A/N: This is me playing around with POVs. If things are too confusing I have a cast list at the bottom, but I'm pretty sure this is just pretty self explanatory. I'm doing a lot of these lately. But Chair is endgame so just deal with it.
Summary: She's looking at me. There is that cruel smirk lit with satisfaction and I remember all the reasons that I loved her and all the reasons I stayed away from her.
Disclaimer: Only the words are mine.
I pity you. It hurts to even think it, but I do. Maybe once a part of me would be jealous. Even when he circles you like a predator, I sometimes think it. I see the signs. I know what he's doing because he did it to me before he did it to you. But that doesn't mean that I was the first.
At a poignant time in my life, I thought I was special. I thought that I was his one and only but I see now that isn't the case. He's making the rounds tonight and you'll be next. The horrid thing is, I already know you're caught in his devil's snare. It isn't that hard to spot.
Even when he's about to hurt you, a little part of me wishes I was in your place. But I have to be strong. Because I'm not doing this for revenge. I'm doing this for you. If only you know what he is capable of. I know you hear the stories and his reputation, but you can never truly know until it happens to you.
And it will happen to you.
I hope it won't come to that. Because by looking at you, I know you don't have what it takes. Even I crumbled in despair when it initially happened. I'm better now.
I can tell that you won't be so lucky.
I wish it wasn't too late. I wish I could have saved you sooner. But you're already looking at him the way that I know all too well. I used to look at him the same way. I wish I could have warned you.
I wish someone could have warned me.
I wish I would have listened.
Even now, I know you don't understand what's happening. I wish I could give you my knowledge, but I can tell you're like all the others. I can tell that you won't listen. Even worse, you won't believe me even if I say nothing but the truth. I'm not some scorned ex-girlfriend. That's not it.
I wish I could spare you the pain that I went through.
But you're stubborn.
Just like all the others.
If only I could catch you soon enough.
It's that lovesick expression in your eyes that I wish won't soon turn to despair. But the thing is, you're different. You're not like me. You're not smart enough to see what's happening to you. So I can't say that I feel that sorry for you. You were stupid enough to let him coil around you and suffocate you like an anaconda.
I knew what was happening. I wished I could have stopped it. I'll have to settle for stopping you now.
Blair, you say, but I know it's only a courtesy. You don't believe me. You never did. You just give me respect because you know how thoroughly I can destroy you if you ever cross me. I won't do that, though. You'll be going through enough pain as it is soon enough.
My teeth flash in a deceptive smile that never shows enough to give away my intentions. It is that way for a reason. You have to know. You have to know the truth.
But you're not looking at me anymore. You're looking at him and the sealant I pasted around my heart starts to crack.
That isn't supposed to happen.
If it's anyone, I know that I am the one to get through to you. I can appeal to your logic. I know what it's like.
I can't bear to look over at the sick look he's probably giving you. I know I'm doing this for you. Not him. It was never about him. But even so, I have this feeling like if I do give him the first look in six months, something will happen that I won't be able to control.
I'm just not ready yet.
It's not like I still love him or anything, I'm just not ready yet.
So I don't answer your courtesy. I just watch and wait. You'll crack like all the others did. It's only a matter of time.
I can't talk long, you say and I know he's controlling you. That isn't really something I remember but he's pulling you towards him. I remember the pull but I don't remember the control.
Wouldn't want to keep your date waiting, I say coolly.
You're not going on about this again, you sigh. The New York Times is doing an exposé on him.
I remember The New York Times. And I know it has nothing to do with you but his image. That doesn't mean he won't break you.
He's gotten to you, is all I can think to say. I've already said everything else. I've said how deceptive he is. But I'll continue to say how he'll say anything to get you to stay. I'll say that no matter how many times he says he loves you, that doesn't change the fact that he just broke your heart. In fact, it makes it more tragic.
You don't seem to know what I'm talking about. I could have sworn that's how it goes.
The way you talk about him, you shake your head. You talk about him like he's the devil.
He is, I say shortly. He's seductive and deadly and no matter what he disguises himself with, it doesn't change what he is.
Just because it happened to you won't mean it will happen to me.
I know that it was my foolishness that fucked me in the end. I should have realized I was just another girl to him. He was just getting bored with the general population so he thought subduing me with words of love and affection were the best tactic for humiliation.
Well, he was right.
He's already in your head, I say, knowing the pity shows on my face. Good. I hope you know how senseless you are. I know what it's like.
It's the only thing I can think of to make you stay.
But you doesn't listen
You never do.
I look across the room and there she is. It's been so long. But as though she was in my vision the whole time, I spot her easily. She always gained my attention.
She's dressed in dramatic black and I know that I can't have her. I was never meant to have her.
But then I see you coming. Your blue eyes cut into me and I have to remember my facade. I have to remember I'm in the dating game now and you're my... girlfriend.
But you're not her. You'll never be her. No matter how hard I try to get the shades of your brunette hair exactly the same, it's never enough.
But I'll pretend. Because I have to. Even if I try to look over your shoulder at her celestial beauty.
It's when her dark eyes lock with mine do I realize I'm in trouble.
I had forgotten how exhilarating it feels to have that fiery gaze on mine again, even if for only a split second.
Do you love me?
It's a question I honestly wasn't expecting. So I don't answer. I don't answer because I know this isn't coming from you. You're too easily manipulated and I'm suddenly uncharmed by you.
I tried to get past her before. It was easy to like you well enough. You didn't talk about your feelings and you accepted everything I said at face value.
You were pretty enough for the society pages but you were never her. And you never will be.
I don't answer and I let you take it from there.
All those things you said to me...
I just blink lazily at you, knowing this is about two seconds until combusting.
And it does.
I thought I would care more. I was trying to be more reputable. Time was, making myself presentable was the same thing as making myself fuckable. But I run a business now. I have to appear responsible now that she's gone.
But now so are you. And I couldn't really care less.
You hurry away and you're so close to crying I start to wonder if I should appear to be more upset. But I'm just not.
But then she's looking at me. There is that cruel smirk lit with satisfaction and I remember all the reasons that I loved her and all the reasons I stayed away from her.
It was the best for the both of us. She deserved better than me but I'm starting to realize something. This is different. This is better. This is her. And if she has it in her to destroy something that should have meant something else to me, I definitely will have it in me to look at her again.
I will have it in me to approach her again.
I will have it in me to make her forgive me.
It's the way it should be.
I was right.
It's too soon. Already you fled from his scorching eyes that flit to me like a snake. I was right.
Looking at him was a mistake. I'm glad that you're gone. Now I can fall to pieces without you around like I originally had never planned.
He's not supposed to be doing this. He's not supposed to be approaching me with that sexual walk of his and it's definitely not supposed to be happening this way.
I'm not supposed to like it.
And I remember the reason I didn't look at him after everything. I knew I would forgive him sooner than was possible. I knew I would fall into his arms again and that wasn't something I could do. But it was happening and this arrogance he has instilled in me was my downfall.
Blair Waldorf hated Chuck Bass. That was the only way she could really survive like this. She couldn't continue in their community watching him and forever having to be around him if something didn't give. If she was just sad all the time it wouldn't work. So she fueled herself with hate so she could get on without him.
She just didn't realize it was false hate anymore. She should have felt the signs but she just didn't. She pretended to hate him but she could never hate him for very long. They happened in short bursts. They ran hot and even hotter and pretended to loathe each other but he was coming over here right now and she realized hate wouldn't do it anymore.
She would have to match him blow for blow now that he was looking at her. She didn't have time for space. She had to be the crazy bitch she had a reputation for. And he would be the Lothario. It was how it would be if it was ever going to work.
He didn't do what she expected at first.
He held out to her a flute of Dom (her favorite, God damnit) and she swallowed it back. She would play nice.
Then she would metaphysically castrate him.
"Blair," Chuck drawled with practiced ease as he swallowed back his own glass of scotch. "So good to feel the heat of your manipulations again."
"Well it's the only heat you'll be feeling tonight," Blair sighed. "Looks like your date up and left you."
"I wonder why that is," Chuck mused. "Oh wait. No I don't."
Blair raised her chin defiantly but she knew he was snaring her like he had done with all the others. And she wouldn't let it happen to her. Not again. Not for the fourth time.
"Is it my fault that you can't hold onto them for very long?" Blair asked breezily, snagging another flute from a passing waiter.
"I wasn't holding very tightly."
"I thought you wanted to be presentable," she mocked.
"That's why I'm talking to you," he smarmed.
"As charmed as I am," Blair said dryly, "why don't you find some others to use your tricks on? The ones that don't know any better?"
"What would be the point?" Chuck asked. "You'd just scare them off too."
"Your pretty little date left of her own volition," Blair replied.
"Is that so?" he asked and she knew she was in trouble. He only used the voice when he was about to do something underhanded. Then again, he was always underhanded with her. "I found it strange the adjectives she used. Let me demonstrate: heinous, nauseating, disgusting... Ring any bells?"
"Only the ones that I should be far away."
"Then why are you still standing here?" he challenged.
"Hoping to warn any moths that get caught in your flame," Blair snapped.
"What would be the point?" Chuck asked. "You're already caught in it."
"Not likely," Blair seethed.
"Really?" he asked. "Because you broke your promise."
"Promise," Blair repeated. She hoped desperately there wasn't some loophole where she had gotten drunk with him and promised that after some wager he could have her again.
"That you would hate me forever," he clarified smoothly.
"I do hate you," Blair said.
"Then why did you send her away?" he asked.
"I pitied her," Blair answered. "She was too caught up with your mind games to realize you were playing her."
"I don't think that's it," Chuck said.
"Why?" Blair asked petulantly has he smiled wanly at her.
"You never did something if there wasn't anything in it for you," Chuck said. "And jealousy arouses the beast within us."
"Jealousy?" Blair sputtered, ignoring his us. "Don't even begin to think--"
"Spare me the indignation, Waldorf," Chuck said, gazing with boredom around the ballroom. He returned her look with a mischievous glint in his eyes. "I actually deceived myself into thinking that I had to stay away from you. I'm glad you proved me wrong."
Blair glared at him but more than anything, she was mad at herself. He was totally right. As he always was.
"As usual," Blair said snidely, "your gift for twisting the truth has reached heights I never though possible."
"You couldn't even look me in the eyes before," Chuck clarified. "And now I know the reason why."
"Could it have anything to do with what you did to me?"
"I hurt you and you hurt me," Chuck rolled his eyes. "This time wasn't any different. I realize that now. And I'm never letting it go."
"I guess that explains the high class prositute on your arm for a month," Blair spat before she could stop himself. That self satisfied smirk quirked his features and she cursed herself. She knew staying away from him was right. She could never control herself when he was near.
"Just for appearance, I assure you," he said calmly.
"Well, like it's been made blatantly obvious," Blair said, "you've never done anything if there wasn't anything in it for you."
"I've been buying more property and it helps if I'm well liked," Chuck said. "It helps with my responsible image."
"Really?" Blair questioned. "And it had nothing to do with what it felt like to have her mouth on you?"
She watched as he flinched and she felt warm satisfaction spread through her. She knew more than he thought. But it didn't last long.
He was looking at her with admiration and she had forgotten who she was dealing with. She had forgotten he was Chuck Bass and he loved it when she saw right through him.
She hated her soulmate.
She knew she had accidentally encouraged him judging from the way he was pressing up against her. His big hand caressed the back of her neck (his kryptonite) and she didn't push him away.
"If you remember, sweetheart," he sighed easily into her hair, "it was your mouth that I wish was still pleasuring me."
She shoved him away. "I don't recall."
"Should I remind you?"
"If you think I'm going to let you make a fool of me again, I can assure you, you are mistaken," Blair said, rage vibrating from her chest.
"Meaning?" Chuck asked cautiously. He knew that bloodthirsty look in her eyes.
"Do you have any idea what it was like?" Blair asked in a wrathful whisper. "I actually thought I was different. Instead, you humiliated me even worse than the rest. Instead of just being a cast off, you made me think you loved me."
His face was blank.
He knew what sort of turn this conversation had taken.
"You really think that little of me?" he finally asked.
"Oh don't even think about turning this--"
"Shut up," he snapped, cutting her off and she started thinking that everything was not as it seemed.
"You think I did that on purpose?" he seethed. He was angry and she had forgotten how she hated herself when he hated her first.
"You broke us apart for your own enjoyment," Blair continued.
"Without any care of what I would do to you?" Chuck questioned and Blair had a violent Cotillion flashback. She didn't like it.
She had made a fool of herself that night too.
That's why she didn't expect him to grab her face and kiss it furiously. He pulled away, emotion still brimming there.
"At least believe that," Chuck answered angrily. "Maybe then you won't question whether my passionate love for you is real or not."
He turned from her to return to the party before she grabbed him by the jacket as though she couldn't control her own movements.
"Hey," she returned with vigor. "Don't you dare make me want you again." His stare was steady but his anger was bottoming out.
"I never gave up on us," Chuck said.
"I asked you to," Blair returned.
"Well, did you?"
"That's what I thought."
Blair didn't answer. Her mouth was still burning from the first kiss she had from him in six months. And it was igniting something in her she was sure she had laid dormant.
"I thought I was angry with you when I came here tonight," Blair finally said admittedly, shyness coloring her tone.
"It'll be a story to tell the grandchildren," Chuck said, mischief flaring to life.
"Excuse me?" Blair sneered.
"Don't fight it, Waldorf," Chuck said. "You know its bound to happen. I already asked your father for permission. It's just a waiting game now. It's... inevitable."
She found herself staring at him in disbelief. She had forgotten how he could just be so... Chuck.
And how much she missed him.
"And if I have to parade trollops in front of your face again, then it's what I'll do," Chuck said. "And of course I'll sabotage and destroy you're relationships as I see fit."
"You think you're so romantic," Blair retorted.
"You do," Chuck said unrepentantly.
"I cannot believe you went to my father," she muttered.
"He knew as much as the rest as this society does," Chuck replied.
"I would sooner die than carry your brood," Blair snapped.
"Well if anyone is going to end up knocking you up, it's going to be me," Chuck said. He took another bold step towards her, pressing her against a deserted wall. "I could give you a demonstration right now."
She considered fighting him for all of two seconds before she knew that it wasn't real anger that she was fighting him with. She just couldn't think of any other excuse to be away from him anymore. She had healed from him and as tragic as it was, this was them. They would hurt and heal, break and get back together. It was a cycle that she didn't want to repeat.
So she wouldn't.
So she felt his hand slide callously up her thigh, under the black dress that clung to her as much as he wished to.
She felt her heart drop with embarrassment when she heard a sound of surprise.
"Oh," Nate said, turning the corner with Serena to find Chuck and Blair in the compromising position again. "So it's that time of year again."