Ami Meets Mr. Sandman
BlueTiger321: Hello everyone. This is BlueTiger321 back with my next story. Like my first one, this is going to be a parody of a SpongeBob SquarePants episode using various characters from cartoon shows and video games. Now onto the legal parts: the SpongeBob SquarePants franchise is property of Nickelodeon Studios, and all the characters used in this story are property of their respectful owners. So just sit back and watch as the stupidity unfolds!
In the world of cartoons and video game characters, a pink-eyed and haired Japanese girl wearing a yellow dress and white platform shoes stands inside a tour bus. Her name was Ami Onuki and she waits patiently next to a punch clock with a punch card in her hand while she watches with narrowed eyes as the time was almost eight o' clock.
The second hand was getting closer, and Ami was preparing to make her move.
"Wait for it..." she said, eagerly watching for the right time.
Only three seconds were left, which made Ami narrow her focus even more. Now the second hand had reached the last second, but then it suddenly froze. Ami opened her eyes wide in shock to see this happening. After a little while, it was now officially eight o'clock and the girl moved her punch card into the slot the moment it was time to be a rock star. A sense of pride welled up in Ami as she accomplished her goal to start work on time.
As Ami jumped into the air with a huge grin on her face, the punch clock calculated her time. It spoke in a computerized voice, saying, On Time Percentage: one hundred percent.
Ami landed back on the floor while congratulating herself. At that moment her fellow rock star entered the room. She had purple hair and eyes, and she wore a purple shirt with a skull in the centre, black pants and boots. Her name was Yumi Yoshimura, and she didn't share Ami's enthusiasm.
Yumi also held up a punch card while heading towards the clock, saying, "Another day, another migraine." She proceeded by laughing. "Mi–"
Yumi was mysteriously cut-off when the clock calculated her time. On Time Percentage: twelve percent, it said.
"—Graine," Yumi finished, still laughing.
Ami sighed in awe at her life. "Isn't great being a rock star, Yumi?" she said. "Huh? Isn't it? Being adored by all our fans?"
"Yeah, great," Yumi agreed, "but I don't see why Kaz makes us punch-in for work."
"Yeah," said Ami, not listening to Yumi's complaint.
Yumi was now getting annoyed by Ami's giddiness. Raising her voice, she said, "Yes!"
"Hold that thought, Yumi," Ami said while raising her hand. "I've gotta go outside and do my litter patrol. You know how much I love cleaning." The girl then walked out of the tour bus to start her clean-up while laughing.
Outside, Ami was now holding a trash pick-up stick with a green bag wrapped around her shoulder. She also wore a red cap with the words Litter Bugs Me inscribed on it. Upon walking outside she found a crumpled-up wrapper lying on the ground.
"Litter," she said. Picking up the trash with her stick, she brought it close to her face, saying, "Looks like someone missed the trash can, huh Mr. Candy Wrapper?" Ami then laughed to herself. "Kids these days..."
Ami gasped as she saw another crumpled-up piece of paper being thrown onto the ground. Picking it up, she said, "I've never seen such an epidemic. Well, at least it's all over now."
The girl looked to her left and saw another piece of paper on the ground and gasped. She picked it up, but then saw another piece of trash. Now she was getting confused. Ami picked that trash up, but then saw another coming. Picking that up, more trash appeared. As the girl continued picking up each piece of garbage, more just kept coming. Eventually she worked faster to pick up every litter. Ami stopped to catch her breath and saw her pick-up stick had a huge stack of garbage piled over it. She thought she had gotten all of it when one more bit of trash descended by parachute.
That made Ami shout in frustration. In doing so, she knocked away her collected garbage and said, "Where is all this litter coming from?!"
The girl then saw the root of the problem. Sitting in a convertible was a muscular, dark-skinned man with black hair wearing yellow and orange trunks and green boxing gloves. She then saw a trail of garbage leading to his car, meaning he was the one littering. Ami could hear him laughing as he did it, which meant he didn't care what he was doing. The man then threw out another piece of trash, and Ami saw it as it mimicked on the pupils in her eyes. She wasn't going to stand for this.
"Not on my watch," Ami said, sternly.
Walking up to the man, Ami pointed to him and said, "Sir, I will have you know that it's against the law to litter."
The man didn't take Ami seriously. Chuckling, he said, "What are you gonna do, call the police?"
A group of police then showed up, and the man had a surprised look on his face while Ami smirked at him.
"Yes," said Ami, answering the question.
The man was forced out of his car, and handcuffs were placed on him. The police didn't stop as they then placed cuffs around his feet, then over his thumbs, and then over his eyeballs. Police then lined up and they all placed cuffs over another body part on the suspect.
Ami looked on and thought she had done the right thing just as Yumi came over to her.
"How's it going, Ami?" Yumi asked.
"Well let's just say I hope our litterbug over there saves room for his just desserts," Ami replied. She then laughed at her own pun. "Yeah! Just desserts."
Yumi then got a look at whom the police were arresting and her eyes were set in shock. She then saw the man was covered with cuffs around his body with a huge lock over his chest, and two cops named Chris Redfield and Jill Valentine (Resident Evil) were placing cuffs over his hair.
"Ami, don't you know who that is?" asked Yumi.
"Who?" asked Ami.
Yumi pointed at the man and said, "That's Mr. Sandman!"
Confused, Ami asked once again, "Who?"
Yumi then pulled out a wanted poster with the aforementioned man's mug shot on it and gave it to Ami. "Mr. Sandman!" replied Yumi. "He was the reigning champion in the Punch-Out Boxing League until Little Mac defeated him! Now he wanders around and vows to beat up anybody who turns him in!"
Ami and Yumi then looked back at Mr. Sandman, and they saw he narrowed his eyes in anger and snarled with clenched teeth. This made both girls look on with frightened expressions.
"He seems kind of angry, eh Yumi?" Ami wondered. The girl turned around to see her friend was missing. "Yumi?" she said confusedly. "Yumi?!"
Mr. Sandman was now being moved into the police cruiser. Jill kept the door open and Chris led him into the back.
"You're gonna do time for this, Mr. Sandman," said Chris. "Hard time!"
Jill then shut the door, leaving the boxer inside.
Out of concern for her safety, Ami walked up to the cops and said, "Hi, officers. So he's going to jail, right?"
"Who, Mr. Sandman?" asked Jill.
"Yes, Mr. Sandman," replied Ami.
"Oh, he's going to jail for a long time."
Mr. Sandman had now picked up a pencil and began to draw on the back of the headrest of the front seat. He turned it around to reveal he had drawn Ami's face, and he showed it off with a huge grin.
"Hey, that looks like me," said Ami.
The man then began to furiously punch the headrest while grunting. When he was done, the picture of Ami's face had become mutilated and showed various bruises around the face. A spring also popped out after the headrest took the beating. Mr. Sandman merely laughed as it signified what he was going to do to Ami.
Ami was left frightened at this sight.
"Don't worry, Ami," said Jill, "he won't be able to beat you up."
"Yeah," added Chris. "We got him chained up real good. He'll never get away."
Chris and Jill turned around and had stunned expressions on their faces. "Oops, not again," said Jill.
"Yup, he got away," said Chris.
What everyone saw was the door of the police cruiser open, and lying on the ground was a pile of handcuffs. A trail of shoeprints was also at the scene, which meant Mr. Sandman was on the loose.
The thought of being in danger made Ami scream with fright and then faint. Chris and Jill looked down to see Ami getting up with a dazed look on her face as she saw stars spinning around her head.
"You nice officers will protect me, right?" Ami asked politely.
Chris and Jill had just gotten back into their cruiser. "We ain't bodyguards, kid," Jill explained. "Only Leon does that and unfortunately, he's not in this story."
(A/N: As you all know, Leon is the protagonist of Resident Evil 4.)
"Yeah," said Chris. "Give us a call if you see him again, tattletale!"
The two cops then drove off, leaving Ami to choke on the gas fumes. Now she was more worried than ever.
"Those officers are right," said Ami. "I need a bodyguard!"
The rock star then ran off to find someone who could protect her, and luckily there was someone close by who could do it.
"Eddie!" cried Ami. She had then run into the roadie from her last show, a big man named Eddie Riggs (Brütal Legend). "There's a maniac after me! I need a bodyguard!"
Eddie only laughed at this, leaving Ami confused.
"I wasn't the protagonist of my game for nothing!" Eddie said while bringing out his battle axe. Ami was now smiling as she thought the roadie would protect her. "When he sees my moves, he'll be runnin' scared!"
Eddie wasn't taking Ami's situation seriously, so he asked, "So where is this bully? ...Down at the park? ...The soda shop? What does he look like, eh li'l lady?"
Ami brought out the wanted poster and replied, "This would be him, Eddie."
Seeing the mug shot then sent Eddie into panic. "Mr. Sandman?!" he said gasping. Eddie then brought out his guitar to play a solo, and summoned his car called the Deuce. Getting into it, he said, "No way, Ami! I ain't gettin' in a fight with him!"
Eddie then drove away with a scared look on his face, and left Ami by herself.
* * *
Now Ami walked around town to search for another bodyguard.
Her first stop was to see a boy named Cyborg as he was working on his car. The rock star showed him the wanted poster of Mr. Sandman. Upon seeing it, Cyborg was so frightened that he immediately shut himself down, giving Ami an odd look.
Ami then came upon a burly man named Snipe (Storm Hawks) who was smashing rocks with his mace. Ami showed the man the wanted poster and it made Snipe bite his fingers nervously. He proceeded by hoping on his mace and used it as a pogo stick to get away from the girl, who was left frowning.
The young rock star then went over to the Street Fighter tournament. All the fighters there immediately started running away and screaming cowardly when Ami asked them to protect her from Mr. Sandman.
"Hold me! Hold me!" shouted a fighter named Sagat.
* * *
Ami was now standing at a bus stop looking worried. She looked all over town for someone to be her bodyguard, but everyone was too afraid to face Mr. Sandman.
"That's it," she said. "I've gotta get out of town until I can find a bodyguard."
"...Bodyguard?" said a mysterious voice. Ami looked over to see the source and saw someone sitting on a bench with a newspaper in front of his face. "I might be able to help."
"You don't understand, mister," said Ami. "I need protection from the scariest guy in town." The girl then held up the wanted poster up to the side of the man's head. "Here's his picture."
The man put down his paper, and it was revealed that he was actually Mr. Sandman, except he was wearing a fake moustache to disguise himself.
Mr. Sandman laughed at the poster and said, "He doesn't look so tough."
"I tattled on him," Ami explained, "and now he wants to beat me up with his diabolical hands! I hope they're not dirty..."
Ami turned her back just as Mr. Sandman removed his boxing gloves, unveiling his dirty hands that had an acrid odour to them. He laughed just as he was getting close to Ami to exact his revenge, but then a busload of people came by, forcing the man to bring his hands back while smiling until the bus left. If Mr. Sandman wanted to get even with Ami, he would have to do it in someplace isolated.
"There are too many witnesses around here..." Mr. Sandman said to himself. He then made an attempt to gain Ami's trust. "Say kid, I could be your bodyguard. Here's my card."
Ami took his card and on it was the name Mr. Sandman crossed out and replaced with Bodyguard along with a drawn moustache on the picture.
"...Looks good to me," said Ami. "You're hired. I feel safer already. What's next?"
Mr. Sandman leaned in close to show the price tag was still on his moustache. "Well," he said, "the maniac could be anywhere, wearing a disguise." To make his point, he pointed to a man named Professor Farnsworth (Futurama) and said, "He could be that old man..." and then pointed to a little girl named Maggie Simpson, saying, "...or that baby!"
Ami got the idea. She then pointed to random objects, saying, "...Or that pebble, or that stick, or that receipt from the Phony-Baloney Moustache Emporium!"
Mr. Sandman looked at the receipt and picked it up, saying, "Uh, that's mine!"
"Oh bodyguard, my body is in your guarding hands," Ami said gleefully. "What do we do next?"
Putting his hand over his chin, the boxer said, "Uh, I suggest we go to a nice, quiet, secluded location... like behind a dumpster or a dark alley..."
Ami brought herself close and said, "We can go to my house and turn off all the lights."
The thought of this made Mr. Sandman smile devilishly. "Perfect!" he said. "That way, no one can hear you being beaten!" The man realised what he just said and corrected himself. "Uh... I mean, uh, protected." He then patted Ami gently on the head.
The former boxing champion then thought he was going to get his revenge against Ami. He rubbed his hands together and said, "Perfect!" A maniacal laughter escaped from his lips afterwards.
"Yes, excellent," said Ami. She then did the same thing as her bodyguard not knowing why she was laughing.
After a few more seconds of laughing, Ami said, "But first, I've gotta do a few errands."
Mr. Sandman grunted in reluctance and replied, "Okay but let's make it quick."
"Quick is my middle name!"
* * *
Ami and Mr. Sandman were now in a supermarket with the girl pushing a shopping cart. They stopped when they reached an aisle.
"Let's see, paper towels," said Ami as she held up two different paper towel rolls. "This one says 'Best Paper Towel Around', and this one says 'Best Paper Towel in Town.' In town or around?" She then decided to get another opinion. "What do you think bodyguard?"
"Whatever gets us to your house quicker!" replied Mr. Sandman.
"I'll take both!" Ami then dumped both paper towels into her cart.
* * *
The next stop was the dry cleaners. A man named Max Tennyson came forward with Ami's clothes neatly pressed.
"Here you go, Miss Onuki," said Max.
Ami merely stared at the clothes questionably and said, "Hmm..."
"Is there something wrong?" asked Max.
"I'm not sure if these are my clothes."
This only left Mr. Sandman groaning.
* * *
Next it was on to the perfume store. Ami took a bottle and sprayed some on her wrist to test it. She then asked her bodyguard for what he thought.
"How about this one bodyguard, too overbearing?" asked Ami.
Mr. Sandman was now getting impatient. "Can we just go to your house?!" he said.
* * *
Ami and Mr. Sandman had now arrived at the rock star's house. The girl carried a pink bag in her hands while her bodyguard carried a bag of groceries.
"Here we are, Onuki Manor," said Ami. Before she opened the door, she turned to the man with outstretched arms. "Bodyguard, let me just take this opportunity to say that you're the best bodyguard a girl could hope to have."
"All right," said Mr. Sandman, "enough with the sappy talk! Open the door so I can beat ya!" He then tried to come up with the right word while sweating nervously. "Uh... I mean, uh, pummel ya. I mean, uh... pound ya into mush." The boxer then gagged as he tried to find the right word.
"...Protect me?" Ami asked.
"Uh, thanks," said Mr. Sandman.
"Don't mention it, Mr. Sandman." The rock star realised what she said and corrected herself. "...I mean, bodyguard. Now where did I put my key?"
Ami began to search around her pockets for her house key, and now Mr. Sandman growled in frustration.
Twenty minutes later...
Ami was still looking for her key while Mr. Sandman was fuming over waiting for so long.
"Well, I can't find it," said the girl. "Do you wanna take a look?"
The big man walked over to the house and said, "Forget the key!" He then looked up to see a window on the second floor. "Let's just climb through this window!"
Mr. Sandman stood up as high as he could, but as tall as he was he still couldn't grab onto the window. "I can't reach it," he said. "Do ya think you could hop up onto my shoulders, kid?"
Ami's platform shoes were now replaced with shoes that had spikes on the soles. "Sure," she replied. "With these spiky cleats, anything is possible."
Ami then jumped up, and the boxer frowned when he realised what she just said.
"Cleats?" Mr. Sandman said worriedly.
The rock star then landed on Mr. Sandman's eyes, and the cleats made him cry out in pain.
"Get your feet out of my eye sockets!" said the big man.
Ami tugged on her feet and responded, "I'm trying, but my cleats are stuck in your corneas!"
Mr. Sandman then ran around frantically while screaming in agony. Ami swayed along with him as he ran with her feet lodged deep in his eyes.
Six hours later...
Mr. Sandman still ran around screaming. He then came to a stop and grabbed onto Ami's legs. In one swift motion, he pulled her off and allowed his eyes to pop back into his head. A tear came to his eye after all the pain he endured.
Ami had helped her bodyguard by putting bandages over his pupils, and the man was left frowning.
"Don't be mad, bodyguard," said the rock star. "Let me just get the key I keep under the mat and then we can get inside."
Ami walked over to her mat, and Mr. Sandman bulged his eyes out when he heard what she just said, getting rid of the bandages. Going through all that trouble only to find out there was an easier way to enter the house made him furious. His scalp opened up while he grunted in anger and it acted like an erupting volcano as it spewed fire.
"Here you are, you little rascal," Ami said as she found the key. Putting it in the lock, she turned it and continued saying, "Now to put the key in the lock, which should activate the tumblers, thus opening the door."
Mr. Sandman crept up behind Ami and laughed with a nasty grin on his face. Now he would finally give the girl what was coming to her.
Ami walked into her house with her bodyguard following after her. "Step inside..." she said.
"Close the door..." said Mr. Sandman, performing the action.
"Well, here we are."
"I've finally got you all alone!" Mr. Sandman followed up with more devilish laughter.
Ami didn't understand the situation she was in, so she said, "I know. Isn't it great?" She then laughed along with the man, but was shocked to see that he had taken hold of her only to laugh it off.
"Now you're gonna get yours, tattletale!" said Mr. Sandman.
At that moment, the lights suddenly turned on and mysterious voices shouted, "Surprise!"
In the house were all of Ami's friends, leaving Mr. Sandman shocked. A banner then dropped down that had the words Congratulations Ami – 100% On Time written on it. Mr. Sandman let go of Ami and smiled sheepishly.
"A surprise party to celebrate my perfect on time percentage as a rock star?!" said Ami. She then blushed at the thought and said, "How'd you guys know?"
A short man named Kaz walked up and said, "It's on the invitations you sent us. Let's boogie!"
Ami and all her friends then joined in the party to enjoy themselves as music started playing. The only one who wasn't having a good time was Mr. Sandman. With a glum expression, all he could do was sit down and wait for everyone to leave.
* * *
The party was over, and Ami went to say goodbye to all her friends.
"Bye, everyone! Thanks for coming!" she said. As each person left, Ami called out his or her name. "Bye Yumi! Bye Kaz! Bye June! Bye Danny! Bye Aerrow! Bye Piper! Bye Finn! Bye Junko! Bye Stork! Bye Radarr! Bye Jake! Bye Rose! Bye Aang! Bye Katara! Bye Sokka! Bye Zuko! Bye Toph! Bye the rest!"
A big group of people then shuffled out of Ami's house.
The girl laughed as she entered her house and then said, "Alone at last."
Meanwhile, Mr. Sandman was asleep on the chair when he was startled awake. He thought he heard he was alone with the girl. "What?" he said.
Ami shut the door and her bodyguard walked up to her.
"So we're all alone now?" the man said full of hope.
"...Just you, me and the floorboards," replied Ami.
Mr. Sandman then laughed maniacally once again, and Ami joined in with him while still having no clue why they were doing it.
Suddenly, a knock came at the door and the man stopped his laughing. Ami opened it up to reveal all her friends standing there.
"Happy birthday, Ami!" all of Ami's friends shouted.
"How did you guys know that today is my birthday?" Ami asked.
"We just do what the invitations tell us!" replied Kaz. "Let's boogie some more!"
All of Ami's friends then rushed into her house to enjoy another party and the music started up again. Mr. Sandman only made the same glum expression and sat back down in the same chair to wait for everyone to leave... again.
* * *
The party was now over and Ami was at the doorway, waving goodbye to all her friends. "Thanks for coming!" she said before slamming the door shut. "Alone again."
Mr. Sandman walked up smiling and rubbed his hands together. "Is it true? Everybody's gone?" he asked.
"Uh-huh," replied Ami.
"Now no more parties today, you've got everything you need, nobody's left, and we're completely alone?"
"In that case..." The boxer then picked up the girl and started laughing maniacally once more as he thought he would finally get his revenge. He was interrupted when Kaz suddenly came into the room.
"Great parties, huh?" said the old man.
Mr. Sandman was startled by this so he dropped Ami and narrowed his brow. "Sorry, badly!" he said. "You've gotta go!" He proceeded by picking up Kaz and carrying him away.
"Wait!" Ami said in protest. "We can trust Kaz; he's my manager."
"Well I can't take any chances," the boxer explained. "For all we know, he could be Mr. Sandman."
"I'm Mr. Sandman?!" cried Kaz. "Oh, I should've known! I gotta turn myself in!"
Kaz then squirmed out of the boxer's arms and ran through the wall, making a hole in the shape of his body.
"So Kaz is Mr. Sandman," said Ami. "Gee, you think you know somebody..."
The real Mr. Sandman was getting infuriated by this. "He's not Mr. Sandman!" he shouted.
"He's not?" asked Ami.
The boxer then ripped off his fake moustache. Pointing to himself, he shouted, "I am!"
Not realising the situation, Ami asked, "Hey, how did you do that without shaving cream?"
"Oh it's a fake, you idiot! I bought it at the party store!"
All of Ami's friends then suddenly appeared in her house while holding balloons and starting the music again. "Did someone say party?" said a boy named Aerrow.
Mr. Sandman then cried out in frustration. He couldn't take any more madness while being around Ami. Running away, he crashed through the wall and made a hole in the shape of his body next to the one Kaz had made.
As he ran, Mr. Sandman said, "I can't take it!"
Ami chased after him, saying, "Wait, bodyguard! I need protection!"
The boxer reached a taxi and got inside. He said to the driver, "Step on it! I'm being chased by a maniac!" The taxi then sped away.
"I'm not safe! Come back!" shouted Ami as she ran after her bodyguard.
The taxi stopped at an airport and a plane had just taken to the skies. Mr. Sandman was riding in it, and he breathed a sigh of relief as he thought he had gotten away from the rock star.
"Finally," said the man. "Away from that girl."
"Good idea, bodyguard," said a familiar voice. Mr. Sandman turned around to see Ami sitting behind him. "He'll never find us up here," she said.
Mr. Sandman then jumped from the plane with a parachute strapped to his back. He screamed as he plummeted, but he soon pulled the cord and the parachute was deployed. As he slowly drifted to the ground, he smiled as he thought Ami wouldn't go after him. Then he heard that same voice from above him. There was Ami with her own parachute, and she was still with the boxer.
"Good thinking, bodyguard," said Ami. "Mr. Sandman could've been on that plane."
Mr. Sandman then brought out a giant pair of scissors and used them to cut the straps on his parachute, making him fall faster. He continued falling and screamed until he crashed through the roof of the police station where he sat on the floor of a jail cell and saw stars spinning around his head.
Ami was quickly inside the police station and ran up to the man, saying, "Bodyguard, bodyguard!"
Mr. Sandman couldn't take any more of this, and so he finally came clean with the rock star. Leaning through the bars, he said, "Look kid, I'm not your bodyguard!" He then wept after going through all that torment. "I'm Mr. Sandman! See?!"
A wanted poster of Mr. Sandman was right next to the jail cell and the man directed his head towards it to show Ami.
Ami screamed in fright and said, "Mr. Sandman!"
Chris and Jill then appeared behind the rock star and congratulated her.
"Good work, Ami," said Jill. "You put Mr. Sandman behind bars."
Mr. Sandman only sighed and said, "...At least I'm safe from that pink-haired idiot."
A voice behind the boxer called out to him. "Hey buddy," it said. Turning around, Mr. Sandman was shocked to see Kaz sitting on the bench.
Kaz then asked, "What are ya in for?"
* * *
BlueTiger321: Well, I hope you all enjoyed this story and be sure to review!