Disclaimer: Are Harry and Draco making out in the corridors after Potions? Is Luna right about Nargles? Is Lupin still alive? Did Fred never die? No? Then do you think I own Harry Potter?

Summary: Draco and Potter once again find themselves fighting. But what happens when Draco's spell goes wrong, and he has to take care of an indisposed Potter?

WARNINGS: This is PWF - an 8th year at Hogwarts. I HAVE NAMED THIS PEOPLES MIRACULOUSLY ALIVE: Lupin, Sirius, Dumbledore and Snape. I don't know how they all stayed alive, but they didn't die in this fic. ALSO! This shall be an eventual DracoXHarry. I think this is going to be a pretty long story and I don't know how long it will take me to finish, but I know it'll be fun to write and hopefully fun to read! And yes, damnit, I did get the title from the movie with Tina Fey. :P

Baby Mama Drama: Epilogue

All Good Things Come To An End, Only To Begin Again

Inside every adult is a young child wondering what the hell happened.

~ Anonymous

"Goddamnit, Harry, get your cat out of my trunk!" Ron roared, throwing a pillow at the small cat.

"Oi! Be nice to her!" Harry scooped Eris up into the safety of his arms. She yowled at Ron, and snuggled happily into the crook of Harry's arms. "You're not a cat person, are you? First Crookshanks, who was only trying to save us, and now my poor defenseless kitten! You're horrible! What have cats ever done to you?"

Ron scowled at the cat. "She's evil."

"No, she's chaos." Harry said succinctly, stroking Eris's soft fur.

Ron shook his head as he tried to fit the last of his robes into his trunk. "You never used to be this sarcastic. The Ferret's rubbing off on you, mate." he warned.

"Don't you mean rubbing me off?"

Hermione, who had just walked into the boy's dormitories, rolled her eyes as Ron yelped and tried to cover his ears too late. "Way to be mature, Harry."

"He started it." Harry looked around the room. Seamus, Dean and Neville had already packed and left. They were busy saying good-bye to everyone down in the common room. "I think I'm done. I haven't left anything that I care about, anyway."

"Can you believe it?" Hermione said almost dreamily. "We've finally graduated! We're done." She smiled, giggling like a little girl. "I can't believe we actually made it."

Ron nodded in agreement. "Who'd have thought, huh? I didn't think I'd be graduating. At least not with you two."

"I think this year was our most life-changing, including Horcrux hunting." Harry said, shaking his head as he laughed. "If anyone had told me that this is how our eighth year would end, I think I'd've hit them rather hard."

"Same." Ron finally managed to close his overstuffed trunk. "HAH!" He pumped his fist in the air victoriously.

"We don't want to miss the train," Hermione said, grabbing Ron's forgotten sweater from off his bed. "Let's go, shall we?"

"You know, it's odd." Harry deposited a startled Eris on top of his trunk and slung an arm around either of his best friends. "We're about to really begin our lives, yet I don't think I've ever been calmer before."

Ron grinned. "I know the feeling, mate. After Basilisks and Dementors and Dark Lords and Ferret babysitters, becoming a real adult doesn't seem as scary as it did when I was a mere first year."

"A mere first year? That wasn't even ten years ago, Ron. But you're right, this seems easy." Hermione laughed, and hugged the two men tightly. "Watch us find a way to make this difficult."

"None of us can live without the challenge." Harry declared. "But whatever we go through -"

"We go through together." Ron and Hermione finished the oath the three had taken several years before. Grinning like, and ecstatic as, little kids, the Golden Trio talked excitedly about what their lives would be like, ready to start from a new beginning.

"Sonofabitch - BLAISE!" Draco shouted, scaring a third-year out of her wits. "Where the fuck is my book, you bloody wanker?"

"Why would I know?" Blaise yelled back from the top of the stairs in a sing-song voice. Bastard. He knew where the book was.

"Because you're a no-good, sneaky little thief who steals my shit every fucking year because you think it's funny to watch me run around like a loon trying to find it!" Draco climbed the stairs angrily, snapping cruelly at anyone who tried to speak to him. "Goddamnit, Zabini, it's not even mine!"

"Aww, did Draco steal his boyfriend's book?" Pansy giggled as she came out of her room, a few final things gathered in her arms.

"No, it's one of Granger's. King, something King, and the title is something about a dragon, I don't know! It's a Muggle book and rather good and your stupid boyfriend stole it! She's going to bloody murder me if I don't have it for her!" Draco snarled. "ZABINI!"

"Alright, alright, stop your bitching!" Blaise came down the stairs, his trunk levitating behind him. He held the small book in his hands. "If I had known it was Granger's, I wouldn't have taken it. I know how she gets, and I doubt she'd let me live when you told her I took it!"

"Fucker." Draco snatched the book from him. "Where's the bookmark?"


"It was a worn-out braid of leather. Where is it?" Draco began to panic.

"Is it that big of a deal?" Blaise rolled his eyes. "Just make her a new one."

"I can't just make her a new one! She'd know!" Draco nearly tore his hair out. "You son of a bitch - you've killed me!"

"You're overreacting -"

"I most certainly am not!" Draco whipped out his wand (A/N: I know where your minds just went - STAY OUT OF THE GUTTER, PEOPLE!) and pressed it to Blaise's throat. Pansy sniggered. "You are going to find that braid! I don't care if you miss the train and are here until September - you are going to fucking find. It."

"And if I don't?" Blaise challenged.

Draco snarled. "Then I'll let you tell Granger that you lost her bookmark. The bookmark she's had since she was eight, the one her now dead grandmother made for her. You can tell her that little tidbit."

Blaise paled and held up his hands in surrender. "Alright, alright! I'm going!"

"Find it!" Draco shouted to Blaise's back as he backtracked his steps back up the stairs.

"You're very touchy today." Pansy observed dryly. "This wouldn't have anything to do with Potter, would it?"

"Absolutely not. Why would moving in with my boyfriend of three days and his godfather stress me out?" Draco asked sarcastically, with a roll of his eyes.

Pansy rolled her eyes in turn, exasperated. "You're being stupid."

"I've earned it."

"I never said you didn't." Pansy looked down at the mass of objects in her arms. She pulled out a length of leather about seven inches long, with a bright blue bead tied to the end. "This wouldn't happen to be the bookmark, would it?"

Draco nodded. "Yes, it is."

"You left it in my room two nights ago."

Draco smirked wickedly. "I know. You know," he said conversationally as Pansy let out a bark of laughter. "Maybe now he'll learn not to steal my stuff."

The train ride home was like nothing either boy had ever experienced. Crammed into one small compartment were three ex-Slytherins, three ex-Gryffindors, four owls, two cats and six trunks. Ginny had joined the group at one point, causing a rather awkward atmosphere. The entire compartment was grateful when Neville stuck his head in and offered Ginny a seat with him and Luna.

Now they sat rather comfortable. Pansy sat on Blaise's lap, her back against the window and her feet on Draco's lap. Draco sat next to them, with Harry leaning against his legs at his feet. Ron lay stretched across the opposing bench, his head on Hermione's lap. Crookshanks gave Ron the Evil Eye from under Draco's bench, and Eris lay curled in a tiny white ball on Harry's chest. Pigwidgeon and the other owls hooted occasionally from the racks above the teens' heads.

"I won't believe it." Pansy scoffed. "Professor Lupin? It would never happen."

"Come it off! You can't see the chemistry?" Harry asked.

"No, actually, I can't. There's no more chemistry between those two than there is between you and Weasley."

"Oi!" Ron said indignantly, mock-glaring at Harry. "I thought we had an agreement! What happens in the Quidditch locker rooms, stays in the Quidditch locker rooms!"

Harry and Blaise roared with laughter as Hermione smacked Ron's head. "You're an idiot."

"Actually," Draco mused. "It's not that hard to believe, I guess. But it won't happen. Remus's got a kid, that means he's straight."

"Oh, yeah, because no fathers realize that they're gay sometime in their lives." Harry rolled his eyes.

"Sirius would be good for Remus." Hermione said thoughtfully. "Even I think that they poor man needs to have some fun."

Blaise snorted. "The man carries a gun. How much more fun do you want him to have?"

"There is nothing wrong with carrying a gun." Harry said defensively. "And it's not like he goes around shooting people. It's for protection!"

"That's what wizards have these useful things called wands." Blaise informed the raven,

"Guns are horrid inventions." Pansy sniffed. "Only Muggles would come up with something so brutal."

Draco ran a hand absentmindedly through Harry's hair. He thought of the power and comfort he felt when he knew that he would be able to protect those he cared about, even without his wand. "I like them.""You would." Blaise wouldn't elaborate, but instead shared a look with Draco.

"So what are you two going to do?" Ron intervened. He had gotten quite skilled at stopping fights before they started. It was a skill he cherished - ironically enough, he didn't like fighting. Especially when he wasn't in the middle of the fight. He nodded to Pansy and Blaise. "You're going to Paris for a couple of years. I'm going into Auror training, and 'Mione's gonna go into law. But you two…somehow I don't see you shacking up with Sirius and Lupin and Teddy for too long."Harry shifted at Draco's feet, averting his eyes from Ron's. Hermione narrowed hers, picking up on the discomfort immediately.

"What are you not telling us?" she asked suspiciously.

"Nothing that's any of your business." Draco said coldly. Harry stayed quiet, locked in a staring contest with a sleepy Eris. It was a known fact that Eris nearly never blinked. Scarily enough, Harry was winning.

The two women's voices chimed together.

"Harry James Potter!"/"Draconius Lucius Malfoy!"

Blaise whistled. "Ooo, you two got middle-named."

Pansy glared at Draco and kicked him with her shoeless foot. "What are you planning?"

Draco met her glare with a cool one of his own. "Since you obviously can't mind your own damn business…We're going to New York City for a while. Sirius found us an apartment we can rent." He shrugged. "From there, who knows? Maybe Miami or Rome or Tokyo."

"I vote Miami." Harry piped up from the floor. "I wanna go to South Beach, Remus said it's beautiful."

"You're going on vacation?" Ron cried incredulously. "Are you kidding?"

"I think I deserve a vacation." Harry said quietly. Everyone except for Ron could hear the warning in his voice. The compartment fell completely silent. Ron, the idiot he could be at times, decided to press forward, even though Harry had a brilliant point.

"But you promised we'd be Auror partners." he argued. "We can't do that if you start training after me."

Again, Harry's eyes went down. Ron groaned. "Mate -"

"Healing's more my speed." Harry muttered.

"Healing? Why would you want to go into Healing? You hate Potions and math, and that's what Healers do!"

"Maybe I think it's a better way to help people."

The Gryffindors missed how Harry's hands twitched as he said this, as if to touch the back of his shoulder. The Slytherins, however, noticed, and decided to intervene before the rest of their train trip was completely ruined.

"Oh, back off, Weasley." Blaise said cheerfully. "You'll still see Potter when you get landed in St. Mungo's. Which I should think would be quite often."

Gratefully, Ron laughed instead of getting angrier. Hermione sent Harry a look that told him that this conversation so wasn't over. Harry gulped, but relaxed when Draco's hands found their way to his neck. They massaged his skin gently, rubbing away the knot that they found there.

"It'll be alright," Draco murmured, soft enough that only Harry heard him. "They don't have to know."

"Not yet," Harry agreed. "But eventually."

"Eventually what?" Ron butt in, his banter with Blaise put on hold for a moment.

"You'll realize I'm pregnant." Harry said seriously.

"Ah." Ron nodded somberly. "I thought you were showing, but I didn't want to say anything in case I was wrong."

"You want to be godfather?"

"I'd be delighted." Without any sort of preamble, Ron went back to his conversation with a bemuse, yet amused, Blaise. Harry joined in, just as calm and serious as Ron. (A/N: I swear, this was an actual conversation between two of my guy friends. Had to share it with you.) Hermione giggled.

"Don't worry, Draco," she assured him. "You'll get used to it."

Draco shook his head. "I'm not sure I'll always be able to tell when they're joking."

Pansy snorted. "Come it off, Draco. If you get shown up by a couple of Gryffindors, I will no longer speak to you."

Eris mewled an approval, causing Crookshanks to hiss. The bush cat had taken an instant dislike to the slender kitten, and never hesitated to show this dislike.

Draco rolled his eyes, but sat back and allowed himself to get lost in the light conversation of the odd group of friends.

Love is fickle. Both Harry and Draco had learned this over the course of the years. Draco, however, had never known that it could be so complicated. Or so strong. He once scoffed at the idea that simply love could save one from a Killing Curse, that it could defeat a Dark Lord. Now he understood. It was a force more powerful than anything he had ever faced before.

They were sure to fight. Draco already knew this would happen. Blackened eyes, bloody noses, and painfully sharp words lie ahead in their future, as did sleepless nights, agonizing guilt, and severe heartache. It was a sure in. Draco knew this, and still found himself looking forward to a future with Harry freaking Potter.

Draco found that love wasn't picky, either. He never would have guessed that he and Harry would have fallen for each other, but nor did he really expect Sirius Black and Remus Lupin to hook up. When the six teens had gotten off the train at Platform Nine and Three Quarters, Blaise, Pansy and Draco had been dumbstruck by the sight of Remus gathered in Sirius' arms, protesting the molestation of his neck. The Gryffindors, however, had laughed victoriously. Hermione and Harry grumbled as they dug into their pockets and each handed a gloating Ron five Galleons.

"Told ya it'd be before your birthday, mate!" he crowed.

"You two are a couple of sluts." Harry snapped at the two men. "You couldn't have kept it in your pants for another month?"

Remus had flushed true Gryffindor red while Sirius roared with laughter. Draco decided that that was what he wanted for the future he was sure he'd share with Harry.

"You alright?" Harry's voice broke through Draco's mind, forcing Draco back to reality. The blonde gulped as he remembered where they were: on a plane, getting ready to fly out to New York City.

"About as alright as I can be before I send myself willingly to my death." he said bravely.

Harry grinned the grin that never failed to make Draco's heart stutter. "I've done it before. It's not that scary." He held his hand out, palm up on the armrest between their seats. "Though I suppose it'll be easier if you can hold someone's hand."

Draco gratefully laced his fingers with the raven's, shivering slightly as the engines of the plane roared to life.

"Don't worry," Harry continued, squeezing Draco's hand reassuringly. "Even if by some chance nothing short of a miracle, the plane does go down -"

Draco pale significantly and gripped Harry's hand in a death grip as Harry hurriedly continued. "Then I'll Apparate us to either New York or back home. I save people, remember? It's a hero thing."

"Why couldn't you just Apparate us to begin with?" Draco whined.

"Because I can't stand Apparation, period. Some people get seasick, I get Apparation-sick."

Draco gave him a dubious look. "If I die I'm going to haunt your arse and never leave you alone. I will be the biggest pain in your arse ever and there won't be a damned thing you could do to stop me."

"I wouldn't want to." Harry leaned back in his seat, looking out the window at the runway that passed by slowly.

"I'm going to be bored." Draco complained. "It's fourteen hours! What are we supposed to do for fourteen hours?"

"We could always join the Mile High Club." Harry said under his breath.

"The what?"

Harry smirked. "I think you'll like it. But you have to wait until the seatbelt light is off. That means we're at cruising height and can walk around."

Draco groaned. "Well what are we supposed to do until then?"

Harry shrugged. "Sleep?"

"You don't sleep. Ever. You're an insomniac. I'm going to wake up to you staring at me. No matter what Granger thinks, it's not romantic. It's creepy."

"Then think of something. I'm sure they'll have movies playing."

"But they won't play what I want to watch!"

"You've got to broaden your horizons, Draco." Harry laughed. "There's a lot more to movies than just Spiderman and Batman."

Draco scowled at first, then lit up as he thought of a promise made to him in hushed tones in the cover of darkness and the security of a lover's arms. "You promised to tell me about those Horcrux things."

"That I did." Harry looked over to Draco. "That's going to take a lot longer than it will for us to get to cruising height. You sure you want to push our membership initiation back?"

"I really don't care about joining some stupid club."

"You're going to regret those words." Harry warned.

Draco waved his hand impatiently. "So let me regret them later. I want to hear about the Horcrux hunt."

Harry smiled. "Alright then."

As Harry dove into the tale that began in their sixth year, Draco couldn't help feeling excitement that he had never felt before. Yes, love was fickle and complicated and downright confusing. But it was also powerful and wonderful and completely intoxicating. It was like a drug, one that Draco just couldn't get enough of. It probably wasn't what his parents would have wanted for him, but he couldn't care less.

And to think it had started with some major baby mama drama.


Oh my goodness it's done. :O Anyone else feel like something just died? I don't know what to do now! XD Oh, well, I guess I gotta work on my next fanfiction...^.^

I HAVE BEEN POINTED OUT TO BY SEVERAL PEOPLE: That in Chapter Nineteen, I had Draco say that he was the reason that Dumbledore was dead. I AM SO SORRY! I screwed up! I'm such an idiot. I had typed it and edited it at about 2 AM, so I missed that sentance when I was editing it. I am so sorry so that I did that! I'm pissed, but I don't know how to fix that without screwing up the chapter sequence. Anyone care to tell me how to do that? Cuz that would be nice to know. But, anyways, what the line is SUPPOSED to say is: "I'm the reason that Dumbledore was almost killed!"; not "I'm the reason Dumbledore's dead!". But because I'm an idiot, I completely missed that glaring mistake. So I do apologize to everyone!

And I swear, that conversation between Ron and Harry about being 'pregnant' was a real conversation between two of my guy friends, only theirs was more in depth than that. XD It was HYSTERICAL. XD

So here is the end of Baby Mama Drama, my own little baby. It's grown up and done, so now ya'll have to wait for my next fanfiction to read any serious DracoXHarry smut! ;)