I haven't updated in forever and I suck and I'm a bad person. I literally forgot about this story and for that you get all my gomens.

But I'm gonna try again? Like I haven't written anything but porn in like 8 months so my writing is really rusty. In some ways I'm actually better but I really feel like I have problems with dialogue and transitioning. I guess the only way to get better though is to practice.

So I'm not going to promise daily updates or anything but I'm really going to try and get through this and finish it as quickly as I can. Truthfully though I'm lazy and constantly get writers block but I'm going to try.

So yeah don't blink cuz lifeee goes faster than you think.

I dedicate this chapter to my best friend dustin who gave me tons of bruises to remember him by since he kept pinching me all god damn weekend.


Walking out of that supply closet when he witnessed JD breaking down as a decision Cox regretted basically immediately. But what could he do? Wrap the kid in a hug and smother him with love and "it'll be okay"? He just isn't that kind of person. Sometimes that's a good thing, but sometimes it's really shitty.

After about twenty or so minutes, JD had returned to work, as though nothing had happened. His eyes were bloodshot and his face was bruised, but other than that you couldn't tell a whole awful lot that something was wrong with him. He downplayed the event in the cafeteria to his friends and a few curious co-workers, ignored the Janitor's snide comment about it, and avoided his mentor all together.

While Cox felt conflicted, wanting to go talk to his Newbie, but feeling unable to do so, JD simply felt numb, if not a little relieved. Maybe better than he felt in days. He was sporting some obvious bruises, but also a careful, neat row of slices nicely concealed by his shirtsleeve. The pain that had resurfaced slowly over the past few days was finally gone, at least for now. He checked on all his patients, chatted with a few, joked with Turk, and when it was finally time to go home, he got his things from his locker and headed out towards the parking lot.

It was sort of lucky or Perry that he caught JD before he mounted Sasha and rode off, but when he spotted his mentor approaching JD could only frown slightly, glancing at his phone to check the time as though he was in a hurry. "Do you need something?" He asked cautiously when Perry was in hearing range. The older man shrugged.

"Listen, Newbie, about earlier-"

"Per, you hit me. I deserved it, I guess. Either way, I'm over it. No need to apologize." JD offered up a weak smile.

Dr. Cox gritted his teeth a little. "I wasn't talking about that. What happened in the supply closet, I mean."

"Nothing happened in the supply closet," JD said quickly. He glanced at his scooter, then back to Perry. "Listen, I need to go home. There's a new episode of The Office on tonight. I really need to find out of Angela's baby is Dwight's. It's had me on the edge of my seat since last season's finale."

Dr. Cox couldn't tell if he was more angry or shocked over JD's dismissive attitude. Wasn't Petunia supposed to be the kind of person who's all about sharing their feelings? Either way, it perturbed him. He studied JD carefully for a minute, before saying, "To hell with it. Go home Newbie. Get some sleep. You look like you could use it."

As he watched JD pull out of the parking lot, the only thing Dr. Cox allowed himself to think about was just how badly he needed a drink.


Once he was home, JD did as he told Dr. Cox he would; he watched the new episode of The Office. Once it was over, he brushed his teeth and flopped into bed. He was worried he would have another shared dream, but he was almost too tired to care. The cuts on his wrist itched madly, but he ignored them and slowly drifted off.

It was snowing outside, which was weird, because didn't these dreams take place in the spring? JD had hoped this wouldn't happen again, but here he was, back in his old high school. The halls were empty, and outside the large windows facing the courtyard he could see that the world was sleepily buried under a blanket of snow. Ice crystals hung from the pear tree, reflecting the bright but cold winter sun. To his right a student exited their classroom clutching a hall pass and headed off in the direction of the bathroom. To his left, Perry stood, leaning against a wall, studying JD who was studying the frosted world outside the window.

"Hey," JD said, trying to keep his voice nonchalant. He was wearing the clothes he had gone to bed in, a baggy black hoodie and navy sweatpants. He could feel the cuts burning on his wrist. His face ached where Perry had hit him. Dreams were never supposed to feel this real, it was ridiculous.

"Newbie," Perry grunted in response. "Anything on the agenda for tonight?"

JD shrugged at the question, and sat down on one of the long benches that were placed at the back of the foyer they were both standing in. After a moment, Dr. Cox joined him.

"So how was The Office?" Perry asked finally, breaking the silence. "Everything you thought it would be and more?"

JD chewed on his lip. "S'Alright. The baby's not Dwight's, which is weird because the Senator is gay, but I guess he must have slept with her at some point if he thought the baby was his."

"So about the supply closet breakdown-"

"We don't have to talk about that," JD cut Cox off. "It's over now. I'm better now."

"What do you mean by you're 'better' now?"

"I handled the situation," JD said, as though it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"And how, exactly, did you handle it? Because I honestly don't believe you just cried it out and moved on."

"Honestly, I just got over it."

"Honestly, I don't believe you. I think you're full of shit." Dr. Cox hesitated for a minute, and then asked, "You didn't hurt yourself, did you?"

JD's mind flashed to the five bright red lines that now marred the pale flesh of his wrist and shook his head. "I don't do that anymore."

"So what class are you in now?" Cox asked, changing the subject since he doubted he was going to get much of anything out of JD right now, especially the truth.

"I don't think I'm in any class. This, I think, is around the time I was in Green Lakes," JD paused, then added, "the hospital," to clear things up.

"What was it like there, anyway?"

"Crappy, I guess. There wasn't a whole lot to do, and there was basically no such thing as privacy. It made me feel worse than I already did for a really long time. But then, it's like, you start faking it, just because you want to get out. You want to go to the movies and see your friends and your family and you're desperate for a cigarette and you just kinda start to lie. Make yourself seem like you're better. Tell them what you want to hear. And to be honest, it sort of did make me feel better. Like I had my life under control, even just a little bit. I knew how to play all the doctors, and the nurses, and the other patients, and eventually they released me."

"But it didn't really help all that much. You weren't better when you got out, you know. And maybe because you didn't get help back then, you still don't know how to deal with things now."

"What do you mean?" JD asked incredulously. "I'm perfectly fine now! I mean, I've had a bad week, but-"

"You've been on your way to having a mental breakdown for the last few days there, Newbie. You're snapping."

"I'm not snapping," JD spat out. "You don't know a thing about me."

"And you won't tell me anything, so how should I?" Cox demanded.

"You act like it's just that easy. Like you can treat me horribly all day, and then expect me to come to you when I have a problem so we can have our own little honesty hour. But, haha, when I've tried to do that in the past, what do you do? Laugh at me, belittle me, get angry with me. I think you expect way too much of me."

"Well truthfully, Delilah," Perry started to rant, "most of the problems you've come to me with in the past have been, quite frankly, crap. Boo-hoo my black boyfriend's mad at me. Or maybe his wife is. Or maybe it's because Blonde just isn't all that into you. And no, I don't really care about that. But this? This is different. You're on a dangerous path, and believe it or not, I care."

JD laughed bitterly. "You don't care. You probably just want to know so that you can get rid of me if you think I'm a danger to myself before I do something crazy at the hospital."

"Do you really think that? That I'd just fire you because you're going through something? Did you ever think that maybe, just maybe, I want to help you?"

"Oh, and what a whole hell of a lot of helping you're doing. First you tell me that you don't care, then you punch me in the face, then you leave me sobbing in a supply closet to slash myself up, and now you're sitting here trying to tell me that you do in fact care and it's all my fault for not letting you in? And I'm the fucking crazy one here." JD snorted, and Cox fell silent.

For a few moments, no one spoke.

"So you did. Cut yourself, I mean. You did that." Perry finally stated.

"A few scratches. It's not a big deal."

Cox looked away, and when he finally spoke, his voice was softer, more tired. "You're right. I'm not an easy person to deal with, either. And I've probably been giving you quite a few mixed signals. So I'm sorry. But you need to talk to me, okay? Before you wind up dead."

"Yeah," JD agreed, sounding just as worn out. "Yeah, okay."

From down the hall the bell rang, and as the hallway began to fill up with kids, the dream began to fade out for both men.


that sucked and was sort of shortish?gomen u_u
anyway hmu with a review or s/t let me know you care that I updated or w/e.

god bless