Thanks to anyone who is reading this, and an even bigger thanks to anyone planning on reviewing! Just to say, please look at my other story (a parody of Wolf Brother) if you can :)
Love from Furfacexxx
Ps. I know this chapter is short, and the others are too, it's how I write parodies: short but hopefully funny chapters ;)
Jane Air, the girl who couldn't spell her name
"I'm too thin, and weak, and stupid. I'm ugly, and my hair's greasy," I moaned to myself as I walked over a giant pile of autumn leaves, "I'm tired, I want to sleep, or read my book."
"Oh, Jane, don't be so sad," Mrs Reed said in a fake loving voice. She hated me, and I hated her for hating me. It was obvious that she hated me from her far-too-sweet manner of talking to me.
"Why must you be so horrible and rude?!" I cried, starting to run into the far distance.
"Jane! Jane, darling! Why are you angry at me?" She sounded so loving, that if I didn't know (from my obviously-right theory(which had not been proven yet)), I would have thought that the softness was genuine.
I had been on the verge of thinking up a reply, but by the time I had heard, understood, analysed and processed the true meaning of the words, I had already receded too far into my emo-ness to speak. Luckily, I could still sprint, and I was so fast that no one had ever caught up with me (apart from that garden snail….), so I ran to the library, confident no one would catch up.
I picked up my favourite book, and, panting heavily, I sat down. Opening the book, I found the familiar sight of my favourite dark, gloomy, depressing drawings. The drawing of a dead fish caught my eye; it always did though. The fish reminded me of myself, whilst the dirt, filth, and dark surroundings reminded me of Mrs Reed and my cousins (all apart form John, who loved me). I turned to another page to find another drawing, this time of a ripped piece of paper. Looking at it, I could immediately see the connection between the piece of paper ripped into the shape of an aubergine and me. The paper ripped into the shape of an eggplant looked like Mrs Reed.
I shut the book, disturbed by the connections.
"JANE! GET OUT!" John screamed, glaring happily at the muddy paw-prints I had left on the floor on my way in. He loved it when I gave him more to clean, but my theory was that he always pretended to hate it because he was worried Mrs Reed would be angry at him for being nice to me.
I winked at my true love cheekily before exiting the room, circling my hips sexily.
"You're UGLY, and ANNOYING and STUPID! I HATE YOU, NEVER FORGET THAT!" John shouted out of pure fright of Mrs Reed.
"I love you too, Honey!" I called. He spat on my dress as I left.