Disclaimer: I don't own any part of the Twilight universe but you guys already knew that.

Author's Notes: This story was inspired by a conversation with my Tinis! It is completely ridiculous and written with nothing but giggles and snorts. Please don't send me hate-PMs asking me how I could do this to poor Edward. I adore him but even he is fair game sometimes. This goes out to all my Tinis but especially to Michele and Crow as a really screwy birthday present.

This is part 1 of 2 and part 2 should be up within a week.

As always, let me know what you guys think. Scratch behind my ears and make me purr....


"Oh fuck…baby, so…oh God, Bella…I'm coming!"

I loved it when Edward talked dirty. His fingers gripped my butt so tightly that it almost hurt as he pounded into me, his head thrown back as he held me up against the cold metal lockers. With every move we made, I could hear the clanging of the combination locks that lined the double rows of school lockers behind me. His strong arms held me two feet off the ground and I could feel his chest pressed harshly against me, his breath heaving. The thick scent of his Manspray mixed with the cherry Icee he always ordered from the snack bar, filled my head. It always felt so good and Edward was always so sweet and gentle, kissing my neck and throat as he gently set me on my feet.

But I rarely came.

He didn't know that of course. I'd been told over and over by my best friends, Rose and Alice, just how bad an actress I was every time we'd tried to lie our way out of trouble. But I was apparently good enough to fool Edward into thinking that he brought me to orgasm every time we were together. I'd perfected the moans and knew just when to squeeze my butt to mimic an orgasm but the elusive "event" had never made an appearance. I knew that I could have an orgasm. I gave them to myself all the time and usually while thinking about him. But when we were together? Well….

I really like Edward, much more so than I should have considering that he was technically my boss. I'd met him on my very first day of cashier's training at Wal-Mart, where we both worked. Edward was a bigwig at Wal-Mart, the front end manager and the object of every single girl in the building's fantasies. He was absolutely gorgeous with his jade green eyes and his perfectly cut mop of hair that was a unique shade of reddish-brown. It was almost bronze and very long in the back while short on the top and sides. He was very tall and had the lean sleek body of a runner. All the girls, and even some of the guys, fawned over him every time he pulled his hot little black Firebird with the gold eagle on the front into the parking lot, T-tops off and his music blaring. It was not an uncommon thing for people to actually swoon as he walked through the giant doors, always putting on his blue vest over a tight tee shirt as he passed the service desk. He was also exceedingly polite and very smart too. He never failed to say hello to the greeter at the door and he knew what every function on the cash register meant. He, like me, was working his way through school. Even though we both went to the community college a few miles away, I'd never seen him around campus until after we'd started seeing each other. Almost from that very first meeting, I'd dreamt of him. Night after night, I'd had the naughtiest dreams imaginable staring him and his glorious sex hair.

I'd been on my register for a little over a week when he'd first asked me out. I was so flustered that out of all the girls that threw themselves at Edward, he'd asked me that I'd spilled my entire RC all over him before I managed to squeak out a "yes". Our first date had been amazing. I'd never had anyone treat me so good. We'd gone to the nicest Kentucky Fried Chicken in town and then to the movies. I'd been so impressed when he'd told me that I could not only get my own popcorn but I could even add extra butter. And he hadn't even asked me to smuggle drinks into the theater in my purse, unlike my last boyfriend.

After that first night, we'd been together. He was always so sweet and so nice. He'd even waited through three whole dates until I'd slept with him without ever complaining. In the months that we'd been together, I'd gotten to know the back seat of his Firebird very well and we were pretty familiar with the employee locker room at Wal-Mart. We'd never gone to his place though and I often wondered why. My house was an automatic "no" for our dates, since my dad was the police chief. Although he had been very romantic and snuck into my room on a couple of occasions.

I thought I knew what the problem was, even though I'd never said the words out loud, not even to my closest friends. Edward was always enthusiastic when we were together. He was always very sweet and very gentle and very careful with me. And utterly boring. He'd never once just let himself go. He'd never let himself loose control and just enjoy the moment. I knew, from watching him at work that Edward had a very commanding side to his personality. Dominant one could say. And it was that side that I wanted him to unleash when we were screwing. As much as I appreciated the tenderness, I wanted that dominant side to take over and just….fuck the hell out of me.

"Babe," he started as he rebuckled his belt. "Can you cover Tanya's shift tomorrow? She's finally having that lazy eye fixed but the computer already put her in for a shift."

"Yeah, I could use the overtime."

"You're the best, Bella," he said with his crooked smile as he leaned in and kissed me sweetly. "I gotta run, my break was over five minutes ago. Call you later tonight?"

"Of course." I glanced at my watch and saw that it was almost nine o'clock. My girls would finish their shifts and then we were going to go find a house that was still under construction and take the case of beer that was already in the back of Rose's car, courtesy of her boyfriend Emmett, and get hammered. "The girls should be off soon."

"Ya'll have fun but be careful. No more cow tippin', okay?"

"Aww," I pouted. "Alice trying to push a sleeping cow over is the highlight of our night without you guys there."

"Still, I want you to be safe…"

"And you couldn't possibly be safe with the likes of us," Rose yelled loudly as she stormed into the backroom with Alice right on her heels.

"Hi Rose. Hi Alice," Edward said with mock annoyance.

"Hey boss man," Alice said sweetly. "We promise to take care of little innocent Bella tonight. I won't let her get eaten by a werewolf or attacked by a vampire or anything like that."

"Well, thank you," he laughed as he pulled his vest back on.

I watched as he walked quickly out of the room and pushed the swinging door that lead back out into the store. I looked down at the wooden bench, just waiting for the harassment to begin. After a few seconds of silence from them both, I reached for my backpack and sighed.

"You riding the Cullen pony again, B?"

"Rose! Be quiet. If someone heard you…"

"You mean if someone heard you," Alice said with a smirk.

"No worries there," Rose interrupted. "Let me guess, the magic O never made an appearance."

I blushed furiously. I had, out of desperation, confided in my two best friends about the only problem with my relationship. At the time, they had been shocked and supportive but as time wore on and the situation didn't improve, they had gotten more and more brazen in their teasing.

"Bella, when are you going to talk to him about it?" Alice asked as she shoved the horrible blue vest into her locker with a look of disgust on her face. "You can't go on having lousy sex. It's not fair to either of you and you need to teach Mr. Wonderful the meaning of the word orgasm."

"How do exactly would I go about doing that, Alice?"

"Simple," Rose said, jumping into the conversation. "You just tell the boy that his Patronus charm needs some work."

"Expecto Patronum!" Alice yelled while waving her hands wildly around in the air.

"Great advice girls," I said sarcastically. "I can just see it now. Hi Edward. You are the most amazing boyfriend in the world and I really think I am falling in love with you but in the eight months we've been dating, I've never once had an orgasm. Could you pass the ketchup please?" I finished angrily. The snickers that my rant had earned from my girls only made me angrier. I grabbed my backpack off the bench in a huff and turned toward the door, intent on stomping off.

But I froze in my tracks instead.

Standing in the doorway, one hand still holding the knob, was Edward. He wasn't moving a muscle and seemed to be holding his breath. But the look on his face was what brought me up short and made my stomach clench painfully. He looked like I'd just run over his dog or smashed his beloved Firebird into a brick wall. The horrified look on his face made me want to cry as I realized that he'd heard our entire conversation.

"Girls, can you give us a minute?" I whispered, never looking away from him.

Without a word, they both hurried out of the room. I caught the embarrassed look on Rose's face as she passed me and felt Alice's hand on my shoulder just before she tiptoed out of the room. They both slid past Edward, taking great care not to touch him as he stood still as stone in the door.

"Edward, I…"

"Never?" he said quietly, his pained eyes fixed on the floor.

"How much did you hear?" I asked, scrambling inside to try and find a way to fix this horrible situation.

"Enough," he said even more quietly.

"Did you hear me say that I was falling in love with you?"

He looked up at me. I was relieved just a little to see something other than pain and embarrassment in his expression. But he had yet to move and he had gone from holding his breath to panting harshly.

"I love you Edward," I tried again, my hands shaking like I was having a seizure. This time, a small smile tugged at the corner of his mouth for just a moment before it fell into a tight line.

"Never?" he repeated. "But I thought…"

"Edward, I love being with you," I said as I moved slowly toward him. I felt like a predator approaching my prey as I tried to close the distance between us.

"But you've never…I mean…Bella! How could you…" he trailed off.

I felt so awful as I watched him struggle for the words. I wanted so desperately to just erase the last five minutes but I knew that was impossible. And now that the door had been shoved open, I really owed it to him to be honest with him. The problem was I had no idea how to say what I really wanted to say to him. In a stroke of inspiration, I dropped my book bag onto the bench and yanked the zipper back. It took only a second for me to find what I was looking for.

I looked at the cover for just a moment. A black and white picture of a woman's naked back stood out against the dark background she stood in front of. Her arms were pulled dramatically behind her and bound with a vibrant red length of rope. The title of the book was written at the bottom in an elegant cursive script that reminded me of the printed wedding invitation I'd gotten last week from Jessica Stanley. Images from within the book filled my mind. A dark room with a leather bench in its center. Leather cuffs chained to a large wooden cross. A wall filled with every imaginable type of toy…paddles and leather floggers and riding crops. A playroom. A dungeon. And a man wielding the toys with the precision of a surgeon as his lover submitted to his every desire. The words "Master" and "Sir" taking on meanings I'd never imagined until I'd begun to read. In the darkest corners of my mind, further than I'd even been willing to admit to Alice and Rose, that was what I craved. The missing spark. I wanted Edward to dominate me. I wanted to submit to him.

With my hand now shaking a little, I held the book out to Edward.

"What is this?" he asked without looking down at the book in my hand.

"Edward, I love you. I love being with you. You are amazing and I am so lucky that we are together. But this is what I want."

For the first time, his eyes found the cover of the book I held out to him. I watched as his eyes widened and his eyebrows rose almost to his hairline. A small pink flush crept onto his cheeks as he continued to stare at it but not touching it.

"Wicked Pleasure?" he said in a very disbelieving voice.

"Read it? Please?"

"You read this kind of thing?"

"Just read it please."

He simply nodded as he took the book from me, still staring at it like it was from some alien planet. With a sad smile, I shifted my book bag onto my shoulder and moved to pass by him. Just as I stepped out into the home décor aisle that lead to the break room, he grabbed my forearm. I wheeled around to face him, bracing myself for his reaction.

"You really love me?" he asked, his face relaxing and his smile returning.

"I do Edward, I love you," I responded. I was unable to halt the ear to ear grin that spread across my face as I looked into his beautiful eyes.

"I love you too. Now go or I'm gonna put you back on the clock. You guys have fun."

"We will. Call me in the morning?"

"Of course, babe." He cut his eyes around the immediate area, looking for anyone that might be paying attention to us. Finding no one, he leaned in quickly and kissed me.

I walked down the aisle past electronics and past the children's clothing in search of Alice and Rose, feeling lighter than I had in a long time. Maybe, just maybe, this would turn out to be a good thing.

Two full weeks passed without a single mention of that horrible conversation. Edward and I went out a couple of times and each time, he was his perfectly sweet self. But at the end of each date, instead of driving us to some secluded spot, as we usually did, he took me home. With a quick kiss at my door, he drove away and left me standing in the glow of my dad's industrial sized bug zapper wondering what in the hell was going on. My steady, albeit somewhat anticlimactic (no pun intended) sex life had come to a screeching halt and I had no idea how to go about reigniting it.

That all changed on the Thursday of the third week.

I was almost finished with my shift and was refilling the plastic bag carousel at my cash register when I felt a strong hand on my hip. I wheeled around, intent on blessing out whichever asshole stock boy had chosen to invade my space and came face to face with the green eyes that I had not seen in a couple of days.

"Edward! You scared me," I said with real surprise in my voice.

"Do you have plans Saturday night?" he said in a deep low voice.

"I plan on being wherever you are Saturday night. Does that count?" I said smiling as I felt his fingers flex into my hip bone.

"I'll pick you up at seven. And dress casually." The grin on his face was impish. I wondered for just a second what he could have in mind. But those thoughts were driven straight out of my mind when the hand that had been gripping my hip came down hard on my rear end.

"Oh!" I gasped as he winked and then walked away without another word. The spot on my butt absolutely tingled as I watched him strut down the aisle toward the electronics department.

Every second of the next day and a half, I could think about nothing else except Edward. I tried to tell myself not to get too excited about our date Saturday, that his actions could have been just my imagination running wild. But every time I caught sight of him as he moved around the store, he would wink or smirk as if he knew a secret that I did not. He'd not mentioned the book even once and I had not noticed him reading it but my heart fluttered every time I thought about him with it. Had I made my wants clear to him? Had he enjoyed the book? Had he learned something from it?

Finally, Saturday night arrived. I'd spent much longer getting dressed than I normally would have. I'd even made Rose take me through the lingerie section for a pretty lacy bra and matching thong to wear underneath my sundress. I was so excited; I didn't even mind that it wasn't marked down or in the clearance rack. I was primping for what seemed like the hundredth time when I heard a knock on the front door.

"I'll get it," my dad called from downstairs.

I grabbed my purse and sweater from the rocking chair in the corner of my room and started down the stairs. I was half way down when I caught the tail end of the conversation going on.

"…keep Bella out a bit later than her curfew, Chief Swan? I'd like to take her to Port Angeles for dinner and a movie but with the drive…."

"Sure, Edward. That'll be fine. You two have always been responsible. Just not too terribly late, alright?"

"Thanks, Chief," he finished very politely as I stepped onto the bottom most stair. "Bella, you look beautiful," he said in that same deep voice from the other day, sending the lower half of my body into overdrive.

"Thanks, you don't look half bad yourself," I said appreciatively as I looked him over from head to toe. His tight jeans did wonders for his already perfect body and the tight black shirt he wore made him seem very bad-boyish.

He took my hand and we walked down the short sidewalk to his car. We were both smiling stupidly as my dad wished us a good night and closed the door behind us. Edward, always the gentleman, opened my door for me. Well, he kind of had to, seeing as how the door was permanently locked and could only be opened by reaching down through the cracked window and pulling the lock up manually. But it was the thought that counted.

"We're going to Port Angeles tonight?" I asked as he slid into the driver's seat.

"No," he said without looking at me but smirking into the setting sun.

"But I thought…"

"I lied Bella. I had to. It was the only way to keep you long enough for what I have in mind for tonight," he said cryptically.

"Can I ask where we are going then?"

"You may. I'm taking you to my place."

The silly grin I'd worn since I'd first heard him inside the house turned into a full blown smile as I thought of that prospect. He was taking me to his place. No dinner. No movies. Nothing but the two of us and an extra long amount of time with each other.

The drive to his house was short and we didn't speak the entire time. Occasionally, we would look at each other from the corners of our eyes and grin but we never discussed what we were actually going to his house to do. I had the feeling that everything was going to change tonight. The anticipation that I had been feeling for the last two days had grown into outright excitement that couldn't have been any bigger if I'd just found out that the state fair was in town.

We turned into a neighborhood just on the outskirts of town. The houses all looked very similar, brick exterior ranch style homes. This was an older neighborhood but it looked very nice. I only saw two houses that had cars up on cement blocks in the front yards, unlike my neighborhood where everyone had at least one.

Edward pulled into the driveway of one of the last houses on the street, his oversized tires screeching. But instead of pulling up to the garage door, he followed a path around to the back of the house. From the front, the house looked to be only one story. But as he pulled the brake up, I realized that it had a basement. Against the flat brick wall was a black door with a small wicker mat in front of it.

"You live here?"

"Yeah, this is my place."

"Why didn't we just pull into the garage?"

"Um," he started nervously. "This is my parent's house. I live in the basement."

"You still live with…"

"Yeah, I live with my parents. But the basement is like my own apartment. I come and go as I please and we'll have complete privacy."

"Oh, okay," I mumbled stupidly as the excitement from earlier faded just a little. I guess it shouldn't have surprised me that Edward lived with his parents. But it did. He always talked about "his place" as if he had an apartment. I'd always imagined him and Jasper and Emmett living together or something like that. A small twist in my stomach made itself known as he rounded the front of the car and opened my door for me.

I shook my head and tried to push away the surprise as he opened the door and stepped inside. This was our big night. The night that would change everything and I wasn't going to let something as silly as the fact that he still lived at home ruin it.

The room was completely dark except for a small lamp in the corner that had a red bulb in it. He gently took my hand and led me into the room without uttering a word. As my eyes adjusted, I could make out the shape of a couch and coffee table in the center of the room. There seemed to be two rooms to the left of the couch and then another smaller room directly behind. He led me around to the back of the couch and I noticed a workout bench a few feet to my right.

"I need you to stay right here for just a minute," he said softly, with an edge of nervousness in his voice.

"Edward? What's going…"

"I will explain everything in just a little bit," he said as he reached into his pocket and pulled a red and white bandana out. "Do you trust me?"

I watched as he folded the bandana long ways over and over. As the fabric got thinner, I realized what he was making.

A blindfold.

Fuck. Yeah.

"Of course," I said, unable to hide the grin that was spreading across my face. With the sexiest smirk I'd ever seen, he raised the cotton blindfold to my eyes and began to tie it in the back.

"Oh!" I gasped as something stuck into the skin at the bridge of my nose.

"Oh, god! Sorry," Edward said as he pulled the cloth away from me quickly. My eyes adjusted just in time to see him pulling the price tag that had been attached to the bandana out with a small snapping noise. I looked over his shoulder and also caught sight of a couple of wrinkled bags from Wal-Mart tossed in the corner of the room.

"Let's try this again," he said as he covered my eyes a second time and secured the bandana. "Can you see me?"

"No," I said honestly as I adjusted the end of the covering so that it was not tickling my nose.

"Don't move."

I stood perfectly still for some unknown amount of time. It could have been just a couple of minutes or it could have been an hour. I had no idea. With every breath I took, I got more and more excited about what Edward had in store for me. I could hear him moving around the room but couldn't tell from the noises alone what he was doing. The only thing that was identifiable was the sulfur of a match striking and then the smell of…gingerbread?

"Are you ready for me, Isabella?" he asked in the same low gruff voice that he'd spoken with just a couple of days before. The use of my full name drove me insane. Edward had never once called me by my given name and my mind filled with reasons as to why he would now. Maybe that book had done the trick!

"Yes Edwar…"

"Tonight, you will address me as 'Sir'. You will not use my name at all. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Sir," I said. Just saying the words excited me beyond what I thought myself capable of.

"Good. That's a very good girl. I'm going to take off your blindfold but you are not to move."

"Yes Sir."

He didn't bother to untie the fabric but merely slid it off over the top of my head. It took a couple of seconds for my eyes to adjust after being closed for so long. But when they did, I nearly hyperventilated at what I saw.