All I Wanted Was You
Chapter 1: Butterflies and Hurricanes
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Twilight characters and I do not intend to take credit of Stephanie Meyer's work.
I just want to thank everyone who reads this beforehand because you all mean a lot to me. If you review, I will always reply. This story means a lot to me because it's been over two years since I posted a story on this site. It had also been two years since I have actually sat down and wrote a story. I have been so busy in University that I have not found the time to sit down and write. But over the past couple of months I have realized I was not quite happy and I did not know why. Then I realized it was because when I was younger writing was everything to me, it was a part of me and when I stopped writing that part of me vanished. I knew I wanted that part of me back, so I started writing this story. It feels so good to be writing again and I have learned one thing: You can make time for anything that you love.
I want to thank Stephanie Meyer for creating Twilight because without her this story would not exist and I would not be inspired to write. Go Team Edward.
I also want to thank Duessa de l'esprit, she is awesome and she helped me a lot to find my motivation. She is such an awesome writer and her stories are amazing! Check out her profile and find out for yourself!
I hope you like this story!
"I don't want to sleep," I reminded him. I gave him an excuse that was believable because it was true. "If I close my eyes now, I'll see things I do not want to see. I'll have nightmares..."
He didn't argue with me after that, and I was glad. I knew if I fell asleep I would have horrible nightmares, not about Edward leaving me but of me leaving him. I knew I would dream of how Edward would react when I told him I could not be with him anymore. His heart would break like a piece of ice. His soul would be crushed. His beautiful eyes would show pain and hurt as I said goodbye and imaging his angelic face hold those horrible emotions would be the worst nightmare I would ever dream of. I bit my lip as I glanced out the plane window. I felt as though there were millions of caged butterflies flying around in my stomach trying to break free. I had no idea how I was going to break up with Edward, the most beautiful man in the world, but it had to be done. It had to. I could not be with someone who could leave me.
I remember the day when Edward left me, the memory always plays in my head like a DVD player with no pause or stop buttons. The memory like flames of a fire, burning the flesh of my head engulfing me in overwhelming pain. Every time I tell my brain to stop thinking about that day, it just keeps playing the images of Edward and I talking in the forest beside my house. I remember his beautiful voice telling me he was leaving and I remember my heart cracking into a million pieces, as if it was a glass jar being dropped four feet high. My body started to tremble like a leaf in a tree on a windy October day. I could feel the cold numbness drape over my body like a blanket as I looked up at my beautiful Edward, to see if there was a hint of truth in his eyes. He had promised me he would never leave and I believed him. Perhaps he was playing an awful, mean joke on me and in two minutes we would be laughing and holding each other like we always did. But I knew as I peeked into his scintillating eyes, he was telling the truth, this was no joke. Then he was gone. My Edward was gone. There was nothing for me to do but to cry as the salty tears fell from my eyes like rain drops crashing down from the sky. The trees felt as though they were closing in on me and all I wanted to do was to be held by Edward and tell him I loved him.
After that traumatic day I was a mess. I was alone, depressed and hurt. I could not understand why I was still breathing since I swore I felt my heart break when Edward left. Sleep became very seldom and was replaced with horrible nightmares which kept me up every night. I tried to eat but my stomach felt hollow. During my time away from Edward I felt two things; First I missed Edward like crazy and I desperately wished I could see him again, but later on I gradually became angrier and angrier at him. He had promised me he would never leave and he broke it! I had given him my heart even when I knew the consequences of my actions, and he broke it. Edward broke my heart. He was the one responsible for the pain I was feeling. It was his entire fault! How could he do this to me, I thought he loved me. I guess my angel wasn't really an angel after all. As the anger in my body started to spread like wildfire, the waterfall of tears continuously flowed down my pale face. I did not know how I could move on. I did not know how I could live my life. I was a sewn up doll who could break at the seams at any moment.
Instead of crawling into a deeper depression I used my anger and hurt as motivation to get back on my feet. I could not let my life be destroyed by a man, even if he was the most beautiful man in the world. That is when I started to develop a close relationship with my friend Jacob Black. It was nice to have a friend who was there for me and it was nice not being engulfed in waves of loneliness all of the time. Although he was younger than me he was funny, nice and extremely attractive. He was my medicine who cured away all of my pain and he even glued back the pieces of my heart with his bare hands. My feelings for him never faltered even when I found out he was a werewolf. If I could deal with vampires I could surely deal with oversized dogs with large teeth. However at night, when I was alone and most vulnerable my anger would reappear and cause my body to shake in rage. Then I would feel the hole in my heart emerge and even though I did not want to think about Edward, the truth was I missed him and still loved him. I missed the Cullens and especially my best friend Alice. I tried to suppress feelings of Edward, but his image always remained in the back of my mind. No matter how hard I tried, I could not forget him. I could not stop my heart from loving him either. But I knew my heart would always be scarred, from the knife Edward drove through it, so I tried to distract myself by spending more time with Jacob. It worked because as he began to heal my heart, I started to fall for him. But soon our close relationship declined when he changed into a wolf because he was always with his pack and never with me. I could feel my newly attached heart, ripping to pieces again. I missed Jacob, but I missed Edward and I hated myself for still feeling emotions for him. But every time I saw his face when I did something dangerous I could not help but miss him and hate him at the same time. But there were times when I tried to ignore how much I hated him so I could imagine the way he used to be. The way we used to be. This ignorance clouded my judgment and when I decided to cliff jump to see Edward's face, my love overpowered my hatred for him.
Although Jacob saved me that day, I did not realize soon after, I would have to be the hero. I did not realize how much I had missed Alice when I saw her standing in my house. I missed her so much, she was like the sister I never had. However when she told me she had seen me cliff jump and Edward had found out from Rosalie that I was dead, I began to worry. Alice told me Edward was going to go to the Volturi to commit suicide and I was the only one who could save him. At first I did not want to go. Why would I? He was the one who left me and now he and the Cullens though I would just jump back into their lives and save the day. However as much as I hated Edward, I still loved him and I did not want to see him die. So Alice and I went to Italy and my heart ached as soon as I saw Edward walking into the sunlight. I could not help but leap into his arms and kiss his smooth lips. It was what my heart wanted all of these months. In his arms time stood still as though all the clocks in Italy were frozen. I felt complete and in that instance I felt pure joy to be reunited with Edward. I felt as though I was in a fairytale and Edward was my prince who had never left me. Even when faced with the Volturi I felt as though this was where I wanted to be. Perhaps it was due to the excitement or fear of the Volturi but I wanted to remain in Edward's arms.
However ever since Alice, Edward and I had stepped onto the plane to return to Forks, my imaginary fairytale vanished and the reality sunk in. I was glad Edward was safe and out of harm's way but the hole in my chest was still there. Edward kept holding my hand, smiling and asking if I was okay. What was I supposed to say? No I am not okay, I will never be okay. He kept saying how thrilled his family was going to be when they saw me. I almost choked on the Coke I was drinking as I stared at him. I realized Edward thought everything would be okay and I would continue to be a part of his and his family's life. I couldn't. I could not let them walk easily into my life when they had walked out of it without a second glance. No I could not let them ruin my life like they had once done. I, Bella Swan was stronger than that and there was no way I could be with Edward anymore. I needed to show the Cullen's especially Edward that he could not dictate when he could enter or exit my life. I did not want to be played like a used toy. Although I was glad to be with Edward and it felt right being by his side, I knew I could not let my heart be destroyed again.
"Bella are you okay" Edward asked as he looked at me glancing out the window, piercing my lip.
His sweet voice interrupted my thoughts as I stared back at him with tears in my eyes. This time my feelings of love towards him would be conquered by hate. As I looked at him, I felt as though I was preparing for a hurricane because I did not know what to expect but I knew whatever Edward's reaction would be, it would be bad.
"Umm…Edward." I said quietly as a tear floated down my face.
"Yes Bella, what's wrong?" He asked whipping the salty tear away.
"I am not going to go back with you to see your family." I started to say.
"That is okay Bella, I know you must miss Charlie so I was going to take you home first then tomorrow we can see my family, they will be so excited to see you," He said.
This was so frustrating. He did not understand.
"No Edward, I mean I don't want to see your family because….I can't be with you anymore. Once you have taken me home, I don't want you to come through my window and visit me at night. If you try the window will be closed and will remain closed. I can't deal with all of this right now Edward. You promised me you would never leave; you and your family broke my heart. I was a mess! I still love you Edward but I don't trust you anymore. I won't let you walk in and out of my life whenever you feel like it. My heart can't take it, I can't take it. So please if you love me Edward you would do as I say." I finally explained as tears started pouring from my eyes.
When I looked into Edward's eyes I could see his soul breaking and it killed me inside. I hated seeing him like this. Then he grabbed my hand and said;
"Although it pains me to hear your devastating words, I understand completely. I know it is for the best and you will be safe without me. It was not right what I did but I hope you know I did it to protect you. I also want you to know that although you do not want to be with me, I will still remain in Forks because I do not want to leave you again. Bella please do not blame my family, this was all my idea. You should not let what I have done destroy your relationship with my family. I hope you take care of yourself Bella, I will always love you and I will make it up to you. I promise. I wait for you whenever you decide you can trust me again. I am not going anywhere and even if you do not want me to, I will continue to watch over you and protect you, like I should have done these past couple of months. You are my beautiful lamb, Bella Swan and although your words are breaking my heart, I will do what you say and let you go my dear Bella. I hope you will return back to me."
"Just give me some time Edward," I said as I kissed his sweet lips for the last time.