirm or deny it.
Riku... was... what? I'll kill that bastard.
"... And what if I am?" I ask coolly. People often give me shit for it. It's not my fault exactly that I love fire.
He winks at me, "Then we have something in common. Though I don't exactly consider myself a pyromaniac... I just happen to like what fire can do... to say school buildings."
"He set Twilight Town high on fire!" Sora chirped brightly, surprisingly sounding... proud of his cousin.
"You... set your school on fire?" I raise an eyebrow in disbelief.
He leaned back in the booth and shrugged, "They were giving me shit. I wasn't going to take it. That's why I got moved here..."
"... Wow. How extensive was the damage?" Little innocent looking Roxas set his school on fire?
He looked slightly embarrassed, "... A few buildings burned to the ground, and... I'm kind of banned from the town."
"They can do that?" I ask slightly incredulous.
"Apparently." He muttered dryly.
In the end I joined them at the table for a bit and we chatted, the others at the table left after a bit so it ended up just being Sora, Riku, Roxas and me... I refused to let the thought 'Double-date' enter my mind. Fuck.
I felt kind of bad for ditching the gang, twice in one day. But they'd understand... I hope.
The sun was beginning to go down – had it really been that long? Riku stood up, smoothing out his shirt and turning to Sora, "Well...I guess we should get going... Sora we have that assignment to work on."
"But Riku..." whined Sora, pulling an adorable face that could melt your heart.
Apparently Riku was immune because he just rolled his eyes, "No buts... it's due tomorrow and you've barely started."
Sora grumbled a bit then turned to Roxas "You ready to go?"
Roxas was sitting with his half empty coffee cup to his lips.
"Not really..." he muttered.
A triumphant look came onto Sora's face, "Riku... we can't leave Roxas here alone... he doesn't know his way around properly yet..."
"I can walk him home when he's done." I volunteered. Holy shit... where did that come from?
Riku gave me a look (an I-know-what-you're-up-to-look), and then turned to Roxas.
"What do you say Rox? Want to come with us now and leave your coffee or walk home with the red-headed freak?"
I spluttered in indignation. Riku has silver hair. He can't talk.
"... I like my coffee." Roxas smirked slightly glancing at me, his eyes not hiding his amusement at my annoyed expression.
"Freak it is then. See you later Roxas." Riku and Sora headed out leaving us alone. Awkward.
"I'm not a freak. And I can't help having naturally red hair..." I mutter, half to Roxas, half to myself.
"I know..." he laughs, then smirks at me, "But I can't be sure that's natural..." a gesture to my hair, "It is awfully red. You'll have to prove it's natural..." I flushed lightly. Is he implying what I think he is?
Eventually he finished his coffee and we're now walking down the street side by side.
I'm so nervous for some reason, I can't think of anything to say...
"Hey Axel..." Roxas says softly.
I turn my head slightly towards him "Yeah Roxas?" he's not looking at me but instead apparently studying his shoes intently.
"Ever... felt like you knew someone... you've never met before?" his voice is so soft, I wasn't sure he'd even spoken. But I did hear it.
I freeze mid stride and stare at his back, he notices I'm not following, "Axel?" he stops and turns to look at me.
"... You feel it too?" I ask, not breathing, not daring to hope, my eyes intent on his face. Please say it's not just me, please say I'm not the only one who feels this...
"... Yes." He admits, his eyes only flicker to meet mine briefly before he looks out at the darkening street, a street lamp lights up his face, illuminating his oh so beautiful features.
"Roxas?" I ask hesitant... please don't think I'm insane...
"Hmm?" he doesn't look at me, but continues to stare out at nothing.
I take a deep breath, "Do... you think we were good people... in our past life, I mean?" Not the question I was going to ask...
He turns to me, slight shock crossing his face, "... Past life? Yes, that must be it..." he muses to himself, and then to me "I don't... I don't think we were entirely... maybe we tried to be... but it was something we couldn't help... we weren't." His eyes are sad. Mirroring the emotion in mine.
"Oh." I mutter, slightly disappointed. I had hoped he hadn't felt it too... that chill of something off about the memories, that maybe I hadn't been as heartless as I thought I had been...
"Heartless?" I mutter softly to myself.
Why does that word send chills down my spine? It triggers more memories... And it all comes flooding back.
I feel Roxas' eyes on me.
"No one... would miss me..." he whispered, his face screwed up in concentration, his eyes lost in memories from long ago – a lifetime ago.
And I knew the perfect reply.
"That's not true... I would..."
Our gazes meet...
Then he was in my arms, finally, his head crushed against my chest, my arms were around his waist holding him tightly against me, not about to let him go, ever again.
"I still do miss you... because... I can't forget you..." I whisper in his hair, breathing in the scent that was just Roxas.
"You won't have to miss me again, or worry about not forgetting me... because I'm here now." his fingers gripped the material of my shirt and I feel him tilt his head up to try look at me, I meet his eyes which are filled with an emotion I have never seen in them before.
A heart is the greatest gift of all.
With a heart you can feel many emotions, sadness, happiness, hatred, and the strongest of all love.
With a heart you can mean what you say.
A heart you can give to someone else to keep, and trust them not to break it.
"Now I can say this honestly... because I have a heart to say it with... I love you Roxas." I whisper, pulling away from him slightly so I could just look at him. I've had enough darkness for two lifetimes, and now I have my sunshine back.
"... I love you too." He replies gazing up at me.
Malachite eyes meeting sapphire blue.
Our lips met to seal a promise we could never make in a past life.
I'll love you, forever.
A/N: Yes, I re-wrote parts of this story... why? Because I hated the part where I referred to Axel as a pedophile. I think it was a bit lame and immature. I orignally meant to fix up just that part, but then I ended up completely going over the whole fic, adding things and fixing up some small mistakes. Now I really like this, as opposed to before when I was kind of like 'Eh.'
I hope you enjoy the new version of this ^^ (It's now 5am - Boxing Day... I should get some sleep before I have to go out later.)
Hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas, and I hope you have a great boxing day too! ^^