It's not like anything he's ever seen before. It's definitely not anything he's ever done before. But he kind of thinks that's the adventure in it. Because he's been trapped in a glass house since he was thirteen. His mother and father have been shoving tour dates down his throat ever since that one performance that blew everyone's mind. Kevin's been work, work, work and play, play, play. Joe's been following girls around since he turned eight (and he thinks that's the only reason he ever wanted to become a rock star.) Because Joe loves girls but not like Kevin loves guitars and neither of them like anything as much as their parents love money.
And its all kind of sickening. He can feel the knots in his stomach and he can feel the sweat beads on his forehead. It's too much and he sometimes wishes they would all go away. (Stella too, because all she ever wanted was Joe.) He wishes that a lot of times actually; mostly when they're looking over new tour ideas or deciding what the best outfit would look like for summer tour dates.
He wants to rip his hair out and change his name or run away and never, ever come back. Because sometimes he thinks it would be much more easier if no one ever saw him again. But he thinks about his fans and they always make him feel guilty about ever thinking they were worth leaving. Because they're not (and his family never lets him forget that.)
And no matter how much they like to think that Joe's the one that's keeping the band together, he's not. Nick is. And it gets under his skin so badly. But there's nothing he can do to change anything because Nick is supposed to keep his mouth shut unless he's belting out lyrics or has a new song idea. It's not fair and it makes him want to punch something, anything because he is so angry all the time.
There's really nothing that can stop his pain, either. He can never take enough Advil for his headache and he can never cry enough at night. The pain is always going to be there and no one is ever, ever going to care. Unless they can get a hit song out of it. And they do that a lot, pressure him, lie to him, deceive him, hurt him. All because Nick can play the piano and the drums and the guitar and he is poetic. (And he's being destroyed.) (And he needs someone to pick up the pieces.)
That's where Macy comes in. It's sort of a cliché but everything's really too original in his life anyway, so what's the difference.
She's light and she smiles at him even when she knows he's not going to smile back and yeah, she has a minimal obsession with him and his brothers and she tends to hit him with sporting equipment, but he thinks he can get over that. The bruises don't hurt after a while and the obsession dies down after a few lunch periods of letting her sit extremely close to him. She wants to feel his body heat and strangely enough, it's not that awkward. Because Macy's warm herself and she is the only person he knows that would be so honest. And he thinks he could get used to it, being close to Macy.
He gets used to the way her shoulder slightly touches his arm when they walk to class together (and he notices the looks his brothers give him) but he doesn't really care. Because he has someone to talk to now and she's not full of problems and she doesn't look in the mirror to depict every little feature she owns. She's full of life and she doesn't really care, plus she is really sweet. He's always wanted his girl to be sweet.
He realizes he calls her 'his girl' and it freaks him out a little because he really hasn't ever felt a certain way about a girl before. It was always friends, business, or both and that never turned out well. He doesn't know what it means.
But one day her lips are touching his and he wants to write a song about it because god, he's never felt anything so real and pretty and enjoyable. They're delicate kisses and they last for what seems like forever and he knows he wouldn't mind spending it like this –tangled in webs of Macy with swollen lips and watermelon flavors swimming around in his mouth. He wouldn't mind it at all and he's pretty sure she thinks the same because soon enough he's fiddling with the hem of her shirt and she's not stopping him one bit.
It's new and he really realizes how soft Macy is. He realizes how gentle she is and he feels them melting together into this beautiful mess. (of lies, secrets, and wishes.)
It's not sex and it doesn't turn into anything more than his shirt being on the floor and him nipping at her neck and both of them enjoying every single minute of it. But it changes things. It changes them more than he ever thought they would. Because the next day at school Macy doesn't want his arm around her waist and she doesn't want to figure out what the previous night really meant for them. It confuses him as she walks off to class with no spring in her step.
It makes his insides hurt again (they haven't in a while) when she doesn't answer his phone calls and he wants to demolish everything Joe and Stella ever had, break Kevin's guitars, and he wants to burn every dollar bill he can find in his parent's bedroom. He blames them, and even though they really didn't do anything this time, he still hates them because they are the sole reason he is so messed up. They break him and they tear at his heart until all that's left is whatever Macy can put back together. Which isn't much, but she managed to make him feel better and stronger and she made him love more things.
But now she won't talk to him and he can see something different in her eyes when he's near her. It makes him want to puke and cry and throw things. He's never felt this way, he's not sure what he's feeling, but he knows Macy lit this flame inside of him and it just won't burn out.
He sees her one day after school, it's raining outside and it makes everything seem so cold. She's in the music room sitting on the piano bench and he notes that she looks so fragile. She is lightly hitting the keys of the piano when he sits down. He wants to sigh, he wants to release the aching feeling in his gut and he wants to tell her he's sorry. (Even though, he doesn't know what for.)
He asks her what's wrong and he hears her whisper softly. But he doesn't understand the mumbling and he cant see her eyes and he thinks he has turned into some type of monster over night. He doesn't ask her anything else and they just sit there letting the silence engulf them. It's like a ticking time bomb and he knows it's going to go off anytime now.
She starts crying and he wonders why he has to be right. She won't tell him anything but he has a pretty clear idea that her life isn't so picture perfect. He tucks a piece of her shiny, soft hair behind her ear and he wants to wipe away her tears but he hears this voice in his head that tells him she doesn't want him to. (Maybe that she doesn't want him at all.)
It's not like anything he's ever seen before. It's definitely not anything he's ever done before. But he kind of thinks that's the adventure in it. She's grabbing a hold of his hand and now he can't even remember what happened between her crying and them standing on the roof. It's not magical and it's really not pretty but he never wants to let go of her hand. Ever.
He tells her he loves her. She doesn't respond but he can see a hint of a smile. And god, he feels a lot better. When his mom hugged him after the band's first show, that couldn't measure up to how good Macy Misa makes him feel. He's not sure that anything could ever measure up, now. (or ever.)
They fall and fall and fall into each others arms (until they hit the cold, wet ground.)