Disclaimer: Sadly, I own nothing from the Mass Effect world.
Author's note: I absolutely love Kaidan and Shepard together and couldn't resist writing them. Its been a while since I played through ME1 so I may have the order of events a little mixed up in some parts. Let me know if I do and I'll fix it. Just to warn you, there is some smut in the last half but it isn't too graphic.
Kaidan stood outside Commander Shepard's door. He hadn't meant to, but for some reason, after his shift had ended, his feet had carried him here instead of to his own sleeper pod. He hesitated before trying the door, thinking of all the events that had led him here.
It had started slowly, with quick glances here and there and occasional conversations onboard the Normandy. At first, he had thought her interest in him to be no more than in any other of her crewmembers, and truthfully, he knew her initial curiosity in him was no different than in anyone else. She genuinely cared about everyone on board the Normandy and took time between missions to get to know them. It had taken Kaidan a while to realize that their continued conversations were not just her trying to get to know the crew better, but that his attraction to Shepard was returned, and quite strongly at that. He had heard rumors that she and Liara might have had something… but once Shepard caught wind of them, she had quickly put an end to the gossip.
Over the course of their mission, they gradually began to get to know each other better. He soon found himself relaxing in her presence instead of tensing with anticipation every time she approached his workstation. Although standing outside her door right now, he found those feelings returning, the tight clenching where his heart lay beneath his chest, the feeling of excitement and nervousness about what was to come, even though he had no idea what that was.
He had opened up to her, told her about his training at Jump Zero, about Rhana, and she had understood, knew what it was like to lose someone and blame yourself for it. Of course, she had become well acquainted with loss; she had experienced so much of it. First on Mindoir, and then Akuze, and more recently, with Jenkins and Ash.
Oh God, Ash.
Part of him, the larger part, rationalized Shepard's choice to save him as nothing more than choosing the better soldier. He was higher ranking and had so much more training, and if that nuke hadn't been planted… well, that was just it. He had to succeed and that was why Shepard had returned for him instead of Ash. Even so, a small fraction of him couldn't help but wonder if it was Shepard's feelings for him that lead to Ash's death.
They had grown even closer after that. She began to rely not only on his skill as a fighter, but also his opinions of the mission and which course of action was best to take. Once they were grounded, she even opened herself up to him emotionally. He could see her clearly in his memory as she had slouched down next to the lockers on the Normandy, an air of defeat about her that was rarely, if ever, seen. Gone was the battle hardened Alliance soldier, the survivor of Akuze. In her place was a person so utterly human in her raw emotions that his heart had gone out to her as never before. He had tried to cheer her up and succeeded, and by the time he helped her off the floor, her normal confident self had begun to return.
Suddenly, her foot had caught on something, and she had lurched forward. His reflexes quickly kicked in and he caught her in his arms. He was about to ask her if she was alright when all of a sudden his mind became sharply focused on how close they were, their bodies in full contact. She had slowly looked up at him, her pink tongue quickly licking her lips to dampen them, and he felt a reaction in his body, somewhere down below his belt, that he had not felt for any particular person in a very long time. He began to lean in, only inches from what he now knew had been missing from his life, when Joker's voice crackled in loudly over the comm. They had quickly stepped apart from each other, but not before he caught a brief flicker of his disappointment mirrored in her eyes. If Joker had not already been in a wheelchair, Kaidan would have put him in one himself for interrupting.
He realized now that the pilot was, in his own way, watching out for them. They had been standing so close to each other that if a crewmember had walked by, there would have been no doubt as to the nature of the relationship between him and the commander. The rules against fraternization were strict, and Kaidan knew that if they were caught, he'd be transferred to another ship, and that idea terrified him more than Sovereign and an entire fleet of Reapers.
He wasn't sure how it had happened or even when, but sometime over the course of events that had occurred in the past few months, he'd fallen madly, deeply, and irrevocably in love with his superior officer. He hadn't planned it, hadn't even been looking for it. He was slow to trust and kept everyone at a distance. Yet somehow, this crew and its commander had gotten through to him, and he was willing to lay down his life for any of them.
As he stood there, contemplating all that had transpired between him and Shepard, he realized that he had been standing outside her door for far too long. He glanced quickly around to see if anyone was nearby and then went to the controls. He was surprised to see that it was unlocked and slid easily open. Stepping through the entrance, his eyes took a moment to adjust, and it was a few seconds before he saw the feminine, yet powerful figure seated in front of the console.
"Shepard, I…" he began but discovered he had no idea what to say. He wanted her to know how he felt about her; it was his whole reason for intruding into her quarters in the first place. Where they were going, he might never get another chance, but he could not force his mouth to work.
He looked at her expectant face and the absurdity of the situation dawned on him. Here he was, in his commanding officer's quarters, completely uninvited and unannounced. He made to leave and mumbled some apology about encroaching on her personal space. He was almost to the door when she said two words that stopped him in his tracks and erased any notion of leaving from his mind.
"Kaidan, stay." It was said so softly and so full of emotion, of want and need and desire and a million other things, that he was powerless but to do all that she asked.
He turned to face her again and was overwhelmed by her sheer beauty. His whole body trembled as he slowly approached her. When he was only a few feet away, she closed the distance in one step and was immediately enveloped in his embrace.
They stood like that for a moment, absorbing the presence of the other before she pulled back enough to look up at him. It was all the encouragement he needed. He leaned in and gently pressed his lips to hers. In that instant, with that mere touch of skin, his whole life became shockingly clear. With sudden clarity, he knew his entire existence had been centered around her. Everything that had happened before, everything that was yet to come, it was all for her, because of her, and inspired by her. He would be hers till the day he died.
His realization and the gentle whimpering emitting from her body caused him to deepen the kiss. He opened his mouth and lightly ran his tongue over her lips, begging for entrance. She quickly gave in and opened herself to him, their tongues colliding with a passion neither had ever known.
Their kiss was deepening even further when he felt her bump into something. He broke the contact between their mouths long enough to look down and see that they had backed up to her bed. He had been so concentrated on her that he hadn't even noticed they were moving in that direction. Even as he was wondering how they had ended up in that location, she fell back onto the bed, pulling him with her.
Quickly, he settled between her legs and began kissing her again, reinitiating the contact he was starved for. An insistent bulge was forming between his legs, but he didn't want to attend to that yet. This was their first time, and he didn't want to rush. He was going to make sure neither of them would ever forget this moment. She also became aware of the evidence of his desire and reached down to his buckle to relieve some of the tension. Her motion seemed to unleash a floodgate, and before they knew it, all the fabric separating skin from skin disappeared.
She moaned as she felt his bare chest come in contact with her breasts. He pulled back to marvel at the sight before leaning down and taking a dark peak into his mouth. She cried out as he suckled her, his tongue tracing lazy circles. She was always so in control in everything she did, but now he found she was surrendering completely to him, allowing him to take the lead in this, and he loved her even more for it.
He reveled in the little sounds he elicited from her, each one making him impossibly harder. As he ministered to her breasts, he brought one of his hands close to her center, feeling the intense heat radiating from her. He hesitated only an instant before touching her softly. Her cries now began to reach a crescendo, and he pressed one of his fingers into her incredibly wet core, a feeling of slight pride creeping into his mind at the fact that he was the one who had triggered such desire in her. She reached her peak a second later, and the sound that escaped her almost made him lose control.
She was still coming down from her climax when he positioned himself in front of her entrance, and her eyes involuntarily closed in anticipation. He paused and looked at her, taking in everything of the woman who stirred emotions in him he had never even imagined existed. "Shepard, look at me," he gently urged. She opened her eyes, and he was drowning in them as he at long last pushed into her.
It was now his turn to close his eyes at the sheer pleasure coursing through his body. He began moving inside of her, building up a slow rhythm that was hard to maintain with her meeting his every thrust. As their pace quickened, his hand found hers and their fingers intertwined. It seemed a small gesture, considering they were as intimate as two people could possibly be, but it somehow brought them closer together, making them realize just how much the other meant.
Kaidan felt himself nearing the edge, and reached his hand between them to bring her with him. Her groans became louder, and as he felt her walls tightening around him, he let go completely, spilling himself inside her, his own cries mingling with hers. He thrust a few more times before collapsing on top of her, mindful not to let his weight crush her. He moved to pull out of her, but she tightened around him and said the words that had begun their joining, "Kaidan, stay."
They laid like that for a while, still connected and completely sated. In a few hours, they would have to emerge and face an enemy so powerful they might not survive, but for now, they were all that existed, and they were at peace.
Gradually, they fell asleep, and as they hurled through space toward a mission that would decide the fate of trillions of beings, Kaidan found reprieve in the arms of a woman who was not only his salvation, but that of an entire galaxy.
Let me know what you think! I've already written the next chapter but am not very happy with it. I'm going to go back through and rework some parts. I should be able to have it up by early next week. Unfortunately, I cannot blow off studying to write or I'd have it up tomorrow!