A/N: Hello my loves. I would like to apologies for taking so long to update this. So many things have prevented me from updating.
1. Lack of ideas for the next chapter.
2. My laptop broke over the summer and I didn't have a way to retrieve the pages I already started so that made me frustrated and I didn't want to update.
3. Now that my laptop was working I couldn't get the information transferred, long story haha.
But the bottom line is that, 'Lovely Blush', is back and better then ever. Or at least I think so. Tell me what you think.
There are some twist and turns but overall I like the direction its going in…do you?
Read and leave a comment. I like specific criticism or praise, either way I want to know what you think. J
Please review and tell your friends about it.
Disclaimer: ALL Twilight characters belong to Stephanie Meyers – (STORY, PLOT & other CHARACTERS) are mine! & any other nicknames I might come up with.
I am really proud of this chapter; I hope you come to the same conclusion.
Waking up to Isabella nibbling on my ear is a rare occasion. I fully expected her to revert back to the low self-esteem she pretends to hide behind when she's stuck at a cross road. The only time I was in the middle of her cross roads was when I had a falling out with that Jacob kid. He gets under my skin like only a mutt could. I still can't figure out why he calls me a leech when he was the one sucking the life out of the love of MY life. I've always felt like Jacob had a thing for Bella and even if she can't acknowledge it, I made sure to make it my business to get him out of her life.
I really don't care if people don't like me because of all the things I've done. I'm a different person today. I'm not the same girl that picked on her younger sister everyday of their high school career. I am no long the pretty uptight bitch that would walk right up to your girlfriend and tongue her down. Well, maybe if I was single I would; but I am committed to this relationship and to my girl. Although I am dedicated to this relationship, I am starting to question Bella's feelings for me. I never thought we had any serious problems. I always thought I provided for her every possible thing she needed and then some. What am I doing wrong?
Before I could even try and answer my own question the sun sent its traitorous bright beams into our double hung windows. My favorite part of our apartment was the view we had outside our large casement windows in our bedroom. The chestnut finish over our already hard wood floors and walls always gave me a shiver of pleasure. It makes me feel free to do anything. I often walk around naked just to see who I can get a rise out of. It makes Bella hate to wake up next to me most days but it doesn't bother me too much. Plus, today it seems to have paid off. I just love walking around with all my lady lumps showing. I guess you can say I am free spirited. I wish Bella were more like me.
I stretched to get feelings back in my arms after holding Bella all night. I turned my head to the right to look into her face and she had a smile waiting for me. It was infectious. All I could do was smile back.
"Good morning beautiful," I said while I stared into her eyes.
"I was wondering when you were going to wake up." She sighed.
I think reality is finally hitting her. She looks like she's been thinking for an eternity as I slept. She was always the type to get up early and then not be able to fall back to sleep. She is the complete opposite of me on that end. I love sleeping. If I could fix cars in my sleep I would. If I could have sex in my sleep, well of course I'd gladly try that shit. But I'm not that talented, yet.
"Feeling any better this morning?" I moved a few strands of hair away from her face and gave her a small smile.
"Actually I do. I feel relaxed even though I still feel a little overwhelmed. Lost in the moment sort of." She fidgeted her feet a little and looked towards the sparrow sitting in the tree right outside our window.
"Mmm." I really didn't know what else to say to her. I don't really understand how she feels. I'm trying but I am a little lost here myself.
"Can I ask you something?" Her voice shook. I nodded and she stumbled over her words. "Do you think every person deserves love?" She bit down on her lip.
I scratched my head a little before I answered. "Why would you ask that?"
"Well I asked because I had a dream last night. I dreamt that two people were in love with me but neither of the relationships worked because I wasn't the type to be loved. My insecurities got in the way of letting either person in. And the weirdest part about it all is that it wasn't two girls. It was you and some guy fighting over me Rose. Why would I dream this type of dream?" Her hands flew to her forehead as she closed her eyes. In the most subtle way as possible I flipped my hair out of my face and rolled my eyes.
"For the life of me Bella, I don't know why you would be dreaming about another person." I sat up and kicked my feet out from under the covers. "And I sure as hell don't know why it was a man you were dreaming about. I mean, I totally understand that I am the only real relationship you've ever had but a DUDE?" I was livid. I wanted to say as many mean words I remembered the English language had but I decided to just give her the evil eye and storm off. Who the hell does she think she is?
I walked into our bathroom and blew off some steam. I did the only thing that usually makes me feel better, I turned up the radio as loud as I possibly could and started dancing. Thank God Kings of Leon was on. I didn't pay much attention to what they were saying but more importantly just jumped up and down. I whipped my head in every direction until I was a little light headed. Once that song was over Paramore came on and that started the 'fist pump'. At this point I couldn't care less what Bella was doing. I was jamming and didn't care that it was 7:20 in the morning. Our neighbors hate us anyway. Well actually, they just started liking us again. Oh well. I know I should feel some type of sympathy or remorse but I don't.
After I worked off about 5 pounds of sweat, I jumped into our marble shower and basked in its beauty. This part of Bella I appreciated, the girl that took time for details and planned ahead. She never once bitched about what piece should go where in this house. I pretty much let her reign in that department. I just wanted to pick the bed. I needed room for the things I was going to do to her. And you can bet your bottom dollar I've done just about all of them. I have a few more up my sleeve but I really don't even want to touch Bella right now. I am silently wishing she leaves before I get out the shower. She needs to be to work in less than 30 minutes. I stuck my head out the shower to see if I could hear anything remotely human walking around but I didn't, so I just kept washing. I didn't plan on getting out of this shower until 8am. Then, I was going to drive very slowly to the garage.
After I cleaned off my smooth skin I stepped out of the shower and didn't hear anything downstairs. I dried off and confidently walked into our bedroom naked, no reason to wear clothes if you don't have to. I got dressed extra slow thinking of things I shouldn't. I hummed and swayed to this new song I heard on the radio the other day. It's called 'My Heart is Yours' by Justin Nozuka. If only her heart was mine. I can't help get a little jealous about her dream. I haven't fantasized about a man my entire life. Okay, maybe once. But still, that gives her no right to get up all happy and tell me about it. Like as if it made her damn day or something. I can't stand this. I angrily dressed myself and ran down the stairs without doing my hair.
I let my hair swing from side to side as I ran to open the front oak door. I wanted to catch Bella and ridicule her for dreaming about a man. I thought I was all she would ever need. I let one lonely tear fall down my right cheek and whipped it away bitterly. She was gone. "Damn you Bella," slipped from my full lips as I turned to go back inside. A part of me wants to be furious with her but the other side of me wants to hold her tight and make her stop slipping away from me. I am so at a loss for words right now. That's not like me, ever.
When I grabbed my pop tarts from the cabinet I found a note in Bella's handwriting sitting next to the toaster. I squinted to make sure I wasn't imagining things. With one hand I picked up the note while already nibbling on the chocolate chip pop tart in with other. The note was short and so Bella.
I don't want to fight.
Well tough shit. You started this so I am going to finish it, later. I had the right mind to go over there at lunch and speak with her but she never liked our love life to be front page news and Forks High School is the epitome of gossip. Go figure.
I purposely drove past the school to see if I would see Bella outside thinking or something ominous like that, she does that often when she has too much on her mind. And I would say today is one of those days. I wish I knew exactly what happened in her dream, who this guys is and why he has to show up now of all times. I wonder if she thinks he's attractive, muscular, sweet or romantic. She did say that it didn't work with either of us because of her insecurities. So many that's the key and the curse all in one. If I help Bella with her insecurities she will be safe to love me and what then if it back fires and I help her find someone else? But if I leave her the way she is then she will leave me in the end anyway. Someone help me.
I turned around and rushed to work after that. Bella wasn't anywhere to be found. And dare I say, just like in this relationship? It doesn't matter right now. Once I got to work the guys knew something was wrong. A permanent crease was in the middle of my forehead and it wouldn't go away for the life of me. Even as lunch began, my favorite part of the day, I couldn't shake the grey cloud that was hanging over our heads. Bella was really driving me up a wall. Usually I can shake this feeling off but no matter what I did; work harder, listen to good music or take a few shots of white Jamaican rum; I can't seem to pull myself out of this funk. Vodka usually did the trick. My bottom draw always had the plan B to my work day. I shouldn't be drinking at the job but I own this joint so who the hell cares? I passed along my last 2 cars to Richard and called it a day.
I made it home at exactly 4:15 and decided to make some dinner. I never cook. I was never the domestic type but I did pick up a thing or two from Ms. Swan. I made some spaghetti and meat balls and for some reason this reminded me of my little sister. My momentary weakness had me picking up my blackberry and dialing her number. It rang 3 times and she answered the phone giggling about something.
"What do you want Rose?"
"Listen I have a favor to ask you but you have to promise not to tell anyone, got it?" I gritted my teeth with regret already. I almost hung up on her by just thinking about the consequences of this very conversation.
"I'm your only sister for God sake Rose you can ask me anything. Now what's wrong?" She sighed heavily and waited for my response.
"Alice, I need you to give me some relationship advice. And I don't mean your girly prissy power puff meets golden girls stuff; I mean some hardcore sisterly tough love. I'm pulling at straws here." I bit my lip because for once in my life I was nervous to hear what someone would say to me.
"Wait a second. Rosalie Hale wants relationship advice from her little sister? Me, Alice Hale? You have got to be kidding me. What the hell did you do to Bella now?" She chocked over half her words and if she were in front of me, in all honesty, it would be her I'd be choking.
"I am giving you 5 seconds to straighten your shit and help me or so help me God Alice," she cut me off and talked over my words.
"Okay okay, don't get your panties soaked." I shook my head, she always got phrases wrong.
I laughed under my breath after I thought about her words again. "Fine. This is the deal, Bella doesn't feel appreciate enough in our relationship. She thinks we have too much sex and we don't talk enough. So that was our conversation last night, right?" I didn't give her the chance to answer since it wasn't a question. "She wants me to imagine myself in her shoes more and really understand what she is trying to tell me. She's 'lost' apparently."
I made the quote gesture with my hands as if Alice could see me. "You know me, I'm cold hearted. But she's got to give it to me, I am trying. Ya know, to get what she is talking about, but honestly I thought we were happy, together, all this time." I sighed and bowed my head. I very seldom sympathize with anyone but with Bella I really do try. It's so frustrating and heart breaking to know that I've been doing something wrong lately, or for so long I didn't even realize I was doing it. No wonder she's lost. I don't even know where my head is at the exact moment. And this relationship seems more distant by the minute. Are we meant to be?
" I had no idea she wasn't in the bliss I've been in, this entire time. I don't know what to do. I want to smack her to be honest with me but that won't make anything better." Aggression was always the first solution in my book.
"Well you might want to hold back from the violence." You could hear the seriousness in her voice when she said violence. She's had some run ins with guys that liked to be forceful with her. I shouldn't have said suggested that. "Bella isn't the type to stay in an abusive relationship. You already know that, but at the same time, at least she is voicing her opinions to you. Trust me that's a good thing. You must find out what she wants, how to give it to her and fast. Or else you will end up alone, like me. I love you sis, but you haven't had the best track record with the ladies. If she loves you, she will stick around and work this out. But if the love is gone then you might want to start facing the reality now. Either way you are going to be fighting. Fighting for the love lost in your relationship or for your sanity when things end badly with her.
"Do you really think it's that serious that we could…" I couldn't say the words into existence.
"Break up, YES!"
And I thought I was the blunt one in our family. I hate when she's right and she is right.
"Listen, you love her right?" I did a nervous laugh and hummed my approving response. "Then you fight for her. No one said you had to play fair." I knew what she meant. She blew me a kiss and hung up.
I walked over to our flower print shades that draped over the back window that unlocked the wonderful rose garden Bella birthed this past spring. I was flattered when she first thought up the silly idea to make a Rose garden but then it seemed endearing and I rarely use that word. Then I realized she loved me so much to create a garden after me. That touched my core but then she started spending more time with the roses than me and it begrudgingly made me jealous, and that's a hard task. Okay, who am I kidding? I get jealous if someone looks my girls' way, the wrong way. But as time pressed on, Bella read in the garden instead of in my arms or on the couch as I watched poker tournaments.
I sheepishly grinned at my hypocrisy and then walked over to the refrigerator to get the milk out. Bella loves eating spaghetti with chocolate milk. It was always a tradition with her and Jake that I couldn't allow myself to take away from her. Yeah, I've taken things from her. I invested just the right amount of time and energy convincing Bella that Jake just wanted into her pants. Once that dog got about 6 feet tall, I couldn't trust him farther than I could throw him.
I saw the way he would look at her, as if she was the first face he'd ever seen in his life. She wasn't a puzzle to piece together; her feelings were always displayed all over her face. Of course, except for the past few months. I swear my mind can think about so many things all at once, either that or I have ADD.
I made the table and sat and waited for Bella to arrive home. I wonder what was taking her so long to get home. I reached over our deep gray marble table and touched any key my fingers could reach, just to see if she'd called and I missed it but nope, nothing. Not even a text message explaining where she would rather than be then with me, what gives? I signed onto aim just to make sure she didn't try and contact me there, not a damn thing IM'd. She wasn't even signed on. So I quickly ran upstairs to my laptop to sign onto Facebook. If she didn't write me I just might throw my blackberry threw the wall and I love it way too much for that. So the laptop it is. Facebook wasn't my favorite social network but Bella hates twitter so I know she wasn't on there tweeting. I made her account anyway, LovelyBlush, I follow her. But once I signed on Facebook I saw that I had one lone message. I clicked it so fast that I think I might have sprained my pointer finger. I growled with revulsion when I saw it wasn't from her but from Jacob Black.
I almost didn't open it. But something in the pit of my stomach told me I needed to read it. I raised an eye brow and opened it. The message was short and anything but sweet.
To: Rosalie Bella's Hale
Jacob Black September 13, 2010 at 4:15pm Reply
She finally knows everything.