Disclaimer: If I owned House, would I be writing fanfiction?


"Wilson I'm dying *Cough Cough*"

"I'll call the funeral home, let them know your on your way." Deadpanned Wilson.

"*Cough Cough splutter wheeze*"

". . . . . . . ."

"*Non specific dying noises*" House did his best to look like he was about to keel over at any moment. He was however unsuccessful as he suddenly dived behind a conveniently placed pot plant to avoid being seen by Cuddy.

"Would you prefer cedar or pine?"

"shhh!" hissed House with an overly dramatic gesture.

"What did you do to her this time?" said Wilson with hands on hips, and raised eyebrow in mock disapproval. Everyone knows he secretly enjoys Houses insane pranks.


"Says the man crouched behind a fern."

"It may have something to do with replacing someone's Viagra with birth control pills. Not that I had anything to do with that of course.*Achoo*."

"Perish the thought. So not only is she not getting any, but Lucas is mysteriously growing breasts?"

"Yup" he said popping the p. House struggled up. "And now to make my great escape."

"You can't hide from her forever you know." Continued the self-appointed voice of reason.

"*Cough Cough* Who said anything about hiding, I'm sick, *Cough*" said House swiping a sucker on his way out the reception, after a moments thought Wilson followed not wanting to face Cuddys wrath alone.

I made up the bit about birth control pill causing men to grow breasts, so no getting ideas.