I was never the suicidal one, or the one that was scared of death. To me, death was an ending and it was something I was not ready for yet. I had heard people say that death was only the beginning and that death was a new adventure. I had never heard death talked about in a negative way.
Maybe it was because my family always lived for the moment, or because my friends seemed invincible. Then James and Lilly died Harry was alive, but he was a baby. Lilly and James were pack mates, family. Lilly's beautiful doe form hand pranced with me on more full moons then I could count, and Prongs had played games with me as the moon lit up the night.
Then Sirius went to Azkaban and Peter was gone. They were all gone. I was alone again and the wolf inside me mourned. He no longer fought for control, or clawed me up. He was broken inside, lost in a part of my mind that I saved for grief.
Suddenly, there was Harry, then Sirius! I had some of my pack back and the wolf rejoiced. Sirius and I ran together during the next full moon. We were back to our old ways. Until he was taken from me again at the ministry. I had lost my last pack mate, my partner and companion. Harry was not James, he was not a replacement for the man who had taken my hand on the train. He was his own person and he had friends pulling him out of the darkness that housed in his heart.
This boy was not who I wished, who Sirius, had wished he was.
I was so lost. So broke and lost. Then Tonks, my mate, my Nymph, appeared. Yes, I loved her. God is she looked perfect standing in the light of the stained glass windows when I made her mine. The band was simple, but she did not need diamonds. Sirius had given the band to me while he was with us for a few short months. It felt only right that he should have something to do with our marriage.
I had not planned on her to become pregnant. Actually, I had hoped that she would not become heavy with child until the war was over. Then again, I had a son. A child that was mine, a part of me. Teddy Remus Lupin, my son and legacy. I loved him as soon as I saw him. The little bundle that was mine. He brought back a part of me that had been destroyed so long ago, and now the wolf was back to see its pup.
Everything seemed perfect, incredibly perfect, even though it was the middle of hell. I can remember fighting next to her. Feeling my inner wolf push me to fight harder, pushing me to kill those who endangered my family. Then she fell and grief hit me all over again. I took down all the Death Eaters, but Bellatrix got me in the end. She must have been so happy to kill her hated cousin's beloved.
Yes, Sirius loved me. More then any of the girls that he played with, more then any person who ran through his life. I was an exception though. Sirius was not gay. He like girls, had his fair share of them, and shagged more then I could keep track of. He did love me, but we knew better then to explore that relationship. He was not good with commitment and that was what I needed, what I would always need.
I can remember dying. Bella had used a curse that bled me to death. I could feel my blood draining from my body and I could feel Hermione stroke my cheek lightly, "I'm sorry, Remus… I don't know how to fix this." I smiled weakly and touched her leg lightly. She was my best student, my favorite. If Harry and Ron were James and Sirius then Hermione was I. The smart, sensible one. She was also my student, but I was never Professor to her, I was a friend and companion. I had taken her under my wing, understanding the struggles she had with her boys. I had had the same struggles. She was like a daughter for me.
A daughter that I was going to ask a cruel favor. She looked at me with big honey eyes and I pulled on top of me, a farewell hug, "Hermione, I taught you to use the Unforgivables in a merciful way. Now, become an Angel of Mercy." a muggle reference so she would understand that it was not wrong to put an end to me. To reunite me with those I longed to see again.
She nodded and kissed my cheek lightly. She was always a child with me, because she could be, "Remus, close your eyes and think of something peaceful, that way I know you aren't in pain." I did so and I heard her whisper the kill curse. I felt myself wrapped in the white light that was a pure killing curse and smiled.
"Good girl." I could feel her smile and I could sense that she was at peace with my passing. She was crying, but she was at peace.
I opened my eyes and I was laying in a field, but not just any field. It was the Hogwarts grounds. I stood and looked down at myself. I was young again and I was in my Hogwarts robes. Lily and James were standing a bit off with Sirius and a darling Nymph next to them. My heart fluttered as I saw them, and Professor Dumbledore. His hair was still silver, but he was young again. Not as young as we were, but more like our age upon death.
Sirius held out his hand and James followed him. They spoke at once, just like the night they had taken me to live at Hogwarts before our seventh year, "Mr. Padfoot and Mr. Prongs would like to welcome Mr. Moony home." Sirius embraced me and held me tight, "Don't cry, Moony. Not today." so I started to laugh and Sirius released me.
James grabbed me in a tight hug and whispered, "Thank you, Moony, for protecting our son, for showing him who I was. Thank you for letting him summon me to save him. Thank you Moony." we broke the hug and I noticed a young Severus standing next to Dumbledore with a leering Sirius chatting at him. Severus looked cute and flustered. Like he was a friend rather then who he had been.
Lilly swept him into an embrace and whispered something that made him tense lightly before he laughed and pushed her towards me, his black eyes finally clear of all burdens. He was free, we all were. Lilly hugged me and kissed my forehead, "Welcome home, Remus Jean Lupin! Welcome home, and don't you ever leave us again!" I smiled softly at her and gave her a squeeze before turning to my Nymph.
She looked down at her feet in embarrassment. Her hair turned a deep purple and her eyes turned a soft pink. She wore the Gryffindor robes proudly, and she looked as perfect as ever. I embraced her tightly and kissed her noise, "Guess I can't use age as an excuse now." she grinned and pulled me into a deeper kiss, her eye dancing happily.
"Not then, not now, not ever. Age does not matter, Remus. It never did." it was perfect, we were all there, and we were just waiting for the rest of our family, no matter how long it took for them to join us. We could grow up in the time it would take them to join us, and I had no problem with waiting.
Let them live, laugh and love for as long as time would allow.
"Remy?" the sandy haired teen looked up at his friend and blinked. How long had he been writing?
"Tonks just got here, she looks ready to run." the teen looked at his date and smiled. Her hair was purple, different from her usual brown, and she had in the pink contacts that she always had. He smiled and motioned her to join them.
Sirius looped his arm around Severus' waist and pulled the younger male towards the ticket line for the newest Albus Diggory movie Albus and the Phoenix Order. The gang was obsessed with the movies had had gone to all of them. This one was the fifth and there were only two more left.
Remus slid an arm around Tonks, "Let's go. Sirius, James, Severus and Lilly are getting antsy."
His Nymph giggled softly and hugged him tightly, "Yah, Moony. Let's go." She giggled again and they quickly bought their tickets so they could enjoy the movie, and maybe a little bit of snogging.