AN: Hey there, just a short chapter. I'm not quite satisfied, but I wanted things to be confusing not easy for our two girl. And i now its a slow pace, but i don't want it to be rushed.
Willowfreak11: Thank yo for your kind words :), i'll update more and hey I bet that's not true, why dont ya give it a try and write something?
Brooke was still in haze of shock and rage. She tried to keep herself occupied with several tasks that needed to be fulfilled. For instance, cleaning her bedroom, finishing her paper that wasn't really in due for another two weeks, but that she felt compelled to do. Find that teddy bear that her daddy got her at the age of 4.
All this just to not panic and confront Sam, which she really should have days ago. Three days and not a single word were uttered to each other. Sam was hardly home anyway, and Brooke figured it had to with her or the fact that Sam truly was in need for hospital visits nowadays. Either way, she didn't feel like doing any talking anyway. She only wanted to close her eyes and slip away into whatever that could make her forget life and her love for a certain girl. Sometimes it's just easier to forget and not forgive.
"If wounds can heal, we can heal, despite the scarring that can only really make us stronger"
She repeated her mother's words in her head.
Sam's wound felt more like a gunshot to her, a life threatening one. And maybe Sam was right, what if she couldn't have dealt with all of this. What if she would burst during all the pressure and inflict an even more damage to both of them?
'Prove her wrong, she needs you' a voice insisted.
'She doesn't want me, its too late' Brooke replied to her conscious.
'Coward! I taught you to be better than this, what happened to the fierce captain of the cheerleader team?' her conscious spat at the silly reply Brooke had given her.
'Shut up, where were you when I needed you, you decide to come out now?'
'Well you certainly haven't ' Her conscious snickered.
'Now wait just a minute…'
"Oh god, I'm talking to myself…" Brooke sighed while rubbing her temples in distress.
"That wouldn't been the first time, you always had away of mumbling in your sleep about yourself actually"
Brooke frowned and halted her movements.
"Am I going crazy…Brookie?" she decided to name the voice that spoke to her earlier.
"Idiot, turn around" The voice called out to her again.
Sam. Despite the pale look of exhaustion and sickness plastered on her face, she still portrayed as the beautiful journalist she knew.
Brooke changed her posture, crossing her arms in front of chest in order to appear less emotional.
"Are you ever going to talk to me?" Sam asked confused, and the blonde couldn't help but detect the sorrow she heard in the question.
Brooke uncrossed her arms and walked away to her bed, feeling the need to put an even greater distance between them.
"What's you diagnosis? Josh told me about your cancer and how you found out and all, but he never went into detail" she ended quickly, keeping her "professional" stance.
Sam smiled bitterly.
"Downright to business huh…" she mumbled more to herself than the blonde watching her.
"Well if you must know I have stage three melanoma." She replied easily.
But the sound of Brooke's gasp triggered both of their fears. Brooke wasn't stupid she knew that the stage of Sam meant that her cancer was long progressed, but she felt as if there was more to it.
She cleared her throat and gave a nod to Sam as to continue.
"The cancer has spread to several of my organs, all of the treatments have done nothing for me so far. So they'll be going in soon to remove some of it. And then I should be starting on another treatment in a couple of days. You should consider me gone, I'm not going to be home or at school anymore as I used too. Which I'm sure is gonna make Nicole's day."
The blonde was astonished to say the least, the strong willpower Sam had to become better really made her feel proud. But she still felt betrayed by Sam, she had no right to do what she did to them.
"I know you're upset with me and you have the right to be. But I wish you could try to see it from my point of view. I'm only human .I made a mistake. I wish I could tell you that I would do anything to undo it, but I honestly don't know if it would have been the right choice for us." Sam felt out of breath by the explanation, but it needed to be said.
She reached the door handle and went to leave before she said:
"Mom knows that you know, and she told Mike yesterday, so prepare yourself for the speeches they've probably prepared. And…" She stopped herself.
Brooke looked curiously at her. "And what?" the blonde asked in a shaky voice.
"And… I love you"
Brooke gave in for the tears that begged to be released after the brunette's departure. She felt heavy. Heavy in her soul, heart, head. Sammy was her everything, her life, her oxygen. She couldn't function without the brunette.
"She's still here" Brooke's conscious comforted the pained girl.
Brooke climbed into her bed and muffled her sobs into her favorite dark purple pillow.
She's still here.