AN: The hell? An update? No way. :3
I think I did mention before that inspiration is random. Very, very, so frustratingly random.
Stories About Stuff
"Robin, you are an idiot."
"Don't give me that, Raven!" Robin snapped. He pinched the bridge of his nose and glanced at his friends who were sitting around the table, waiting for him to supply more details. "Look, guys, it won't be that bad-"
"Remember that time Beast Boy was nearly sued because that little girl's parents thought he bit her?" Raven interrupted him.
"Oh! Oh! And that time Raven made all those kids at that birthday party cry!" Beast Boy added.
"Don't forget when Starfire chucked that boy halfway across Thousand Street." Cyborg snorted, crossing his arms.
"That boy wished for the experience of flight, and I had provided a very accurate demonstration!" Starfire protested.
"I don't think he meant for you to throw him!" Cyborg said.
"Guys! Guys! SHUT UP!" Robin yelled, successfully regaining their attention. "Okay, seriously, it's just an easy volunteer job. Nothing too big or too difficult that the Titans can't handle."
"What abou-" Beast Boy was silenced by Robin's withering glare.
"It's just one day! What could go wrong, huh?" Robin held his hands up. "If you guys are really against my idea, you can just read one story. Just one."
"Robin, I do not believe it is because we are terrible with small children, it is just..." Starfire trailed off, struggling to find a good reason.
"No, it's because we're bad with kids." Raven said bluntly. "Cyborg is the closest one kids can look up to as a big brother."
"Aw, you flatter me." Cyborg laughed.
"How'd you even come up with this oh so brilliant plan, Mr. Leader?" Beast Boy propped his feet up on the table, hands folded behind his head.
"Well, after that nasty experience with the little girl and the barrel of flour-"
"That was hilarious!"
"... Yes, thank you Beast Boy." Robin coughed. "I figured it would do our public image some good if we volunteered for the community. So, I thought, why not a read-a-loud at the library?"
"Robin, we're superheroes. We're constantly saving the city from complete destruction. I don't think the civilians will care if there's a few insignificant slips now and then- it's inevitable. After all, celebrities are off worse than us. We do good in this world. People know we're the good guys." Raven said. Starfire smiled and softly clapped.
"So it's agreed. We're reading at the library." Robin nodded, purposely ignoring Raven. Raven sighed and cradled her head in her hand. Why did she even bother?
"Alright, children, today we have some very special guests. The Teeeeen Titaaaans!" the elderly librarian said in a sing-song voice before backing away.
"Yaaay!" the toddlers cheered, bouncing on their parents' laps. Beast Boy sauntered over to the tiny wooden chair and plopped down in it. Immediately, it cracked and broke under his weight.
"OWW!" Beast Boy howled. "I got a splinter up my a-"
"Beast Boy! They're kids!" Robin hissed from the sidelines. He chuckled nervously and waved at the waiting crowd.
"Uh... I guess I can just sit like this..." Beast Boy winced, shifting on the splintered wood. He rubbed his hands together and grinned. "Okay, any requests?"
"The Three Little Pigs!"
"How about the epic awesome story of Captain Beast Boy and his pirate crew of ten thousand tiger-warriors who stormed the seven seas and rescued a damsel in distress from a giant dragon who had laser vision?"
He was met with silence. The kids stared at him blankly while their parents kept Beast Boy under their scrutinizing gazes.
"Okay, let's see... once upon a time-"
"I'M THIWSTY!" a little girl screeched.
"Hey, hey, I'm trying to tell a story here!" Beast Boy waved his arms. "AS I WAS SAYING-"
"I WANNA COOKIE!" the little girl obviously wasn't about to be silenced just yet.
"ONCE UPON A TIME-"
"MOMMY, I'M HUNGWY!"
"-THERE WAS A PIRATE NAMED CAPTAIN BEAST-"
"WHEN IS THIS GUNNA END?"
"-BOY WHO WAS SUPER AWESOME AND-"
"-HE HAD AN AWESOME MOPED-"
"THIS STOWY IS BAD!"
"-AND HE GOT ALL THE HOT CHICKS-"
"MOMMY, I WANNA GO NOW!"
"-BECAUSE THEY THOUGHT HE WAS SEXY!" Beast Boy screamed over the little girl's complaining.
"O-kaay, thank you for listening, but unfortunately, Beast Boy's time is up." Robin quickly walked over to pull the hyperventilating Beast Boy away from the stage. He smiled at the stunned parents and clapped his hands together. "Let's give it up for Beast Boy and his story of... uh... the pirate with a Moped!"
He was met with silence. Robin sighed. "Okay, Cyborg, you're next."
"What's up, y'all? Can I hear a what what?"
"WHAT?" an elderly woman in the back row yelled, a hand cupped over his ear.
"That's what I'm talking about!" Cyborg grinned. "So, who want's to hear a story?"
"ME!" a jittery boy bounced up and down.
"I can't hear you!"
"MEEE!" the boy yelled louder.
"Come on, lemme hear you roar!"
"MEEEE!" the boy suddenly began frothing at the mouth and he fell over. His mother screamed and the surrounding parents rushed over to help. Their children began wailing, frightened by the sudden commotion.
"Oh... uh..." Cyborg remained in the chair, stunned.
Robin winced and buried his face in his hands. This was turning out worse than he had expected.
After the boy got back up (tempted by the smell of a chocolate bar) and the parents and children settled back into their seats, Starfire eagerly flew over to the chair and sat down. She beamed at the crowd and waved.
"Hiiiiii." the children said, waving back with little enthusiasm. Starfire took no notice of this and maintained her cheerful demeanor.
"I am very happy to be here today with such wonderful people!" Starfire declared. She cleared her throat. "And I would like to share a traditional story from my home planet; one that I had grown up with." The parents nodded in approval, beginning to lighten up.
"Oooooghaaaah." Starfire jumped out of her seat and crouched down, making a strange sound in a low, guttural voice. She stepped side to side like a crab, waving her hands about. "Iyulta nomb harusha nicoro lopune miju marutsu repomudazur! Isshuuuutooo!"
The parents stared blankly at her, unsure what to make of the strange performance. A few of the kids giggled.
"Star! English!" Robin hissed. Starfire glanced at him and mouthed "Okay".
"A comet! A comet bearing down upon the moon! The people scream!" Starfire translated, still stepping side to side in a crouch. "And what is this? A YOKONAZU! A YOKONAZU! RUN AWAY, LITTLE MEN! RUN AWAY!"
"Mommy, I'm scared..." a little boy whispered.
"THEY SCREAM! THEY SCREAM IN FEAR! But..." Starfire halted and raised her hands high above her head. "the Yokonazu means no harm. The Yokonazu is a harmless creature, a bringer of peace and joy!"
Robin exhaled in relief.
"BUT THEN..." Starfire gasped. "A Tinukai! Down with the comet, it rains! The Tinukaaaiii! Eaten by the shadowy fear, the men run! The Tinukai hunts! Hunts the Yokonazu! Eats the Yokonazu! Digests the Yokonazu! And all that is left... is the Tinukai. End."
Robin held back a sob as Cyborg patted his shoulder. Starfire smiled at the crowd, waved once more, and flew back to them. The listeners seemed too shocked to show any reaction to Starfire's bizarre Tamaranean story.
"Did I do well?" Starfire asked eagerly.
"Y-Yeah..." Robin managed to say.
Well, it was better than Beast Boy's story. Sort of.
"Uh, hi." Raven nodded at the crowd. "So, how're you doing?"
No one dared respond.
"Okaay..." Raven sat down. She neatly folded her hands in her lap and waited for the baby in the fourth row to stop crying. It gave her time to consider her story, anyways. Once all was quiet, she began.
"Once upon a time, there was a sparkly pink pony named Sparkles Sunshine Cake." Raven said in a droll tone. "Sparkles Sunshine Cake was having a tea party with her friend, a fluffy furry puppy named Woof-woof Sprinkles. They had tea with cream and sugar. It was yummy. The end."
Without another word, Raven stood up and walked off the stage. Immediately, the children erupted in cheers of approval.
"And that's how you tell a story." Raven said to the other four Titans, satisfied by their dropped jaws of disbelief.
"Well, it's been a long day, Titans." Robin nodded.
"Wait a minute, how come you didn't have to tell a story?" Beast Boy asked, slamming his palms on the table.
"Uh... I forgot."
Beast Boy groaned and slapped his forehead. "Of course you did, dude, of course you did."
"I didn't even get to start my story." Cyborg sighed.
"And I did not have the opportunity to elaborate on the rituals of the Tinukai and its ability to digest flesh with an acidic drool that-"
"It's okay, Starfire. It's okay." Raven said, slapping a hand over Starfire's mouth.
"So, all in all, it was a pretty good day, right guys? Guys?" Robin rubbed his hands together, smiling. The other Titans stared blankly at him.
"Yes. A wonderful day." Raven said sarcastically.
AN: Woo... it feels pretty good to be back with the Titans, even if it's for... 1779 words. Well, I have no idea when the next update will be, so later.
Reviews will be greatly appreciated.