While I am busy trying to fix the ending of Stalemate, I thought I might post one of my older works on Itachi Uchiha that I am trying to rewrite now. The characters might get a bit OOC at times and I apologize for that, but the story is supposed to be a comedy, so no hard feelings, ok? ^^ Well, enjoy the first chapter and don't forget to leave a review!
I sighed, flipping through the TV channels. I still had about an hour till the party I was going to attend, so having nothing to do I decided to watch TV. Sadly enough, there was nothing to watch. I sighed again – I really didn't want to go anywhere, but the thing was, I had promised to. But it was raining as hell. The storm raged outside, with lightning and thunder and all. Not that I was scared of it. Though it would be fun if something happened and I had an excuse not to go.
I smiled, "Waah, that would be so awesome!"
With another click I changed the channel again and paused, seeing that it showed Naruto. For a few minutes I simply watched it with my brow furrowed slightly, trying to realize which episode this one was, but I couldn't get it yet. I used to watch it before, but then I got totally bored of it. I found some of the characters really stupid and annoying. All of my friends were going nuts over some guys like Itachi, Sasuke or Kakashi, while I, on the other hand, found one to be a homicide lunatic, the other an overly depressed kid and the last one was even worse - a completely tardy pervert!
I was just about to change the channel again when the lightning with thunder stroke, the TV screen flickered and the movie seemed to freeze on spot. I kept pressing the channel up button on the remote, but it didn't work. I cursed under my breath and pressed all the buttons on the remote control I could find, but nothing was happening.
"Man, not now!.. Come on, play, play, play!" Frustrated, I banged the TV remote on the sofa. "Damn... "
Then, I got up and came up closer to the TV. A screenshot of a dark green forest was on.
"Geez... Why me?! Damn it!"
I kicked the poor TV lightly with my foot and bent down to unplug it when suddenly lightning flashed in the sky again and thunder was heard right above my house. My hand was already on the plug and I felt a sharp pain as electricity ran over my body. My mind became blank immediately as darkness engulfed me.
I opened my eyes slowly, feeling my head hurt and sat up. I glanced around in slight shock as it seemed that I was in some kind of a forest. I shook my head vigorously and then regretted it right away as the pain scorched through it. I sat calmly for a while till it ceased and then looked around again. There really was no mistake - I was in a middle of the forest. 'How did I get here?..' I looked around once again, looking for clues. 'Man, I can't remember anything. Is this like... after the party? How much did I drink?!'
I got up a bit wobbling and looked down at myself; I was wearing my jeans and a sleeveless blouse. Same clothes I wore at home. I shook my head. 'Just what in the world?..' Then, a scream came from somewhere in the forest and I flinched. 'And what was THAT?!' I narrowed my eyes in that direction, but the greeneries of the forest obstructed my view and so I went forth, making my way through shrubs and trees.
Come to think of it, the forest was pretty nice, lots of green grass and shrubs, high trees, some pink and white flowers blooming all around. I would have rather enjoyed walking across it if not for yet another scream and then sobbing sounds. I brushed away the branches of a low bush and came out into some kind of a clearing. A bit further there was a man on the ground. He was bleeding and sobbing something I couldn't even understand. But what struck me more than that was the other guy - a BLUE one. I could swear his skin was blue... Oh wait... not only that... he actually looked like a fish... a really overgrown fish... kind of like that sidekick guy of Itachi from Naruto show. I stared at him in disbelief. 'Wow, must be filming some movie or something... maybe a drama of cosplaying? Heh, pretty good. Realistic too...'
Meanwhile the Kisame cosplaying guy brought out his huge sword, grinning. "Useless fool."
In a mere second he struck his sword down and a shriek filled the forest as the head of the man rolled down onto the ground. I stared wide eyed as I gasped, "Whoah! That's... way TOO realistic!"
Then, I blinked a few times, thinking maybe I could be dreaming and then pinched myself.
"Ouch!" It hurt.
"Seems like we have some company, Kisame."
I heard a soft voice and turned that way only to see another cosplay, this time, of course, Itachi. Well, who else? I stared at him for a minute... damn, was he realistic! Naruto fans cosplaying and killing each other... now that's something!
"I guess there are really some weird psychos out there in the world..." I said out loud.
"Huh?! Are you saying we're psychos?" Kisame took a few steps towards me swinging his sword.
"You know, even cosplaying has limits," I muttered, scowling at him.
"Cosplaying?! What's that? Are you making fun of me?!" I was obviously getting on his wrong side.
And that was NOT good, considering he was a psycho and had a huge sword with him. And when I say huge, I mean H-U-G-E.
So, I tried beaming a smile at him, "No, no, no! Of course not! I would never make fun of you, erm..." I had troubles remembering his name. "Erm... Mr. Fish guy?.."
I noticed his eyes fill with even more anger and tried to correct myself.
"No, that is... Mr... Shark guy... umm..." I realized this wasn't helping me at all. "Ummm... I really like fish, you know! Especially grilled...."
"GRILLED?!" The blue guy roared at me and I flinched. Maybe I shouldn't have said that one last sentence...
"NO!..." I screamed, flailing my hands sideways. "Umm... living ones are the best, of course... swimming around and around... just... swimming?.."
I fell silent as the blue guy readied his sword and I felt like I had just dug out my own grave. Meanwhile, Itachi was watching me with a slight interest as he found my stupid little chat a bit amusing. I, of course, was not having any fun as I finally realized I was quite in a dreadful situation.
"Ummm... look, I know we started on the wrong side of each other, but really... I have nothing against you. Promise! Pinky swear!" I tried to somehow get myself out of this alive, but, once again, my tongue miserably failed me. "I mean, sidekicks are really cool! Really!"
"Side...side..." Poor Kisame was getting the shock of his life as Itachi's eyes widened in sheer surprise and he could hardly hold a light chuckle coming from deep within his chest.
"Side..." Kisame was still stuttering and I decided to be as kind as to help him out.
Of course, that didn't help much as Kisame growled at me in rage shouting, "I KNOW IT MYSELF!"
"U-huh... Good for you," I smiled. "It's always nice to know your place."
Kisame growled in range as the color of his skin changed to a bright red, if it was even possible.
"YOU!!! YOU!!! YOU'RE DEAD MEAT!"
He shouted completely enraged and raised his sword, preparing to launch towards me.
"Gaaaah! No, no, wait! STOP!" I shouted closing my eyes, scared senseless. Nothing happened and I opened my eyes slowly...
"Waah!" Then, I screamed and fell on my butt.
Kisame was just a few steps away from me, his sword raised in midair, preparing to slice... well, me, most probably. I laughed out almost hysterically, "Haaahh... you didn't have to take that word for word."
Kisame stayed silent. I kept quiet as well, still sitting down on the ground, afraid to move. None of us did.
"Ummm... aren't you uncomfortable like that?" 'Heh, never thought he liked jokes like this.'
He didn't move and said nothing. I glanced at Itachi. He was standing like before, looking at me. I began to have a bad feeling about this. I carefully and slowly rose to my feet, but no one said anything to me. Kisame continued to stand just like that. I waved my hand in front of his face, but nothing happened.
"This... is really weird. Guys, come on? Don't joke around..."
"Come on!" I started feeling weird again. It's as if they were frozen.
"Hey!" I tried again. "It's not as if I say stop you must freeze like a movie or something... what, if I say slow motion you're gonna..."
I stopped talking at that moment as I noticed Kisame's foot move. I watched carefully as his leg rose like a centimeter. I kept watching the scene for maybe a few minutes as he moved slowly towards me. Like a movie in slow motion.
He stopped again. I stood silent. "So... I'm like... a remote control?"
"A remote control?.." I repeated and then started laughing like crazy till tears showed up in my eyes.
Finally, when I stopped, I sat down on the ground, trying to find an explanation. But the only one I COULD find, was that I was struck by lightning and was having a very weird dream. Or, I could have been dragged into the world of Naruto anime... yeah, right, like THAT could happen. I looked around and sighed. At the very least, this was a dream, where I dreamt of being dragged into the Naruto anime. I grinned - I was in a world of Naruto and had the absolute power to freeze the time!.. Mwahahahahahahah!!! I grinned evilly as thoughts flashed in my head at the speed of lightning and my eyes glistened mischievously. Might as well have some fun... I was still cackling all to myself as I walked towards Kisame, thinking of getting a little revenge on him. I snickered again, just thinking of their faces when they see THAT.
"Ok, so first things first. Let's get that sword."
As I was pretty tall, I didn't have troubles reaching for the sword, but I DID have troubles untangling Kisame's fingers form it. Finally, the sword fell on to the ground. I sighed and bent down to pick it up. Boy, was it heavy... I could hardly raise it. My initial idea was to throw it away somewhere in the bushes, but I realized that would take the whole day. I didn't have the strength to even raise it normally. After some struggle, I managed to drag it a bit away from Kisame and stuck it into the ground vertically. Lucky me, I didn't know that the sword Samehada was special and spikes would protrude if it was touched by someone else than Kisame. Even luckier for me, the spikes didn't protrude, because the time was stopped around me. Well, if I knew the sword was this dangerous, I'd never have touched it, but I didn't. I was not THAT huge of a Naruto fan. I sighed. My huge plan to make Kisame's sword disappear failed.
"Oh well, let's try something else."
I grinned again and walked to the dead man. I looked down at him. Maybe I should feel sad or scared, but I didn't really feel anything. Dead is dead. And he wasn't even real, was he? Just a character from some anime... A minor one too. I noticed a little bag with coins in it by the man and bent down to pick it up.
"The dead don't need money, do they?"
I grinned and put the sack into my jeans pocket. Then, I turned to Itachi, "Time to share, handsome!"
I walked to Itachi and raised his cloak, looking for his wallet. I soon found it and took all the coins I could find. I smirked as I thought I could be a perfect thief - no one would ever catch me!
"So then... what should I do now?" I looked around, sighing. This was a golden opportunity, how could I just leave like that?..
I was having quite a fun time. Though the girl showed up practically out of nowhere, she was pretty brave talking like that. Kisame was so enraged I thought he was gonna burst from anger. I, on the other hand, found it to be quite amusing, which was a pretty rare occasion. Quite a pity it was gonna end soon as I noticed Kisame was already on the verge of blowing up. He raised his sword and launched forward to kill the girl. I decided it would be too troublesome to stop him as she was an unnecessary witness... but then, suddenly something happened. One minute, she was there, shouting something and then - nothing. I saw Kisame slash the air with his empty hand, as his sword with spikes protruded was stuck into the ground just below... Huh?! Forget that. What is THIS?! I looked amazed as I just noticed something really weird. The sword was decorated with flowers and there was a circle on the ground around Kisame... a circle of... PINK flowers?! I blinked a few times and shook my head trying to snap out of this weird illusion. Then, due to my movements, something fell from my head. I looked down. A flower... wreath?
"The... the hell?! What's with all the flowers?" I heard Kisame shout as he picked up his sword and tried untangling all the pink and white flowers on it.
He started swearing and tearing the poor flowers away as at the same time he looked around crazily. But really... what is this?.. When did all the flowers appear? I was standing in a middle of a flower circle as well and suddenly I felt really stupid. I mean... ME?! Itachi Uchicha? In the circle of PINK flowers? Well, there were some white ones too... But still... Then, I noticed something else even weirder.
"Kisame... Where's the girl?" I asked glancing around suspiciously.
We searched the area; yet there was no one here but us. The girl was gone. Moreover, I couldn't feel any presence... No, now that I think about it, I couldn't feel her presence from the very beginning... Either she was incredibly good at hiding her chakra or... or what? I stood, thoughts running through my head. She appeared out of nowhere and disappeared into thin air. And the flowers... Was all this done by her? But how?.. Impossible! It was merely a second, no, even less, until Kisame would have slashed her in two perfectly proportioned halves and yet... Where is she?.. With horror I realized the girl was gone and there was no way to trace her down. How?.. How did she do it?
I moved towards Kisame, who was staring at the flowers, confused and totally lost. Then, I noticed something else. The bag on my waist... was light. Too light. I took it out and opened up. My eyes widened in surprise as instead of coins, pink flowers fell out. Is this... her doing as well? But when? And how come... I didn't feel a thing? Just what in the world happened here?