Disclaimer: I do NOT own Dissidia or Final Fantasy, they belong to Square Enix.
Just some crack about the Warriors of Chaos nothing much really, there is probably going to be a lot of OOC moments here.
Chapter 1: Announcement and Departures.
Just another big meeting…the Warriors of Chaos were used to them, but it's a little annoying to have them every day.
Well at least this time the guy in big armor with huge horns looked like he had something good to say.
"Fellow warriors" Garland began happily "it appears lord Chaos has finally answered our requests for a raise!"
The news was happily greeted by the other warriors, quite some time ago they had requested a salary raise for various reasons, but it was only now that Chaos finally answered it.
"Well, how much is he willing to give?" Jecht asked.
Garland looked at his fellow warriors, then he held up an envelope.
"Well, he replied in writing. I have yet to read the letter though."
"You IDIOT!!" Kefka shouted "how are we supposed to know if it's good news or not!!"
Jecht, being the one standing closest to Garland, grabbed the envelope and tore it open.
"WHAT THE HELL!!!" he screamed in fury.
All the other Warriors turned to Jecht.
"Well…" Kuja asked "what does it say?"
Jecht showed him(?) the letter.
"WHY THE NERVE OF THAT…!!!!" Kuja barked.
Sephiroth walked over and took the letter from the outraged genome.
After skimming through the letter all the silver haired swordsman said was, "Hn..."
Golbez looked over his fellow loner's shoulder, "So...this is how he answers our request? Interesting."
"That's one way of giving a raise," Sephiroth replied.
"What the heck did he say already!?" Kefka shouted, "tell us already so we can figure out why those two are so mad!"
Mateus, and Ultimecia leaned closer, while Cloud of Darkness and Exdeath looked like they didn't care. In all probability, they really didn't care about worldly desires such as money.
"The letter says," Golbez began, "that as much as Chaos wants to grant us the money we want, he is in a bit of a problem with money himself,"
"In other words he lost all of it gambling," Garland muttered.
"He gambles?" Jecht asked.
"Yes, and a lot," Mateus informed them, "he's recently had a losing streak to some man named William, whoever that is."
"How would you know?" Kefka asked.
"Because he himself gambles," Sephiroth replied coolly. Upon seeing the looks on his "comrades'" faces he quickly added, "I saw him sneak out towards a casino once, and I've often seen him walking around with casino chips. I myself do not gamble."
"Are you spying on me!" Mateus asked rather heatedly.
The silver haired swordsman turned to him, "No, whenever I am around you fail to notice me. Besides, I do not spy, I merely...observe."
"Ahem, back to the letter," Golbez said, apparently annoyed at the distractions, "since I cannot provide you with the added income, you must provide for yourselves. I have arranged all the necessary documents for you. You have two months, good luck!. Signed: Chaos, God of Discord."
Golbez folded the letter and inserted it in his right pauldron, "That's the end of the message...any reactions?"
Mateus raised an eyebrow, "What exactly does he want us to do?"
"And what does he mean by 'necessary documents'?" Ultimecia added.
Sephiroth sighed and walked away, "Clearly I overestimated your mental capabilities."
He motioned to Kefka, "even this clown understands the message, or are you two just in denial?"
"HA!" Kefka shouted, "looks like I AM smarter than you, your royal dorkness!"
The clown was silenced when the Emperor's rod smacked into his lower abdomen.
"What Chaos means," Golbez began, "Is that he wants us..."
"To look for a job," Garland finished, "the papers he meant were probably resumés and other related documents."
He removed another envelope, a larger one, from his cape and examined the contents, "Yup, here they are, resumés, birth certificates, biodatas, licenses, diplomas..."
"Yes, yes! We get the point already!" Kuja shouted when it seemed like Garland was going to enumerate everything in the envelope.
"Is he serious!?" Mateus asked, "he wants us to work like commoners!"
"What are you so afraid of?" Sephiroth asked, "we're already working for Chaos?"
Kefka, apparently recovered from Mateus' assault, was quick to mock the emperor, "Aw, is the wittle empweror afrwaid of getting his immacwulately powished and cwolored nails swoiled? Wee empwy scwared of the offishe? HA!"
Sephiroth rolled his eyes, "You never learn," and after the words left his lips, Mateus' staff impacted on Kefka's body, right where it hurts. The force propelled the clown upward to the ceiling, only to come crashing down to a minefield via a Starfall spell he met while ascending.
Everyone ignored the clown's whimpers. Mateus walked over to Garland and took his papers; he glanced at them and asked, "where did Chaos get all of this information?"
Jecht sauntered over to take a look, "He probably made the information up and had those papers forged somewhere."
"Hmph," Mateus replied, unamused. "Forgeries...what sort of jobs does he have in mind for us?"
Jecht took a look at his own papers, "Probably whatever we want, hell we have diplomas for almost every field of study."
Kuja narrowed his eyes, "And how would you know about the different fields of study?"
Jecht turned to him, "Are you underestimating the greatness of the Jecht?"
"What if I am?" Kuja replied heatedly.
Garland rolled his eyes from behind his helmet as Jecht began cracking his knuckles, while Kuja moved to a fighting stance. They about to go at it when Sephiroth walked between them and picked up his papers.
"Don't misinterpret my actions," he said as he examined his papers, "I only wanted my papers."
Golbez walked behind him and said rather sarcastically, "Sure"
Sephiroth paid the armored man no heed as he walked away. Golbez examined his papers and asked, "So Chaos wants us to go and work for two months huh?"
"Guess so," Garland replied, then he eyed the tormented figure slowly getting back on its feet, "your papers are over here, Kefka."
Kefka struggled forward and took his papers then asked, "So we all gotta go huh?" he spied Exdeath and CoD, "Those two as well?"
All eyes turned to the pair of void wielders.
"I have no need for money," Exdeath stated, "all I require is the power of the Void."
"The same goes for us," CoD replied.
Garland took a look at a piece of paper at the very depths of the folder, "Looks like you've got no choice, he's already singed us all a leave."
"Your point being?" Exdeath asked.
"My point is," Garland replied, "if you try and tell Chaos that you don't want to go after he's gone ahead and forged these papers and singed you a leave, you would have to deal with one very angry god of discord."
There was silence. Then CoD asked, "are you threatening us?"
"Nope," Garland replied, "He is. It says right here on this note he placed with the papers."
Garland lifted the piece of paper and cleared his throat, "It says: P.S. If any of you even try to decline my generous offer, there will be...more than severe repercussions. Love, Chaos"
Garland lifted another small rectangular object, "He even attached a picture."
He showed them the picture, it was Chaos glaring at them with all the fury of ten thousand hells. Written on the bottom, like a bloody mess, were the words "I EFFING MEAN IT!!"
They stared at the photo, not sure if they should laugh or take it seriously. The silence lasted until finally Jecht said, "Ah what the hell, I'm going see you in two months,"
With that he picked up his sword, turned around, and vanished.
Kuja threw his hair back and said, "To think that an actor such as myself would have to take up such mundane responsibilities, absurd."
He jumped into the air, floated around a little, and then faded away.
Ultimecia took another look at the picture, and dismissed it with a wave of her hand, "A job? No matter, if he does not want us here, so be it."
Then her wings covered her body and then exploded in a flurry of black feathers, Ultimecia was nowhere in sight.
Sephiroth chuckled, "Hmph, looks like we've got no choice, I'll see you all in two months."
He turned, took two steps forward and faded away.
Kefka was looking at the letter in delight, "Oooh! Another chance to work like a normal person! As if that was ever interesting!"
He squealed in delight, "I'm gonna destroy-"
He never finished the sentence, as Garland's armored fist connected with his lower jaw, "Would you just please..."
Kefka got back on his feet, "Heh, heh. Why so serious?" he asked in a menacing tone, then he suddenly screamed in laughter, "SEE YA!!"
He cast a Hyperdrive under his feet, which promptly exploded. After the dust cleared, everyone hoped he had been turned to ashes along with the floor.
Exdeath watched everything dispassionately, then he turned around and started walking, "I've no more business," then he walked into one of those convenient void portals that tend to appear when he's leaving.
"I wish you all luck in your faithful enterprises," with that, Golbez turned around and vanished.
The two remaining men could have sworn they saw lightning crackle around him as he was vanishing; CoD could have sworn she saw a full moon, even though, 1) it was the middle of the day, though you'd never guess from the dark ambiance, and 2) they were indoors.
Still a bit mystified, the cloud in question turned to two men, "We will be going now, we'll meet again in two months time,"
The she floated into her own void portal, it had a slightly different hue when compared to Exdeath's.
Mateus looked at the paper scornfully, "An emperor work like a peon! That's...that's!"
"Two ideas buddy," Garland barked, "live with it, and shut the hell up!"
Emperor merely hmphed in his direction as he teleported out of the shrine.
Garland looked at his papers with interest.
"A job huh," He said, "this should be interesting!"
a/n Like I said random crap. Please r&r and if you have any job openings, please inform me in anyway you like.