"You." Sakurakouji practically roared, staring down and pointing at him.
"Me." Ogami replied, pretending he wasn't abashedly nervous. Code Breakers didn't get nervous. They get homicidal. Then they become unbalanced. Which he would assume to be contagious if weren't for the fact that the Rare Kind before him has long since been proven to be unhinged. He's also a proud misanthrope. As such, he couldn't quite get through the entire scientific process to be sure. But he digresses, since Sakurakouji looked as if she wanted to initiate mortal combat within school premises.
Why couldn't people just leave him alone to subsist from his canned foods?
Sakurakouji slammed a piece of paper on his desk, for all intentions looking as if he recently murdered Puppy slowly with a box of crayons.
He glared briefly at Fujiwara (why can't that idiot stay at his own school?), who was giggling just outside the classroom door, staring at the scene like a peeping tom in training, and was undoubtedly the source of his current woes.
He then turned his attention back to the situation at hand. It seemed to be a…legal document?
"Sign it." She commanded, dramatic flair vibrant enough to produce ominous shines from her eyes and he couldn't help but wonder if they were radioactive.
There really was only one response to that. "What is it?"
She stared at him blankly and he realized he already threw a monkey wrench into whatever she was planning.
"Please sign it?" she asked again, this time decidedly softer with eyes shining with a different sort of light and holy heck this was probably the first time she was trying to illicit something from him using her supposedly gone unaware feminine charms.
At this point he knew he had to read it. He wasn't about to be conned by Sakurakouji of all people.
"Not yet!" she cried as she threw her hands over the paper, "You can only read it after you sign it!"
"……..Sakurakouji-san, I can't sign it with your hands in the way."
"Oh, I'm sorry. Is that better? Do you need a pen, or—w-wait, no!"
He thought he saw Toki face-palming, but really couldn't be damned to care because he was staring at—
"………………………………………………a marriage contract?"
"Ogami! You used the smile of lies on me!"
He thought he should respond with another plastic smile just to spite her, but needed a minute to supply his lungs with more oxygen lost from the couple of skipped beats of his heart.
Seeing his oddly catatonic state, Sakurakouji turned toward the classroom entrance, and in a terrible demonstration of stage-whispering: "Toki-kun, what should I do now?"
"Go to Plan Beta!......And take off your shirt!"
Ogami looked down at his right arm. It was twitching rather violently.
Ignoring the latter bit of the suggestion, Sakurakouji got down on one knee.
Everyone was staring now.
"Ogami, would you honor me by becoming my demurely blushing br-husband?"
Oh yes, it was a stroke. He was having a stroke before two decades of life on earth.
The girls all started squealing like banshees on Prozac and the male students began wailing tears of unfathomable sadness while their 'friends', Aoba, Reki and the others all applauded and hooted and dear Buddha his neck was spazzing.
Sakurakouji, unnoticing of his rather splendid bodily malfunction, looked back to Fujiwara. "Toki-kun! I forgot the ring!"
That was when Puppy came bouncing in as the ring bearer.
The roof really was a nice place to sulk. Refreshing, actually.
Too bad the entire student body (and Kanda, that traitor) hounded them there as well. So he settled for the slinky bench in the park and gloomed.
"Ne, Ogami," Sakurakouji nudged him, looking all innocent and sparkly and not at all like she almost caused him possible brain damage, "what's wrong? Cheer up! It's a fantastic evening!"
It kind of was, but he couldn't—never could—be bothered to care. But maybe if he smiled and agreed, she would forget and he could pretend nothing ever happened.
So he lifted his head to smile and anything to put an end to this stupidity only to have that despicable piece of paper shoved in front of his face.
"You still haven't signed yet, Ogami. Here, I even got you a pen," she said with a gentle smile and he can't help but feel a little patronized.
He took the document and considered peeling off his glove to incinerate it from this dimension and informing her again of the idiocy of the prospect of relationships and connections, but he really needed to ask: "……………………………..Sakurakouji-san…"
"Hm? What is it?"
"……why are you doing this?"
"So we can get married, of course!"
"………..did Fujiwara put you up to this?"
She sheepishly scratched the back of her head. "I was the one who came up with the idea, but Toki-kun had to plan out all the methods and train me to be, um, 'assertive and manipulative', as he said. I'm ashamed to admit that I didn't perform as well as hoped."
So, it was Fujiwara's doing that Sakurakouji was acting so unusual. He was so killing him twenty times over—wait.
"This whole thing was your idea?"
She folded her arms and nodded as if she was the one who came up with the concept of utilizing solar energy. "Un. It is."
After a couple of pauses, he realized she wouldn't explain. "…why?"
She looked thoughtful for a moment. "I saw how couples smiled in Shibuya. And it is obvious that Father and Mother are truly happy together. So I thought I could help you better see the beauty in this world and realize the errors of your ways!"
He stared at her. "In summary, you asked Fujiwara to help you devise a plan to trick me into marriage with you……so that I would be more…happy……and stop killing evil."
She nodded, again. "Since I made a promise to never let you kill again, I need to always stay close to you, and this way would simplify things. Toki-kun also told me to 'give Erogami a wild, passionate night on our honeymoon and then threaten to deprive him of sex if he ever returns to killing people or his secret porn collection'."
He was going to stab Fujiwara's lungs with the Nyanmaru pen he was holding.
"Sakurakouji-san," he sighed as he rose, "I'm not going to sign this and I'm not going to marry you."
Sakurakouji stared at him unblinkingly, seemingly confused. "Why?"
For one brief moment, for the life of him, he couldn't come up with a reason. "Sakurakouji-san, this…the mere prospect of me settling down is ludicrous. Evil will never stop, and neither will I. I intend on continuing killing the trash of humanity until the day I am consumed by blue flames and erased from existence."
"And I will stop you from killing and to keep you from dying, so it all works out!"
The twitch in his arm was back. "I've told you before. These games are for the people ignorant of the truth that protects their society. Relationships are foolish and unnecessary. They are for others, not for me."
"It's all right, I know you don't actually believe that. And if it is good enough for everyone else, it is good enough for Ogami."
This was becoming beyond ridiculous. He couldn't believe he was going to resort to idealistic rubbish. "You-you can't get married. You're only sixteen and yet to have graduated. A-and you should actually like the person you're intending on marrying and not just out of some obscure sense of duty."
Sakurakouji blinked at him. "But I do like Ogami."
One glance and he knew she didn't understand and he was actually going to have to say it. "I mean like like, Sakurakouji-san."
"Un. I do like like Ogami." she said, nodding, and his heart skipped a beat before he knew comprehension still hadn't sunk in.
He sighed into his palm. "I mean like like like, Sakurakouji-san."
"……………" He removed his hand and for all intents and purposes and hopes, expected to see her doe-eyed and lying straight at his face.
"……I……do like like like Ogami." she said, hands behind her back and avoiding his eyes, voice as soft as the tinge of red on her cheeks that must have been a illusion played on his eyes by the setting the sun and the repeated shortage of oxygen to his brain.
She grinned, almost shyly. "Ogami really likes to use 'suki', ne?"
He wondered if he should have any kind of smile on his face or if he should have anything to say and realized he could've walked away at any time and ended this entire senseless affair like tossing it into the trash but would not.
"You can't be with someone who doesn't exist."
She blinked at him. She smiled. "I have memories of you. To me, you exist."
Perhaps this was still all an elaborate trickery by Fujiwara or a kaleidoscope mirage by Heike or maybe some grueling trial conjured up by that damn Cat. But for now, maybe he could pretend. That his arm was his own. That he wasn't one foot in the grave and one foot in hell. Just a little.
"………I'm not marrying you, Sakurakouji-san."
"All right," she agreed and picked up her bag. "Let's try to get back to the Shibuya Mansion before dark."
Just as she began walking away and he wondered about his baffle-count for the day, she suddenly turned back to him with a smile he realized he can't do without.
"……can I call you Rei?"
"………you do realize that's not my real name, right?"
"……………where's my suffix?"
She kept her smile. "Rei is Rei."
"………………" He picked up his school bag and as he walked next to her, he thought her eyes might've been just a bit brighter.
"Ne, it's your turn now."
"…………I believe I need to purchase some school supplies, please head on back without me."
"Come on, Rei! Just once—hey, stop running!"
School was rather annoying now. Ogami supposed it wasn't surprising. The two of them were proclaimed to be Mr. and Mrs. Sakurakouji. Over the morning announcements. He did get to punch Fujiwara in the face, though, when the bastard least expected it. It was a dirty shot, but he didn't care.
The two of them (and Puppy) were eating their lunches on the roof and away from prying eyes, but the privacy probably wouldn't last long.
"What is it?" Sakura asked, when she noticed him staring.
He looked at her a little longer before gradually turning away. "Sakura……san."
She blinked. She smiled.
Ogami sighed. "I suppose I have to fight (both) your father(s) now."
"Don't worry, I know Rei will fine," she said, and fed Puppy a piece of tamago.
Ogami scratched his neck. "Um, Sakura-san, just out of curiosity, you do know what, uh, sex is, right?"
She blushed slightly, as expected. Good then, that means he won't have to—
"Hai. Heike-senpai was kind enough to explain it all to me."
"It was all a bit strange, especially the part about the mutual consent and the safety word. But if that's what married couples do……. Hey, Rei! We should decide on a safety word now, so to save some time! What do you think about 'coconut'?!"
The twitch in his arm was back.
AN: A bit too OOC in my opinion, but I'll work on that. Is the manga ending? Because isn't the Big Bad, like, dying? Also, the Big Bad for this manga is one of the lamest I've ever seen.