Hey y'all, I just came up with this and thought I should write it down and share it. No, the ending's not super funny or creative or awe-inspiring like some of the one shots out there. In fact, it's a rather modest little story, but I'm oddly fond of it. Oh, and I nearly forgot to mention: it's not slash! Aren't you proud of me? :D

"Alright, Potter, listen up!"

"Yes, Malfoy?"

"You are not going to drag this detention out any longer than is absolutely necessary with bungled attempts at potion brewing. Therefore, you cut the ingredients. I'll brew the potion."

"Whatever you say, Malfoy."

"Good. Now get to work juicing those beetle eyes!"

O o O o O



"You're chopping the newts' tails wrong, you idiot. Lengthwise, not crosswise."


"That's better. Now hurry up, or I won't have time to add them in before all the beeswax melts."

"Why does that matter?"

"Are you daft? The newts' tails would just float around in the liquid wax, instead of properly bonding to it to gain the correct magical properties."


O o O o O


"Sorry! I didn't mean to, I swear!"

"Next time, warn me before you start splattering me with hippogriff egg yolk!"

"I said I was sorry, alright? Surely you can manage a simple cleaning spell."

"Do I have to spell everything out for you? Hippogriffs are extremely resistant to magic, so obviously their eggs are as well."

"Oh. Well I'm sure having a stain on your robes for a little while won't kill you."

"You are incredibly annoying."

O o O o O


"What now?"

"The doxy eggs are crushed and then stirred, not the other way around!"

"What difference does it make?"

"Stirring releases the eggs' properties into the air, which is what makes that horrid smell associated with Doxies. I swear, Potter, I couldn't find a more ignorant Potions flub if I tried! "

"Well I couldn't find a more snobby know-it-all if I tried!"

"Then you're even more incompetent than I thought! That Mudblood is so obnoxious even Longbottom's noticed."

"I refuse to rise to that bait, Malfoy."

O o O o O


"Malfoy, if you don't shut up right now I'll-"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look, Snape said we'd be done with our nightly detentions once we successfully brewed the first 10 potions in our book. Unless you're masochistic, you'll listen to me so we can finish our detentions as quickly as possible."

"I know, I know, but you could be a little nicer about it. I mean— Oh shit, your robes are on fire!"

"My what? Don't just stand there, you idiot, help me!"

O o O o O