Romantic Advice From a Charizard

Just some nonsensical drabble that popped up randomly in my head. Kind of cute, kind of perverted (well it is from Ash's point of view). Not in any relation to "Aura Knight" though.

*word* means pokemon talking ('cuz I'm too lazy to write 'char, chari, zard' stuff. Those who do, here's a candy bar.)

Nighttime had fallen in the woods where Ash and his pokemon were staying at. The fire had long faded to a pile of ash and half burnt twigs and sticks, their protection against the creatures of the night gone. Ash couldn't sleep, which was rather surprising considering that he could sleep like a Snorlax through an earthquake. He tossed and turned in his sleeping bag, unable to find a relaxing position in the hot, cramped, polyester bag.

All of his team were asleep in various positions draped across each other like limp, snoring rags. Well, all were asleep, except one. Charizard, his most powerful pokemon, was leaning against a tree, staring off into the night.

Ash walked over to him, mindful of the sleeping pokemon. "Can't sleep?" He asked the dragon.

* No,* Charizard continued to stare off into space.

Ash sat down next to Charizard. It wasn't very often that he had some one on one time with him. "Sooo, how was life in the Charcific valley?"

*Kind of got boring after a while. All they did was sun themselves all day. The only time it got remotely exciting was around mating season. I guess that once a trainer's pokemon, always a trainer's pokemon.*

"What does that mean?"

*It means that as a trainer's pokemon, you get used to battles, competitions and what not. But once you start siting around doing nothing all day you get bored. Guess I kind of missed it.* Charizard looked down at his trainer. *Now I get to ask a question,* He gave Ash a toothy, devilish smile. *How's your love life been?*

"What do you mean by that?"

*Exactly.* Charizard looked oddly triumphant. *You're what, sixteen cycles old now and you still don't have a mate? Kind of weird if you ask me.*

"Charizard!" Ash whispered loudly, embarrassed at the question.

*What? It's true.* Charizard paused for a moment. *Well, what about that redhead? She likes you. It should be easy enough to win her.*

"Misty?!" Ash was now the shade of a ripe tomato. "We're just friends!"

Charizard blew a smoke ring, watching it fade away. *Sure... But seriously, its time for you to get a mate.*

"I'm only sixteen!"

*So what?*

"That's not how humans do that sort of thing!"

*Oh, so you do like her then.* Charizard waggled a claw. *Now we're getting somewhere.*

Ash sunk lower down the tree. It was no use trying to argue with the single minded dragon who apparently has it in his head that Ash was in love with his best friend, Misty. " 'K fine Mr. Love Doctor," he said sarcastically. "What would you do if you were me?"

*Well, since you asked, we Charizard s have a rather simple way of doing it. After the males fight over the females, which happens quite often since there are more males than females, the winning male takes the female off to a secluded place and then-*

" Okay Charizard, that's enough about that. Anymore and you'll scar me for life."

* You did ask you know, * Charizard harrumphed. * But seriously, you need to claim her before any other males do. Then, once you win her-"

"That's not how humans do things remember?" Ash interrupted again, before Charizard got graphic. "We have a system you know."

* A system?*

"Yeah. First the guy and the girl date for a while, then if they like each other enough they get married. Then they do what you were talking about."

*Really?* Charizard scratched his head quizzically. *You humans have a very weird ways of getting mates.*

"It works."

*Well, if you ask me, our way is so much simpler.*

"And more violent."

*It weeds out the weak. It what you humans should do. Solve all of your problems.*

"You're violently minded."

* And you have have relationship problems.*

"I'm going back to bed now." Ash stomped off back to the sleeping bag. "Night."

Charizard watched his trainer go bed and shook his head sadly. *Poor boy, he's in such denial.*

Ta-dah! Now who would have thought that Charizard could be so philosophical, and yet so perverted at the same time?

Maybe I'll do a sequel where Charizard tries to get the trainers together...maybe.

Special note: A cycle means a year to a Charizard. It's their way of thinking.